Weekend Predictions: I see dead people (and a Tech win)
Have something you'd like to see on the chalkboard? The suggestion box is always open.
Because we here at Weekend Predictions Investments and Aeration Services aim to educate you, the degenerate gambler with the half of a Pop Tart sticking out of your shirt pocket, we offer this historical nugget. Tallahassee is old. Like really old. Like Indians built mounds there in the 1200s or something kind of old. Like DeSoto was here and celebrated the first Christmas in the continental U.S. and therefore was the first parent to disappoint his kid with another pinecone kind of old. Like dinosaur teenagers would walk around and think, “Dude, I hate it here. We need a mall,” kind of old.
Here's what's left of Bobby Bowden, riding the Seminoles' mascot, Renegade
So as a general rule, old rules in Tallahassee. Even if you’re dead. I found several websites detailing actual Tallahassee ghost stories. One was about an empty army uniform striding on a highway through town, even to this day! The website, GhostsofAmerica.com, warned, “It’s a menacing ghost that you shouldn’t go trying to find,” which is just as well because I figure the guy is bitter because he was a highly decorated colonel or something until he was pushed off a roof by a member of the Florida State Board of Trustees.
Which leads me to Saturday in old Tallahassee: Georgia Tech against the empty polo shirt of Bobby Bowden. If you can’t make it for the start of the game, be sure to tune in by halftime for the public stoning.
The Seminoles aren’t a football team any more. They’re Mutiny on the Bounty meets the Salem Witch Trials. And somebody thinks they’re going to pull together? No.
Georgia Tech is getting three points. Must be a thank you gift for attending the funeral. Take the trey. But Jackets over Flawed State straight up.
Seven years of college down the drain
Nice pin. Do you think maybe Mickie James can play cornerback? Running back? How about block a little?
Trembling Chihuahuas at Tennessee: There is prime time and then there is Georgia football, which plays its next two games at noon and just announced the Nov. 7 Tennessee Tech game will be on pay-per-view ($29.95), and I hope that means we’re getting a WWE cage match or maybe a few Divas at halftime. Seriously, though: Would you have thought a month ago that the Dogs would be ‘dogs in this game? I see ugliness Saturday. Like, a final score of 12 to 10 1/2. Don’t know why, but take the 1 1/2 and Poochies win this straight up.
Tebow watch: Day 13! The effects from a concussion have severely cut into Tim Tebow’s practice time, as well as healing the sick and cleansing the lepers (Bobby Petrino, Nick Saban . . .). Hey, I don’t care if Tebow wakes up and thinks he’s Johnny Unitas. LSU is 5-0 and hasn’t even been overly impressive yet. Makes you wonder what happens when they play well. Like Saturday. (Drum roll…) The Tigers have won 32 straight Saturday night home games. Jump on the eight points. And on this: Tigers upset Gators.
Maybe I have the concussion: But I foresee scenes like this in Baton Rouge.
Alabama at Old. Ms.: A judge this week ordered Tide linebacker Courtney Upshaw to take an anger management class after he was seen grabbing a woman by the arm. Nick Saban took the matter so seriously that he ordered Upshaw to start against Kentucky last week. Wait. What? Of course, if it was Saban’s daughter, Bama would be down one linebacker this week and we’d still be looking for the body. Tide covers 8.
Auburn at Arkansas: Razorbacks Ryan Mallett has thrown 11 touchdown passes in 16 quarters, which basically means Bobby Petrino has one less person to blame when he loses ANOTHER SEC game (record so far: 2-8). Tigers over Piggies and cover 2 1/2.
NFL Six-Pack
(I drank one)
This is what 49ers coach Mike Singletary looks like when he is relatively calm (and clothed).
Falcons at Phoney Niners: Things are going so well in San Francisco that coach Mike Singletary can now make it through four quarters without dropping trou. Wonder if Halas did that in Chicago? Seriously, on the subject of nether regions, the Niners’ defense is kicking it, allowing only four touchdowns (zero rushing) in four games. And on the subject of running games, has anybody seen Michael Turner? Keep your pants on! Take the 2 1/2. But Falcons win in a mild upset.
