Predictions: I see dead people (also Dogs and Falcons)
Halloween’s roots can be traced back 2,000 years ago, when the Celts commemorated the end of their harvest, and it was cold and dark and the skies were filled with evil spirits and the tattered remains of a Willie Martinez game plan following another Georgia-Florida game.
Later, of course, came the pumpkins, the parties, the costumes — especially Naughty Nurses, Naughty Teachers and Naughty ESPN Intern — the debate over which candy rules (Snickers or Reese’s), dentists, sugar rushes, psychotic teenage pranks, scotch, especially scotch, and the Seven Deadly Sins: Lust, Gluttony, Sloth, Greed, Wrath, Ray Goff and the Deluded Bulldogs Fan who believe they actually have a shot Saturday.
Willie Martinez goes over the Florida game plan.
The Dogs are in Jacksonville. Fortunately, none of the players drove. There was another arrest this week, this time an offensive linemen, Vince Vance, who ran a red light, was driving without a license and of course missed a block.
Georgia believes it has a chance. Why? Because it’s coming off a win over Vanderbilt? Even Army didn’t get cocky after beating Vandy, and in fact lost its next two games to Temple and Rutgers.
Florida hasn’t been great. But it has won 17 straight since last season. Also, there’s that No. 1 thing. Great’s kinda relative, don’t you think? The line is 15 1/2. Big number. I’m not spooked. Gators cover.
Is This Going To Be On The Test?
Tech at Vandy: The Jackets’ next three games come against Vanderbilt (2-6), Wake Forest (4-4) and Duke (4-3). This would be a good time for everybody to go make a sandwich and come back when they’re 10-1 Georgia week. The Commodores went through a respectable period. It passed. Jackets cover 12.
South Carolina at Tennessee: Steve Spurrier used to save his best jabs for the Tennessee game (”You can’t spell Citrus [Bowl] without the U-T.”) But when the media tried to get him to bite (again) about Lane Kiffin, he responded, “That’s for all you media people to comment on.” Sad. I feel like the Chief when he found Randall P. McMurphy after the lobotomy. Take the Roosters and 5 1/2. And in an upset.
Steve Spurrier was more fun when he wore orange.
States of Confusion: Tom O’Brien is 7-12 in ACC games at N.C. State. He left Boston College why again? Oh that’s right. Matt Ryan was running out of eligibility. Florida State wins but take the Wolfpack and 9.
Mississippi at Auburn: The Tigers got off to a 5-0 start and suddenly everybody ran out Gene Chizik jokes. Three losses later and 96 opponent points later, Bobby Lowder is plotting another overthrow. Rebs cover 3 1/2.
Pros And Ex-Cons
Falcons at Saints: The problem isn’t just that Matt Ryan has looked ordinary the last two weeks, or that Michael Turner has looked ordinary all season. The problem is that what the Saints do best (pass) exposes what the Falcons can’t do at all (stop the pass). The Birds will be fine — until Drew Brees gets out of his car. Saints cover 10.
Favre Meets the Exes: The Green Bay mayor solicited some fine ideas for Brett Favre’s return, including declaring “Flip-Flip Friday” and hosting a pep rally where fans will be served waffle fries. If Favre’s performance last week in Pittsburgh is the start of a trend, the city also can schedule Meltdown Monday. The Steelers turned two Favre turnovers into TDs. Cheese covers 3.
Raiders at Chargers: The most popular costumes this Halloween are both corpses: Al Davis and JaMarcus Russell. Chargers win but take Oakland and 16 1/2.
Brett Favre and Aaron Rodgers in phony warm embrace.
Seahawks at Cowboys: Big meeting between Wade Phillips, the son of a coach, and Jim Mora, the son of a coach (you thought I wasn’t going to write, “coach,” didn’t you?). Bum Phillips vs. Jim Mora Sr. would’ve been better theater. And better football. Still not convinced Dallas is great. But not even sure Seattle is among the living. ‘Boys win but don’t cover 9 1/2.
