Predictions: Dogs win, Birds lose, Vols — empty your pockets

week12

It was down the stretch of the regular season last year when the defense of the tumbling football program at Georgia allowed 38, 49, 38, 13 and 45 points, and almost every week the secondary looked like the after shot when a chicken truck collides with Fred, the crazy neighbor, who just had to show you some tricks on his new motorcycle, because, like, you know that old joke about the last words heard by a redneck: “Hey, watch this …”

(We don’t have a rednecks in the audience today, do we? No? Just two? OK …)

The 13 points the Dogs allowed in that stretch last season came to Auburn, and soon after

You know, the plans always sounds so good.

Ever notice how the plan always sounds so good?

Tommy Tuberville was shown the exit ramp. I thought about this last week when Georgia beat Auburn again, 31-24 — they should play them more often — and Mark Richt lauded the defense, notwithstanding its current No. 11 ranking in the SEC and No. 56 nationally against the pass and its No. 120 ranking nationally in takeways (eight), all of which has led Willie Martinez to look like that guy driving the chicken truck. Or the motorcycle.

Richt was  asked again this week about potential changes he might make after the season. His answer was something like this: “I like Mike and Ikes, especially the red ones.”

And so we wait. This week, it’s the final home game against Kentucky. Take a good look. Some of the grown ups may not be back.

People say the Wildcats aren’t very good. But if they’re 6-4, same as Georgia, and they beat Auburn by a touchdown, same as Georgia, does that make them same as Georgia? Close. But not quite. Dogs cover 8 1/2.

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Please Use a No. 2 Pencil

How Lane Kiffin's first recruiting class will look several years from now.

Lane Kiffin's first recruiting class strikes a pose.

Vanderbilt at Knoxville Correctional Institute: So it turns out three players getting arrested on charges of armed robbery isn’t the only problem at Tennessee. Lane Kiffin failed to mention another freshman is facing a charge for allegedly shoplifting a $110 Polo shirt on Nov. 7. Nice recruiting class. Do full scholarships in Knoxville include the leg chains? Vols win but take Vandy and 16 1/2.

Virginia at Clemson: The Tigers have won five straight since starting 2-3 and losing to Maryland. Funny. Virginia has lost four straight since beating Maryland. Al Groh keeps getting it backwards. Clemson rolls into the ACC title game (but won’t cover 20 1/2).

Sacrificial Lamb at Florida: Charleston Southern, Troy, Florida International. The Gators shop for non-conference opponents at Value City, right next to the bin of slightly imperfect dress shirts with sleeves and an upside down pocket. Gators cover 45 against FIU.

Maryland at FSU: Bobby Bowden might want to win this. The Seminoles are 5-5 and they’re not getting their bowl-eligible, sixth win against Florida (although it would be pretty funny to everybody except the hatchet-packing FSU Board of Trustees if they did). Noles cover 19.

♦♦♦

Pros and Cons

(Late Fall Blowout Special! Buy three picks and Bud Adams will give you the finger.)

This folder contains Falcon injury updates and North Korean nuclear bomb sites.

This folder contains Falcon injury updates and suspected North Korean nuclear bomb sites.

Falcons at Giants: Michael Turner has a sprained ankle, three cracked ribs, a torn rotator cuff, some malfunctioning intestines and both arms were mauled by a lion Thursday. Of course, Mike Smith says he will be a game time decision. The Giants (four straight losses) are struggling. But the Falcons are 1-4 on the road and their backfield could consist of Jason Snelling and Aaron Stecker. Check? Giants win but won’t cover 6 1/2.

Saints at Bucs: The Saints have become a relatively average 9-0 team lately. Did I just say that? Actual factual: Drew Brees’ first five games: two interceptions. His last four games: seven interceptions. Prozac should start marketing to Fantasy Leagues. Saints win but take Tampa and 11 1/2.

SarahPalinRunner

I know people love debating the merits and hotness of Sarah Palin. So here she is. Besides, she can see the Seahawks from her kitchen window in Wasilla.

