Weekend Predictions: Falcons, Jackets and Phillips (oh my)

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If we have learned anything in sports, it’s that it’s all about talent evaluation, which tells you why the Falcons are thriving with Matt Ryan and the Dallas Cowboys are too often flailing with Tony Romo and Steve Phillips is sitting in that special corner of what-were-you-thinking hell, because, like, dude, I know every general can’t resist the scrappy overachieving infielder once in a while and running the New York Mets can fry the mere mortal’s braincells but did you really mean to firebomb your life over the Mark Lemke of female interns?

Here's Brooke Hundley, presumably before she worked her way up the ESPN foodchain to Steve Phillips.

Here's Brooke Hundley as she was working her way up the ESPN foodchain to Steve Phillips.

The Falcons have done almost everything right in the last 22 months. The Cowboys haven’t quite done everything wrong. It just seems that way.

Jerry Jones has picked the wrong players. He has picked the wrong coaches. He certainly picked the wrong surgeon of cheekology for his last nip-tuck.

About the only thing Falcons owner Arthur Blank probably would want from Jones would be the cash register receipts being generated by his new House of Gluttony, Cowboys Stadium (which is still without naming rights, as the Federal Reserve pulled out two weeks ago when the Cowboys had to rally to beat the Chiefs).

Falcons-Cowboys? This one’s pretty easy to evaluate. Dallas actually has some talent. Problem is everybody too often is running in the wrong direction. Think panic. Think brain melt. Think Phillips running head first into a wall. Again. The only thing I can’t figure out is why I’m getting four points to play with?

Take them. You won’t need them. Falcons over Cowboys.

FABER COLLEGE

(Where Knowledge is Good)

Georgia Tech at Virginia: The last time the Jackets won in Charlottesville, they won a national championship in 1990 and Georgia fans started leaving sticky notes on Ray Goff’s forehead about Zaxbys. You know, other than Goff, everything else is pretty much still on the table: The BCS and Georgia depression.  Jackets cover 5 1/2.

Georgia: The Bulldogs are off this week. Uga VII has informed the Seiler family he will not be making next week’s trip to Jacksonville and will be viewing the game via Skype.

Forget the noise. I get the feeling he's going to be just fine in Starkville.

Forget the noise. I get the feeling he's going to be just fine in Starkville.

Florida at Ms. State: Tim Tebow has four fumbles, two interceptions and been sacked 12 times in six games, all of which makes you wonder where Florida would be if he was actually having a good season. Oh that’s right: 6-0 and ranked No. 1 in the BCS. Can playing in Starkville be much tougher than a bye? No. Gators cover 23.

Tennessee at Alabama: Vols coach Lane Kiffin said this week, “I don’t think there’s any doubt who the No. 1 team in the country is,” and he was talking about Alabama, which basically accomplishes two things Phil Fulmer could never do: Stick it to Florida while at the same time supplying a sufficient alibi ahead of time before getting pounded by Alabama. So much for the entertainment in Knoxville: Tide covers 14.

Clemson at Miami: Saw a headline. “Honeymoon over for Dabo Swinney.” Gee, after the long romance with the Motel 6 of candidates, who’d a thunk it? Hurricanes cover 4 1/2.

NFL SIX-PACK

Vikings at Steelers: Jeff Reed is a lunatic defensive tackle trapped in a kicker’s body. He pummeled a convenience store towel dispenser in February (the towel dispenser started it) and after last week’s game was arrested for public intoxication, resisting arrest, simple arrest and generally being a complete drunken idiot, which, as it turns out, is now illegal after Steeler games. If I’m Mike Tomlin, I’m striking a match near Reed’s mouth and catapulting him toward Brett Favre. Steelers cover 4.

Saints at Dolphins: Chad Henne has looked pretty solid in his two starts. Drew Brees has looked like some implausible lab creation that just landed from Alpha Centauri. Checkmate! Saints cover 6.

Scene from a Redskins' practice: Dan Snyder (kicker), Sherm Lewis (holder) and Jim Zorn (tee).

Scene from a Redskins' practice: Dan Snyder (kicker), Sherm Lewis (holder) and Jim Zorn (tee).

Ashley would've had a better game plan.

Ashley would've had a better game plan.

