The tragic day the marketers ran short on celebrity
Once upon a time, fame was a rare commodity, like gold or diamonds or a 1964 1/2 dark-red Mustang convertible in factory condition. Many people sought fame, of course, but since it was scarce, few people could get their hands on it. Fame was generally acquired only by the lucky, the talented or the hard working, with the emphasis on the lucky. And often it came only to those blessed with all three.
And that was OK. The situation seemed more or less in balance.
Then, sometime in the past decade or so, the economics of fame changed. The explosion of media outlets on cable and the Internet meant that there was a lot more air time to fill, more cable channels to program, more niche markets to satisfy, more eyeballs to glaze over and more tabloids to sell.
Suddenly, Madison Avenue and Hollywood faced a desperate, almost crippling shortage of famous people. They needed thousands, tens of thousands of famous people, and they needed them fast. They scavenged the past, bringing back the has-beens and the almost-weres, but all the Danny Bonaduces in the world weren’t enough to satisfy market demand.
So, in the greatest burst of American industrial capacity since the days of World War II, they fired up the famous factories and started to churn out celebrities. Boy did they come fast.
OK, the quality slipped a bit. No, it slipped a lot. The workmanship was shoddy and the final product less than impressive. If you made a sex tape, you were famous material. If you were willing to starve yourself on a desert island in front of a national TV audience, you could be famous. If you were willing to stuff 60 hotdogs down your gut in 10 minutes, famous. For the first time in history, merely wanting to be famous was enough to make it so.
Luck, talent and hard work didn’t matter. What mattered most of all — the absolute key to acquiring fame as fast and cheaply as possible — was the willingness to humiliate yourself. That was the new raw material from which fame could be forged most easily, which is kind of strange, if you stop to think about it. Fame, the ultimate ego stroke, could now be purchased at the cost of your self-respect.
But then, perhaps it was really that way all along? I suspect maybe so.
Anyway, every era, like every prom, needs its king and queen. I would like to place into nomination, as King and Queen of 2009, the symbol of modern America, the epitome of her secret wants and needs, the following adorable famous couple:
Jon and Kate Gosselin, the Liz Taylor and Richard Burton of the modern media age.
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181 comments Add your comment
Bud Wiser
August 28th, 2009
8:12 am
Oh no Jay, you said it best yourself, the absolute penultimate couple you so accurately described: “Luck, talent and hard work didn’t matter. What mattered most of all — the absolute key to acquiring fame as fast and cheaply as possible — was the willingness to humiliate yourself. That was the new raw material from which fame could be forged most easily,…”
Barak and Michelle fit that description to the T.
Mrs. Godzilla
August 28th, 2009
8:15 am
I stopped at 1964 1/2 mustang….my dream car. aaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh
It would have to have a gas pedal shaped like a foot.
Now I’ll go back and keep reading.
Normal
August 28th, 2009
8:15 am
Bud, you are a hoot! Bless your heart…
TnGelding
August 28th, 2009
8:17 am
Jay, you should be ashamed to denigrate this talented, deserving couple and our enlightened culture.
GOP is gone
August 28th, 2009
8:18 am
I can truthfully say I have never subjected myself to this utter nonsense called J&K+8.
Why would anyone want to watch 2 adults scream at 8 kids and themselves for an hour of their precious time?
I have been waiting patiently for the demise of “real” stupid TV for too long now. I must be in the minority though since they keep coming up with even more stupid ideas for an even dumber collection of viewers. Just someone please bring back a funny smart comedy like Seinfeld, or a classic like Andy Griffith, or a decent drama.
TnGelding
August 28th, 2009
8:19 am
Bud Wiser
August 28th, 2009
8:12 am
If only we were all as accomplished and dignified as the Obamas. What an inspiration they must be to the kids in the ghettos.
ByteMe
August 28th, 2009
8:21 am
TiVo is your friend. You can ignore anything you don’t want to see. NCIS and House return shortly!
Mrs. Godzilla
August 28th, 2009
8:21 am
Thank heaven for The History Channel, The Learning Channel, HGTV, Food Channel…..they allow you do use your expensive teevee machine without
sliding into the filth that is Jon & Kate & Dance Your Ass Off & Who wants to date my mother & other unreal reality crap.
Normal
August 28th, 2009
8:21 am
Mrs G, a quict story for ya. Back in ‘64, when the Mustang came out, I was just starting me Senior year in High School. I was watching the Ed Sullivan Show with my Mom and Dad. My dad had just asked me what I wanted for graduation, and at that moment the Mustang commercial came on, so I laughed and said, “That”. I already had a cherry little ‘53 ford, so I didn’t think much of it. Came home the next day, and there she was, Tarnished Gold, black seats, hurst shifter, 289 HYPO, and Tiger paws…I have loved them ever sence.
Turd Ferguson
August 28th, 2009
8:25 am
I would like to nominate Doggone/GA and Finnius McCoolAid as the 2009 Drama King and Queen.
RW-(the original)
August 28th, 2009
8:33 am
How could something come to light yesterday and already be infamous?
