Weekend Predictions: Bees, Birds and beer pong!

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The stock market is up, I’ve had three straight winning weeks against the line and the world’s greatest minds, or at least those in upstate New York, apparently have found the primary cause for the spread of swine flu: beer pong!

Before breaking down this week’s big game between the two Tech’s, we head to Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute. RPI is the oldest technological university in the country. But it has adjusted to modern day traditions just fine. Too fine.

School officials have determined that the swine flu is being passed around on campus because too many students are playing beer pong (not yet a scholarship sport) and drinking from the same cups.

Beer-Pong-Poster-C10291999

So they’ve banned the game!

Seriously, what are campus police going to do? Arrest kids and check the ping-pong balls into the evidence room? This has People’s Court written all over it, right after, “The Case of Willie Martinez and the Uga-tinkled game-plan.”

Which brings us back to football. (See how I did that?)

Georgia Tech’s option offense is at an all-time high. One reason is quarterback Josh Nesbitt. The other is coach Paul Johnson, who completely bamboozled FSU defensive coordinator Mickey Andrews last week with plays he hadn’t seen before.

Before the season, I would’ve thought the Jackets had no shot this week. Not so sure now. Virginia Tech is very good, but not great. The offense isn’t the kind of aerial assault that has left Tech’s secondary looking like scorched earth this season.

Can’t believe I’m doing this.

Sink it! Drink it!

Take the gift 3. But Jackets win this straight up.

Double Secret Probation

Don't know why Mark Richt needed security in Knoxville. They would've just shook his hand and said thank you.

Don't know why Mark Richt needed security in Knoxville. Fans would've just walked up said thanks.

Trembling Chihuahuas at Vanderbilt: Back at old Uni High in L.A., we used to schedule North Hollywood for our Homecoming Game. Why? Because it was the only game we knew we could win. I guess that’s why Vanderbilt scheduled Georgia. Is this a new low? Then again, Vandy couldn’t  score an offensive touchdown against Army. Lose this week and Uga VII will be visiting Martinez’ front lawn. Dogs win, but give me Vandy and 8.

South Carolina at Alabama: The Roosters  have beaten one good team this season (Mississippi). Bama just beat that same team, 22-3. On an unrelated but amusing note, the Tide is still protesting the NCAA’s decision to strip them of 21 wins for abusing a text book program. The NCAA’s rebuttal? That Bama’s “abysmal” history of infractions and record-keeping led to the stiff penalty. Yahtzee! Hey, but at least now they cheat and win again. Tide covers 17.

Arkansas at Florida: Big win for Bobby Petrino over Auburn last week. Next, he hopes to blow up Alderaan, a planet of peaceful people who mean no harm. Forget Tim Tebow. The Gators lead the nation in total defense, scoring defense and squashing evil forces. Piggies go down, and they go down hard (25 is covered).

Oklahoma vs. Texas: It’s usually the biggest game of the Big 12 season. All you need to know is Texas will face the SEC winner in the BCS title game, unless it loses. And, oh look: Sam Bradford is healthy again. Ding, ding, ding. Take the 3 1/2. But Sooners win in a straight upset.

NFL Six Pack

Michael Turner won't have to worry about getting past Brian Urlacher. (Curtis Compton/AJC)

Brian Urlacher won't be an obstacle from the sideline.

Bears at Falcons: Just wondering how Chicago feels about the fact Kyle Orton is 5-0 with Denver and has a better TD-to-interception ratio (7-1) than Jay Cutler (8-5)? Oops. The Bears are still solid on defense. But Brian Urlacher is the difference between solid and great. The Falcons have have too much offense. They cover the 3.

Browns at Steelers: Two subplots: 1) Brady Quinn has put his house up for sale, and the shock there is that no Browns’ fan has burned it down yet; 2) Actress January Jones, the hot-a-licious housewife on TV’s greatest show, “Mad Men,”  is a huge sports fan, so says GQ Magazine. She’s planning to dress up as Troy Polamalu on Halloween. OK. Wasn’t the visual I had in mind. I was thinking more of a costume with the word, “Naughty” in it. Where was I? Steelers win but take the Browns and 14.

Oh, January. You naughty, naughty ... safety?

Oh, January. You naughty, naughty ... safety?

