Your morning chuckle, courtesy of Obama and Kimmel
Politico has posted its lists of the 15 best jokes told by Barack Obama at the White House Correspondents Dinner, and the 18 best jokes told by host Jimmy Kimmel.
Personally, I think Obama had the better writers, but you can judge for yourself. Here’s my choice for the best five by each of them, in no particular order:
First, Obama:
– “Now, some have said I blame too many problems on my predecessor, but let’s not forget that’s a practice that was initiated by George W. Bush.”
– “Jimmy got his start years ago on ‘The Man Show.’ In Washington, that’s what we call a congressional hearing on contraception.”
– “Recently, [Romney's] campaign criticized me for slow-jamming the news with Jimmy Fallon. In fact, I understand Governor Romney was so incensed he asked his staff if he could get some equal time on ‘The Merv Griffin Show.’”
– “Look at this party. We’ve got men in tuxes, women in gowns, fine wine, first-class entertainment. I was just relieved to learn this was not a GSA conference.”
And one not on the Politico list:
– “What’s the difference between a pitbull and a hockey mom? The pitbull is delicious.”
And from Kimmel:
– “If you told me when I was a kid I would be standing on a dais with President Barack Obama, I would have said, ‘The president’s name is Barack Obama?’”
– To Obama: “Remember when the country rallied around you in hopes of a better tomorrow? That was hilarious.”
– To New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie: “I think you’re misunderstanding New Jersey’s slogan. It’s not the Olive Garden state.”
– “It’s great to see the Gingriches here, because that means the check cleared.”
– “Democrats would like you to stick to your guns. And if you don’t have any guns, you can ask Eric Holder to get some for you.”
– Jay Bookman
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335 comments Add your comment
rightwing troll
April 30th, 2012
12:38 pm
Sadly you trickled on wingnuts like to act like it’s all a one way street. That business exists to provide profit only and jobs are simply a by-product of said profitable business.
You ignore the fact that the people doing the jobs are what truly drives the profit. Treat them good, provide fair wages and even benefits (like helping with insurance and such), and your profits go up cause your peeps are happy and can live a good middle class life.
Pay them $hit, give your CEO’s and upper management out of whack perks and exorbitant pay, then tell the fools laboring for you that you can’t share the record profits with them or hire more folks to help with the stretched labor that you have, then profits suffer.
Now… that being said… some of these pension plans that handed out back way in the day were, and are, simply unsustainable, and were foolish to begin with.
getalife
April 30th, 2012
12:39 pm
The gop are running on jobs again like 10.
Fool me once….
rightwing troll
April 30th, 2012
12:40 pm
“What, are you still angry about that bit that GW Bush did regarding looking under the couch for the WMDs while our troops were getting killed in Iraq due to lack of armorment?”
And WMD’s…
JamVet
April 30th, 2012
12:43 pm
“because the Republicans TROUNCED the DemocRats in 2010!”
Yep.
After back to back humiliations for the neocons in 2006 and 2008.
One, a never to be seen again, complete sweep of epic and historic proportions.
But you circus elephants have exceeding short memories when it is convenient…
265 more days
April 30th, 2012
12:47 pm
Jm
April 30th, 2012
10:12 am
What will happen if Obama loses?
Half the libs here will be screaming racism
Las Vegas has the odds for over and under @75%
Shawny
April 30th, 2012
12:50 pm
The Kimmel jokes you have here are way better than the Prez’s.
And what is with this one? “What’s the difference between a pitbull and a hockey mom? The pitbull is delicious.”
Obviously it is a Palin dig, but it is just stupid.
Butch Cassidy
April 30th, 2012
12:50 pm
Erwins cat – “and why was there a lack of armorment (sic) Butch?”
I don’t know, maybe you need to ask Cheney and Rumsfeld as to why the Hummers our troops were driving were not reinforced with the plating needed to keep the passengers alive in the event that they drove over an IED. Or better yet, why don’t you query the families of soldiers who had to reach into their own pocket to pay for the body armor that the troops needed in order to survive?
getalife
April 30th, 2012
12:50 pm
“A Mormon checks in to a hotel. As he’s leaving the front desk, he says to the clerk “I hope your porn is disabled.”
The clerk replies, “It’s just regular porn, you sicko.”
Finn McCool (Class Warfare === Stopping Rich People from TAKING MORE of OUR MONEY)
April 30th, 2012
12:52 pm
Milton Man, let’s compare Jan 2008 to Jan 2000.
A Nobel laureate, Joseph E. Stiglitz, sees a generation-long struggle to recoup.
http://www.vanityfair.com/politics/features/2007/12/bush200712
Erwin's cat
April 30th, 2012
12:52 pm
Don’t have to Butch, you need look no further than your own backyard
BADA BING
April 30th, 2012
12:53 pm
What? No Trayvon jokes at the dinner?
getalife
April 30th, 2012
12:54 pm
Q: What happens when someone brings beer to a party at BYU?