Giants at Eagles: In the last two weeks, the Giants’ defense saw the Saints and Cardinals combine for 72 points, and Drew Brees and Kurt Warner throw for 600 yards and five touchdowns. Wonder if the Eagles are confident enough to let Michael Vick throw a pass? Sorry. Can’t see New York losing three straight. Take the gift point and a Giants win.
Browns at Bears: The Browns are so bad that Cleveland fans are trying to organize a protest, asking everybody to walk in late for a Nov. 16 game against Baltimore. They’ve considered not walking in at all. But they’re afraid the hand of Art Modell will punch through the dirt on the 50-yard line and and move the team again, this time to his current residence in Netherland. Chicago wins, but won’t cover the 13.
Financial Ledger
Last week: 8-3 straight up, 5-6 against the line.
Totals: 58-28 straight up, 41-45 against the line.
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322 comments Add your comment
"Instant Coffee" Jones
October 30th, 2009
8:34 am
just a heads up to Vandy: Tech’s gonna run the ball
Walbash O'hoolihan
October 30th, 2009
8:36 am
Tebow’s playing with a bum head this year Mr. Rockford
Joe Biden
October 30th, 2009
8:36 am
Truth – remove Gators and insert dogs.
ATL Fan
October 30th, 2009
8:36 am
“The Dogs are in Jacksonville. Fortunately, none of the players drove. There was another arrest this week, this time an offensive linemen, Vince Vance, who ran a red light, was driving without a license and of course missed a block.”
That’s good stuff.
Gator Bob
October 30th, 2009
8:40 am
You Dawgs ready for your annual beat down? See ya in Jax! Go GATORS!
Rodster
October 30th, 2009
8:43 am
Splendid column as always Jeff. Richt needs to make like the Ghost Whisperer and help Willie Martinez cross over.
Chef menteur
October 30th, 2009
8:45 am
IT’S gonna get ugly in NOLA on Monday nite. The best part is the whole world gonna see the massacre. Who dat
ATLG8R
October 30th, 2009
8:48 am
Dawgs needed Vanderbilt to “get well”. Gators need Dawgs to “get well”.
Gators 42
Dawgs 17
ATLG8R
October 30th, 2009
8:51 am
Joe Cox on his best day couldn’t beat Tim Tebow on his worst day. Dawgs go down early and the UGA stands empty by the end of the 3rd… as is usual with mutt fans.
GATORS WIN!
tool patrole
October 30th, 2009
8:58 am
HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! So much for Yech’s “big” win against the most overrated program for the past 20 years. How’s that Va. Tech win feeling now, douchebags!??!!? LOL, classic!!!!
Team that shows up will win
October 30th, 2009
8:59 am
Lets see Fla will win after tebow 3 rushin TD n2 passin ones in 42-24 Game…Vandey will edge Tech are Yech for u dawgs Fans 24-20. and No brett Favre will not beat Green bay it will be a 38-27 lost.Oh n chicago will cover the meal in a 43-10 Pastin of cleveland.and The Falcons if show up which will since there coach will make dam sure beat the Saints 48-37. On Monday Night football oh and lets not forget the Phillies will win another World series to make bobby cox cry n he just pick his butt n nose again!
piff
October 30th, 2009
9:03 am
ATLG8R,
Fortunately there’s 10 other guys on the field so it’s not a one-on-one match. Gator fans have a right to be cocky because their program has earned it over the years in Jax, but remember, UGA seems to do better against #1 Gator teams than not.
Jazz
October 30th, 2009
9:04 am
a perfect weekend would be a UGA and Vandy win
Like clockwork
October 30th, 2009
9:06 am
Yep, just about this same time every single season the Hokies prove to be nothing but hype. I never quite understood the media’s obession with doing everything possible to try and convince everyone the Hokies are legit, but as usual they fold like a cheap lawnchair. Last night’s humilating loss definitely takes a lot of the luster out of Tech’s “upset” victory.
Rodster
October 30th, 2009
9:12 am
Hey, do you know how to keep Dawgs off your lawn? Put up goal posts!
Urban Meyer
October 30th, 2009
9:12 am
I guess I need to offer a new incentive besides cash & cars to my players, so I am trying some of Charley Pell’s old tricks and I’m offering prostitutes to those Gators that perform the best on the field!