Giants at Saints: It’s homecoming week. Eli Manning is a New Orleans native. He’ll be greeted warmly. Jeremy Shockey plays his former team, which was so ready to drop-kick him two years ago that it forced him to pay his own way to the Super Bowl and watch the game from a luxury box, where, if memory serves, he had several beverages. His Super Bowl ring? Keep checking eBay. Take the 3 and Giants in a mild upset.

Ravens at Vikings: Baltimore already has faced Philip Rivers, Tom Brady and Carson Palmer, which probably explains why the defense ranks 26th against the pass. But didn’t the Ravens used to face quarterbacks like that and plant them in the turf? Vikes cover 3.

Lions at Packers: Nice offensive line in Green Bay. Aaron Rogers has been sacked 20 times in four games. I thought they liked him? Nonetheless, Packers cover 13 1/2.

Eagles at Raiders: The problem isn’t the Raiders scored their first touchdown in 130 plays last week. The problem is that Al Davis thinks Pete Banaszak scored it. Philly covers 14.

♦ ♦ ♦ Toteboard ♦ ♦ ♦

Last week: 7-3 straight up, 6-4 against the line.

Grinding, baby: 42-22 straight up, 31-33 against the line.

Lock of the week: Schlage.

PAST EPISODES OF WEEKEND PREDICTIONS ARE ON DEMAND! CLICK HERE.

206 comments Add your comment

Spencer

October 15th, 2009
3:27 pm

First Again!!

SLP

October 15th, 2009
3:34 pm

Go Dawgs…….Great job, J-Shoo

StingerSplash

October 15th, 2009
3:37 pm

So at what brick wall at old Uni High did your buddies shine the flashlight so you could practice the routine?

Jeff Schultz

October 15th, 2009
3:39 pm

Stinger … And that routine would be?

JB

October 15th, 2009
3:45 pm

Miami waxes GTech. VTech waxes Miami. Yet GTech will beat VTech? Uh, OK.

BTW, if this is usch a huge game why are there still 1500 tix left??? Sad.

HBTD!!!

JB

October 15th, 2009
3:46 pm

Vandy at Georgia……………………..Will anybody know who wins. Who will watch……or care…………….
I guess the players mothers.

JB

October 15th, 2009
3:47 pm

darn JB, this is JB, the original. How ya doing?

JB

October 15th, 2009
3:48 pm

Actually, there a good chance that the UGA game could get more viewers than GT.

Also a sad indictment of GT.

HBTD!!!

reebok

October 15th, 2009
3:49 pm

jackets lose a close one, dogs win a close one. oklahoma over texas? really?

JB

October 15th, 2009
3:49 pm

And you are the “original” because???

HBTD!!!

Tech Tony

October 15th, 2009
3:49 pm

Since I’m the only one keeping score, all I have to say is last week wasn’t kind: a lowly 3-3 against the spread but on the plus side, the Pick of the Week came through as Kentucky easily covered the 9 against the Kickin’ Chickens. All that is past, time to concern ourselves with the here and now:

Virginia Tech at Georgia Tech—I cannot add or detract (to steal from Honest Abe) from what you said about this game; I too like the Jackets straight up.

Georgia at Vanderbilt—At this point, a win’s a win for the Dawgs. Take Vandy and the 8 though, a back door cover with less than 2 minutes left.

Scar (that’s what it always says on ESPN) at Alabama—Tide picks it score. BIG blowout.

Arky at Gatorland—And people want to say the SEC is tough week in and week out? Really? Maybe it is, but you’d never know it by this game (or the one above). Gators death roll the Hogs.

Oklahoma vs. Texas—I can’t help but think even with an injury Sam Bradford will win one big game this year. Looking at the Sooners’ scedule this is probably their last big ‘un so take the trey.

I don’t much like picking pros. To me, it’s the ol’ Chaos Theory which Jeff Goldblum called “unpredictability in complex systems” in the film Jurassic Park. Was that a good movie? You bet jurassic was. Will I pick the NFL, you bet jurass I won’t.

Now for the pick of the week: For all the SEC fans who bash my ACC all I can say is—you’re right, you’re absolutely right. But there’s money to be made here. Try NC State plus the nominal points against BC. Tom O’Brien will be ready for his old team.

Paul H

October 15th, 2009
3:50 pm

VA Tech is ready for GT’s offense and wins. Dawgs start out ugly but actually find some offense midway through the game and win by double digits.

VT 31-21
UGA 35-17

NottaDawg

October 15th, 2009
3:51 pm

Maybe the state troopers are protecting Richt from GA fans?