A: Everyone puts on their clothes and goes home
Jm
April 30th, 2012
12:57 pm
Normal should stop helping Obama lose
Jefferson
April 30th, 2012
12:57 pm
Yep the women are really loving the GOP house, so much they may just change it for the better, the house is fragile much like the GOP.
JamVet
April 30th, 2012
12:58 pm
Las Vegas has the odds for over and under @75%
Not even sure what the hell that nuttiness is supposed to mean, and at the risk of wasting more time, is that the Vegas in Nevada or the Las Vegas in the GOPer’s parallel universe?
josef
April 30th, 2012
12:59 pm
I don’t know which is funnier, the jokes from the Dinner or the comments from the humorless t*rds in the punchbowl of life giving Carlos a run for his money…
OSCAR
@ 10:49
Careful or Iman al Shariff the Bruin Torquemada will fling a fatwah atcha!
Peadawg
@ 11:53
You never know when OREP is watching and his fatwah actually carries some intellectual weight!
BUTCH
Do you have a yard?
Butch Cassidy
April 30th, 2012
1:01 pm
josef – “BUTCH
Do you have a yard?”
I just use Central Park, but apparently Erwin seems to think that the lack of gear during the Iraq war was the fault of sun bathers, readers and people throwing frisbies.
265 more days
April 30th, 2012
1:02 pm
I see where Larry Flynt wants to start a slut PAC for O’Bama’s reelection
Jm
April 30th, 2012
1:06 pm
Getalife
What happens when someone brings beer to the whitehouse?
They pour it out and go buy $100 bottles of wine.
Proove it with FACTS
April 30th, 2012
1:07 pm
My donations go to a local food bank and time goes to Habitat
Jm
April 30th, 2012
1:07 pm
265
josef
April 30th, 2012
1:10 pm
BUTCH
How far are you from the Park?
By the way, as per your swipe the other day on us ig-nert folks still down here in Uncle Sam’s Oldest Colony…
illiteracy rates
California 23%
New York 22%
Florida 20%
Texas 19%
New Jersey 17%
Georgia 17%
Hawaii, Nevada, New Mexico, Louisiana and (ready for it) MISSISSIPPI 16%
Hmmm….
rightwing troll
April 30th, 2012
1:10 pm
Why do always bring 2 southern baptists fishing with you?
Because if you only bring one, he’ll drink all your beer…
JamVet
April 30th, 2012
1:10 pm
The gop are running on jobs again like 10.
Fool me once….
Actually the working class-hating GOP and their paymasters in the American corporate world have done a yeoman’s job on creating jobs.
In the Philippines, Pakistan, India, China and Serbia.
American companies have created 1.4 million jobs overseas this year, compared with less than 1 million in the U.S.
Yippee! Thanks to the anti-education neocons and their 2010 mid-term victories, we are saved from the woes of higher employment rates!
barking frog
April 30th, 2012
1:10 pm
Proove 1:07
Who owns the Habitat
houses you build?
Finn McCool (Class Warfare === Stopping Rich People from TAKING MORE of OUR MONEY)
April 30th, 2012
1:13 pm
I had the same reaction Jam, the over/under is 75%? So, 75% of the US will vote? Not hardly.
Not sure how to read that.
Jefferson
April 30th, 2012
1:14 pm
The GOP knows how they view women and talk man to man about them, this is why the “war on Women” scares them so much and makes them mad, they can’t control that.
stands for decibels
April 30th, 2012
1:16 pm
Lying NatRev Wanker Sheetz.
That Black Guy who is a "con" and a Vet. STOP SPITTING ON ME!!!!!
April 30th, 2012
1:21 pm
Butch, Can Am had a riding event over a Lenox a few weeks ago. If you had a m/c license you could test ride one. I was on my bike and did not take a test ride, plus I rode one before. The few people I spoke with that did test ride were impressed. 2 said they may purchase one.
Casual Observer
April 30th, 2012
1:24 pm
JamVet,
Where do you come up with this crap? You seriously can’t believe what you write. Are you Cynthia Tuckers husband? Although your scribe is utter BS, it is pretty funny. Must be hard not only to copy and paste the words from your left leaning “news” sites you come across, but it must be getting harder to find information that betrays your savior in a positive light.
Erwin's cat
April 30th, 2012
1:27 pm
No, Butch I blame Murtha
JamVet
April 30th, 2012
1:35 pm
Finn, like Curious Observer, I don’t even think the guy tries to make sense.
If they ever did.
They just sling endless amounts of verifiably bereft nonsense and hope it sticks…
JamVet
April 30th, 2012
1:41 pm
PLEASE EXCUSE ME!
Curious Observer is intelligent, makes solid posts based on verifiable facts and evidence and is very interesting.
I meant the veracity challenged, casually unobservant one in my last…
JKL2
April 30th, 2012
8:53 pm
getalife- The gop are running on jobs again like 10. Fool me once….
According to obama and all the Demwits on here, our economy is running like a Swiss watch. I guess you owe the GOP an apology for the outstanding job they’ve been doing.
Teacher
April 30th, 2012
11:54 pm
“betrays your savior”?
Did you mean “portrays”?
Read it before you send.