Rodster
October 30th, 2009
9:13 am
The Dawgs are like possums. They get killed on the road and they play dead at home! Hi yo!
Barack Obama
October 30th, 2009
9:14 am
I plan to tax all touchdowns scored from now on, field goals, too! If you disagree with me then you are a racist!
Rodster
October 30th, 2009
9:16 am
In the spirit of piling on… if you’re gonna tax touchdowns the Dawgs are gonna need a tax credit.
Gator Man
October 30th, 2009
9:16 am
I’ve got my high & tight cut-off jean shorts, wife beater and flip-flops on and I’m ready for the game. Check out my new tattoo, it’s on my face!! Go Gators!!!!!!
Barack Obama
October 30th, 2009
9:18 am
I don’t know,,,UGA grads already pay the taxes that fund those welfare checks for Gator grads!
ChippersLoveChild
October 30th, 2009
9:18 am
Where are your NFC Power Rankings? I look forward to them and don’t know if I’ve missed them or you haven’t done them yet?
TS
October 30th, 2009
9:23 am
This is going to be an ideal Saturday. Gators cover. The bench clears to celebrate Tebow beating Huhshel’s record and gets two unsportsmanlike penalties (that’s OK though, now we’re even). Georgia fans leave with 6:53 left in the 3rd Quarter. Huhshels fights in his first MMA fight Saturady night and gets a concussion after watching his record fall. What a day.
CMR Wins the 2009 George Hamilton Cocoa Butter Open
October 30th, 2009
9:23 am
Jeff, is it true Joe Cox has…..in his aspiration to leave a Stafford-esqu legacy ……promised to buy his girlfriend a WonderBra?
Urban Meyer
October 30th, 2009
9:23 am
I am offering a hefty cash bonus to my Gators if they win the game and cover the spread! I already pay them all well and have the smartest students (from FSU) take their tests for them. It’s just the way we’ve done it at the University of Florida for decades.
TS
October 30th, 2009
9:27 am
Urban Meyer- “How many points is a 3 point shot worth?” was not on a test taken at Florida.
The SEC
October 30th, 2009
9:27 am
If by some freak of nature the game is close at the end, the referees have been instructed to call unsportsman-like conduct, excessive celebration or personal foul on the Dawgs because we are doing our best to keep Florida undefeated.
And yes you can shut up Petrino, quit your bellyaching about or cheating! We don’t care that your Hogs really beat the Gators just as long as that goes down as a win for Florida (even though they didn’t earn it!)
TS
October 30th, 2009
9:28 am
We don’t test players at Florida. If they play hard and win we just pass them. Hell, they can’t read any how. Please, A Gator that can read? Get real!!!
TS
October 30th, 2009
9:30 am
You guys can locate me at one of Jacksonville’s infamous gay bars! Go Gaytors!!!
GSU Eagle 91
October 30th, 2009
9:30 am
I just don’t see a close game in JAX. If the Dawgs play w/o turnovers/penalties they can keep it close through halftime. Then UF will pull away. 45-16, UF…
GT will beat Vandy 27-10, and SC will take UT 17-15….
Falcons will hang around the Saints game…..31-27 Saints….
liz boy
October 30th, 2009
9:31 am
Look at the mess Richt is in now. He has to rise above Florida, Alabama, Tennessee, LSU on a yearly bases—–oh yea that Auburn team too—-I do not see a good future for Georgia —When in doubt, tackle Tebow. You’ll be right 90 percent of the time. Last and not least, if Georgia loses to Tech this year and next year —Richt will be at Florida State, or maybe sooner even still.
Chuckles Dimry
October 30th, 2009
9:32 am
Bobby Lowder overthrow? I think BB&T picked up Auburn along with Colonial Bank. They might move the whole school to Winston Salem!
PMC
October 30th, 2009
9:33 am
The Falcons are still rebuilding especially on defense. They weren’t going to win the division this year anyway. A wild card would be nice. If they win Monday they are 5-2. If they lose they are 4-3. Neither one is disaster and they go into a week with the dead skins coming off thier bye (sans Cooley) and they don’t throw well at all.