Paul H

October 15th, 2009
3:52 pm

JB, Georgia is at Vandy, not the other way around. And UGA could be playing Charleston Southern and get more viewers than Tech. This week might be Tech’s first sellout! Imagine that!

Hay que derecho

October 15th, 2009
3:53 pm

What are you doing on the sports page?

Shouldn’t you be on the editorial page spewing your hatemongering agenda against Limbaugh?
The dear leader would be proud of you. Don’t let him down.

GoodTraction

October 15th, 2009
3:54 pm

Jeff, We was wondering if you are any kin to Charles Shultz who wrote the Peanuts comic strip. We was thinking that he was out of California, too, but not sure. Also, can you draw as good as you can write? Just wonderin’ – also, where is Sonny?

observor

October 15th, 2009
3:54 pm

Are you sourcing media matters again for your information??? What a lazy pathetic hack of a journalist you are…..

chitown

October 15th, 2009
3:56 pm

I believe last year VT beat GT, GT beat Miami, and Miami beat VT. This shows that we can’t draw too many conclusions off of previous games in the year as in the case of the GT v Miami game and the VT v Miami games this year. There are too many other factors to consider. GT will pull out the victory. Go Jackets!

Paul From Milton

October 15th, 2009
3:59 pm

I notice that Uni High is playing Venice this week. Surely you can beat them.

Asheville Dawg

October 15th, 2009
4:00 pm

I like January again!!!

Hay que derecho

October 15th, 2009
4:00 pm

observor,

Where you been? Jeff doesn’t use media matters as his source since it was exposed as an extreme left wing hate site. Now he either gets his talking points straight from the white house or if they’re busy doing community organizing work he gets his news from granma, the official news organ of Cuba, or he gets news from Kim IL Sung and the North Korea News agency.

Ryno

October 15th, 2009
4:00 pm

Mr. Schultz – you know your readers too well.

This write up had:

1. Beer Pong
2. Gambling Picks
3. Ladies with *ahem* becoming features
4. Wins for the local teams

All it needs is a “Punch Petrino” and we’d be in business!

JB

October 15th, 2009
4:01 pm

BTW, I’ll be more than a tad surprised if GTech stays within 10 of VTech. The Hokies are obviously the class of the conference and GTech is not, Is what it is.

HBTD!!!

Paul From Milton

October 15th, 2009
4:03 pm

From the Uni High website: “always remember that the first three letters of unique are UNI!”.

There’s a cheer you can hang your hat on.

Hay que derecho

October 15th, 2009
4:03 pm

Goodtraction,

jeff is not related to Charles Schultz of Peanuts who is actually funny, unlike Jeff.

Charles is probably related to Hans Schultz who was the director of the east german secret police under former communist dictator Erick Honnecker. It would go a lot toward splaining Jeff’s politics.

Crimson

October 15th, 2009
4:09 pm

I just knew Jeff couldn’t write anything about Alabama without getting in a cheap shot. I just knew it. Its almost like him and his Rush thing lately. The boy just can’t seem to write anything lately without taking shots at Limbaugh. Whether you like Limbaugh or not its funny to see how much he gets under jeff’s skin. Aint ever been a Rush fan but I think I may have to start listening to his program. If jeff hates him there must be something good about him by virtue of that fact alone.

"Chef" Tim Dix

October 15th, 2009
4:10 pm

Tebow will be proven mortal after he lays hands on Petrino and he remains a lying pig.

observor

October 15th, 2009
4:11 pm

Hay que derecho-

It wouldn’t be so bad if he at least came clean with his true motives instead of hiding behind some incredibly transparent veil. Secondly, I’d have a lot more respect for him if didn’t act like a complete coward after posting incredibly vitriolic and controversial material and completely hiding under his desk. On most of his other stuff he is constantly reading and responding to the comments, but on all the “rush” crap he put out there, he just did a drive by blog and hid under his desk like a craven.

Hollywould

October 15th, 2009
4:11 pm

January Jones/nuff said!!!

Larvell "SugarBear" Blanks

October 15th, 2009
4:12 pm

Shultmeister!

Hey if January is here then does this mean that February is not far behind. And if February is a leap year then what does this mean for January?

What game are you going to be covering this weekend? I followed your blog last weekend while you were in Knuxville and I blame myself for the Dogs Demise. I will never follow your blog again from Knoxville.

