Predictions: Tech wins, Birds lose, Tebow — you still here?

week14

“Hey. It’s me, Tiger. I need a really big favor. Can you PLEASE delete that Georgia Tech pick off your answering machine? Just replace it with another Notre Dame loss. OK? Nobody will notice. Quickly. Thanks.”

Before closing out this fiscal season with even more near-flawless projections, we have actual breaking news that doesn’t involve a 3-iron wielding Swedish runway model or 78 percent of the world’s apparently eligible females, including maybe the one who just cleared your dishes and the rest of your patty melt in alley No. 12.

This comes from Marietta, Ohio, where workers at a Goodwill store opened an antique metal water jug that had been donated and found several bags of marijuana with a value of $1,500.

Michael Vick spends a lot of time just watching.

Michael Vick spends a lot of time just watching.

Nobody knows  if this means the person donating the marijuana will now claim a $1,500 tax deduction, or he’s too depressed to think about it. But Marietta officials have since noticed a significant increase in consumption of Doritos, microwave burritos and old couches.

You know, if only the Miami airport police could be brought in to investigate, I’m sure they can clear this whole thing up.

Which leads me to Michael Vick. (See? There’s always a transition.)

On Sunday, the remains of the Falcons face the Philadelphia Eagles and their famous backup quarterback, Michael Vick. Three months into his return, he’s still trying to break into double digits in attempted passes. I’m sure when Vick signed with the Eagles, his first goal was, “I hope I get to play as much as Chris Redman.”

Oy. Hopefully this game doesn’t turn into “West Side Story.” Maybe somebody brings a fake water jug and shares?

The Falcons are missing Matt Ryan, and probably Michael Turner. The Eagles are beat up themselves, but not to that extent. You can hope for a win and a playoff spot. But both are looking like long shots right now. About those pre-season projections. Can we just erase them off the machine?

Eagles cover 5 1/2.

“If I …Were The King .. Of The Fo-rest”

(Sing in Cowardly Lion voice)

OK, Urban. You have to let go now. Tim can't stay.

OK, Urban. You have to let go now. Tim can't stay.

SEC title: Florida vs. Alabama. It’s No. 1 vs. No. 2 in the nation for a conference title, which almost certainly means only one will play for the B(c)S title. More the reason why if we can’t have playoffs, let’s just go back to the old system when every Homer Simpson-looking bowl official in green or orange polyester begged schools to come visit the Podunk Bowl. Matchups were better and several teams were in the rankings race.

Where was I? Oh yes. Mike Slive Nirvana.

This is officially Tim Tebow’s final SEC game. It’s officially a day of prayer in Athens.

Something I can’t figure out. Florida has won 22 straight games. But most of the reviews this season can be boiled down to one word: feh. Question: If the Gators are mediocre at 12-0, what would they be if they were great? I know. Florida’s defense will be missing a sauced defensive end, Carlos Dunlap. But I can’t pull the trigger on an upset when this team hasn’t lost since the last time a Dogs fan said, “Great game plan, Willie.”

Prediction: Gators over Tide and they cover the 5 1/2.

After losing to Georgia, get the feeling Paul Johnson's isn't happy?

After losing to Georgia, get the feeling Paul Johnson's isn't happy?

ACC title: Georgia Tech vs. Clemson. Both teams are coming off losses. If the ACC is looking for a mascot, Schleprock would be a good start.

Tech coach Paul Johnson caught heat for cracking that if a Jacket fan is tired of getting razzed by a Georgia fan for last week’s loss, he should, “Punch him in the face.” But what did you expect him to say: “Thank you sir, may I have another”?

OK. So I missed on the Tech pick last week. But I gave you the upset special: South Carolina over Clemson. Here’s another lock: Dabo Swinney peaked at average. I did some research (go with it). That six-game winning streak that made everybody in Clemson forget momentarily that they lived in Clemson? Only one win came over an opponent that finished with a winning record. That was Miami, which lost in overtime and totaled 433 yards in offense.

The Jackets’ defense ain’t much. But I just don’t see the Tigers stopping Johnson’s offense. Nor can I bring myself to type the words, “outcoached by Dabo.” One ACC team has to bounce back, right?

Prediction: Jackets over Tigers and they cover the 1.

Conference USA title: Just kidding.

Big 12 title: Texas vs.  Nebraska. Mack Brown is a great coach and Texas is a great team, but giving up 39 points to 3-5 Texas A&M last week didn’t win the Big 12 any points. Nor will a conference title game with a 14-point spread — and a cover. Longhorns roll.

NFL Six Pack

(Drank one)

url

Patriots at Dolphins: Bill Belichick sleeps with a light on ever since the New Orleans game. But there’s a significant dropoff from Drew Brees to Chad Henne. Patriots cover 5 1/2.

