Canseco down again! (And we just found the video)

Jose Canseco never should have let go of the bat today. (AP photo)

Jose Canseco never should have let go of the bat today.

Word is that Michael Vick is about to start his construction work for $10 hour, which of course upsets me because my son has been out of school for over two weeks and he still hasn’t found a summer job. Vick must have a better agent.

But I guess it could be worse. I just found the globe’s most desperate wage-earner.

Jose Canseco – what are you thinking?

This week’s Countdown.

10. And in this corner: A train wreck.

Given Canseco, through his literary excellence (sorry), did more to clean up baseball than anybody else, he’s probably deserving of a Pulitzer or a Nobel or at least the baseball commissioner’s job, which come to think of it has been vacant for several years now. But outing celebrities and writing books and going on Nightline must not pay like it used to. Because abject poverty and too many fried braincells is the only possible explanation for Canseco ever going into a boxing/MMA ring again. Unless he just lives for being a punchline.

9. Down he goes (again)!

Haven’t found the video yet, just pictures.

UPDATE!!! JUST FOUND THE VIDEO!!! (COMMENT: OUCH)

But Canseco apparently was knocked out in Japan this morning (our time) in a mixed martial arts bout by a 7-2, 330-pound South Korean super heavyweight named Hong Man Choi. Until visuals emerge, let’s assume it looked something like when Canseco was flattened by former NFL kick returner Vai Sikahema last summer in the first round of a celebrity boxing match. Here’s the video of that (sorry for the commentary; I looked all over YouTube to avoid Stephen A. Smith but it couldn’t be avoided).

8. I hear Susan Dey has a mean jab.

Here's a large man, pounding Canseco into submission.

Here's a large man, pounding Canseco into submission. Even Congress wasn't this tough.

This makes at least three bouts for Canseco: two knockout losses and a boxing draw with Danny Bonaduce. Bash Brother, my hiney. Maybe he should just stick to fighting members of the Partridge Family. Start with David Cassidy and work your way up. Either that or get back on steroids. Canseco entered the ring carrying a baseball bat to the music, “Wild Thing.” But he soon got his face tattooed and twisted his right knee while basically trying to get away.

How desperate is Canseco for money? His home was foreclosed on last July. He was arrested in the fall for trying to smuggle a female fertility drug into the U.S. from Mexico. I guess he wants to have kids before menopause hits. He’s scheduled to fight again July 24 in a celebrity boxing match against Bill “Wingador” Simmons, a chicken wing eating champion (honest). Promoter Damon Feldman was quoted in the New York Daily News as saying: “Where else can you make fast money like this?”

It’s one reason why Canseco has accepted a wide variety of offbeat jobs to make ends meet. He said he will work on getting his knee back in shape before taking on any more fights. “I have no idea if I’ll do this again,” Canseco said. “I’ve gotta get my knee better before I commit to anything like this.”

7. Braves, left to right: No Chance, No Way, No How

Can't confirm it, but I'm pretty sure this is Garrett Anderson after an out.

Can't confirm it, but I'm pretty sure this is Garret Anderson after an out.

Hey, I’ve got a job for Canseco: He can play outfield for the Braves! It’s not like they’d take a step back. Left to right, we’ve got Garrett Anderson (.256, 0 homers, 9 RBI), Jordan Schafer (.205, 2 HRs, 8 RBI) and Jeff Francoeur (.259, 3 HRs, 21RBI). Wasn’t Frank Wren supposed to fix this problem this winter? OK, starting pitching was the top priority. But the recent 6-3 homestand notwithstanding, this team goes nowhere without more production. The only positive out of this is nobody can say, “We should’ve gotten Ken Griffey Jr.” Because the last time I checked, the broken down Griffey already has sat out 13 games this season and is hitting .232 with five homers and 18 RBI. The major miscalculation remains Andruw Jones: While he’s cooled off since his fast start, Jones is still hitting .290 with the Texas Rangers, with four homers, 12 RBI, .438 on-base percentage and a .565 slugging average in a part-time role. He also made his first career start as a first-baseman the other night.

6. How many beers can I get for $10?

Have several leftovers from my minor-league trip to watch John Smoltz pitch against the Single-A Augusta Green Jackets the other night. But this might be my favorite: It was a “Thirsty Thursday,” which means $1 beer, which means nobody was thirsty — or standing straight — by the time the game was over. It was about the sixth inning when a, well, no-longer-thirsty, fan stumbled up the stairs at Lake Olmstead Stadium to top of the stands behind home plate and told the public address announcer: “I’ve lost my [designated] driver. Can you make an announcement?” Not sure whether he’s still there waiting for his ride or not.