Anyway, enjoy your weekend and lets leave the politics to the editorial pages!

athensdawg

October 15th, 2009
4:14 pm

uga will surrender 300 yards total offense…turn the ball over at least once…and give up a big kick return…they are consistent….what is the weather like in shreveport in december/january????

i am still laughing at your column from yesterday. jeff schultz, chain yanker, has his chain yanked by limbaugh. how ironic. not saying you were wrong, just enjoying the irony.

gdawginkalamazoo

October 15th, 2009
4:16 pm

Well if we don’t beat Vandy this weekend, and I mean BEAT Vandy then I vote that we become a basketball school. All in favor say AYE! Okay after the weekend.

Country Boy

October 15th, 2009
4:17 pm

I bet it’s warm in January. I know – totally tasteless but I couldn’t help myself.

Jeff Schultz

October 15th, 2009
4:25 pm

NottaDawg – Could be. But I think most were on the interstate by the fourth quarter.

Hay – Oh, stop. Me, a hatemonger? You have no idea.

GoodTraction – Nope. He spells it differently (schulz). Plus, he’s from Minnesota. Plus, he’s rich.

Observer – And I love you right back.

Hay Que (again): If you post anything I perceive as racist like (“I gots to get…”) I will delete it and, if necessary, ban you from commenting. Try me.

Paul From Milton; You know too much. Palisades was the big team back in the day. Jay Schroeder was Pali QB when I was at Uni. Chris Brown and Darryl Strawberry were playing baseball at Crenshaw.

Obsever – Coward?!? I posted last night, commented some, then went to sleep. Woke up and started writing. The comments were all the same stuff as before. No reason to jump back in because I’m not going to change your mind and you’re not going to change mine, and really, that’s fine with me.

AthensDawg — glad I gave you a few chuckles. Thanks.

GoodTraction

October 15th, 2009
4:28 pm

Jeff – He’s dead – at least you’re not dead. And I think you’re funnier than he was.

Where have you gone Jim Bob Cooter ?

October 15th, 2009
4:29 pm

Jeff ,

Don’t pay any attention to these hillbilles that run you down…We still appreciate your funny columns. But as a prognosticator ,you’re a hell of a journalist.

Now the pix-

1) Quadrilateral equations bowl. Remember this time last year ,when in the heat of the campaign we learned that Michelle Obama (now rumored to be First Lady) had some bodacious…Biceps ? Remember that ? Well this game has nothing to do with that. GT beats VT because its in Hotlanta. Take the more southerly nerds 31-26

2) GA at Vandy. There was a time when this game had all the import of the Oklahoma -Texas tilt that is happening concurrently on Saturday. That time was 1922 ,when the Dogs got caught looking ahead to their meetup and beat up with Alabama the next week and lost to the ‘Dores 12-0. This weeks game is a nooner,which tells you just how far the pups have fallen here 87 years later . GA wins a snoozer 24-6.

3) SC vs. Alabama would ordinarily be a tragic mismatch. On paper the poultry doesn’t have nearly enough firepower to stay with Bammer over 4 quarters. But they don’t play them on paper and thats why SC will stay in the game until at least halftime. Bama 38- SC 10

4)Arky at Florida. the oinkers can score. we know that. But they couldn’t stop Georgia and Georgia coudn’t stop Tennessee. So the Crocs can name their side of the scoreboard and let the Piggies pad their stats during garbage time. UF 41 UA 23

5) OK vs. Texas- This geme is MUCH bigger for Texas than the Sooners. OU’s season is effectively over ,so no reason not to let it all hang out against the ‘Horns. Even hurt , Sam Bradfors is pretty good ,so I’ll go with Oklahome 31-17.

Jeff Schultz

October 15th, 2009
4:31 pm

He’s dead? Noooooooooooo!!! Yeah, I knew that. Should’ve referenced his estate. … And thanks.

Hillbilly Deluxe

October 15th, 2009
4:35 pm

The chalkboard is always my favorite part of the Weekend Predictions.

Slightly off topic:

Since I’ve noticed there seem to be several fans of old time rasslin’ who post here from time to time, thought I’d mention there is a biography of Gordon Solie coming out. Written by his son-in-law from notes he took throughout his career.

