‘You take your best swings, survive the rough innings…’
In the midst of chaos and change —- and we’re going through a lot of that these days —- people tend to seek comfort in favorite foods, favorite movies, favorite haunts. The appetite for risk and novelty shrinks and the routine becomes a bit more precious. Instinctively, we welcome the ordinary in life, just as we would seek out a familiar face in a crowd full of strangers.
Maybe it’s because, in anxious times, the predictable and mundane reassure us that change too will be passing, that even in an era of transition some things will be eternal. Permanent things, things and people we can count on, keep us oriented in our confusion, like fixed objects on an otherwise kaleidoscopic landscape.
For example, there’s the opening day of baseball season. Here it comes, right on schedule, just as it has for a long, long time, and just as it will for a long time yet to come.
As a boy, my landmarks of spring weren’t blooming daffodils or singing songbirds. It was baseball practice at the little park by the creek, where the last thin ice of winter still clung to the banks. It was the first crack of cold wood against thrown ball, and it would send a shock up your hands and through your entire nervous system.
You’d shake your arms, laugh at being alive, and pick up the bat again, eager for another swing.
Spring also meant skipping school and taking the bus downtown with friends for the first big-league game of the season. It meant Mom, who would ordinarily throttle you if she found out you had ducked class, quietly slipping you 10 bucks to cover the bleacher ticket and bus fare, then giving you a smile to send you on your way.
As it was back then, so it no doubt still is, only for somebody else. Today, when ballparks across America open their doors, it’ll be my time to be the adult stuck at work, and it’ll be another boy’s turn to walk through that dark tunnel out into the sunlight, with that symmetry of green spread out before him. It will be the same game I saw, only played and watched by different people. As a poet once said, spring makes everything young again except man.
Here in the adult world, the signs of a thaw and a much-desired spring will take a different form when it comes. As in baseball, numbers and statistics are watched carefully, but in this arena it’s the Dow Jones average, not Chipper Jones’ average, that draws the attention. It’s a world in which success is measured in profits and losses, not wins and losses, although there’s less difference between sport and life than we might at first think. What happens inside the confines of a ballpark is an abstracted, ritualized metaphor for the struggle that occurs outside those grounds, which is part of sports’ attraction.
But here too, the game hasn’t changed as much as we might think. It is still the same as it ever was; it’s just being played by different people. This is our turn on the field, our time at bat under tough circumstances.
Anxious as things might seem, this is not the Great Depression or World War II, although those without jobs or homes might beg to differ, and for good reason.
But all of us know now what the best history books could never tell us, how it feels to be swept up in historic, confusing, overpowering change.
I imagine that even the people supposedly in charge, in the White House, in Congress and on Wall Street, have no more sense of control over events than the rest of us do. They’re doing what we’re doing: You play the game, take your best swings, survive the rough innings and hope to get your people home safe.
After a long slump, the Dow has stabilized, as have other economic numbers. Opinion polls report an uptick of confidence and hope. To be honest, though, I don’t trust it —- it feels a bit like a false spring, as if it can’t be quite this easy and the worst is yet to come.
Then again, I’m a Red Sox fan. They’ve won the World Series twice in recent years, but I’m trained by life to expect that ball to roll through Billy Buckner’s legs every time. So what do I know?
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74 comments Add your comment
Corporal
April 6th, 2009
6:58 am
Regarding “Change” ….
“One is thus driven to conclude that qualitative change results from quantitative change not among the proletariat but among the beourgeoisie. Marx would be apoplectic.”
Colonel Jack Jacobs (Ret.)
DB, Gwinnettian
April 6th, 2009
7:29 am
This is our turn on the field, our time at bat
as long as we live
It’s you and me baby
ain’t nothing wrong with that.
Mrs. Godzilla
April 6th, 2009
7:34 am
The game is only in the first half, thankfully
President Obama has a great 3 point shot.
(See, I can do a sports metaphor!)
I Report/ You Whine
April 6th, 2009
7:37 am
That was a weird lead up to the penultimate, awfully morose, aren’t we?-
After a long slump, the Dow has stabilized, as have other economic numbers. Opinion polls report an uptick of confidence and hope. To be honest, though, I don’t trust it —- it feels a bit like a false spring, as if it can’t be quite this easy and the worst is yet to come.
