What the standings would look like if NHL counted only Ws and Ls

This weekend the NHL takes a big timeout in the schedule for the All Star Game. And one of the things I like to do during such breaks…or like last year when they take a two-week hiatus for the Winter Olympics…is to examine the overall standings while they sit still for a few days. But I don’t just look at where the 30 teams in the league find themselves in the conventional standings…with two points given out for wins and one for an overtime loss…but also where things would stand if the NHL simply counted wins and losses as they do in Major League Baseball, the NBA and NFL.

Call it the Ws and Ls standard, if you will.

I did this last season when the league halted for the Vancouver Games. Then, I found that only minor change. But this year there are a few teams that would benefit greatly if this were the case…and a few that would see their position in the standings adversely affected.

First, lets have a look at the standings today as the NHL calculates them. As you can see, Philadelphia, Tampa Bay and Boston would be the top three seeds in the Eastern Conference since they lead their respective conferences. The Western Conference leaders are Vancouver, Detroit and Dallas in that order.

Pittsburgh, Washington, the Rangers, Montreal and the Atlanta Thrashers currently rest in spots five through eighth to round out those currently in playoff spots. Close behind is Carolina in ninth place in the conference, then there’s Buffalo, Florida, Toronto, Ottawa falling in line behind. Finally, the New York Islanders and New Jersey are bringing up the rear.

Out west it’s Nashville, Anaheim, Phoenix, Chicago and San Jose currently holding wild card spots. Colorado, Minnesota, Los Angeles, Calgary, St. Louis and Columbus are on the outside looking in while Edmonton needs a telescope to see all the way into the playoff window. However, it must be noted that both the Sharks and Avs hold identical 25-19-6 records while Chicago has a 26-20-4 record. All three have 56 overall points.

Now, let’s see how that might change under the Ws and Ls standard.

East Conference

Division Leaders and Top 3 Seeds

1. PHI        33-17       .660%

If the NHL simply counted wins and losses in the standings, the Atlanta Thrashers would not be holding a playoff position at the All Star break (AP Photo/David Goldman)

If the NHL simply counted wins and losses in the standings, the Atlanta Thrashers would not be holding a playoff position at the All Star break (AP Photo/David Goldman)

2. TBL      31-20       .608%

3. BOS      28-22      .560%

Wild Card Race

4. PIT        31-19       .620%

5. NYR      29-23       .558%

6. MTL      27-23       .540%

7. WAS      27-24      .529%

8. CAR      25-25      .500%

Outside Looking In

9. BUF       23-26      .469%

10. ATL     24-28      .462%

11. FLA     22-27      .449%

12. TOR    19-30      .388%

13. OTT    17-33      .340%

14. NJD     16-33      .327%

15. NYI      15-34      .306%

Western Conference

Division Leaders and Top 3 Seeds

1. VAN      31-19      .620%

Under the Ws and Ls standard, Phoenix would fall down in the standings while the LA Kings would be tied for the fourth spot in the Western Conference

Under the Ws and Ls standard, Phoenix would fall down in the standings while the LA Kings would be tied for the fourth spot in the Western Conference (AP Photo/Ross D. Franklin)

2. DET      30-19      .612%

3. DAL      30-20      .600%

Wild Card Race

4. NAS      27-33      .540%

5. LAK      27-23      .540%

6. ANA      28-24      .538%

7. CHI       26-24      .520%

8. MIN      25-24       .510%

Outside Looking In

9. SJS       25-25       .500%

10. COL    25-25      .500%

11. PHO    25-26      .490%

12. CAL    24-27      .471%

13. CLB     23-26     .469%

14. STL     22-27     .449%

15. EDM    15-34     .306%

As would be expected, in this scenario there are a handful of teams that either slide up or down in the standings slightly. But there are a few that move significantly…even into or out of a playoff spot.

Starting in the east, there would be no change in the division leaders or their seeding in the conference. Pittsburgh and Washington would also remain where they are now, fourth and fifth. However, the Capitals would move down from the fifth seed to the seventh. The New York Rangers and Montreal Canadiens would each slide up on place.

That brings us to the eighth spot in the conference, the place where you’d normally expect to see the Atlanta Thrashers. But in this scenario, not only would they fall out of that eighth and final playoff slot, they would actually fall to tenth place in the conference…Carolina and Buffalo each moving ahead of Atlanta.

If you consider the standings in the same fashion you would in baseball, the Thrashers would be 7.0 games behind SE division leading Tampa Bay …3.5 behind the Caps and 2.0 behind the Canes. What’s worse, they would be 3 games behind Carolina in the loss column.

So as you can see, the Thrashers and Capitals would be negatively affected under the Ws and Ls standard…both slipping two rungs down the standings ladder. Carolina would benefit most as they would move from the ‘outside looking in” category to having a seat at the playoff position table.

