Predictions: Pressure’s up but gorilla and Tech can handle it

week11 002

It has been a big week at Georgia Tech, and not just because the football team is preparing to clinch the Coastal Division. Researchers made tremendous progress in answering two of the world’s great questions: 1) What is the Coastal Division? 2) How do we get a gorilla to take a blood pressure test?

Yes, the best stuff is the stuff you don’t have to make up. That’s why I’m happy to report that some great minds at Georgia Tech, Emory and Zoo Atlanta collaborated to get Ozzie, a

Ozzie looks calm to me. He says Tech covers.

Ozzie calmly says Tech will cover.

48-year-old gorilla, to voluntarily submit to a blood pressure test. I can only assume Ozzie needed the test for the usual reasons, those being beer, nachos, stress, the guy from Duluth by the gorilla cage who keeps pretending to be a gorilla, teenage drivers, health care, more beer and the kickoff to Sarah Palin’s book tour, for which she’s receiving $7 million, which I guess she earned by submarining an election, resigning as governor before her first term ended, swimming in a pool of potential ethics violations and having a wonderfully dysfunctional family.

Back to the gorilla. I’m really not sure why we need to know his blood pressure. I don’t care if he smokes two packs a day. I just want to know if this will lead to other medical “breakthroughs”? Because if Ozzie’s really 48 — dude, there’ a test the doctors made me take at that age and I sure ain’t telling him.

Where was I? Oh yeah. Tech-Duke. If the Jackets win, they’ll clinch a spot in the ACC title game. Duke’s not a joke anymore. They’re just a little bit of a fraud.

The line is 13. Monkey want 13 bananas? No. Relax. Jackets cover.

Keggers

Mark Richt is starting to realize it's not the refs' fault.

Mark Richt is starting to realize it's not the refs' fault.

Auburn at Georgia: BowWows coach Mark Richt is fed up with penalties. He says he’ll yank any player who’s flagged. I suppose the lack of intelligence and discipline could be traced back to the coaching staff. But let’s not quibble in November, shall we? Dogs win but take Auburn and 4 1/2.

Tennessee at Mississippi: Three Vols players were charged with armed robbery this week. Pretty sure that’s not an SEC record. But as Steve Spurrier would say, “You can’t spell San Quentin without the U and the T.” Rebels cover 5.

Florida at South Carolina: Used to be a big deal, Spurrier vs. the Gators. But he’s lost the last two meetings 51-31 and 56-6 and now it’s starting to look like Holmes-Ali. Stop the fight, ref. Gators cover 15 1/2.

Some folks at FSU call it a Sling Blade.

Some folks at FSU call it a Sling Blade.

Alabama at Mississippi State: Tide coach Nick Saban defended SEC officials and commissioner Mike Slive in the aftermath of another blown call in the LSU game, which of course went Bama’s way, although I’m sure that had nothing to do with Saban’s position. Fruit basket, Mike? Tide covers 12.

FSU at Wake Forest: The Noles can forget about a bowl if they lose. The reaction at FSU depends on whether or not you’re sitting in a Board of Trustees meeting, sharpening your kaiser blade. Of course, some folks call it a sling blade. Deacs cover 5.

NFL Value Menu

(Super size with a sideline rumble for 99 cents)

Mike Smith emerges from a coaches' meeting in Flowery Branch.

Mike Smith emerges from a coaches' meeting.

Falcons at Carolina: Coach Mike Smith declined comment on being fined by the NFL Thursday, other than a brief statement that read, “I am Spartacus.” The Falcons need an uprising. At 5-3, they can’t afford a loss, with three of the next four games coming against the Giants (road), Eagles and Saints. The secondary is being held together by duct tape, but here’s some good news: Steve Smith, only one touchdown. Birds cover 1 1/2.

Cowboys at Packers: Tony Romo has been really good lately (last four games: nine TDs, one interception, 62.4 percent passing). Throw your calendars away. You’ll know it’s the first day of winter when his head explodes. Meanwhile, how did the Packers give up 38 points to the Bucs? Dallas covers 3.