Seahawks at Vikings: Jim Mora called Arizona’s Darnell Dockett a dirty player for leaning on Matt Hasselbeck’s throat last week. Dockett responded with a Twitter: Dear coach mora, its football [expletive] happens.” I guess he’s seen Mora’s resume. Vikings cover 11.

Eagles at Bears: There’s a chance several Philadelphia players will lean on Jay Cutler’s windpipe. But only because Bears fans paid them to. Eagles cover 3.

Redskins at Cowboys: Old Redskins guard John Wilbur once said, “George Allen never used to say, ‘The Dallas Cowboys.’ It was always, ‘The [g.d.] Dallas Cowboys. It’s the Cowboys’ uniform. It strikes hate and loathing in my mind, almost in a Pavlovian sense.” Don’t you miss the days when the Cowboys-Redskins meant something, let alone when a player would say things like, “Pavlovian”? Selah. (Thank you, Bish.) Dallas wins but take the Skins and 11.

Browns at Lions: Some thought it was a story when LeBron James said he could play for the Browns. What’s the big deal? Zydrunas Ilgauskas could play for the Browns. Lions cover 3 1/2.

♦♦♦

fbgamble

Toteboard

Last week: I think what’s really important is it’s a beautiful day, the birds are singing and I have clean socks.

Fine! 8-4 straight up, 5-7 against the line.

Totals: 83-38 straight up, 56-64 against the line.

Deadline: Three weeks left in fiscal season to pull even

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152 comments Add your comment

ff

November 19th, 2009
4:07 pm

SatchelBuzz

November 19th, 2009
4:13 pm

bali smith

November 19th, 2009
4:14 pm

sarah is about as low as you can go Jeff

blackout_dawg

November 19th, 2009
4:14 pm

Dawgs win this game, but I still want a new DC for Christmas.

ricardo

November 19th, 2009
4:21 pm

Vandy in an upset of The Correctional Institute.

Country Boy

November 19th, 2009
4:22 pm

Hello Jeffy Boy. I am proudly one of the two. Enjoyed the grief on Tenn. and Fla. Palin or Polosi ???

ATL living in NYC

November 19th, 2009
4:22 pm

I want to disagree with you on the Falcons-Giants game but unless the offense mans up we will be 5-5 and playing for a pointless record of never having back to back winning seasons. Who really cares if we are not going to playoffs? Let’s Go Falcons!!!

H. Orney Mann

November 19th, 2009
4:24 pm

There is no debate. Sarah is delectable.

SimpleDawg

November 19th, 2009
4:28 pm

If the Falcons couldn’t beat Carolina this past weekend in Charlotte, they sure as hell can’t beat the Giants in New York. Losing The Burner ensures that Matty Spice will throw a couple of more crucially debilitating interceptions. The defense is no longer the Achilles Heel of the team.

The Dawgs will have to out score Kentucky….but hopefully they don’t have to score 40 points to do it.

Nice picture of Sarah Palin….nice @ss. If only someone would stick a sock in her mouth….not only is most of what she says B.S., but her voice is like finger nails on a blackboard.

I wish the Falcons would make the playoffs this year, but I just don’t see them doing any better than 8 – 8……and it may be worse.

Jeff Schultz

November 19th, 2009
4:31 pm

Bali Smith — Oh no, sir. I can definitely go lower.

Blackout Dawg — You may get your wish, just not right on Xmas.

Ricardo — That would be very funny. If the game was at Vandy, I would be tempted to agree with you.

Country — You will see no pictures from me of Nancy Pelosi in running tights stretching.Oh Lord. I feel dizzy.

shadydave

November 19th, 2009
4:35 pm

wonder how many fact-checkers the AP will assign to check Jeff’s column? Oh yeah, this is the AJC, facts don’t matter…

dean

November 19th, 2009
4:38 pm

We can’t pressure the QB. Eli will look like his brother-in a football sense. We make average RB’s look like Walter Payton. Even if Turner takes the field, for what? A Decoy? Not when Mom knows he’s a decoy. Our QB is suffering the yips. A FG kicker who can’t kick FG’s all of a sudden. At least the weather will be good. Go Falcons. I’ll check in with God to make sure he’s pulling for the underdog.