Bucs at Eagles: Donovan McNabb is back, which means Michael Vick will resume his position on the team, seated right next to the bearded lady and the two-headed goat. And about Vick: Shouldn’t you be required to score a touchdown or at least convert a third-down before “starring” in a reality TV series? Because otherwise, aren’t you just the sideshow that you keep insisting you don’t want to be? Where were we? Oh right. Bucs stink. Eagles cover a bundle (14 1/2).
Al Davis has found the key to Sunday's game.
Raiders at Giants: Al Davis is been breaking down film all week and is convinced Oakland’s pass rush will rattle Joe Pisarcik. And who took my CornNuts!?! Meanwhile, back on Earth: New York wins but I don’t like giving up 15 1/2. Take the points.
Vikings at Rams: First Brett Favre plays like he’s 28 Monday night. Then the Twins eliminate my chokin’ Tigers from the playoffs. Is this like some cosmic payback for having to live in Minnesota and waking up with blue toes four months out of the year? Meanwhile, the Rams have been outscored 108-24. How is that even possible with hallucinogens? The Favres win again and cover 9 1/2 on the road.
Cowboys at Chiefs: Tony Romo has one touchdown, four interceptions and seven sacks in the last three games. The good news is that nobody can accuse him of dropping off in December. Dallas wins but take the Chiefs and 8 1/2.
♦
TOTEBOARD
Last week: 6-6 straight up (that’s what I get for picking upsets) and 7-5 against the line.
Accounts payable: 35-19 straight up, 25-29 against the line.
NEED TO CATCH UP ON PAST EPISODES OF WEEKEND PREDICTIONS? CLICK HERE.
Tell us what you think about the site
Customer Care »
Vacation stops, manage subscriptions and more
AJC Services
Sections
Other Editions
Guides
Visitor Agreement | Privacy Statement
© 2011 The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
288 comments Add your comment
Fierce Dawg
October 8th, 2009
5:17 pm
first!
Fierce Dawg
October 8th, 2009
5:18 pm
thats the 2nd time in two weeks! anyway Jeff, i like most of the picks, but i think Arkansas beats Auburn. i do think Yech wins, but they’ll have to hold on in the 4th quarter to do it. As for the Dawgs……..who the hell knows. Hope they win.
Bob Horner had a sweet compact swing
October 8th, 2009
5:18 pm
Trembling Chihuahuas….I saw that coming….but was hoping it wasn’t…..Jeff…you have no heart
Scott Wallace
October 8th, 2009
5:21 pm
Schultz is Lib!!!
Glenn Beck owns you!
Josh
October 8th, 2009
5:29 pm
Your righting is confusing. Pass lit/comp in high school?
SLP
October 8th, 2009
5:30 pm
yo, you’re funny j-shoo
Pussey Harvey
October 8th, 2009
5:34 pm
Tebow passes his stool consistency analysis administered by the distinguished U of Florida Medical Team and is given clearance to play at LSU. Gators win big and cover the spread.
Boo Boo
October 8th, 2009
5:36 pm
So … are we to assume Virginia Tech wins? Do you have Sports Writer Check on your laptop?
Tech loses
Georgia loses
Falcons lose
Braves stay out of the playoffs
New sign for Interstates 20, 85, and 75 = LOSERVILLE BYPASS NEXT EXIT
East Cobb Hokie
October 8th, 2009
5:38 pm
The Real Tech beats BC, then beats local Tech.
Ronald Millsaps
October 8th, 2009
5:39 pm
“boo”–”Loserville”? Uh, keep that nonsense from that piece of trash Howard Cosell to yourself.
Native Atlantan
October 8th, 2009
5:42 pm
Jeff, got to disagree on the UF game.
SEC Commissioner Mike Slive basically just told the world no matter how poor, unethical and dishonest the zebras can be, they will not be held accountable. Boy, I’d love to be on the dining room floor of SEC Crook…I mean ref Penn Wagers with all the unaccounted for cash under the table.
If the Wagers crew is in Baton Rouge and/or Jacksonville, max out the account and bet on the Gators bigtime. Mike Slive loves Florida…couldn’t get the big ESPN TV deal without Tim Tebow and the Gators.
I agree w/ you on Tech and Bama.