Nah, rejoice, the Socialists are going to reinflate the housing bubble so we should get another year of extreme capitalist profit taking before it all crashes and burns again.
Party hardy!
Go Sux!
I Report/ You Whine
April 6th, 2009
7:39 am
The only “shot” Obozo will make is the coup de grace on America.
Ken
April 6th, 2009
7:45 am
The latest stock market going up is called a ” sucker rally “
Joe Matarotz
April 6th, 2009
7:50 am
Jay,
Mookie Wilson sends his best.
DB, Gwinnettian
April 6th, 2009
7:54 am
the Socialists are going to reinflate the housing bubble
Nah, that was Johnny Isaakson’s bright idea, peddled by the AJC’s own Thomas Oliver in several columns. Remember the $15,000 tax credit for home buyers?
Ray
April 6th, 2009
7:58 am
That’s really reassuring to all of us that the people in the White House, Congress and Wall Street don’t have a clue. We already know that Bozo is trying to repair our damaged financial crisis by spending more money in his first 90 days of office than all of the presidents from Washington to W have spent as a group. We know that Frank and Dodd and others like them really don’t have a clue as to how to fix this mess although both were complicit in causing it. Wall Street doesn’t care how this whole thing turns our as long as their stocks stop their free fall and the market stabilizes to some degree. As long as their is money to be made by stretching the rules and making up new rules, this is not the last time we will have to deal with hard times.
Capitalism has taken a hit recently due to numerous factors including poor supervision by Congress, irresponsibility by potential home buyers and lending institutions and Wall Street greed. But let us not throw out the baby with the bath water. Capitalism is not the enemy. The system works and works well as long as it is not abused by incompetent, greedy people whose only motive is to fleece the system for all they can. I don’t agree with Tucker very often but she has a point in her last editorial when she says that we have to watch this giant with sane rules and regulations, lest it do us in. It’s not the system….. it is the people running it.
jt
April 6th, 2009
8:07 am
“for every southern boy fourteen years old,not once but whenever he wants it, there is the instant when its still not yet 2 oclock on that April afternoon in 1863, the brigades are in position behind the rail fence, the guns are laid and ready in the woods and the furled flags are already loosened to break out and Pickett himself with his long oiled ringlets etc….”
The red-breast are fixin to go on their beds in Carolina.
ByteMe
April 6th, 2009
8:24 am
Ken is almost correct. It’s a “sucker’s rally” only for the suckers who think it’ll last forever. The rest of us will spot it for what it is: a bull rally in a bear market and one that will end shortly as the dismal earnings from companies start getting reported this week and CEOs won’t take the chance on happy-talk about Q2/Q3/Q4, since they have no clue what’s going to happen next either.
Place yer bets!
I Report/ You Whine
April 6th, 2009
8:27 am
DimBulb, Gwinnettian- You must have missed it, obviously, but Obozo has got this deal going called “TARP.” Basically, the US Treasury is buying all of the worthless mortgage paper out there, plus they are paying some executive bonuses, from what I hear. Next year, this paper will still be worthless, or more accurately, worth 50 cents on the dollar.
Where, oh where, has our money gone, oh where, oh where could it be?
Not only that, Obozo wants to pay out another 75 Billion to help people finance mortgages that are worth 50 cents on the dollar, almost as though government obozobucks will make that property worth what they paid for it.
Yeah, ok.
Not to mention that 50 some odd percent of the people that had their mortgages restructured have already default a second time.
But don’t worry, I’ll be here to soak up some of that mindless excess liquidity, a couple grand at a time.
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
Socialism rocks!
The Voice
April 6th, 2009
8:27 am
Anyone noticed that Luckobitch does not pile on Mr. Comrade President like he has everyone else….I guess he figures the Ipod was a great gift.
Redneck Convert
April 6th, 2009
8:33 am
Well, I sure wish the people that run these TV ads would give some thought to us people. You no sooner get your belly full of supper and set down to rest than here they come. First you get the one about the guy with yellow toenails that needs some fungus medicine. Then you get one about some woman is stopped up and needs something to be able to go. Then you get one about some man needs a pill to make him do You Know What but he’s got to be awful careful if he’s that way for 4 hours. It’ enough to make you want to lose your supper.