5. Augusta feels Brett Favre’s pain

Brett Favre clearly is upset that Augusta mocks his tearful retirements.

Brett Favre's upset people mock him (and his tears).

OK. Story No. 2. The Green Jackets have the usual number of off-beat minor-league promotions. But sometimes they top everybody. They recently sold discount “juice” boxes after Manny Ramirez was busted for steroids. Also, any fan named Manny or who could prove they had failed a drug test was admitted free.

The Green Jackets won a “Veeckie” award – given for the wackiest minor-league promotions – last season when they held a Brett Favre Night on Aug. 4. Of course, it was tied to Favre’s flip-flop on retirement. They held consecutive ceremonies, both retiring and then unretiring his jersey number. And all fans in attendance received free flip-flips. Augusta GM Nick Brown said the team is planning to hold another evening mocking Favre, assuming this latest Hamlet act is ever complete. “We retired and unretired Favre’s number #4 last season,” he said. “We’re fully prepared to once again honor Favre for his great career and related lack of decision-making abilities. We’ll honor Favre as many times as he decides to flip-flop on this issue.”

4. AVP rocks! (They wear bikinis, right?)

Holly McPeak used to play beach volleyball, which I've decided needs to be covered more.

Holly McPeak used to play beach volleyball, which I've decided needs to be covered more.

This is a picture of Holly McPeak, a professional beach volleyball player. She actually retired two weeks ago, but I see no reason(s) why the Tuesday Countdown should exclude her from our coverage of the AVP Tour, which comes to Atlantic Station this weekend. I used to play beach volleyball. But it wasn’t long before I realized sitting on the sand was a lot easier, plus it allowed me the benefits of holding a beer while watching several budding Holly McPeaks jumping and diving and getting all sandy and sweaty and stuff. I’m sure you can find more insightful analysis of the AVP Tour somewhere. But I think I know my audience.

3. Sund rise, Sund set

Hawks general manager Rick Sund has a great summer planned. There’s no real vacation until August, which is when he will have hip replacement surgery and then spend some weeks rehabbing. And before then? Just try to figure out the team’s roster in the most important off-season in over a decade. Has he been getting any sleep. “No,” he said. But he’s not overwhelmed by the number of decisions on his plate this summer. “I was in Seattle the year we won the Northwest Division (2004-05),” he said. “We had nine free agents that year on our 12-man roster, or 13 if you include a guy on the injured list. So this isn’t that unusual.”

2. Kobe-LeBron dies a slow death

If you missed it, the Denver Nuggets whacked Los Angeles Lakers late Monday night, throwing the potential Kobe-LeBron finals matchup into further peril, which of course would lead to the crumbling of Western Civilization. NBA commissioner David Stern and several lieutenants put out leg out the window when Orlando took a 2-1 series lead over Cleveland. For what it’s worth, an Orlando-Denver finals would be incredibly entertaining. It’s just that nobody would watch.

1. Jose, got another idea

Construction. $10 an hour. Just a thought. Find a better agent.

53 comments Add your comment

Mavis Beacon Teaches Grammar

May 26th, 2009
12:24 pm

Schultz -

You have SOME NERVE talking about whether anyone else should be a writer!

Have you ever heard of “proper sentence structure,” Moron?

Mr. Odgers

May 26th, 2009
12:43 pm

I would love to see just how “tough” Jeff would be and just how disparaging he would be in his remarks about Don Waddell if the two of them were locked in a steel-cage match to the death.

Methinks Jeff would have a great deal less to say about Mr. Waddell when not hiding behind his keyboard and having to physically defend himself.

NRBQ

May 26th, 2009
12:48 pm

I”m disappointed in you, too, Jeff.

No “peak” double entendres?

Terrible Truth

May 26th, 2009
1:25 pm

If Holly McPeak retired to a studette farm, can you get me the address? ;)

Baba O'Riley

May 26th, 2009
1:30 pm

Odgers, so unless you are a tough guy, you should only write “fluff articles”? You are not allowed to have an opinion?

kappellmeister

May 26th, 2009
1:45 pm

So, is there some inside info on Stephen A. Smith being a jerk or something? I like the guy! Sure beats the heck out of listening to even one minute of Jim Rome, that’s for sure!

And MAVIS has you on that one, Jeff – “Because abject poverty. . .” etc. is a subordinate clause and not a complete sentence. But that’s ok. At least your articles are always more “correct” that Ledbetters!

Astro Joe

May 26th, 2009
2:00 pm

Jeff, did Sund mention that the ‘05-06 team (after winning the division the previous year), won only 35 games and missed the playoffs? In fact, that Sund-led team didn’t win anymore than 35 games after that off-season when he had so many free agents to sign.