Titans at Colts: I’m not sure where the turnaround from reported suicidal thoughts to five straight wins ranks on the comeback scale. But I’d have to think Vince Young at least qualifies for a George Romero film. (Kids: Google.)  Colts cover 6 1/2.

Saints at Redskins: I understand it’s tough for a Falcons’ fan to pull for the Saints. But think about this: Drew Brees (27 TD passes) vs. DeAngelo Hall. Now who are you pulling for? Subplot: New Orleans defensive coordinator Gregg Williams, drop-kicked by Dan Snyder, is kind of motivated. Saints win and cover 9 1/2 (barely).

Cowboys at Giants: The Giants beat Dallas in September, ruining the opening of “Jerry World,” although nobody seemed to notice because they all were either staring at go-go dancers, drinking Cristal, buying $37 Keith Brooking bobblehead dolls (it only smacktalks after trades),

So is anybody watching the game?

So is anybody watching the game?

sitting in on a time-share seminar, complimenting Muffy on her new perfectly matched cosmetic twins (a two-point conversion?) and going blind looking at the video screen. OK. Enough deep analysis.  Cowboys cover 2.

Vikings at Cardinals: In the month of November, Brett Favre threw 12 touchdown passes with zero interceptions and had a quarterback rating of 129.4, give or take a bionic arm. He has killed my Fantasy team’s season, destroyed my belief in karma and makes me want to wear Wranglers. But I still wouldn’t mind if a real Viking clubbed him over the head.  Do they exist in  Scottsdale? Didn’t think so. Vikings cover 3.

fbgamble

Accounting Dept.

Last week: 8-3 straight up, 5-6 against the line.

Bottom line: 99-43 straight up, 68-74 against the line.

Net profits: Still calculating.

241 comments Add your comment

Bill Alexander

December 3rd, 2009
4:24 pm

Clemson easily over GT.

Chris Broe

December 3rd, 2009
4:25 pm

The playoff-bound Falcons will win sunday. By a late field goal.

cattle dawg

December 3rd, 2009
4:26 pm

Jeff, does Kirby Smart seem like a ray goff move to you? Also , which one of tigers women u like best?

Premature E-Jacket-lator

December 3rd, 2009
4:27 pm

I just….
i just can’t wait anymore. I think I’m gonna break into BDS
and sit there until kickoff…
I’ll skip Thanksgiving…

I just want to see this beatdown that has been playing in my head day and night actually manifest itself in a glorious and utterly mind-blowing fashion this Saturday. I think I have crossed over into over-confidence for the first time this entire season. For no other game have I been so thoroughly convinced that we will win as this one…

On Saturday the Jackets play the role of undertakers
as we will usher Georgia
straight to the fiery depths of Hell.
We will beat them much worse than their 51-7 victory in 2002.

Long live Buzz!

Premature E-Jacket-lator

December 3rd, 2009
4:30 pm

My hatred for Georgie is shining
through this morning after spending all day
yesterday with the inbred side of my
family.

We almost match the Cumberland score and
roll, 179-0 as they feel the
effects of no Green and Samuel.

ACC proves its the strongest football conference in the nation!

angrystarfish

December 3rd, 2009
4:31 pm

Sad truth is last time Florida lost was the day of the UGA vs Alabama game last year. I certainly did not say “Nice game plan Willie after that one.”

Bat Masterson

December 3rd, 2009
4:31 pm

cattle dawg

December 3rd, 2009
4:31 pm

Cant wait to hear the paul johnson excuse train get fired up after clemson upsets tech.. Is it true paul johnson once bit a bats head off on the field?

lawzoo

December 3rd, 2009
4:33 pm

Jeff, it would take at least a twelve game winning streak….plus a twelve pack to make anyone forget that they live in the Mistake by the Lake. It will be an Uphill stuggle for Dabbo against Tech.

cattle dawg

December 3rd, 2009
4:33 pm

Paul Johnson VS Chuck Norris………who ya got

Coach Paul "Don't Tap My" Johnson

December 3rd, 2009
4:34 pm

What has UGA done since 1980? I mean really? It’s just another game.

Bat Masterson

December 3rd, 2009
4:34 pm

My Bookie called Jeff, I’m sending him to the AJC offices with your picture. Good luck

Coach Paul "Don't Tap My" Johnson

December 3rd, 2009
4:42 pm

While we couldn’t beat UGA, hey we did beat Miss St and Vandy so we’re 2-1 vs SEC, further proof of the ACC’s DOMINANCE!

Hang on just a minute, Caleb King just ran UNTOUCHED right through my office, gotta go!

UA Alum92

December 3rd, 2009
4:43 pm

Posted this earlier but still rather enjoy it…

I read that Governor Riley of Alabama has bet Governor Crist of Florida a rack of ribs against a box of oranges that Bama wins in the SECCG. Governor Riley is a UA grad. I understand they had a joint bet last year against Governor Purdue: If both Bama and Florida beat the Dawgs, they take all of Atlanta’s water.