So the goal of this week is to beat up the Saints in every way possible. Physically maul them. Play mean. If they manage to steal a win great. If they lose… don’t sell the farm. You’re still 4-3 with a great shot at the playoffs.
Fat Little Girlfriends
October 30th, 2009
9:34 am
TECH LOSES
GATERDS LOSE
BECAUSE YOU ALL SUCK SO THERE
JacketStraw
October 30th, 2009
9:38 am
Jeff,
LOL on the “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest” reference. Funniest thing I’ve heard in a while.
Fat Little Girlfriends
October 30th, 2009
9:42 am
Ga 56 Fl 3
THats right punk
Not Disappointed
October 30th, 2009
9:45 am
Good weekend for Football. Tech should handle Vandy, but don’t underestimate them. UGA has their hands full. I’m taking the pups & the pups! Atlanta? It depends who show up as Quarterback. Mega Ryan or Matt Ryan…..
Ramblin Wreck all & a Safe Halloween for the Kids!
Ray Stalvey
October 30th, 2009
9:46 am
Jeff – you write an entertaining column I enjoy reading your predictions each week, but 41-45 against the line? Come on, Jeff, someone that does not know anything about football could statistically expect to get 50% right!
Steve Spurrier
October 30th, 2009
9:50 am
The difference between Urban Meyer and myself is that I didn’t have to pay players to come to UF and my players did their own school work and I still won big!
Fat Little Girlfriends
October 30th, 2009
9:51 am
GATERDS
WILLLLLLLLLLLL
LLOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSSSEEEEEEEEEEEE
Joe Biden
October 30th, 2009
9:52 am
tool patrole – I see you found that tool you were looking for. Your favorite cocktail (you love that word) is vinegar and water. Loser is you!
Brooking 56
October 30th, 2009
9:55 am
Sorry guys Florida wins big and Saints will have more TDs from outside the red zone than the Falcons have all day. Plus Ryan won’t complete a pass over 20 yards in the air. Can’t believe I just realized how weak his arm is.
Gator Gary
October 30th, 2009
9:56 am
Their will be a huuge keg party at the trailer park for Gator fans aftur we kick dawg but! Yeeeeha! Go Gators! Wees is #1. Gators Rool!!!!!
G8tor in B-Town
October 30th, 2009
9:57 am
Something isn’t stting well with me about tomorrow. No one is giving UGA a realistic shot and they’ve been way under the radar. We’re definitely not as good as we were last year. Something doesn’t feel right.
Brooking 56
October 30th, 2009
9:57 am
I am always the last guy to the tackle. I take plays off. I don’t cover my man. I am the greatest linebacker to ever play the game!
Tim Tebow
October 30th, 2009
9:59 am
The University of Florida is great! I only have to take one class during football season and I don’t even have to attend that class and I’ll get an A. I love it!
Bushwacker
October 30th, 2009
10:00 am
Probably right on the FLA – GA unless Tebow gags on a weinee, but I think the Falcons route the Saints, look for huge games from Roddy and Jenkins on the Monday night stage!!!
Fat Little Girlfriends
October 30th, 2009
10:03 am
The Spayer
Thats, right all products are tested on you
and I publish the results blah ha ha ha ha ha ha
Gaterds
LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
TradeMark
October 30th, 2009
10:07 am
Jeff, I luv ya man, and I’ve siad it before…consider therapy. I mean, you’re depressing me. Remember, in Atlanta’s infantile new look last year, they outscored (the even then #1 offense Saints) 59-49 in two games last year. Yes, they lost one. By four points. LATE in the season when Brees was in a groove from hell just like he is now. This game IS FALCONS/ SAINTS. Throw the stat crap out of the window. If anyone thinks the Saints are going to roll here and aren’t in for a war (including them) they are in for a BIG damned surprise. And hoepfully a reality check in the form of throwing that undefeated season crap in the gutters of Bourbon Street with the rest of the crap that floats there. We’ll see.
gtfan
October 30th, 2009
10:07 am
GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO JACKETS!!!!!!!!!!!!!