Let’s just state the obvious. The Count is a ladies man. His ancestors invented the hickey. The reason he never has gotten married was he knew it would significantly limit what he does best. Count, I mean. What did you think I was talking about? One hottie, two hotties, three hotties. See, you just can’t do that when you’re married. In theory. Oh Tiger, let’s count down, shall we?
As somebody who blogs several times a day, constantly in the public eye, you can imagine how many women throw themselves at me. It never stops. But I suppose Tiger Woods has an even larger gallery than I do. (Only because of the Nike deal.) But here’s what I don’t get: His wife, Elin Nordegren, is beyond hot. What is he doing?
The good news is that Woods did not fall off the same ledge as Steve Phillips, so he didn’t hit the drive-thru at ESPN’s Break Room Interns ‘R Us for his fling. Excuse me: alleged fling. No, he did much better. But when you’re married to a bikini model from Sweden — and by the way she has a twin sister, just thought I’d throw that in — is there not a point at which your ego, like, crosses the finish line? Instead, we have news that Woods allegedly was having an affair with New York “socialite” Rachel Uchitel, who is denying the relationship, yet strangely has just hired attorney Gloria Allred, ambulance-chasing equivalent for star scorned women. Folks, I really don’t care about the affair. Neither should you. That’s between Woods, Nordegren and the Swedish Bikini Models Union 684. But when TMZ and the National Enquirer are breaking news about Nordegren going bonkers and scratching
Woods’ face off and chasing him down the street at their country club home with a golf club (Nike, I’m sure) and busting out the windows of his Escalade, which he crashes into a fire hydrant and a tree — it’s news. And that’s why . . .
Woods doesn’t owe anybody an explanation. But he may not have a choice. Putting out a statement that suggests his wife was trying to rescue him by breaking out the car window with the golf club –when the driver’s side door wasn’t even dented — just makes him look
stupid. He could say nothing. In theory, he should say nothing. But saying nothing is only going to make this worse. As for Woods and Noregren, I don’t know how all this impacts their wedded bliss. But if I’m Tiger, this would be a good time to shop for the Kobe Bryant diamond ring special. And then: stop counting.
If Woods has a feeling how all of this might turn out, here’s a good way for him to cover some costs. Place a bet on himself. Bookmaker.com has posted odds on what will happen to Woods first. The favorite bet right now is that Woods and Nordegren stay married at plus-150 (wager $100 to profit $150). Also on the board: Tiger was under the influence (plus-200), Tiger gets a divorce (plus-225), Tiger admits the affair (plus-250), Tiger will buy Elin a ring (plus-400).
It appears Mark Richt has the Georgia program back on track. The Bulldogs beat Georgia Tech, and the following night a player, Montez Robinson, was arrested for underage possession of alcohol. There is a certain comfort in familiarity, don’t you think? By the way, still no word on the fate of defensive coordinator Willie Martinez, although Richt said on his radio show Monday night: “I think people think that just because we need to get better or make some kind of change — they think it always involves changing of people, too. And that’s not always necessarily true.” I’m going to assume that comment was nothing more than a misdirection play.
Does any part of this sound good to you? Evander Holyfield vs. Francois Botha in Uganda. Holyfield, who turned 47 last month, will fight — check that — will occasionally collide with Botha, 41, in Uganda Jan. 17. The two will fight for something called the World Boxing Foundation title. If you’ve never heard of the World Boxing Foundation, well, that just makes you normal. Quoth Ken Sanders, Holyfield’s manager: “It’s not one of the top three [titles], it’s sort of in that next three.” There’s a next three? So this is like the Independence, Meineke Car Care and EagleBank Bowls?
Holyfield has gone from bad to sad to cartoon to … what comes after cartoon? He inexplicably is trying to get a real title shot again. He has angry creditors lined up in Fayette because he refuses to sell any of his property to pay off debts related to marriages, kids and a money-pit of a house. Still a great guy. Just stubborn and not a real clear-thinker at times. Fighting Botha (who recently came out of a five-year retirement and has been suspended for steroids in the past) will accomplish nothing, save more embarrassment. Holyfield recently had fights canceled in Ethiopia and Korea because the money fell through. Fact is, he’s not even going to Uganda for the Wednesday news conference. Why? Because the check for this one hasn’t landed in the mailbox yet. But Sanders feels confident. When asked if Holyfield cares that people will continue to mock him for this fight, Sanders said: “I think he cares. But he can only do what he can do.” Translation: Nobody else will fight him. I guess the joke has gotten old.
Maybe you’ve seen this video by now. If not, behold: One of the dumbest moves by any athlete in the history of professional sports. After the Thrashers’ Ilya Kovalchuk scored a goal Monday night, Florida defenseman Keith Ballard was so upset that he attempted to swing his stick against the goal post. Problem was, he whacked his own goalie, Tomas Vokoun, in the head. The strangest thing is the video makes it appear that Ballard saw that he hit Vokoun but ignored him, then swung and hit the net again, then skated off. Fortuntely for the Panthers, Vokoun will be OK. It’s believed Ballard has gone missing. The Panthers deny any involvement but are selling his equipment on eBay.
The United Football League, which Michael Vick wisely sidestepped, lost $30 million in its first season. You would think for $30 million, more people would realize the season was even played.
Here’s a shocker: attendance fell short of projections. And yet: UFL commissioner Michael Huyghue said the league will move on to season two with six teams, yet to be named, but possibly in Uganda.
Florida defensive lineman Carlos Dunlap, who was named MVP of last year’s national championship team, was arrested at 3:25 this morning in Gainesville when he was found passed out in his car at the stoplight. I’m not sure but I’m guessing the light had turned green a few times. Dunlap did not do well on a sobriety test, refused to take a breathalyzer test and was charged with DUI. Florida coach Urban Meyer hasn’t decided on Dunlap’s status yet. Probably has to check with Brandon Spikes first.