Chuck

November 19th, 2009
4:39 pm

Hey Country Boy—-I don’t know who Polosi is, but if you are comparing Palin to Nancy Pelosi, then you don’t mind getting your dates from either the Ritz or the morgue. That’s right, Pelosi is actually dead. That plastic face of her’s is moved like the ventriloquist moves his dummy, which incidentally had more smarts than Pelosi when she was alive.

Ryno

November 19th, 2009
4:39 pm

Ugh…a 5-5 Falcons team makes me sick.

Go Hawks – I guess.

Country Boy

November 19th, 2009
4:40 pm

H. Orney – of course you are correct but I wasn’t sure how Jeffy Boy would roll.

AlwaysAVol

November 19th, 2009
4:41 pm

If the guns held as much hot air as you, they would have been deadly weapons. (I had to chuckle at the picture though..good one..)

74 Dawg

November 19th, 2009
4:44 pm

Nice article Jeff. I am afraid I have to agree with you on the Falcons. On Tennessee also. But I would not be surprised if Ryan takes it up a notch and pulls one out.

FalconUGAFan

November 19th, 2009
4:49 pm

The Falcons scare me every week so that is nothing new. This week is man-check time for Ryan and the defense. Hope they are up to it.

georgiadawg70

November 19th, 2009
4:50 pm

You can’t spell “thug” without a U and a T.

Johnny Test

November 19th, 2009
5:01 pm

Dawgs win in convincing fashion… sets up battle with tek.
Vandy upsets thug u
Ole Miss upsets Lsu
Clemson pounds Virginia

James

November 19th, 2009
5:03 pm

Is there any recent photo of sarah palin without glasses? as in, the last 5 years? haven’t seen one

bob horner stayed hurt

November 19th, 2009
5:13 pm

The Falcons are due for a good game…(and some good luck..) I think they get it Sunday and win straight up….I like UGA on Sat. nite but I wouldn’t bet that game giving 8.5pts…that number is too high….

Volman

November 19th, 2009
5:14 pm

Dang, Schultz. Your jokes are miserable. I think I’m done reading your stuff for a while.

bob horner stayed hurt

November 19th, 2009
5:14 pm

James…why would you want to see Sarah without glasses.?? Are you nuts..?? you only get that priveledge in bed…….

Delbert D.

November 19th, 2009
5:15 pm

Vegas sez UGA 30, Ky 21

Volman

November 19th, 2009
5:15 pm

You can’t spell “a thug” with out UGA, either. It’s funny—-two problems and you’re all over Tennessee. How about all of UGA’s short-comings?

You need to take a few tips from Mark Bradley. Your blogs are really going downhill. Maybe it’s time for a break.

Delbert D.

November 19th, 2009
5:19 pm

Kiffin also coaches the polo team at UT?

JoeC

November 19th, 2009
5:22 pm

Love the picture of Lane’s recruiting class!!

u-no

November 19th, 2009
5:24 pm

Jeff,
For some strange reason I feel that Kentucky may have one more win left in them. Dogs lose in a heartbreaker. They will blame it on Willie. The prison uniforms will be confused with the refs uniforms, and Vandy will ignore both and take a W. Tennessee’s season is in the toilet bowl. Clemson will win, but Virginia will scare them in the first half. I never did like lamb, even at Passover. Florida wins in their sleep. FSU will take the win and wish for a bye week next week!

I don’t know Jeff, as ugly as it was in Carolina the Falcons played pretty good ball until the end of the fourth quarter. I think they will pull a W out of the hat on this one. The Saints cruise this weekend. Vikings and Eagles take a W home. I think the Cowpokes win over the Injuns and the Lions prove that Cleveland is really bad.

Delbert D.

November 19th, 2009
5:24 pm

Sportswriter: “I like Virginia and the points.”

Dabo: “Oh, man me too! Have you seen those puppies???”

u-no

November 19th, 2009
5:26 pm

Oh yeah, Ole Miss makes LSU look really bad.