Eagles at Redskins: I’m not suggesting Dan Snyder ranks among the most mocked figures in the history of Washington D.C.  But like, at least when Eliot Spitzer turned into a cartoon, you could look at pictures of Ashley Dupre and think, “OK. I can see why he lost his mind a little.” But what possesses an NFL owner to sue financially strapped season-ticketholders who need to sell their seats for income, publicly emasculate his head coach six games into a season and turn over playcalling to Sherm Lewis, who was nearly five years into retirement and — I’m not making this up — was playing Bingo at a seniors center when he got the phone call? The Eagles lost to the Raiders. Turns out they’re the standard this week. Philly covers 7.

Packers at Browns: Twelve Cleveland players missed practice with the flu. If they start kissing opponents, they’ve got a shot to win another game. Packers cover 7 1/2.

Patriots at Bucs (in London): Seems to me the NFL could’ve excited football fans in London more if they had Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen walk down the street during a bye week instead of having the Patriots play Tampa Bay. Actually, Bucs fans wouldn’t mind that either for the next 10 games. Pats win but take Tampa and the 14 1/2.

Bears at Bengals: Chicago signed Jay Cutler to a $30 million extension after losing to the Falcons. So if he’s worth another $30 million at 3-2, what’s the quarterback they traded, Kyle Orton, worth at 6-0? Take the gift 1 1/2 and Bears on the road.

♦ ♦ ♦ TOTEBOARD ♦ ♦ ♦

Last week: 8-3 straight up, 5-6 against the line.

Bottom dollars: 50-25 straight up, 36-39 against the line.

WEEKEND PREDICTIONS IS NOW ON-DEMAND! CLICK HERE FOR PREVIOUS EPISODES

191 comments Add your comment

SatchelBuzz

October 22nd, 2009
7:42 pm

We’re on a mission,….”Sene Metu”.

THWG!

A poor Dawg D

October 22nd, 2009
7:50 pm

Weekend prediction – The Dawgs who watch the Florida game are going to be trembling when they see the defense that they have to go up against next week with a poor quarterback and a defense that is ranked last in the SEC in points allowed per game.

"Chef" Tim Dix

October 22nd, 2009
7:53 pm

Don’t think even the ugly ones have to worry about the Lemmer.

Dragon

October 22nd, 2009
7:55 pm

Jeff,

If Steve Phillips had gone for a threesome with Letterman’s diary-writing intern, would it be Blauser-Lemke or Rameriz Lemke? Either way, there’s the answer why the Mets could never assess talent.

TML

October 22nd, 2009
7:56 pm

GT gets its first win in Scott Stadium since 1990 on Saturday. That 1990 win is memorialized with “Toe Meets Leather” – Scott Sisson’s game winning FG with 7 seconds remaining over then-#1 Virginia. Get your “Toe Meets Leather” t-shirt before your game-viewing party at http://www.stinGTees.com!

Georgia Dawg

October 22nd, 2009
7:58 pm

Tuscaloosa Tony

October 22nd, 2009
7:59 pm

Hey Vols, How Alabama DICTATING what Jerseys you wear. If yall had any guts you’d come out wearing the orange. At least you’d get 1 win out of the week end.

Tuscaloosa Tony

October 22nd, 2009
8:00 pm

The good thing about orange is you can wear it Sat. and also on Monday when you pick up trash.

Edward R. Murrow

October 22nd, 2009
8:01 pm

I’m telling you right now, no one is gonna post anything else on this “thing” ,this excuse for journalism.

45ACP

October 22nd, 2009
8:35 pm

Jeff – At least Larry has the laces out to the goal post.

blazerdawg

October 22nd, 2009
8:35 pm

Forget these games JS – check out North Alabama at Valdosta State on FxSS…great game & those guys are knocking the crap out of one another.

Dart-throwing Chimp

October 22nd, 2009
8:36 pm

I’m doing better than 36-39 ATS this year, BTW.

Phat Phil

October 22nd, 2009
8:36 pm

Hey Schultz…..since you like to trash Lane Kiffin so much, I can only come to one conclusion. Let me lay it out for you….JEALOUSY! Let’s see…..Kiffin is young…..You are not. Kiffin is the HC at a major university….You are not. Kiffin has a multi-year, multi-million $$ contract…..You do not. Kiffin has a smoking hot wife…..My guess would be you do not. Kiffin has all of his hair……You do not. Kiffin is on national TV most weekends….You sit behind a laptop in a dark room spewing biased sports articles. There I think I have covered most of my points. Try this on for size….UT wins in Tuscalooser on Saturday! You will be eating your words once again! Rocky Top Tennessee…….Woooooooooooooo!!!