Anyway, we never had a major league baseball team when I was a boy up in north GA. But we had a mighty good 4th grade baseball team. A bunch of us 15 year olds played on it and the kids we played wouldn’t even come up to our belt buckle.
I’m just mighty disappointed Bookman had to ruin the piece with mention of this Obama and the mess he’s got us in. The people that voted for him will be sorry before it’s over. Anyway, I see old Newt and some other godly Republicans are talking about starting a third party. They are fed up with all this RINO spending and want to start a party just for real Republicans. I’m all for it. If we can get a good start we can take back the two GA House seats we give Those People and cut all this welfare and get rid of taxes too.
Have a good day everybody.
DB, Gwinnettian
April 6th, 2009
8:36 am
Obozo has got this deal going called “TARP.”
Obozo?
That’s not a very nice thing to call the President Bush.
DB, Gwinnettian
April 6th, 2009
8:37 am
“the President Bush?” Oy.
I Report/ You Whine
April 6th, 2009
8:44 am
Decades of underinvestment in roads and rail must be reversed, everyone agrees. Yet no candidate wants to dwell on the words “tax” and “increase” in a Republican primary.-Urinal
Nope, that is a tag that you democrats are going to wear around your necks in 2010 and beyond.
Enjoy it!
AmVet
April 6th, 2009
8:45 am
Baseball – the national pastime, the nation’s true religion.
And every April, hope springs eternal. And everybody’s team holds the promise of a World Series ring.
And yes, JB, It is a metaphor for our lives. And why it is so damned important to us.
Yet for most of us this, spring dawns more upbeat and confident than usual. And certainly more than any in at least eight seasons.
Our worst team in history is but an unfortunate memory now, and a new one augurs in promise that the old one NEVER could.
THERE’S A LONG DRIVE! IT COULD BE! IT MIGHT BE! IT’S OUTTA HERE!!!
Sam
April 6th, 2009
9:01 am
Hey “warmers” (as in global warming fearmongers): In case you haven’t heard, it’s April 6 in Atlanta and there is forecast for possible snow and lows in the 30’s. Make sure all you warmers survive the night with a clear conscious by using your recylable blankets made from hay and warming up with you solar powered heaters. Meanwhile, you can be rest assured that I’ll be comfortable heating my McMansion with electric (from coal fired electric company) heatpumps and warming up leftover food with my McSized microwave oven and eating it on styrofoam plates.
Meanwhile, rest assured that your leaders like Al Gore and Prez Barry leave bigger “carbon footprints” than all the readership of AJC combined (which may not be saying much these days)
“Global Warming” — the biggest scam since Roswell aliens
Wyld Byll Hyltnyr
April 6th, 2009
9:02 am
Mrs. Godzilla 7:34 am
“…thankfully President Obama has a great 3 point shot”, is that so? I have seen film of President Ob-amateur playing basketball. He would have difficulty making a good eighth grade team.
But that is just another facet of the media’s disturbing and distorted image of the Ob-amateur administration.
Take, for instance, the glowing coverage of the “beatuiful” and “elegant” First Lady. Truth be known, Ol’ Wyld Byll has been with quite a few ladies of African descent, particularly in Brazil, so I’m no stranger to beautiful balck women. The first lady; however, is no beauty and the best that can be said of her is that she is not fat. The comparisons to Jackie Kennedy and Carla Bruni are absolutely preposterous. No sane person could compare our horsey, over-bite riddled, Earl Campbell legged First Lady to fashionistas such as Jackie and Carla, but our deluded liberal media, led by Sinthia Tucker, nonetheless pose these preposterous comparisons.
Take next the “success” of President Ob-amateur’s G20 visit as reported by the media. He went to G20 to get the europeans to commit to large stimulous packages and combat troops for Afghanistan. Did it happen, it sure didn’t as the european leaders patted him on the head and sent him away. (Note, Carla pulled away from his attempt at a peck on the cheek.) There is no wonder why he was received as a rock star, europe and its leaders are glad to have someone that they can rollover without being called for it. They are absolutely estatic to have this chump they can control rather than a serious and effective man like President Bush.
Hillbilly Deluxe
April 6th, 2009
9:08 am
Quite a few years back I remember James J. Kilpatrick saying that life is like a baseball game. Some days good things happen and some days bad things happen but most days are just three up and three down.