MiltonDawg

December 3rd, 2009
4:44 pm

UF loses and Tebow does an emotional post game conference by crying and promising the UF fans that the Sugar Bowl will be different. Falcons will shock the world on Sunday- Redman saves the day again!!! Vick will get in 3 plays, 1 pass/2rush- total of 15 yds.

Florida Dawg

December 3rd, 2009
4:45 pm

Clem will stop GT and CJ will have his way with the GT defense.
GT left it all on the turf last Saturday in Atlanta…they did everything they could do in a game that was not important to them….right PJ?

Coach Paul "Don't Tap My" Johnson

December 3rd, 2009
4:48 pm

So what if you win that game, what does that do for you, you beat UGA, what do you get for that? Big deal. Now granted, last year I did have state champion rings made with our 3-point victory score featured but like I said, when you lose to them it’s just another game.

I asked my defense “ARE YOU THAT STUPID?” when Caleb King ran UNTOUCHED for a 75 yard touchdown, but then I calmed down and realized it’s just another game, just like Jacksonville State or getting blown out by Miami before a Thursday Night Lights audience.

MiltonDawg

December 3rd, 2009
4:49 pm

is it just me or does CPJ look like a tranny?

The Grinch

December 3rd, 2009
4:52 pm

Jeff, I hope your prediction for the A She She title game is as accurate as the UGA-tech game. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

U-no

December 3rd, 2009
4:57 pm

Tech messed up my almost perfect weekend last week, but I will stay with the Jackets over Clemson in a tight fight to the finish… Jacket fans take plenty of Rolaids. Florida will take Alabama for the SEC Chamionship, too much Tebow. Texas sticks a long horn in Nebraska.

Falcons… well… Philly wins without Vick. Geez! Pats win, Colts win, I pick the Giants in an upset, Saints keep on truckin, Thor plucks the Cardinals.

There ya go Jeff… such as it is!

Coach Paul "Don't Tap My" Johnson

December 3rd, 2009
4:57 pm

Dear Dabo,

Please don’t turn CJ Spiller loose on my defense like Corch Richt did last week with Ealey and Caleb King. We’re gonna stack the line and challenge you to beat us with the run, and if you happen to run for ~ 350 yards well then, it’s just another game.

See you in Tampon,

Coach Johnson

Erk

December 3rd, 2009
4:57 pm

Clemson wins this one, Jeff. They shut down the triple option in the 2nd half of the first game. Without the two cheap touchdowns from Clemson special teams blunders they would have won the first one. I know, …if a frog had wings. I just don’t think Tech wants to play Clemson and Clemson wins the rematch.

Johnny Test

December 3rd, 2009
4:59 pm

Clemson will dominate and Tech fans will be in a stupor of unbelief after the game. Spiller runs wild… the Dawgs gave him the blueprint.

The Grinch

December 3rd, 2009
5:01 pm

Coach Paul “Don’t Tap My” Johnson

December 3rd, 2009
4:34 pm

What has Georgia done since 1980? Hmmm, well, among other things we have defeated tech 20 out of 29 games. Does that count? bWAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

DawginLex

December 3rd, 2009
5:03 pm

Don’t know about Tech and really couldn’t care. Just glad the techmites like yellow fuzz have crawled back into the woodwork since the lights came on last Saturday. The only kind of gold that is good is when you can say “silence is golden” regarding the obnoxious, overbearing smack talking nerd herd that got completely trampled on last Saturday.

Florida wins because of Tebow. Enjoy him while you can Gators. He is your Herschel. There will be no one else like him.

Falcons win because of Redmon and Snelling. Eagles will fumble in the end while driving to tie the game. Could we get so lucky that it would be Vick doing the fumbling?

Texas will beat Nebraska but Nebraska’s d will slow them down for awhile before the horns get loose.

Coach Paul "Don't Tap My" Johnson

December 3rd, 2009
5:06 pm

Dearest Grinch,

I don’t recognize historical statistics. Only those since I have joined this institution and we’re 1 & 0 in games played for state championship rings and 0-1 when there are bigger fish to fry.

Say hi to Max for me – and if he sees Morgan Burnett chasing Caleb King (UNTOUCHED) up the side of Mt. Crumpit can you send Morgan down to Tampa for me?

Thanks!

CPJ

The Grinch

December 3rd, 2009
5:09 pm

Coach Paul “Don’t Tap My” Johnson

December 3rd, 2009
5:06 pm

HAHAHA! Good one. Well, I have “bigger fish to fry” for the balance of the evening, so I bid you all farewell.

Tech Rolls

December 3rd, 2009
5:10 pm

Tech’s offense get the job done…42-28 over Clemson.
and a question for all of these obsessed UGA fans…Where is UGA playing this weekend?

