According to the United Football League’s website, the proposed new league’s mission statement is: “To fulfill the unmet needs of football fans in major markets currently underserved by professional football by providing a high quality traditional football league comprised of world class professional football players.”
I’m still trying to figure out how there are “unmet needs” in New York and San Francisco. But let’s put that aside for a minute.
After looking at the league’s first “draft” list, I’ve decided: If Michael Vick plays in this thing, he’s crazy.
The UFL’s four teams — New York, San Francisco, Orlando, Las Vegas — had their first draft. You can tell a lot about a football league by the quarterbacks. Here are the six who were drafted: Brooks Bollinger (Orlando), C.J. Bacher (New York), Brian Johnson (New York), Shane Boyd (San Francisco), Brett Dietz (San Francisco) and Liam O’Hagan (San Francisco).
Google should become the league’ title sponsor. Nobody’s going to be able to figure out a team’s roster without it.
San Francisco fans were considered among those with “unmet needs” — I guess because the franchise has won five Super Bowls and they’ve been treated in the past to Joe Montana and Steve Young. Now San Francisco has a team with quarterbacks from Hanover (Dietz) and Harvard (O’Hagan). That must be some sort of record.
Las Vegas didn’t draft a quarterback. But it did draft defensive back Adam Archuletta, who is engaged to a former Playboy Playmate, Jennifer Walcott.
I’m not sure where Walcott fits into the offense. (Feel free to craft your own juvenille joke. I can’t get away with any of mine). But it doesn’t really matter because the team is based in Las Vegas. So at least one franchise has figured out its audience.
I understand the league is a start-up. I understand that other players will be added later. (There are rumors that somebody is getting J.P. Losman! The good news: We don’t need to Google Losman. We already know he stinks.)
But this is the kind of league that gets players run over and maimed – and for no glory, no money and with nobody watching. I don’t even want to know about the health insurance.
This isn’t the place for a former and potentially future NFL star to rehab his career.
There have been reports that Vick might sign with the Orlando franchise. But that would come off as extreme desperation. It would be like watching an actor trying to make a comeback on a Ronco commercial, selling Vegematics.
Vick wasn’t eligible for the UFL draft — wow, they have rules? — because he is under house arrest for another month.
Some unsolicited advice for Vick: after house arrest, stay in the house.
He would be better off working out on his own and quietly trying to repair his life and his image, out of the public spotlight, at least as much as possible.
So far I’ve found only two players with local ties in the UFL draft list: former Georgia tight end Jermaine Wiggins (Orlando), who played with five NFL teams in seven years, and former Georgia Southern defensive end Damon Suggs (San Francisco), who was not drafted by an NFL team.