For anybody who loves baseball I would highly recommend taking in a game at Wrigley Field if you ever have the chance. The place is a shrine. Now if I could just visit Fenway once.
Jay, Bill Buckner got a bad rap in 1986. The guy really wasn’t able to be on the field but he was gutting it out because he was a gamer. And they could always have won the next day.
Mrs. Godzilla
April 6th, 2009
9:08 am
Gee Byll…..
You are just one great big ball of hostility or is it envy?
Hope that works out for you.
I Report/ You Whine
April 6th, 2009
9:09 am
Yeah, “global warming-”
Mark Buehrle will get another day to rest his left arm as the White Sox’s regular-season opener Monday against the Royals was postponed and rescheduled for 1:05 p.m. Tuesday.
The game was postponed Sunday because of a forecast of snow, cold and high winds.
Davo
April 6th, 2009
9:12 am
Baseball as a metaphor for life…pretty original, Bookman.
But your right; it is gonna get worse.
Mrs. Godzilla
April 6th, 2009
9:13 am
flatearthers…..hehehehee
I Report/ You Whine
April 6th, 2009
9:18 am
Even when traders in an asset market know the value of the asset, bubbles form dependably. Bubbles can arise when some agents buy not on fundamental value, but on price trend or momentum. ~~~~~~~If momentum traders have more liquidity~~~~~~~~, they can sustain a bubble longer.-WallStreetJournal
Duh.
Now you just need to know when that bubble is going to burst.
Again.
Sam
April 6th, 2009
9:18 am
Mrs. Godzilla, are you a “warmer”, “cooler”, or “changer”. I can’t ever keep you climate fearmongerers straight
hehehehe
Mrs. Godzilla
April 6th, 2009
9:23 am
Sam….
I wonder why it’s so easy for us who understand climate change to spot the flatearthers?
ByteMe
April 6th, 2009
9:28 am
Whiner and Sam: I find is amazing that two people can be so egotistical to believe that if it’s cold where they are it MUST mean the entire planet is cold. Because only a massive raging ego can explain why you might think that if it’s not happening to you, it must not be happening at all anywhere.
ByteMe
April 6th, 2009
9:30 am
Whiner: as with all liquidity-driven bubbles, the bubble bursts when you take away the punch bowl spiked with easy money.
Wyld Byll Hyltnyr
April 6th, 2009
9:37 am
Mrs. Godzilla 9:08 am
Gee Byll…..
Neither a “one great big ball of hostility” or subject to “envy”, rather,just a gent who believes in truth – an objective truth, not the relativism that creates shades of truth. Without an absolute truth, relative truth let’s one move an inch here or there until one finds himself 100 miles from home and lost. That is where President Ob-amateur is leading us.
DB, Gwinnettian
April 6th, 2009
9:41 am
So, anyone have a peek at today’s print version?
Mind you I’m not a professional linguistic analyst or nothin’, but letter-writer number 2 sure looks real familiar…
Midori
April 6th, 2009
9:42 am
Spreading hate has consequences:
and ByteMe — why do you even waste your time with that small minded, pathetic fool of fools?
A city grieves: The societal plague of gun violence hits home hard
Monday, April 06, 2009
Pittsburgh Post-Gazette
“The person accused of the crimes, Richard Andrew Poplawski, appears to be another archetype loser who was all about rights but not responsibilities and whose mind had been poisoned by drinking deep of irrational anti-government conspiracies and gospels of hate.”
“But there will be time enough to consider how lunatic it is that an AK-47 assault rifle can find its way into the hands of a seething fool, to weigh the culpability of politicians who resist sensible limits on guns and to take to task the radio talk show hosts who foment evil by banging drums of hatred.”
http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/09096/960806-192.stm
Mrs. Godzilla
April 6th, 2009
9:45 am
Gee Byll
It’s nice that you interpret your hostility and envy with such erudite gentility.
“Horse faced” is soooooo verrrryyy objective!
Corporal Punishment
April 6th, 2009
9:56 am
Baseball!? Talk of baseball in a time like this is just the type of red herring we have come to expect from the liberal controlled media!
Tonight is the championship of the best sports has to offer – NCAA men’s basketball!