Eagles at Chargers: Philly cornerback Joselio Hanson was suspended for testing positive for a diuretic, which his agent says wasn’t to mask steroids but rather because his client  “felt bloated” after eating Chinese food. What was the backup excuse? Aliens abducted me and injected me with bumetanide? Take the 2 but Eagles win this straight up.

aldavis

"No, I don't want any Girl Scout cookies!"

Patriots at Colts: Peyton Manning vs. Bill Belichick is always great theater. Patriots’ problem: Manning has been sacked a league-low five times in eight games. So explains why Belicheat gave tasers to his front. (Commish: Burn the tape.)  Colts cover 3.

Chiefs at Raiders: It’s been a good week in Oakland. Tom Cable hasn’t punched any assistants, ex-wives or girlfriends. Al Davis — now there’s a guy he should punch. Mini-upset time: Chiefs win (but take the 1 1/2).

Lions at Vikings: Matthew Stafford and Calvin Johnson were angry at each other for about five minutes, then compared bank accounts and realized all is good. Well, most is good. Here comes Brett Favre following a bye: Thor covers 16 1/2.

♦♦♦

Accounting Department

fbgamble

Last week: 9-2 straight up, 6-5 against the number.

Season to date: 74-34 straight up, 51-57 against the number.

Lock of the week: Deadbolt.

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339 comments Add your comment

SadDawg

November 12th, 2009
5:13 pm

Sarah Palin’s hot. Jeff’s not.

bob horner stayed hurt

November 12th, 2009
5:16 pm

SadDawg…that’s a fact…not a prediction….(okay…now I need to read the blog…) so I can make applicable corrections…

Sad Dawg is Ugly

November 12th, 2009
5:19 pm

Who cares if Sarah Palin is hot. She smells like Salmon anyway. Go buy you some Q-Salmon if you miss her so much! Ugh!

not so fast!!

November 12th, 2009
5:20 pm

not so fast my friend. UPSET ALERT!! Spurrier and the Roosters cluck all over the might GATERS in an ugly, close one. SC 19 FL 16

Not Disappointed!

November 12th, 2009
5:21 pm

Let’s go Jackets! Don’t lay of the Gas now. Ramblin Wreck! :-)

SadDawg

November 12th, 2009
5:22 pm

Um, SadDawg is Ugly, men who like women care! She’s yummy!

pilgrim

November 12th, 2009
5:27 pm

The NFL commissioner’s office got it wrong. It was Colonel Mustard in the Conservatory with the Rope.

Not Disappointed!

November 12th, 2009
5:32 pm

Okay, Jeff I feel the Jackets will cover. We are not turning our backs on Dookie! Doesn’t dookie smell anyway?

The Ga Pups should win, but it will be a close one.
Falcons roll and “Ramblin Wreck!”

AthensSG

November 12th, 2009
5:33 pm

So ……. what was his blood pressure?

DawginLex

November 12th, 2009
5:34 pm

Tech 42 duke 28
UGA 31 Aubie 28
Falcons 27 Panthers 21
Gators 38 SC 12
Bama 23 MSU 9
Wake 38 FSU 14(ponder is out)
Ole Miss 20 UT 17
Colts 28 Pats 27

Not Disappointed!

November 12th, 2009
5:35 pm

Jeff, are we in Athens or Durham this weekend? Come on Spill it!!!!

DawginLex

November 12th, 2009
5:38 pm

Us Dawgs should be pulling for Tech this weekend since beating Tech would equate to being ACC champs. Also CPJ has never lost 2 in a row at Tech.

Something to ponder.

GTAnchorage

November 12th, 2009
5:38 pm

Sarah Palin is hot, and smelling like salmon isn’t all a bad thing…

Chester Lucks

November 12th, 2009
5:38 pm

Tech over Duke
Auburn over UGA
Tennessee over Ole Miss
Florida over S. Carolina
Alabama over Mississippi State
Wake over FSU

Who is Clemson laying this weekend. Doesn’t matter. Clemson wins.