Voice of Reason
October 8th, 2009
5:43 pm
Um, I guess you haven’t noticed it but the Gators return their ENTIRE defense of 2008, I guess you don’t remember but it’s the same defense that whupped Alabama and Oklahoma. As of yet the LSU Tigers have shown no great offensive talent, nearly losing to Mississippi State and Georgia. Whether the Gators have Tebow or Brantley (who would start for almost any other team in the SEC other than UF) LSU will not score many points. My money is on Florida in this one and the only team I see giving UF fits is Alabama in the championship game.
Sunshine
October 8th, 2009
5:50 pm
I can see all your picks, with the exception of the FL vs. LSU. FL wins easy.
mn possum
October 8th, 2009
5:52 pm
“…waking up with blue toes four months out of the year” You slander us. We wake up blue toes at least six months out of the year.
westblacksburg jacket
October 8th, 2009
5:53 pm
to Hell with VPI imitators, deceivers, hoaxies and home of thugs….East Cobb has to write on this blog because his school’s one cow inbred town doesn’t have a newspaper. East Cobb has been posting comments on GT’s blog all year pretending to be a caring bystander of the ACC. Deceiving cr@p just like your Hoaxie team. No greater hate than hating your deceiving team full of shame
turkey
October 8th, 2009
5:59 pm
If defense wins games then the vols have the advantage. Georgia is in a recession with no hope of getting out. Also Tebow or not gators should wax LSU.
S
October 8th, 2009
6:05 pm
DFDSASKLSA
East Cobb Hokie
October 8th, 2009
6:06 pm
I hope we find an offense. Our d is the only thing keeping us a float.
u-no
October 8th, 2009
6:08 pm
Jeff, I told you BC would win last week! Oh well! Tech wins, Tennessee wins, Florida wins, Bama wins, and War Eagles win. Falcons win, Eagles win, Giants win, Vikings win, and my upset for the weekend… Chiefs win. Don’t know why, just a feeling.
SSI gator
October 8th, 2009
6:14 pm
Been to both LSU and Uf night games at their home stadiums. Noisy in both. Floridas D over the drunken kitty cats – BIG.
Sula
October 8th, 2009
6:16 pm
Is there a reason that your column/picks has an add for Poise Pads… specifically designed to lock away wetness and naturalize odor better than period pads????
athensdawg
October 8th, 2009
6:23 pm
I guarantee at these four things will happen in Knoxville on Saturday:
1. UGA will allow over 300 yards of offense and lose time of posession battle.
2. UGA will have at least one turnover.
3. UGA will allow at least one big kick return.
4. UGA will have the most penalties.
but, don’t fear, UGA fans….there is no doubt that we will have the best game plan of the two teams.
UGA ALL THE WAY
October 8th, 2009
6:26 pm
Damn, Jeff”BULL”Schultz, i didnt take you for one to diss the Bulldogs like that…. kinda takes a lil respect i had for ya man. you more than anyone should know talking about the bulldogs pretty much guarentees you losing any other fans(like myself) for sayin stuff like that. Sucks to man, you always tripped me out
Scott
October 8th, 2009
6:28 pm
doesn’t anyone proofread this stuff?
“A judge this week ordered Tide linebacker Courtney Upshaw was ordered to take an anger management class…”
hollywould
October 8th, 2009
6:32 pm
Jeff, I see you FINALLY jumped on the AU bandwagon. WE were almost out of room.
Moms love flag football but so does everyone else | Betting Football Coaching Club
October 8th, 2009
6:33 pm
[...] Schultz’s football predictions Have something you’d like to see on the chalkboard? The suggestion box is always open. AKPC_IDS += "317,";Popularity: unranked [?] [...]
Yellow Fuzz
October 8th, 2009
6:36 pm
((((( 3-3 ))))) hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
Hey Dogtards
October 8th, 2009
6:36 pm
Real Tech?
You mean the school with “Technology” in its name, as opposed to Polytechnic? Or the team with 4 MNCs as opposed to 0. Or maybe the team with a winning bowl record, as opposed to the one that is 8-14 lifetime (for the record, we’ve won just as many bowls as VPI has been to). Maybe the team with three major awards named after its personnel – Heisman, Dodd, Homer Rice. Or the team with nearly three times as many All-Americans as the other. Maybe the team with the biggest blowout in the books? A team with almost as many SEC conference titles (5) as VT total conference titles (7), even though Tech hasn’t been in the SEC since the Beatles played at Shea stadium.