Country Boy

October 22nd, 2009
8:37 pm

I’ll take Dupree my a million and a half points over Hundley.

bugsquacher

October 22nd, 2009
8:52 pm

GT will lose to VA. Beat down a comin’! Im sure we will hear all the crying on Sunday…. Losers!

Algonquin J. Calhoun

October 22nd, 2009
8:57 pm

I predict that when the new stadium in Los Angeles opens we’ll be seeing the Los Angeles Falcons!

Jeff Schultz

October 22nd, 2009
9:01 pm

Uh, don’t think, Algonquin.

Jeff Schultz

October 22nd, 2009
9:02 pm

Country, I’ll take Dupree without the million. It would take a million to take Hundley. (If my wife’s reading this, I’m so dead.)

Jeff Schultz

October 22nd, 2009
9:03 pm

Phat Phil — You nailed it. I’m very jealous of Kiffin’s hair.

Mr INCREDIBLE

October 22nd, 2009
9:04 pm

The real predictions

GT 34 Uva 17
UF 35 state 21
Bama 27 UT 3

Upset Clemson 31 The U 28

Jeff Schultz

October 22nd, 2009
9:04 pm

Blazerdawg — is there a line on the North Alabama-VState game?

Jeff Schultz

October 22nd, 2009
9:05 pm

Dragon — you just give me a headache.

jambee

October 22nd, 2009
9:06 pm

Unbelievable streak since 1990 goes down Jackets kill. Florida has not beaten anybody of merit big. Take MSU and 24.

jambee

October 22nd, 2009
9:15 pm

SEC suspension of officiating crew is proof Dawgs are actually relevent. Never mind they did nothing vs LSu for three quarters.

GTBUZZ81

October 22nd, 2009
9:24 pm

bugsquacher,
So Ugay has an off week,but guess what,Crompton just threw another touchdown against your sorry D.Ugag runs for a little over 100 yards in second half against Vandy and now they think they have a running game?Lmfao!!!!

GT '93

October 22nd, 2009
9:29 pm

Jeff,

Entertaining article.

Would enjoy an article about CPJ’s take on the GT/UGA rivalry if you can get an interview from him.

I don’t think he appreciated what he verbalized to the media as “heckling” he, and our players took in Athens last year.

Ask him if he’s going to run it up on Georgia this year! Ha! Ha!

GTBUZZ81

October 22nd, 2009
9:30 pm

jambee,
The Dawgs are only relevent to Dawg fans,the rest of the country couldn’t give a rats a$$ about Ugay.CPJ and the Jackets will be them on the field again this year and gain the upper hand at recruiting.After Ga State fields their team ya’ll might qualify as 3rd best team in state.

Glenn Beck

October 22nd, 2009
9:32 pm

Schultz is a Lib.

killerJ

October 22nd, 2009
9:33 pm

I Love Football Season! THWG!!!!!

The Grinch

October 22nd, 2009
9:36 pm

Yeah, if it was a better GM I’d think maybe Hundley’s got some special skills in the sack we don’t know about. Though she probably would’ve been a better signing than Mo Vaughn. Man, Phillips’ wife must be pretty ugly/frigid.

The Cowboys are at home, coming off a bye, and at least on paper look like their strengths are our weaknesses. I haven’t watched them yet this year, they must REALLY be poorly coached if nobody’s giving them a chance. The height discrepancy alone between their receivers and our corners could make up an entire extra player. Just goes to show about “intangibles,” I suppose.

killerJ

October 22nd, 2009
9:37 pm

P.S. Sounds Like Bugeater Has Goal Post Envy Eh?