Reid Adair

November 12th, 2009
5:40 pm

So Mark Richt will yank any player who gets flagged? This ought to be interesting.

Rascal

November 12th, 2009
5:41 pm

Another politically charged remark of no value, just a slam at someone you don’t see eye to eye with? Maybe the political commentary should be kept off these pages. But then again, your company will only be around about 14 more months, so get all the shots in at those that actually believe in personal responsibility and small government. Of course, the talentless liberals like yourself will need the socialist government you seem to want so badly in order to get your daily rations from the food lines. But as a good comrade, you get to lead the politburo meetings each night to determine who gets promoted in the ranks of citizen soldiers.

bob horner stayed hurt

November 12th, 2009
5:43 pm

Sarah Palin is a salmon fisherman..??

Jeff Schultz

November 12th, 2009
5:44 pm

Not Disappointed: I am in Durham Saturday and Charlotte Sunday (Falcons). It’s an all-Carolina weekend pour moi (that’s French).

SadDawg

November 12th, 2009
5:44 pm

How many playings are we dressing out Saturday? I mean, it could become an issue…….

Jeff Schultz

November 12th, 2009
5:45 pm

Athens SC — Good question. Never saw the reading mentioned.

Jeff Schultz

November 12th, 2009
5:45 pm

Rascal — What do Sarah’s eyes have to do with anything?

SadDawg

November 12th, 2009
5:45 pm

So how many players are we dressing out Saturday? I mean, it could become an issue …….

SadDawg

November 12th, 2009
5:47 pm

Amen to the eyes comment, Jeff! I knew you like lookin at her legs too!!

Matt

November 12th, 2009
5:50 pm

Jeff, how’s that Marxism working out for ya. You keep seeing your buddies lose their job, but you leftist keep supporting the same people. Way to rip on a good person. It would be one thing if you ever took a rip at our “Dictator” in Washington, but that would be too much for you to look in the mirror and do.
Thanks for proving everything that everyone already knows. You are the same as any other “reporter” out there, you just happen to cover sports (and according to your articles lately, not very well).

Have a blessed day!

Sarah

November 12th, 2009
5:54 pm

I can see why a lot of people around here can relate to Sarah. Her family is a white trash soap opera and she believes the world is 6,000 years old.

"Chef" Tim Dix

November 12th, 2009
5:56 pm

Ozzie and I are both 48.

u-no

November 12th, 2009
5:57 pm

Well, Jeff… here are my better guesses for the weekend + some you didn’t call:

Tech beats Duke, Georgia wins, maybe, uh, it’ll be close. I think you are right on the Vols game. The Gator-Gamecock fight may be closer than you think, but Florida will make a W. Kentucky will take a win away from Vandy. Bama will get a close call in Starksville, could be an upset here. Just for kicks one of these two will be an upset: Cincy vs WVA, TCU vs Utah… you pick which one.

Birds win, but better play better than they did this past weekend or it could get to be a Rolaids special. 49ners beat the Bears tonight. Saints aint about to lose this wekend. Thor makes the Lions think Greek mythology is real. Dallas will take the Cheese, but it will be a smelly affair. The Eagles tanked on the West Coast the last time they were there… they will tank again: Chargers take this one. The Game of the Week will be the Pats vs Colts. This will be a war, the clock will cause an armistice with the Colts having the upper hand. The Chiefs and Raiders is kinda an “I don’t care” game of the week: but what the hay, Raiders win just because.

FalconUGAFan

November 12th, 2009
5:57 pm

Tech – yes
Falcons – YES
Dawgs -Sure hope so….

Nothing else matters….

calvin

November 12th, 2009
5:58 pm

“potential ethics violations”? translation: whatever the
Palins’ political enemies (mostly dems but also some repubs
that she beat at the polls) dream up to charge her with.
ie. unproven and unprovable.