Let it be known there is only ONE “Tech.” And its not located in that inbred cesspool known as Blacksburg, which isn’t even a city.
collegeballfan
October 8th, 2009
6:52 pm
Now you done it Schultz. And I thought Tech had a chance.
Ted Striker
October 8th, 2009
6:59 pm
I nominate Scott (6:28 p.m.) to be proofreader. I’ll give you half a twinkie if you do a good job and also pick up my dry cleaning tomorrow.
Ted Striker
October 8th, 2009
7:06 pm
I like guys, especially those sorry UGA football guys, so soft!
Yellow Fuzz
October 8th, 2009
7:08 pm
Prediction? Here goes
1. georgia will lose to Tennessee and since the Kiffens want to make a recruiting statement, it will be as ugly as uga.
2. georgia will allow over 150 yards rushing
3. georgia will allow over 250 yards passing
4. georgia will have the ball less than Tennessee
5. georgia will have more turnovers than Tennessee
6. georgia will have 3 times more penalty yards than Tennessee
7. georgia will have half as much return yardage as Tennessee
8. georgia will kick the ball out of bounds on two kick offs
9. georgias “pro style” offense that Rivals recruits (and SEC defensive coordinators) love will run the toss sweep 50% of the time.
10. georgia will throw Hail Mary’s to AJ Green 25% of the time
11. georgia players and fans will “beg but not get the call” from officials ten times during this game.
12. While down by 3 touch downs in the 4th quarter a georgia defender will sack the quarter back and spint away from the pile to deliver a dance
13. After georgia loses 10 or more georgia fans will compare Joe Cox’s hair to Tennessee orange.
14. georgia players will have a hard time NOT humming Rocky Top for no reason next week
Urinates On Dawgs
October 8th, 2009
7:09 pm
collegeballfan……no worries….he picked Tech last week too.
BAMADAWG
October 8th, 2009
7:16 pm
ATHENSDAWG IS RITE ON
Jeff Schultz
October 8th, 2009
7:17 pm
Fierce –I balked at that pick. The deciding factor was I didn’t want to be in the position of rooting for Petrino.
Bob Horner – They were overdue for the T.C. tag.
Scott – Glenn Beck? Didn’t he used to play third base for the Giants?
Native – I’m taking a shot. I keep waiting for the “great” LSU team to show up.
Voice of reason – Logic, smogic.
Mn possum – so actually I was being nice? Yikes. It’ll pass.
U-No – Yes, u did. Underestimated how far Noles had fallen.
Sula – Hah! OK … not funny.
UGAissolastyear
October 8th, 2009
7:17 pm
Hey Dogtards – very well done! Va Tech hicks kill me. They have no clue about the deep tradition that is college football. Beat FSU!!!
DBCOOPER
October 8th, 2009
7:22 pm
Damn …it is so hilarious the Tech fans pre-occupation with UGA! Peni$ envy is hereditary you know.
GR82BAG8R
October 8th, 2009
7:24 pm
East Cobb, your mascot is a castrated turkey. Your school is officially titled the Virginia Polytechnic Institute and State University, even though there already is a Virginia State University in Petersburg. You have been known as VPI, Virginia Poly, Vippy Sue, and other wimpy names names. Believe me, when people say “Tech” they aren’t referring to you. When people see your scores on SportsCenter they confuse you with Vermont. You have about the same tradition.
Go get a job in Blacksburg, or write on that city’s newspaper.
GR82BAG8R
October 8th, 2009
7:25 pm
BTW, Tech loses to FSU this weekend and Georgia beats the Vols.