JDW

October 22nd, 2009
9:38 pm

Shortly the world will turn back rightside up…FL goes down next weekend and Nov 28th BUZZZ BUZZZ SMACK BUzzzzzzzzzzzzz gulp arhgaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

jackette

October 22nd, 2009
9:40 pm

once again, same ole sh_t, different dawg from UGA, do you guys ever change that broken record “oh Tech will lose, you have no chance”..and then after the game on Saturdays it’s ” oh you played nobody, they were overrated” ….honestly do not know how any of you are capable of hating CPJ..and not all will…some will cross over when he consistently wins because that is what happened with Cremins..and this is even better because it is football…

Tech82

October 22nd, 2009
9:46 pm

I think bugsquacher is really Coach Smith operating with a new handle. We haven’t heard from the Coach since the mutts got hammered by Tennessee and bugsquacher’s comments are equally moronic. Has anyone ever seen them both at the same time? Hmmm

jambee

October 22nd, 2009
9:51 pm

showpony

October 22nd, 2009
9:55 pm

Jeff, is that really the chick phillips messed around with? She looks like a north georgia beauty queen.

I've seen one UGA fan...

October 22nd, 2009
10:01 pm

mention that Tech is going to lose…I don’t think so…yet every single Tech fan mentions something about UGA.

It speaks volumes…

Dawgs2009

October 22nd, 2009
10:04 pm

Valdosta State? ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ! They lost to a bible college this year. Boring!!!!!!!!!!

Tech Tony

October 22nd, 2009
10:06 pm

I got banned to spam but I wanted to say nice game tonight….a goal and a couple of assists for the Caps AND a weekend prediction. Pretty full day.

Dawgs2009

October 22nd, 2009
10:06 pm

That “Other Woman” is short and stumpy. You mean to tell me that is the best he could do while he destroyed his marriage and will have to carry this with him for the rest of his life? What a loser!!!! He gets what he deserves !!! :)

Saint Simons

October 22nd, 2009
10:07 pm

392,009,112 to 390,029,074. Hahahahahahaha!!!!

GTBUZZ81

October 22nd, 2009
10:09 pm

GO DAWGS!!!!!!

GTBUZZ81

October 22nd, 2009
10:11 pm

GO DAWGS!!!!!

ernisTbass

October 22nd, 2009
10:11 pm

As for Steve Phillips two out of three a’int bad and the robots are the two that a’int bad, she even looks like Meat Loaf. The Saints giving only 6 is a sucker bet, take the points, there is a good chance you won’t even need em A- the Saints can read the papers too and right now there isn’t a hat big enough for their swelled heads and B – yes they are looking ahead to the Falcons

GTBUZZ81

October 22nd, 2009
10:12 pm

GO DAWGS!!!!

Paul The Vol

October 22nd, 2009
10:27 pm

Hey Tony, thanks for contributing a 20 year old joke to the blog. Ha Ha, that really made my day.

Gen Neyland

October 22nd, 2009
10:28 pm

Tuskaloser Tony : How original. And if your sister catches you on her computer, she’ll nail you to a tree like a catfish at stage 1 of the skin’n process.

JS : Tapegate will alter many plans in the Alabama kicking game. They’ll go to the spinning wheel from a Twister game to mark the spot. As much as I hate to admit it, this one concerns me. Albeit, I have Tennessee winning…GBO

Zach

October 22nd, 2009
10:37 pm

Jeff nice goal tonight, didn’t know you could score a NHL goal, but to score from 180 that’s impressive.

I have a couple of problems with the lines on these games. How is Miami only favored by 4.5 and the saints by 6? That’s puzzling to me because the dolphins aver 22.4 ppg and the saints average 38.4 ppg. Now I’m no mathematician, but I think that 16 points. I guess what I’m saying is the dolphins suck and 6 points is a joke.

u-no

October 22nd, 2009
10:51 pm

Ok here is my line up Jeff. Tech wins in a convincing fashion breaking the spell of UVA. Georgia struggles but manages to not lose on a bye weekend. Florida, Alabama, and Miami come away with wins. The Falcons do it to Dallas. Steelers, Saints, Eagles, and Packers mark up W’s. My two deviations from your picks, The Buc’s take it in London and the Bengals find a way to win over the Bears.

Cuz

October 22nd, 2009
11:07 pm

Tech’s offense will outscore Virginia’s offense. If Tech can mount any kind of defense they will win this one handily. TCU held UVA to 57 yards rushing and 120 yards passing. They also recorded 8, yes 8, sacks. Given that Tech’s defense is not of the caliber of TCU, I still think they can hold them enough to let the offense steamroll Virginia’s D.

Go Jackets, Sting Em, Bzzzz, Bzzzzz, Bzzzzzz!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!