"Chef" Tim Dix

November 12th, 2009
5:58 pm

Please no more pictures of the late Al Davis. Not ever.

"Chef" Tim Dix

November 12th, 2009
6:00 pm

Jeff, this column was founded on the hot chick photo and I for one, am dissapointed.

Paul's Johnson

November 12th, 2009
6:02 pm

Jeff,
Do you ever make fun of your Democrat friends? What does Sarah have to do with your weekend predictions? I predict she is fine with your opinion and with the 7 million.

Chester Lucks

November 12th, 2009
6:04 pm

All yall leave Sarah Palin alone. Jeff just like to rag on her to get a rise out of some of us. She is a decent woman and I for one would love to see her in the US Senate. Some of you may like Pelosi or Clinton, but Sarah she’s a looker and politically smart as well.

Pi$$onaDawg

November 12th, 2009
6:05 pm

Dawgs better win or it will get real funny on the blogs next week.

Not Disappointed!

November 12th, 2009
6:06 pm

Jeff a Carolina Weekend…… Eh! Load up on some Brisket in Durham area.

Lets go Jackets!

Not Disappointed!

November 12th, 2009
6:07 pm

FalconUgaFan….LOL! Sorry, but you post is funny.

Jeff Schultz

November 12th, 2009
6:11 pm

Chester — I agree with you. I also would rather look at Sarah than Pelosi or Clinton.

Hank

November 12th, 2009
6:11 pm

Sarah’s a really fine looking woman but she isn’t qualified to be President as 71% agreed in a recent poll. McCain/Palin = Incontinent/Incompetent

bugman

November 12th, 2009
6:13 pm

So we’ve gone from semi pro porn starlets to gorillas to Al Davis.

Are you trying to prune down your readership?

GTAnchorage, that all depends on where the smell eminates from…

Jeff Schultz

November 12th, 2009
6:14 pm

Paul’s J — Dems/Reps/Indys — none are my friends. And are you kidding? I think I broke the record for Jerry Brown jokes (my former Gov. in Cal), although it was ultra cool when he was dating Linda Rondstadt. Then he just got too weird. Loved when Doonesbury used to refer to him as Gov. Moonbeam.

Jeff Schultz

November 12th, 2009
6:15 pm

Chef — Sorry, I could’ve put a Sarah photo up top (didn’t mean it that way … OK, sorta) but I decided to use the ape mugshot instead.

Jeff Schultz

November 12th, 2009
6:16 pm

Calvin. Really? “Unproven and unprovable.” You sound like Bart Simpson.

Pi$$onaDawg

November 12th, 2009
6:17 pm

Jeff don’t tell the Gorilla about the test? Hell who is going to preform it? I hope he/she has good medical themselves.

Jeff Schultz

November 12th, 2009
6:17 pm

Matt– I love Marxism. Especially “A Day At The Races” and “Duck Soup.” Those were my favorites.

Paul H

November 12th, 2009
6:19 pm

I agree with DawginLex for the predictions.

As for Sarah Palin, she’s still hot.

But not as hot as that Miss California girl.

BS Patrol

November 12th, 2009
6:23 pm

Tina Fey is SUCCULENT! If I were 30 years younger I would plow that until next July.

Bat Masterson

November 12th, 2009
6:31 pm

Good stuff Jeff, but picking on Sarah Palin, man that’s like shooting fish in a barrel, just too easy. That said, it is fun to watch the flat earthers heads explode.

SadDawg

November 12th, 2009
6:32 pm

Which one, Paul H, the one that got fired or the one “The Donald” replaced her with when he got mad at her?

Florida jacket

November 12th, 2009
6:34 pm

leave it to the AJC, only they could stick left-wing politics on the sports pages, you’re about to destroy the last reason most of us read your paper. If that’s your purpose then go right ahead, but you might want to update your resume first.

Bat Masterson

November 12th, 2009
6:34 pm

But not as hot as that Miss California girl

Anita Bryant ?