Calhoundawg
October 8th, 2009
7:26 pm
Jeff, your writing is only getting better. I can take anything if it’s done with wit and aplomb [complete and confident composure or self-assurance]. However, why Georgia fans seem so down in the mouth right now (the only reason you can get away with it) is beyond me. I mean, in one season for God’s sake — and we haven’t even really sucked yet. In fact, we have a pretty good football team. One that I look forward to watching every cotton-pickin’ Saturday. Why Oklahoma is ranked at 2-2, and Georgia at 3-2 is not, confounds me, but that’s beside the point. Anytime I get down in the mouth about Georgia Football (last weekend), I think back to that four-game SEC losing streak in ‘06, and the inexplicable spanking of #5 Auburn at Jordan-Hare which broke it — and the 28 point deficit (largest in Georgia history) we overcame in the second half of the Peach Bowl against VT with a true freshman at QB … well, you get the point. It’s just a game, people. Played by young men, many of whom will have something when they leave college that the majority of us don’t, namely a college education. Hope springs eternal, folks. I’m going to kick back with my Big Orange Brothers up in Ringgold, GA Saturday with most everything that’s Red & Black that I own, pour ice-cold Sweetwater IPA’s into a glass all afternoon, revel in the football pedigree that comes with being a fan in the SEC no matter what color you wear, and imagine hearing Larry Munson make this call when Waushan Ealy trucks Eric Berry for six points; “Oh, you Waushan Ealy!’ “My God, he’s running over people!” Four out of five in Knoxville, people. Go Dawgs !!!!
Cautiously Optimistic
October 8th, 2009
7:27 pm
I just have one prediction that goes for the rest of the season……..Tech fans will watch all UGA games even if they miss the tech games to see them, including paying the $29.95 ppv to watch the Dawgs play Tenn. Tech.
Fierce Dawg
October 8th, 2009
7:27 pm
Jeff, i hate picking that turncoat to win too. But they did look good against A&M in an all but-road game, but I just think Auburn may come out flat and Mallett will have a good afternoon. its an 11 AM start and Auburn and Florida alike struggle in those morning games.
Al Smith
October 8th, 2009
7:30 pm
Good read man that was excellent. Urban meyer is satan so he’ll force tebow to play and the gators will beat lsu… big time
Calhoundawg
October 8th, 2009
7:33 pm
Four out of five in Knoxville, people. Kiffin goes 0-3 in the SEC. How long will they wait?
brewdawg
October 8th, 2009
7:43 pm
Jeff,
In regards to your previous blog about UGA, I recall a lot of similarities to one you wrote after UGA survived at Vanderbilt two years ago (the one with Mark Richt pushing his players for jumping on the V logo at midfield). I think you said something along the lines of “welcome to mediocrity”. UGA finished that year number 2 in the nation.
Look, I’m not saying that will happen this year. But you’ve been very vocal about how there shouldn’t be polls until later on in the college football year. I also know it’s your job to call them as you see them during the year. But let’s wait a bit before we bury the UGA program, Mark Richt specifically. Someone should get a pool going about who will write the “Time for a Coaching Change at UGA” article first, you or Mark Bradley. You’ve both been hinting around it most of this year. My money’s on Bradley though.
Hillbilly Deluxe
October 8th, 2009
7:45 pm
Jeff, do you need a post to get paid more or is a page view enough? I can post if it helps you but lots of times I really don’t have anything to say.
Really?
October 8th, 2009
7:49 pm
Jeff, all i know is uga sucks. Lsu is not a good team this year either. Tenn will upset uga in knoxville. You will see come saturday. Who has the better defense? I will take papa kiffin all day over willie m. defense trumps offense and tenn wins this game 13-10! Gt will have a tough time also jeff. They have looked good in spurts but their defense is mildly better than uga. I can see ponder leading in this one and throwing for 400 yards on tech. If andrews defense can slow the option just under 24 points, tech gets beat 35-24. They won’t stop ponder. Can anyone really tell me that tech and uga’s defense won’t cost them a few more games on each schedule? Tech’s offense looks tougher than uga’s so i can’t wait to see those two crappy teams go head to head in november. Niether team could play the crimson tide a worthy game! ROLLLLLLLLLLL TIDE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
sidslid
October 8th, 2009
7:57 pm
This is going to be a “Win one for the geazer” FSU by8
Jeff Schultz
October 8th, 2009
8:04 pm
Calhoun Dawg — I wrote with a plomp once. But it dripped all over the keyboard. (Thank you. I’m here all week) … (Seriously, thanks.)
Hillbilly — I need 10 pageviews, 5 comments and about $10,000 to cover expenses.
Really? — It wouldn’t shock me if Tennessee won.
Hillbilly Deluxe
October 8th, 2009
8:17 pm
Jeff, the 10 pageviews and 5 comments are no problem. $10,000 is a problem. Time’s are hard you know.