Anyone have Billy Knight’s cell phone number?

Tony C.

May 26th, 2009
2:01 pm

I love it when Waddell gets his assistant to bust on Schultz-note to Waddell: Go get #17 some help and stop reading the paper.

Jackass.

dugle$$

May 26th, 2009
2:06 pm

Killer article, Jeff.
I was at the greenjackets game when smoltz pitched. The beer line was too long, so I had to come of a 5 for the regular beer. You got to love greenjackets baseball…

dugle$$

May 26th, 2009
2:07 pm

oh yeah, I hate stephen A.

spotman

May 26th, 2009
2:24 pm

never heard of her but she can volley my ball anytime she wants

ndadome

May 26th, 2009
2:34 pm

Can Hong Man Choi post up?

Wes

May 26th, 2009
2:38 pm

holly mcfea is hot

Another Blog Troll

May 26th, 2009
2:55 pm

I agree with the rest of the trolls who have already posted. Somebody give it up for me!!!!!

Don Waddell

May 26th, 2009
3:00 pm

It’s amazing knowing some poor idiots actually still back me after the wreck I’ve made of this team. See you next fall brother!

Neal

May 26th, 2009
3:05 pm

I tell ya what would sell tickets at the Braves home games – Holly McPeak putting on a volleyball exhibition in that bikini, thats what!!!!!!!!!! Whoa!!!!!

Chop

May 26th, 2009
4:26 pm

Can you feel the love, Jeff? It must be some of the DOB bloggers messing with you. Check the spelling and see if you agree. If the AJC would let me have the Chop Chick blog I could take some of this rif raf over to the other blog and cut you some slack. We cud all spel alik. Talk to Julia about me. Chop Suey is my name. Chop Suey from Canton.

country boy

May 26th, 2009
4:27 pm

Good work on the McPeak image Jeffy boy. It’s not quite the nudie of Danica I requested but I realize even you have your limitations.

hal

May 26th, 2009
4:52 pm

well im not sure about jeffs sentance structure but i dont see him with his nose up the “genius” butt so he cant be all bad lol maybe jose would bounce as many balls over the wall with his head as jordans apt to hit over it with that paper mache thing he calls a bat want to wail on somone i think hes the poster boy for non producing outfielders andru use to catch hell on here for stiking out once a game this boys just starting at two or three lol

Jeff Schultz

May 26th, 2009
4:59 pm

Hey Odgy: Waddell and I have been face to face often. If he ever threw a jab, he must’ve missed.

NRBQ: Too easy. I figured somebody would chime in. You win.

Terrible Truth: Line forms to the rear. (I didn’t mean it that way, I mean…or forget it.)

Baba: Love the song.

Kappelmeister: In my book, Rome and Stephen A. are bookends.

Astro: Oy.

Don: Thanks for checking in.

Chop: I’ll see what I can do.

Country Boy: I’ve heard Danica up close ain’t all that. Be happy with Holly.

[...] Jeff Schultz | ajc.com – [...]

StingerSplash

May 26th, 2009
5:13 pm

Screamin A. Smith is taking in way too much oxygen and dispensing far too much CO2 for anybody’s good.
So, Jeff, uh, if Holly’s retired, then, uh, why a picture of her? Not that I’m complaining — because I ain’t. But aren’t there any active AVPers to feature? If not, there is no problem with your choice. It beats any picture of Jose Canseco — except for the picture of the ball hitting his oversized noggin and going over the fence at the old Cleveland Stadium. Because that’s funny.

Green Tea

May 26th, 2009
5:23 pm

What your readers really want to know. Did Vick got o work today? What did he wear? What did he have for lunch? What time did he work til? Cmon Schultz, do your flippin job and keep us up to date.

Green Tea

May 26th, 2009
5:36 pm

Cmon Schutlz, we need to know everything that he is doing. I would really like to know the state of the porta jobs on his job site. Can we find that out? Get on it Schultzie, do you rjob

Green Tea

May 26th, 2009
5:37 pm

Green Tea

May 26th, 2009
5:38 pm

Green Tea

May 26th, 2009
5:39 pm

Porta Johns, sorry…

Lesley

May 26th, 2009
5:47 pm

RE: The comment on Danica Patrick

Up close, you are not exactly “ALL THAT,” either, Jeffrey.

Luckily for you, Jeffrey, the Obese Ladies of Dragon*Con will be in town to (maybe) give you a shot around Labor Day.

Jeff Schultz

May 26th, 2009
6:04 pm

STINGER: Actually went through some pix of current AVP players. Liked Holly better.

GREEN TEA: Papa John’s?

LESLEY: The “Obese Ladies of Dragon Con.” I think I missed that Playboy pictorial.

