When Newt lectures the NRA, hilarity ensues

"Which end does the bullet come out of?"

“The right to bear arms comes from our Creator, not our government.”
– Newt Gingrich

“Thou shalt not kill.”
– God

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Most politicians wouldn’t dare use a speaking appearance before the National Rifle Association to criticize that powerful organization. But as Newt Gingrich demonstrated once again Friday, he’s not most politicians.

The NRA, he told the group’s annual convention, has been much too timid and moderate in its defense of gun rights. If elected president, he said, he will “submit to the United Nations a treaty that extends the right to bear arms as a human right for every person on the planet because every person on the planet deserves the right to defend themselves from those who would oppress them, those would exploit them, rape them or kill them.”

“Let’s take the George Soroses and the Hillary Clintons head on,” Newt said to the cheering crowd. “They represent a world in which elites disarm the rest of us so we are then helpless when elites turn sour and when evil reappears.”

Clearly, our Creator intended that all of his creatures, even Martians, be granted the right to bear arms.

Personally, I think Gingrich is himself being much too timid. Once again, he is failing to think in sufficiently grandiose terms. When our Creator guaranteed the right to bear arms (see below), surely He did not intend it to be limited to a planetary right, as Gingrich seems to suggest. Surely He meant it to be at least a solar-system right, if not galaxy-wide or universe-wide. It’s time that we acknowledge that.

The first step, of course, must be to guarantee that the right to bear arms extends to the moon base that President Gingrich will complete by the end of his second term. From there we can extend it to Mars, Jupiter, etc., and any other place where the elites might threaten to turn sour.

It is, after all, our duty as freedom-loving Americans — our Manifest Density.

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*True, in the Sermon on the Mount Jesus was quoted as saying that “whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other to him.” The naive might see that as contradicting the God-given right to stand your ground.

But as Larry Pratt of Gun Owners of America tells us, that quote has been misinterpreted and taken out of context. The liberal media cut out the part where Jesus explained that as you turn your other cheek, “pull your Glock and blow that SOB (son of Baal) to Kingdom Come.”

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– Jay Bookman