FLDAWG

December 3rd, 2009
5:14 pm

jeff, the last time a UGA fan said great game willie was last week againt your 10-1 yellow jackass at nerd field……
30-24 hahahahahahahaah

retired on the lake

December 3rd, 2009
5:18 pm

hey yous guys keep it up this is entertaining. i grew up where high school football was at 10am on saturdays and the local colleges only had lacrosse teams. been here 35 years and still find it amazing how your lives revolve around football. stoke the fires Jeff your a mensch this is entertaining.

George Holman

December 3rd, 2009
5:20 pm

Get used to saying: “Out coached by Dabo”. CU is all orange all the way!

The Grinch

December 3rd, 2009
5:21 pm

Tech Rolls

December 3rd, 2009
5:10 pm

We’re not playing this weekend. We’re getting measured for those cool commorative “score” rings at Josten’s. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Tech Rolls

December 3rd, 2009
5:24 pm

Grinch…UGA deserves the rings. That was a great win for your program. You should be pround instead of classless.

Paul in RDU

December 3rd, 2009
5:25 pm

I’m taking the over on Vick plays (but not on pass attempts)
Over on Nos to Notre Dame
Under on Tiger’s harem. He hasn’t gone over mid 80’s since Carnoustie

Where it is the dome?

December 3rd, 2009
5:27 pm

Great picks with the Gators taking care of Alabama…just like last year. You know why the Chic-Fil-a bowl won’t take Georgia? Because the fans and players won’t know how to get to the Dome. That is where the SEC Championship game is always played and the puppies are never invited……..Go Gators!

Call it Like It Is

December 3rd, 2009
5:27 pm

Tebow has the game of his life!

Gators win big!

Enough Said!

Saint Simons

December 3rd, 2009
5:29 pm

45-42!!!!!!!!!!!!! Just a reminder!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DawginLex

December 3rd, 2009
5:32 pm

Never invited? Really?

How old are you idiot?

2002 SEC Champs
2003 SEC runnerup
2005 SEC champs

DawginLex

December 3rd, 2009
5:34 pm

Hey Saint Simons:

I have a number:

35

Thats’ the number of pounds of air your inflatable blow up doll holds. You know that letting “her” ride in the front seat does not qualify you to be able to ride in the HOV lane don’t you?

indianman

December 3rd, 2009
5:36 pm

clemson 28 ga tech 14 alabama28 fla14 atlanta 28 phil17

Top Dawg

December 3rd, 2009
5:36 pm

Well, hey, Saint Simons, where have you been? (5:29 p.m.)

Paul's Johnson

December 3rd, 2009
5:40 pm

Jeff Schultz:

“sitting in on a time-share seminar, complimenting Muffy on her new perfectly matched cosmetic twins (a two-point conversion?)”

Two-point conversation!! You are a funny man!

And after the game, dropping Muffy off at the gentlemen’s club so that she can pay for her Cowgirls.

Dawgbyte

December 3rd, 2009
5:44 pm

Grinch:

The Techies are getting rings this year. The ones you wear in your nose. BWHAHAHAHA!!!

Kim Z's Package

December 3rd, 2009
5:44 pm

Jeff the more you pick Tech the more my Thong gets in a Knot.

Ramblin Wreck

December 3rd, 2009
5:47 pm

Tech 37 – Clemson 35
Florida 34 – Alabama 21
Eagles 24 – Atlanta 21

bob horner stayed hurt

December 3rd, 2009
5:49 pm

indianman …if you’re right on those 3 predictions it will be a good weekend……although I hope Tech wins if that puts the dawgs in the Chic-Fil-A Bowl….anybody know the real deal on that..??

Paul H

December 3rd, 2009
5:53 pm

WHAT DO TECH AND CLEMSON HAVE IN COMMON?? THEY BOTH GOT PHYSICALLY DOMINATED BY THEIR SEC COUNTERPARTS!!

30-24

Kim Z's Package

December 3rd, 2009
5:53 pm

They PRAY in Athens? I thought they prayed to know the answer to “How many points is a 3 point shot in Basketball worth”

GT311

December 3rd, 2009
6:00 pm

I love this blog. The UGA fans are so clueless and dumb! Geez did you really go to school at UGA fellas? I mean how stupid are UGA fans/grads? Reading these posts are borderline absurd! UGA is not playing on Saturday, your season is over and your team was pathetic in every game but one. I smile when I read your dumb posts because you still care! No one at GT does, smile right before I punch you in the mouth..blahahahahahahaha

murfdawg

December 3rd, 2009
6:00 pm

I thought Clemson held GT offense to 16 points. one td coming on a punt return and one td coming on an illegal play by the punt team. But I don’t understand math on North Avenue when a 3 point win every 8 years is considered a beatdown.

p.s. Jeff, are you going to the fish fry in Tampa?