/That comment/question was really only meant to get that hideous couple off my screen and somebody will have to tell me if Jay B wrote anything worth reading after the point that scrolling down brought the picture into view.
Doggone/GA
August 28th, 2009
8:36 am
“Barak”
Who’s that?
RW-(the original)
August 28th, 2009
8:36 am
I have been waiting patiently for the demise of “real” stupid TV for too long now. I must be in the minority though since they keep coming up with even more stupid ideas for an even dumber collection of viewers. Just someone please bring back a funny smart comedy like Seinfeld, or a classic like Andy Griffith, or a decent drama.
Here here!
GOP is laying in wait,
I’m with you on this. Frankly I’m surprised there isn’t a “reality” battle of the “reality” judging panels yet.
stands for decibels
August 28th, 2009
8:43 am
I’m working on a piece about the infamous “black agenda” memo that came to light yesterday
Jay, all you hafta do is make sure to call some prominent black person a “racist.” That always gives the conservatives a stiffy.
As for Warhol’s famous prediction coming true, there’s no arguing with your summary, although it bears repeating-the-obvious that when you have a race to the bottom like this, good, scripted drama and comedy become ever-more prohibitively expensive to air, relatively speaking.
Doggone/GA
August 28th, 2009
8:44 am
Personally, I don’t see the point. Fame is not a crown. Who cares why someone is famous? If they can get advertisers and viewers, more power to them. It’s not my kind of show, but if others enjoy it…why not?
USinUK
August 28th, 2009
8:45 am
RW –
“Here here!”
I second that emotion with a hear! hear!
stands for decibels
August 28th, 2009
8:46 am
I’m surprised there isn’t a “reality” battle of the “reality” judging panels yet.
heh. Hot meta-on-meta action!
I Report/ Vast White Wing Conspirator (-: You Whine )-:
August 28th, 2009
8:46 am
Wouldn’t it be something if the election of Barak Obozo, a direct result of the debauched and empty headed dumbing down of the American culture, would be the Waterloo for the TV freaks and Hollyweed pagans?
Could the days of American idiocy be numbered?
Are citizens realizing that they need to be informed, lest the lose their whole entire country?
stands for decibels
August 28th, 2009
8:47 am
I second that emotion with a hear! hear!
You’re sooooooooo nitpicky.
Redneck Convert (R--and proud of it)
August 28th, 2009
8:47 am
Well, I owned a 1968 Mustang. Bought it new down there at Friendly Ford (and Hey, We’re in Decatur.) That was the way the dealership sort of said DeKalb County had lower taxes than Fulton County. Anyhow, this was all before I outright went crazy for big pickup trucks. Does that count?
I don’t watch these reality shows because it would make me miss Fox News. Which is the only channel that tells the Truth and is Fair and Balanced. But from what I read, this Jon and Kate would fit right into any trailer park in the U.S. of A. It’s sort of nice the networks show reglar people in a redneck setting.
Anyhow, I got to go. I’m stocking up for all you drunks out there. When the traveling music comes today, you know your favorite beer truck driver will have plenty of cold ones ready for you. Tho from what I read on here yesterday, some of you wouldn’t know a good American beer if it was shot up your rear end. Have a good day everybody.
md
August 28th, 2009
8:49 am
Today’s programs have contributed to tomorrows problems. Kids now having sex in ELEMENTARY school.
Kids continue to have kids which are parented by crap TV.
Oh Joy.
stands for decibels
August 28th, 2009
8:49 am
How about a reality show about hard working professionals who struggle to avoid being drawn into petty, beyond-played-out political arguments and get their real work done?
Call it Survivor: Time-Suck
erm…. later, all.
RW-(the original)
August 28th, 2009
8:51 am
USinUK,
I guess the here here is my self centeredness showing itself. Or deafness maybe, come here so I can hear ye! Left you a last 9/11 tribute comment downstairs.
Gale
August 28th, 2009
8:53 am
The only reality show I’ve ever watched is TopChef. I am fairly certain I would rather watch a Japanese game show in Japanese than J&K+8.
Mrs. Godzilla
August 28th, 2009
8:54 am
md
Today’s programs have contributed to tomorrows problems. Kids now bringing weapons and behaving violently in ELEMENTARY school.
Kids continue to have kids which are parented by crap TV.
Oh Joy.
RW-(the original)
August 28th, 2009
8:55 am
TopChef is a reality show??? I thought it was an excuse to watch Padma dripping food all over herself.
Gale
August 28th, 2009
8:56 am
I actually preferred the woman on TopChef Masters. I wish they would replace Padma.
Bosch
August 28th, 2009
8:57 am
I’ve seen these people in the news lately, but I have no idea why they are famous.
I think most of these people just start saying their famous and the paparazzi believe them and start putting their picture all over the place and bingo – you’re famous, but you really didn’t do anything.
Doggone/GA
August 28th, 2009
8:59 am
“I think most of these people just start saying their famous and the paparazzi believe them”
And I think it’s the other way around, and the viewers believe them.
