The stock market is up, I’ve had three straight winning weeks against the line and the world’s greatest minds, or at least those in upstate New York, apparently have found the primary cause for the spread of swine flu: beer pong!
Before breaking down this week’s big game between the two Tech’s, we head to Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute. RPI is the oldest technological university in the country. But it has adjusted to modern day traditions just fine. Too fine.
School officials have determined that the swine flu is being passed around on campus because too many students are playing beer pong (not yet a scholarship sport) and drinking from the same cups.
So they’ve banned the game!
Seriously, what are campus police going to do? Arrest kids and check the ping-pong balls into the evidence room? This has People’s Court written all over it, right after, “The Case of Willie Martinez and the Uga-tinkled game-plan.”
Which brings us back to football. (See how I did that?)
Can’t believe I’m doing this.
Sink it! Drink it!
Take the gift 3. But Jackets win this straight up.
Trembling Chihuahuas at Vanderbilt: Back at old Uni High in L.A., we used to schedule North Hollywood for our Homecoming Game. Why? Because it was the only game we knew we could win. I guess that’s why Vanderbilt scheduled Georgia. Is this a new low? Then again, Vandy couldn’t score an offensive touchdown against Army. Lose this week and Uga VII will be visiting Martinez’ front lawn. Dogs win, but give me Vandy and 8.
South Carolina at Alabama: The Roosters have beaten one good team this season (Mississippi). Bama just beat that same team, 22-3. On an unrelated but amusing note, the Tide is still protesting the NCAA’s decision to strip them of 21 wins for abusing a text book program. The NCAA’s rebuttal? That Bama’s “abysmal” history of infractions and record-keeping led to the stiff penalty. Yahtzee! Hey, but at least now they cheat and win again. Tide covers 17.
Arkansas at Florida: Big win for Bobby Petrino over Auburn last week. Next, he hopes to blow up Alderaan, a planet of peaceful people who mean no harm. Forget Tim Tebow. The Gators lead the nation in total defense, scoring defense and squashing evil forces. Piggies go down, and they go down hard (25 is covered).
Oklahoma vs. Texas: It’s usually the biggest game of the Big 12 season. All you need to know is Texas will face the SEC winner in the BCS title game, unless it loses. And, oh look: Sam Bradford is healthy again. Ding, ding, ding. Take the 3 1/2. But Sooners win in a straight upset.
Bears at Falcons: Just wondering how Chicago feels about the fact Kyle Orton is 5-0 with Denver and has a better TD-to-interception ratio (7-1) than Jay Cutler (8-5)? Oops. The Bears are still solid on defense. But Brian Urlacher is the difference between solid and great. The Falcons have have too much offense. They cover the 3.
Browns at Steelers: Two subplots: 1) Brady Quinn has put his house up for sale, and the shock there is that no Browns’ fan has burned it down yet; 2) Actress January Jones, the hot-a-licious housewife on TV’s greatest show, “Mad Men,” is a huge sports fan, so says GQ Magazine. She’s planning to dress up as Troy Polamalu on Halloween. OK. Wasn’t the visual I had in mind. I was thinking more of a costume with the word, “Naughty” in it. Where was I? Steelers win but take the Browns and 14.
Giants at Saints: It’s homecoming week. Eli Manning is a New Orleans native. He’ll be greeted warmly. Jeremy Shockey plays his former team, which was so ready to drop-kick him two years ago that it forced him to pay his own way to the Super Bowl and watch the game from a luxury box, where, if memory serves, he had several beverages. His Super Bowl ring? Keep checking eBay. Take the 3 and Giants in a mild upset.
Ravens at Vikings: Baltimore already has faced Philip Rivers, Tom Brady and Carson Palmer, which probably explains why the defense ranks 26th against the pass. But didn’t the Ravens used to face quarterbacks like that and plant them in the turf? Vikes cover 3.
Lions at Packers: Nice offensive line in Green Bay. Aaron Rogers has been sacked 20 times in four games. I thought they liked him? Nonetheless, Packers cover 13 1/2.
Eagles at Raiders: The problem isn’t the Raiders scored their first touchdown in 130 plays last week. The problem is that Al Davis thinks Pete Banaszak scored it. Philly covers 14.
Last week: 7-3 straight up, 6-4 against the line.
Grinding, baby: 42-22 straight up, 31-33 against the line.
Lock of the week: Schlage.