Talking about baseball on the day of the NCAA men’s natty title is like talking about the G-20 when the Koreans are firing nucluear missels at California, which Fox News showed this morning. We need to fire back at this disrespectful chinamen, but Obamatang is too scared and weak to do anything.
Paul
April 6th, 2009
10:06 am
Jay
[[I imagine that even the people supposedly in charge, in the White House, in Congress and on Wall Street, have no more sense of control over events than the rest of us do.]]
Many people expend a great deal of effort attempting to maintain the illusion of ‘control’.
Ten bucks! That’s great. I’ll bet the owners back then made money even without asking their fellow citizens to build their stadiums.
I see the Rangers just cut the price for hot dog, soda and something else combo meal to just under six bucks. They have some cut-price ticket offerings going. Maybe families will again enjoy the tradition. Or kids whose mom’ll slip them a 20… or two twenties? I just hope we don’t have another bailout for the owners.
Mrs. Godzilla
[[(See, I can do a sports metaphor!)]]
Ummm, that’s nothing to be proud of…
Report/Whine 8:27
Some who were formerly supportive – or at least willing to let the Pres have a go at it – over TARP are increasingly skeptical regarding long-term aims as the Administration refuses – refuses – to let banks pay back TARP loans.
Read over the weekend that before the bubble burst Calif’s median home price was $450,000. Median (half above, half below) household income was $75,000. People wondered, gee, how do they do it? Answer – they couldn’t. It’s interesting no one in the administration has mentioned maybe we should let home prices fall low enough so a house is affordable for most people – not an ‘investment’ for speculators.
Oh, and I have to agree with DB at 8:36 – ‘chimp’ and ‘chimperor’ were bad enough when the loyal opposition referred to Pres Bush. I kinda hoped people who objected to such conduct would refrain with the new administration. I kinda think the case against a person can be strengthened if the hits are to the policies or ineptitude, not focusing on name derivatives.
Hillbilly Deluxe 9:08
I was in Chicago a couple years ago. Made a point to go to a game. Walked halfway around the stadium to find the one stand that sold honest to goodness Chicago hot dogs. Got one with everything – it was worth the walk. Wouldn’t be Chicago baseball without it.
The game was worth it, too.
Sam 9:18
Some days the it gets warmer, some days cooler, some days it does both. Mrs. G goes with the flow.
I could never understand why some people think, no matter what humanity does, the earth registers zero impact. I guess maybe it’s a way for people to do whatever they want and not have to think there might be a problem.
Mrs. Godzilla
April 6th, 2009
10:10 am
Paul
Two points….
As a good wife to a major “athletic supporter” the talent for
the occasional sports metaphor is a good thing.
What the heck does, “Mrs. G goes with the flow” mean?
Paul
April 6th, 2009
10:18 am
Mrs. G
I liked the way it sounded – the weather flows, warmer, colder – it flows over time and over the earth. Some people don’t get hung up over whether or not it was a warm year or a cold year or that city had snow or that region is dry – overall trends can show an impact by humanity. So going with the flow implies keeping the big picture in mind.
So many quips come to mind when hearing ‘my husband is an athletic supporter.’
So many.
But I won’t.
Sometimes it’s tough to be good.
And congratulations to Carrie Underwood! CMA Entertainer of the Year!
Corporal
April 6th, 2009
10:21 am
WWND ?
Truth
April 6th, 2009
10:28 am
Red Sox Jay??? CARPETBAGGER!!!
Wyld Byll Hyltnyr
April 6th, 2009
10:32 am
Mrs. Godzilla
April 6th, 2009 9:45 am
In the words of one of our greatest, if not the greatest, American, “now there you go again….”
No one, least of all, I, used the adjective “horse faced”, rather, my description was, “…our horsey, over-bite riddled, Earl Campbell legged First Lady.”
To which I think no person of good will could reasonably deny that:
1)the First Lady is “horsey” rather than petit;
2) the First Lady sports a pronounced over-bite; and
3) the First Lady has disproportionately large legs.
Mrs. Godzilla
April 6th, 2009
10:34 am
Byll….
I bet you are a real lady killer.
booger
April 6th, 2009
10:46 am
What a bunch of Phooey. The economy not only will get worse, it still is worse. The market move from 7000 pts. to 8000 pts. only looks good if you ignore the fact that it was 14000 pts just a short time ago. And although it’s popular to say that the market only affects the wicked rich, consider the seriously underfunder pension funds, public and private. Consider the half depleted 401k accounts.