USinUK
August 28th, 2009
8:59 am
RW –
“I guess the here here is my self centeredness showing itself. Or deafness maybe, come here so I can hear ye! Left you a last 9/11 tribute comment downstairs.”
I saw and will go back and read later tonight. here we are, so many years later, and I still get all teary reading 9/11 tributes — so, I try not to read it at work.
one of the best commemorations I’ve ever experienced was the first anniversary – WNPR in Washington (classical station) did a full day of requests and read people’s letters about what they chose and why, as well as their thoughts/prayers for the families left behind. Everything from Vaughan Williams Symphony for Strings to Gershwin’s Rhapsody in Blue — it just seemed so fitting to let music express the pain and sadness that was beyond words.
RW-(the original)
August 28th, 2009
9:00 am
Gale,
Did you know Padma was once married to Salman Rushdie? Some things are just strange beyond imagination.
Gale
August 28th, 2009
9:00 am
I think you may be right, Doggone/GA.
TnGelding
August 28th, 2009
9:02 am
GOP is gone
August 28th, 2009
8:18 am
I’VE NEVER WATCHED IT EITHER.
Gale
August 28th, 2009
9:03 am
Interesting note, RW. A foodie and a writer; I guess I can see that.
dehlia
August 28th, 2009
9:04 am
i watched two previous season episodes of J&K+8. what i saw was a wife emasculating a husband and father. figured it was a show for libs. never wasted my time again.
Doggone/GA
August 28th, 2009
9:05 am
“I’VE NEVER WATCHED IT EITHER.”
I’ve tried watching it a few times, just not my thing. But I do like “Ice Road Truckers” – so what’s the issue? I think even J&K are better than those contrived “reality” shows. Though, if I wanted to be a dog groomer and had a chance to win $50K and a $100K mobile grooming truck then maybe I *would* try out for “Dog Groomer of the Year” (another show *I* don’t watch)
TnGelding
August 28th, 2009
9:05 am
Doggone/GA
August 28th, 2009
8:36 am
You did it again! It slipped right by me.
Paul
August 28th, 2009
9:07 am
Well Jay, I was with you up until “as King and Queen of 2009, the symbol of modern America” – the Gosselins. The symbol of modern America? Maybe as the symbol of America’s sick fascinations. Possibly as the symbol of what modern America does not want to be. But the symbol of what modern America is? I hope not. Any more than Sarah Palin is the symbol of modern Republicans or Nancy Pelosi is the symbol of modern Democrats.
Bosch
August 28th, 2009
9:07 am
Doggone/GA,
Astute observation – yes. So…..why are these people famous?
MadMadWorld
August 28th, 2009
9:08 am
I just can’t believe that any of you that spend ALL DAY EVERY DAY posting this waste of words could call anything a waste of time. out
Gale
August 28th, 2009
9:08 am
delia, funny that the libs here apparently don’t watch it either. Crap TV knows no political boundries.
Joey
August 28th, 2009
9:09 am
Jay;
Be sure to read Cynthia’s latest post before you wrap your article.
Bosch
August 28th, 2009
9:10 am
I watched a show I’d never seen before the other day and really enjoyed it: The Dog Whisperer. That guy is amazing if it’s real.
I saw him train a viscious man eating (j/k but it looked like it could eat someone) chichuaua (?sp) that scared the dickens out of a pack of pit bulls into a cuddly little pile of dog goo.
TnGelding
August 28th, 2009
9:11 am
USinUK
August 28th, 2009
8:45 am
Good morning! Missed yuo earlier.
I Report/ Vast White Wing Conspirator (-: You Whine )-:
August 28th, 2009
8:46 am
Yeah, they’re reaLLY SHOWING A LOT OF INTELLIGENCE AT THE THMs. CAN YOU SAY PARANOID? Even Gringrey said he was afraid it was just the first step in a complete government takeover of health care.
Paul
August 28th, 2009
9:11 am
Bosch
Think he could work with some of our bloggers?
TnGelding
August 28th, 2009
9:12 am
Redneck Convert (R–and proud of it)
August 28th, 2009
8:47 am
Be careful on the wet slippery roads….everybody.
USinUK
August 28th, 2009
9:13 am
Doggone and Gale –
the mister and I watched Ice Road Truckers a couple of times – but, really, it was the same footage time and again … got kinda boring.
I like the shows like Project Runway and X Factor/Britain’s Got Schadenfreude – at least you have to have some kind of talent and DO something rather than just have the cameras on you, fabricating drama.
Gale
August 28th, 2009
9:15 am
The thing that amazes me about the large viewership of some reality shows is that the shows “celebrate’ humiliation and failure, not acheivement and success. They are the Twinkies of TV.
Taxpayer
August 28th, 2009
9:16 am
They need a song.
USinUK
August 28th, 2009
9:19 am
Bosch –
you’ve only JUST found The Dog Whisperer??? we LOVE that show!
TnG –
morning, yourself!! did I miss much in the rest of the beer convo yesterday?? (he should have saved that for today)