BugKiller

November 19th, 2009
5:27 pm

You’re damn right you can go lower, Jeff.

Nancy Pelosi in a bathing suit.

Larry

November 19th, 2009
5:29 pm

Jeff,

I’ll take Sarah and you get Hillary! Deal? What if I threw in Pelosi?

Larry

Drive-Thru Trainer Dawg

November 19th, 2009
5:32 pm

Anyone know if Uga VII left a note?

bob horner stayed hurt

November 19th, 2009
5:33 pm

u-no….you’ve never have my lamb kabobs….

bravowreck

November 19th, 2009
5:34 pm

Like a good Tech fan I say…
The Cats win in a huge upset. After all how can Georgia focus with the death of another UGA. What does that tell about Dawg football. Two dogs in two years?

THWG!!!

Delbert D.

November 19th, 2009
5:35 pm

Those guys in the picture must be the UT Trustees…

jeffrey d

November 19th, 2009
5:36 pm

What does that tell about Dawg football

That dogs can have a short life span?

suwannoochee

November 19th, 2009
5:38 pm

Good stuff as usual, Jeff. I agree, unfortunately so in the case of the Falcons. And do we know how ticket sales are going on Georgia Tech’s side for the ACC championship game, cuz I read Clemson fans are mortgaging their single wides to get there. Oh yeah, Country Boy, if you’re gonna rag on the Speaker of the House, perhaps you should at least learn how to spell her name. Where did you get that spelling? Your hometown weekly’s enlightened editorial page?

u-no

November 19th, 2009
5:41 pm

Bob Horner, I’ll try anything once, but it better be good.

bob horner stayed hurt

November 19th, 2009
5:41 pm

Drive-Thru Trainer Dawg ….I don’t think it was suicide…BTW…you’re mean

DirtyDawg

November 19th, 2009
5:43 pm

Hey volman, you’re right. I’ll bet every one of your miscreants had valid driver’s licenses – unlike our thugs that go out on those damn motor scooters without ever having taken the test. I mean how sorry and no-account can you get…or maybe I’m asking the wrong person? Of course we know that the Richardson kid better have a license, since his new first name is ‘Gimme-yo-keese’. Although I doubt he’ll be driving much over the next few years.

Point is, don’t even try to go there. Felony/armed robbery carries a way different ‘thug-quotient’ even in Knoxville. Although I have to admit the reaction of the ‘victims’ was priceless – ‘Shoot, I don’t think they ought to be suspended, they’s my boys…after all, we’s in Tennessee ya’ know…they plays for us’n…how ’bout a cheeseburger?’ Talk about rationalizing crime? Good thing somebody got to Kiffin before those guys did.

bob horner stayed hurt

November 19th, 2009
5:45 pm

bravowreck …you have no class..UGA VII died show some respect….

Chef Mentuer

November 19th, 2009
5:47 pm

Sarah makes me wanna

u-no

November 19th, 2009
5:48 pm

The article states that UGA VII died of a heart attack. Considering the way the Pups have played this year, it is no wonder. Kentucky will win this weekend, just go hide and watch.

MIKE ON LAKE HARTWELL

November 19th, 2009
5:49 pm

DAMN GOOD DAWG.

Country Boy

November 19th, 2009
5:53 pm

suwannoochee – Sorry I misspelled your dream girls name. I’ll try to do better. Hate I hurt your feelings.

u-no

November 19th, 2009
5:55 pm

If the Vols lose this weekend, the Birdman from Alcatraz will offer them an invitation to play at the National Correctional Institution Bowl that will be played at San Quinten, California. At least the weather will be nice! Tough crowd though.

watchandsee

November 19th, 2009
5:55 pm

Wonder if Jeffy will refer to her as Madam President in January, 2012? Wonder, too, if he’s still proud of that Obama vote?
Take the points, Jeffy.

Golden Tornado

November 19th, 2009
5:58 pm

What do they say, now, in Athens? “Let’s win one for the Ugga?”