Ted Striker

May 26th, 2009
6:36 pm

AVP is great but the Lingerie Football League puts the skin in pigskin. I’m still miffed over the loss of the Atlanta Steam. Hey Georgia Dome, hey Gwinnett Arena — did you think they were gonna be wearing tear-away jerseys? Couldn’t we all live with one less Monster Truck Rally or Anita Bryant concert or whatever it is you have scheduled? Wouldn’t it be nice to have a sport that makes Atlanta fans happy even if their own team is called for holding or encroachment or illegal use of hands or backfield in motion? Prudes of America, I am not one of ye.

Ted Striker over and out — at the controls of a 747 ounce Seven and Seven.

StingerSplash

May 26th, 2009
6:39 pm

Mr. Schultz,

Yeah, I can see that. Like I said, gots no problem with the choice.
And on Danica — you may have seen her without (gasp!) her makeup, instead of all Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition-ed out.

Ted Striker

May 26th, 2009
6:40 pm

I think I’ve been out with Lesley.

south ga boy

May 26th, 2009
6:56 pm

hey jeff, any feedback on your idea of trading jjjj joe johnson from some nba insiders or un-named hawk sources. rick sund is either about to take the hawks to an elite team or screw em up so bad we will be asking whether b knight has time available to come back and help out. (not really, i would be looking for a gun or a large bottle of tylenol) so what s the word. show some street cred and find out gangsta writer.

Julia

May 26th, 2009
6:59 pm

Jeff, did Chop Chick get the axe, too? I can’t keep up with all the losses around here. Please see if you can set something up with Chop Suey.

I think Chop Suey may be just what we are looking for. It’s a real bonus that he’s from Canton. There’s only so much we can do with added color.

Fondly, Julia

Mac

May 26th, 2009
7:08 pm

Holly McPiques my interest.

Jeff Schultz

May 26th, 2009
7:08 pm

Striker: If you were out with Lesley, I’m sure she’d remember. Unless it’s one of those mental block thingies.

South Ga Boy: Yes, Sund told me he absolutely is trading Joe Johnson a week from Tuesday.

Julia: Let’s talk raise. Then I’ll broker the deal between you and Chop Suey.

Mac

May 26th, 2009
7:11 pm

Yeah, I really linger-ied over that LFL pictorial on SI.com.

Mac

May 26th, 2009
7:12 pm

I think Sund will have the Hawks rising in the east.

Mac

May 26th, 2009
7:13 pm

If you pay me, I’ll stop.

Mac

May 26th, 2009
7:15 pm

Just kidding. I’m stopping now. Good blog and good night, Jeff.

Chop

May 26th, 2009
7:29 pm

Eureka! This may be my break. Thank you, Jeff. Can I have one of the empty desks? Kovach’s or McGill’s, I’m not picky. The days of Chop Suey at the AJC are about to begin. Want to car pool? I’m coming in from Canton, can pick you up. Maybe we can catch a game together after work.

Ted Striker

May 26th, 2009
7:33 pm

Jeff — One word. “Roofies.”

Green Tea

May 26th, 2009
8:28 pm

Better ingredients….

Gene

May 26th, 2009
9:12 pm

I must be getting old. Except for the chick photo, I don’t understand any of this. But it is better than most articles I read in the AJC.

doc

May 26th, 2009
9:19 pm

astro, i was afraid to ask as the question of what happened the year after. thanks for doing the research. here is an idea for you to follow that one, didnt sund play around too long before resigning mcmillan who promptly skipped town to portland? yup, i thought you would like that angle and i expect to see you seizing that info and presenting it in another popular forum.

glad to see the magic have a competent back up point guard. what happened to ours?

Jeff Schultz

May 26th, 2009
9:49 pm

ASTRO AND DOC: For what it’s worth, Sund’s biggest mistake in ‘05 didn’t involve personnel — it was hiring Bob Weiss as coach.

Chris Murphy, Atlanta, GA

May 27th, 2009
7:37 am

Huh. Do all these guys that take the sports world so seriously work at $10/hr. jobs; or in a perfect world, should they? Maybe they work at AIG, GM, Chrysler, and invested with Bernie.

Charles

May 27th, 2009
8:24 am

Good article Jeff.

Striker you ain’t right man. But I’d buy you a beer

Shonda

May 27th, 2009
12:16 pm

Jeff, Bless His Heart, is the only fellow I know who would pay a stilleto-wearing Lady of the Night $300 just to play WAR CRAFT with him.

Jeff Schultz

May 27th, 2009
1:40 pm

Shonda — I guess I would be more offended if I knew what War Craft was. So I guess maybe that’s a statement on your life, huh?