I’ve always felt that professional wrestling is really what all other sports are but don’t have the guts to admit, show business.

observor

October 15th, 2009
4:38 pm

Schultz-
I’m not even a rush fan in the least bit. I think he’s a complete blow hard to be honest. However, I still find those articles incredibly lazy journalism. Anyone can write a politically charged article to generate hits. Also, if you were a little more honest about your motives, and less disingenuous about why you are so obsessed and vitriolic towards limbaugh, I could actually respect that. Come on, just come clean about it. We all know what’s driving it. Just admit it.

MightyQuinn

October 15th, 2009
4:39 pm

Again I say, if you people don’t like what Jeff has to say about Rush, DON’T READ THE COLUMN! And yet you guys keep coming back like Pavlov’s Dogs (Dawgs?) at the ringing of the bell.

Gibby

October 15th, 2009
4:39 pm

Remember when the referee Scrappy McGowan used to make the villain wake his victim from the Sleeper Hold. Gordon called it as a “slap to the lower lumbar region”.

MightyQuinn

October 15th, 2009
4:42 pm

By the way, true story: On I75 South of Atlanta there was a billboard that first stated “Thank God for Fox News” and then “Rush Limbaugh, A REAL Man.” Then the story broke about Rush and the illegal Viagra prescription. I haven’t seen THAT billboard again.

Jeff Schultz

October 15th, 2009
4:44 pm

Hillbilly — Thanks. I always take suggestions for the Chalkboard.

Observer — I don’t know what you mean by lazy. The NFL believed having Rush Limbaugh as a part owner was not in its best interest, and I agreed. To support a blog, I simply drew from his past. Like I’ve said and written, his politics or anybody’s politics mean nothing to me. If I was anti-Republican, I’d hate every owner and probably more than half the athletes in professional sports. But people attack me or the message because I criticize Rush and assume I must be some radical left winger. Nobody knows my politics. I think if you knew my beliefs, it might surprise you. But that’s not at issue here and neither is his. Problem is, people would rather assume the “easy” answer so they have a reason vent.

zino

October 15th, 2009
4:51 pm

Hey Jeff – Neil Boortz was bashing you on air today because of you banging on Big Rush. Just wanted you to know.

Never kick a Dawg when it’s down – GA rolls big 45-13.

Jackets lose a close one – 35-31. How sad is it that the Techies don’t sell out a game this big?

Bo in North Carolina

October 15th, 2009
4:54 pm

Jeff, where were our Trembling Chihuahuas for the past few years before you brought them back?

Gravy Train

October 15th, 2009
4:57 pm

Jeff, I like the picks with the exception being Oklahoma over Texas. You are very brave to pick that game if their is some actual coin involved.

Thank you for sticking it to the ditto heads. Whether for blog hits or not, I have gained some respect for you.
PonaD sounds very jealous of the coed situation in Athens. Most Tech folks are, either by the fact that Tech has maybe 3 suitable coeds or these men are still battling the stigmas of being a clammy mid-aged virgin? That was too easy.

Indydawg

October 15th, 2009
4:58 pm

Native Atlantan

October 15th, 2009
4:58 pm

Who cares about College Football anymore?!? After several poor performances by the Georgia team last year, it was clear several, not one, several people on the staff were not getting it done, but Mark Richt took the easy road instead of the right path.

Now look where we are. We will struggle to beat Vandy, lose to UF, beat TT, lose to AU, lose to KY (yes, we will lose; Cats will be fired up because this is a great chance to win in Athens for the first time since the visit of Prince Charles to the classic city in 1977…I was at the 0-33 game) & will probably lay another egg against Tech this year. Hmmmm 5-7; oh well, I’ll be positive: 6-6. If were lucky, 7-5.

Mark wanted to take care of all his little buddies, and look where that got us. Thanks a lot.

Where have you gone Jim Bob Cooter ?

October 15th, 2009
5:01 pm

Jeff-

Almost forgot . Rush can’t pull some embarassing quote from a public figger (his pronunciation) from 20 years ago and use it to bash that person and not expect his enemies to do the same. Sauce for the gander. He’s forever saying that things done have consequences and this episode proves him right.

That said, he’s couldn’t be more embarassing than the Irsay clan in their treatment of Baltimore all those years ago.

Mirna from smyrna

October 15th, 2009
5:01 pm

Charlie ate my sandwich… USC 38 ND 28
UGA, Bama, VA Tech, UF, and Ut all win
The only close one is Tech and Tech….