Anyway it’s way to early to have major improvement in the economy. Most of the stimulus money hasn’t even reached the street yet, and people might get the idea that the economy is improving on it’s on just as it has always done in the past. That would mean a trillion or so dollars were spent foolishly. Can’t have that.
Luckily, however, Obama and company now control most of the liquid capital in this country, so keeping a lid on the economy should not be a large task.
Jay, when you speak of “our team” I assume you are speaking for the AJC.
Bosch
April 6th, 2009
10:46 am
Is it just me, but the Noah character in Luckovich’s cartoon today looks an awful lot like the “End of the World Sign Guy?”
Just saying.
Baseball, smaseball, haven’t watched a game in about 10 years. Whatever.
Paul
April 6th, 2009
10:48 am
Wyld Byll
Physical appearance as a measure of a person?
SAIAH 53:2 For he shall grow up before him as a tender plant, and as a root out of a dry ground: he hath no form nor comeliness; and when we shall see him, there is no beauty that we should desire him.
ISAIAH 53:3 He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not.
Speaking ability as a measure of capability?
Exodus 3 11
But Moses said to God, “Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh and lead the Israelites out of Egypt?”
18 “The elders of Israel will listen to you.
4:10 I am not eloquent… but I am slow of speech, and of a slow tongue.
Nothing much that hasn’t been tried before -
Wyld Byll Hyltnyr
April 6th, 2009
10:51 am
Paul 10:48 am
Physical appearance is not the measure of a person, rather disengenuous reporting about the physical appearance of our First Lady, inter alia, is a true measure of the ODS liberal media.
Paul
April 6th, 2009
10:53 am
Bosch
That cartoon is so good on so many levels -
ByteMe
April 6th, 2009
10:56 am
DB/G @ 9:41: Who says the AJC doesn’t pay attention to conservative views?
Midori @9:42: Sometimes it makes perfect sense to rationally rebut or amplify a particular line of thought, regardless of the originator of the line. If you never talk with those who disagree with you, how can you ever find a point of agreement? Like the threads recently on Disney World and the Braves. Sometimes it’s just as much fun to agree with someone you normally disagree with.
Swami Dave
April 6th, 2009
10:56 am
Actually, sports metaphors are not an accurate representation anymore; at least, not an accurate representation of what many Americans want.
Under comparable cultural models that all too many Americans seem willing to surrender their opportunity and freedom, the baseball that we know would be replaced with a shadow of itself.
1) Only singles would be allowed since not everyone can hit a homerun or run fast enough to leg out a double or triple.
2) Pitcher’s mounds would be moveable depending upon the speed of a pitcher’s fastballs to ensure that no pitcher has an unfair advantage over another.
3) Double plays would be disallowed because that limits the opportunity for players to get atbats.
4) Whether you groundout, flyout, strikeout, or never even attempt a swing, you get credited for a single to ensure that everyone gets to participate equally.
For extra credit while we are all considering the debacle this would be, let’s consider a few things about their hypothetical construct:
1) Under this system that impedes the opportunity to excel and achieve, Would good players play?
2) With no benefit to improvement, would there be incentive for poor players to improve or mediocre players to become good or good players to get any better?
3) Would this system be good for their game itself?
Were we to learn a lesson from the sports world, the “change” that we would be enacting would be credit, support, and cheering of achievers and producers growing, building, and exercising their talents. We would facilitate a culture of improvement and advancement; not focused on meeting the lowest common denominator. We would look to highlight and reward excellence; not spread mediocrity. We would value opportunity and freedom; not security and dependence.
-Swami Dave
Paul
April 6th, 2009
10:59 am
Wyld
So I understand your point was not to belittle someone’s appearance, but to point out how media uses physical characteristics to build someone up.
Fair enough. On that topic, I will offer dress – fashion – appearance of AF One – all go hand in hand with projecting an image (which made some of the attacks on Palin’s loaner wardrobe ring hollow) of the US.
But that is different from describing physical characteristics. Only option there is surgery and that would not send a proper signal, I think.
But even stipulating the points in your earlier posts, isn’t it a wonderful example for many that she met a man for whom those characteristics were irrelevant in a companion and mother?