Before we get started in this week’s Countdown, this just in: You guys are a bunch of degenerates.
I received quite a bit of feedback following last week’s debut of the new blog format. Most of it was positive. Some of you don’t like my glasses. Some of you also blame my glasses, my hairline, the new blog format and global warming for Michael Vick being in jail, which I’m still trying to figure out.
But overwhelmingly, the comments in email, online reader postings and grocery store/canned food aisle shout-outs generally included two words: Lindsay Lohan. My half-joke about using pictures of bikini’d vixens as a tool for cheap page views brought readers together like nothing since that Tuesday when the garbage truck picked up the recyclables and Bobby Petrino.
So here’s the deal. As long as it doesn’t get me fired, I will TRY to provide you, the lowest-common denominator, with a picture of a female who has some direct link to sports and probably has a lot of wonderful qualities to offer this world, none of which you likely will care about or will be evident in the picture.
If I do this correctly, and carefully, and when my editor is at a very, very long lunch that includes several martinis (or these days, Boone’s Farm), I should be able to keep my job for at least another week.
Josh Smith. Oy. I touched on this wonderful athlete/maroon (copyright: Bugs Bunny) in a column Sunday. Either he doesn’t realize how good he is, or he knows how good he is and he figures the rest will simply take care of itself. Either way, he’s regressing.
Did you catch Smith’s act Monday night in Utah? He finished the game with 11 points (0-for-6 from the free-throw line), five rebounds and five fouls, before being ejected for a flagrant foul on Matt Harpring. In the last six games, Smith has averaged 10.8 points and 3.5 rebounds. Now, I realize not every NBA forward is capable of averaging 10.8 points and 3.5 rebounds. But I think only one of them recently signed a $58 million contract. I’m not saying it’s time for the Hawks to give up on Smith. But this is year five. We’re way past the oh-he’ll-come-around-eventually stage. Somebody needs to take a blowtorch to his butt, and quick.
The Atlanta Spirit trial is in its second week in Maryland. Should this glorified spitting contest stretch into a third week, ownership has reached an agreement with the Cartoon Network to pick up the broadcast, just following the Thrashers’ game. Also, next week, they get to hit each other on the head with those big caveman clubs.
Back to the Hawks: They trailed by 14 points at halftime, 22 in the third and would’ve lost by more than 19 (108-89) if not for the Jazz falling into uncontrollable laughter and hyperventilating on the court (which I believe is allowed in Salt Lake City only before 9:30, when the bars close). Question: Why did Mike Woodson put Joe Johnson back into the game with the score 93-70 in the fourth quarter? Has Johnson not quite looked worn out enough recently?
Thomas Dimitroff has something few general managers are afforded: the benefit of the doubt. But I’m just not feeling this decision on Lawyer Milloy. He clearly was beat up and beat down by the end of last season. And no, he can’t move like he used to. But the Falcons are going to miss Milloy’s leadership. Yes, he could be a difficult guy to deal with in the building, and he wasn’t happy about his contract. But he never let that affect him on the field. Every player on that defense, particularly in the young secondary, looked up to him. The Falcons’ defense is woefully short of veteran leadership. The team should’ve found a way to keep him around.
So I’m thinking: “LPGA. Oh yeah. I can get into that.” (Hang with me, doofus. This is what you wanted.) Aussie golfer Anna Rawson be smokin’. (You can find better pictures on that web thing, particular with high heels and, uh, where was I … ?) Did you see what Rawson said the other day on Australian radio? “The tour has got so much better with so many young stars and great players. But the mentality, unfortunately, amongst the media and the industry hasn’t changed. They still think we’re at 25 years ago, you know, when the tour was full of, you know, a lot of dykes and unattractive females that nobody wanted to watch. It’s totally changed but they still won’t give us TV time.” Take comfort, Anna. The Countdown is your gateway to the big time.
Garret Anderson will put up better numbers than Ken Griffey Jr. would have and there is far less of a chance that he’ll spend several weeks on the disabled list. Now ask me which guy the Braves’ marketing department would have preferred, because something tells me Ken Griffey Jr. Hall of Fame Bobblehead Night is so dead.
Speaking of the Braves’ marketing department: What a bunch of weasels. OK, smart. But weasels. Individual game tickets for 75 out of 81 home games go on sale Thursday. The other six? Not so fast. Tickets to games against the New York Yankees (June 23-25) or Boston Red Sox (June 26-28) can only be purchased in multi-game packs (for now). Example: If you want a pair of tickets for a Yankees game, you must buy tickets to three other games – say, like, a Tuesday night against the Nats. But as a bonus, there’s a pretty good chance you’ll also be able to pitch that night.
Really, it’s OK to be fat, lazy and stupid as an NFL draft pick. But the trick is to not let anybody know about it right away. Even past Falcon flops like Aundray Bruce were smart enough not to act the part until AFTER they were drafted and signed a contract.
But Alabama tackle Andre Smith might’ve blown as much as $24 million by: 1) getting suspended from the Sugar Bowl for retaining an agent; 2) eating the state’s supply of Ding Dongs; 3) not working out; 4) pronouncing at the NFL Scouting Combine that he would not run drills; 5) changing his mind about running drills, only to leave Saturday without telling anybody. He has gone from a potential early first-round selection to a possible second-round selection, or maybe Burger King. Young kids make dumb mistakes all the time. But to make so many so early in such a short amount of time with so much on the line is not great foreshadowing. And by the way — what has his agent done other than get him suspended from the Sugar Bowl?
So I’m still following selected celebs and lesser beings. Think I told you. I dropped Brooke Burke. Never has somebody so hot been so boring. (”Thinking about taking a yoga class today. I need it! 11:38 AM Feb 21st from web.” Ugh.) Twitter of the Week comes from Rainn Wilson (“Dwight” from “The Office.”) “There is nothing funny about ADD, now called ADHD. It affects over- Hey look! A weird moth!!!!”
(LATE UPDATE: Also following “The Real Shaq,” and yes, it’s the real Shaq. He just sent this out: “I’m at the fashion sq mall, any1 touches me gets 2 tickets, tag me and say yur twit u hv 20 min.” Can you imagine the pileup in the parking lot?”)
(Yes. I am a Twit. Reach out and Tweat me at SchultzAJC. If you’re funny or obnoxious enough, I might make you a star, like Anna. But I make no promises about your legs.)