The Count would have been here earlier but he’s a little sleepy from staying up watching the Falcons’ game last night and enjoying the Yankees go down like the gluttonous pigs that they are. He’s also a little down, still mourning the loss of his Mini Me (see item No. 5). But The Count knows it could be worse. He’s got his health. And his eyes. We count down . . .
This goes out to all of the overly sensitive Florida fans who’ve been defending Brandon Spikes for attempting to rip out the eyeballs of Washaun Ealey, particularly those who claim it was just payback for all of the injustices Georgia players did to the
Gators earlier in the game. Folks. I’ve seen every picture and video you’ve sent me. Some were penalties. Some were not. None could be deemed equal to an act so egregious that it was banned by ultimate fighting and MMA leagues, some of whom still allow chainsaws, I think. I even looked up eye-gouging in Wikipedia. Under the heading, Judicial Punishment, it reads: “According to Human Rights Watch, Iran and Saudi Arabia are the only countries that consider eye-gouging to be a legitimate judicial punishment.” So if you’re looking for defenders, I’ve narrowed it down for you.
Look, I’m sure Brandon Spikes is not an evil person. He did eventually issue an apology Monday, and maybe he even meant it more than Urban Meyer, who balked at doing anything even after his
wife and his defensive coordinator brought the video to his attention. (In the end, we’re still not sure what suspending a player for half the Vanderbilt game qualifies as.) But I guess we can move on now. One day, maybe we can all get along. Look at the Three Stooges. They brought us the eye-poke, the precursor to the eye-gouge, and they were brothers. No bond could break them.
The Falcons are 4-3. I looked back through the media guide. (I know. Actual research. Momentary lapse.) Turns out they’ve been 4-3 several times in their history. Sometimes they missed the playoffs. Sometimes they didn’t. But here’s what you probably want to cling to. In 1980, they finished 12-4 and won the NFC West. In 2002, they finished 9-6-1 and won a wild-card game in Green Bay. And then there’s last season: Started 4-3, ended 11-5. In the next four weeks, the Falcons play Washington (2-5), Carolina (3-4), the New York Giants (5-3) and Tampa Bay (0-7). They should go 3-1. Do that and they’ll be 7-4 going into the final five games (Philadelphia, New Orleans rematch, N.Y. Jets, Buffalo, Tampa Bay). I like their chances. That’s assuming Matt Ryan recovers from the eye-gouging he must have suffered Monday night, because that’s the only explanation for throwing that pass to Jabari Greer.
Over the past few months, I’ve had several bloggers email, Tweet or comment that they would like me to add them to my blogroll. It’s not that I’m opposed to this. It’s just that not one of you has even stopped to think: “Hmmm. Maybe an envelope full of cash might help my chances.” Didn’t any of you go to business school? Well, probably not or you wouldn’t be writing a sports blog. But I’ll tell you what. I’m in a generous mood. Besides, I need to new bloggers to steal from. So read on.
First, the good news: It’s not required that you live in your mother’s basement. That’s just a bonus. Send me a link to your blog. I’m reachable via email (firstname.lastname@example.org), Twitter (@JeffSchultzAJC), Facebook (JeffSchultzAJC) or commenting below. My plan is to add up to THREE NEW BLOGS to my Blogroll. Are you smart? Opinionated? Funny? Entertaining? Do you have a good brisket recipe? Are you just looking to fake it like me until Mega Millions hits? (Well stop, because that’s my plan.) This is your chance! Being added to my Blogroll could mean a huge spike in page views for you. You might even be able to sell an ad! And if you do, can you pass their number along to us? I’ll probably keep this going for a couple of weeks, but send me your links now to get in line early.
If you haven’t seen the above video yet, it rocks. It shows Manu Ginobili swatting a bat out of the air during a San Antonio-Sacramento game (on Halloween night, of course). Ginobili did what anybody would do. Anybody but PETA. Enter: brainless twits. Reaction from its website: “To bludgeon a 4-ounce animal to death, it takes either a small man or a totally unthinking one—with no respect or consideration for lives humbler than his own. This is a time when athletes in particular need to be on their best behavior around any animal and show that they have brains and a heart, not just reactionary brawn.” And, yes, PETA was making a veiled reference to Michael Vick. It even hyper-linked within that statement to theseVick-Nike blogs. These guys seriously need another hobby. (UPDATE: Ginobili has posted on his Facebook page: “Just wanted to give you guys an update on the bat situation. As many of you already know, it wasn’t a great idea. Not only for the fact that bats are great part of the ecosystem, but also, because some carry rabies, which is an incurable disease. That’s why I had to get vaccinated today (and it wasn’t just one shot!).”
With a declining economy, declining interest and the occasional corruption scandal, the Olympic movement is having enough problems. So who’s idea was it to start a torch with an athlete banned for steroids? What finally tipped them off — when Greece hurdler’ Fani Halkia broke the land-speed record? Halkia tested positive for steroids in Beijing and was banned for two years. But Greek officials picked her for the torch run, which runs from Athens to Vancouver for the winter Olympics. The IOC called it a “regrettable mistake.” Greek officials called it an “oversight.” This should help sell sponsorships.
Sticking with juicers for one more item. Golf has escaped drug scandals until now. (Actually, a couple of ‘roid rages would do the tour good.) Doug Barron just became the first golfer to get suspended for performance-enhancing drugs.
There’s a chance he tested positive for a medication he was taking. Barron said in a statement, “I want my fellow tour members and the fans to know that I did not intend to gain an unfair competitive advantage …” Yeah, well, that’s kind of obvious. He only made five out of 17 cuts on the Nationwide Tour last year.
And look at the picture.
Mark Richt is catching heat. Willie Martinez may be fired or demoted after the season, if he’s not abducted before. Quarterback Joe Cox required a vote of confidence this week from his head coach. I have a question: How come nobody is getting on Uga?
Seriously, this is Uga VII’s second season, and frankly he’s been all hype. Just like another Mark Richt “5-star” recruit. OK, here’s the breakdown.
♦ Uga I won a national title.
♦ Uga II won two SEC titles.
♦ UGA III won a national championship AND two SEC titles.
♦ Uga IV won two SEC titles.
♦ OK, Uga V didn’t win anything. But he was on the cover of Sports Illustrated and lunged at Auburn receiver Robert Baker in that priceless video clip.
♦ Uga VI won two SEC titles and two Sugar Bowls.
That brings us to Uga VII (”Loran’s Best.”) Since coming aboard last season, he has been smoked twice by Florida, lost at home to Georgia Tech, was humiliated by Alabama and is only 10-6 in the SEC. Dude, wipe that smile off your face. You can be replaced.