Regardless of whether or not the standings reflect just Ws and Ls or the NHL points system, Daniel Carcillo and his Philly teammates are flying high atop the standings (AP Photo/Matt Slocum)

Regardless of whether or not the NHL counts only Ws and Ls or the current points system, Daniel Carcillo and his Philly teammates are flying high atop the standings (AP Photo/Matt Slocum)

The bottom of the Eastern Conference remains unchanged with the exception of the NY Islanders residing in last place instead of the New Jersey Devils. The Panthers would still be scratching around in eleventh place, Toronto would continue to waffle in twelfth and Ottawa would remain where they ought to be, in thirteenth.

But where we find the biggest “winner” and “loser” in this little exercise is out west.

The Los Angeles Kings, are currently in last place in the Pacific Division and eleventh place in the Western Conference with 55 points, would actually find themselves in second place in the division. Also, LA would find themselves tied with the Nashville Predators for the fourth spot in the conference… both with 27-23 records.

As it is, Los Angeles has but one, solitary loss past regulation time this season…that being a 3-2 overtime loss to Minnesota on December 11.

Falling most here would be the Phoenix Coyotes. Currently, their 25-17-9 record and 59 points place them as the sixth seed in the west, one point behind the Ducks and three ahead of the Blackhawks, Avalanche and Sharks. But here, they tumble to eleventh place…one-half game behind San Jose and Colorado. The Yotes would also be 1.0 behind the Minnesota Wild, who would stand in the eighth and final playoff spot in the conference.

As things stand in the current standings, the Wild are in tenth place…one point removed from a playoff slot.

So if we just considered Ws and Ls in the standings, the Kings would be given a royal boost in both the Pacific Division and Western Conference, Minnesota fans could go wild by seeing their team holding a playoff position at this time…but Coyotes fans would be left howling.

Finally… I do think it’s worth mentioning here that if the NHL did in fact use the Ws and Ls standard, it would have made no difference in who qualified for the playoffs last spring. The only difference is that a couple of the teams would have had different seedings.

By: Bill Tiller – AJC.com Thrashers Fan Blog

53 comments Add your comment

Alan R.

January 29th, 2011
7:47 am

Nothing too phenomenal, here. The real question is, what if we went back to the old system? W-L-T? Alas, there’s no accurate way to come to a conclusion on that. Anything can happen in an extra twenty minute frame.

World Be Free

January 29th, 2011
7:52 am

I hope there’s talk talk of scrapping the current system and going back to the W-L-T system. I always displiked the idea of a tie, fans come to the games to see a win or loss. A team at least gets a point for their efforts in an OT or SO loss.

buzz

January 29th, 2011
8:01 am

Hey, next week let’s look at where teams would be in the standings if losses counted as wins!

Dwayne

January 29th, 2011
8:11 am

3 teams from from our division in the playoffs under that format…We rule Canadians!!!!

Rawhide

January 29th, 2011
8:25 am

A quick reminder here that you can still get $26 tickets in sectins 203 or 204 to see the Thrashersvs. Hurricanes on February 13. Those calling 404-878-3781 wto take advantage of this deal will also get a free Thrashers replica jersey.

UGASlobberknocker

January 29th, 2011
8:39 am

Why not see what the standings would be like if we added one goal per game to the loser? Then lets see what the standings would be if we eliminated all power play goals and recomputed all of the scores. Maybe we could see what the standings would be if every player drank 3 beers before the game..Heck we could set up a whole shadow set of standings based on imaginary crap that is meaningless and that nobody cares about.

Or better still, we could get a column here that addresses something meaningful..like our chances to pick up some scoring.

Ties are for losers

January 29th, 2011
8:43 am

The old system of ties was awful. You would sit through a 2 1/2 hr game and leave unfulfilled. The new system is far better..

though I wouldnt mind if they went to a change that has been suggested this year..taking the 5 min OT, reduce it to 3 or 4 mins, then if still tied,another 3 mins at 3 on 3 before the shootout.

Hoof Arted

January 29th, 2011
8:50 am

Interesting topic, BlogMaster. I’ve always wondered if there were teams that benefited more than others from the “loser point” system and how things would break down if wins and loss were the only criteria.

I’ve read arguments about whether or not three points should be awarded for each game, (3 for regulation win then a 2/1 split for OT games). But since the league now insists a winner must be determined in each game it would seem logical to just count Ws and Ls.

Regardless, I think the better teams always find a way to make atop the standings.

World Be Free

January 29th, 2011
10:26 am

Ties-totally agree, I like the new system.
Rawhide-thanks for drilling down on the numbers and once again giving us good info to rap about. Give yourself a raise.

Off subject, I am beginning to wonder who the sellers are going to be in the coming weeks, from the teams in the playoff hunt. I keep looking at Buffalo and Calgary as teams that might make playoffs, who would be better off deep-sixing the season, sell off players for picks and starting over for the long term. That’s a tough sell on some fans, but I think the fan bases of both teams know they are not going to far in the playoffs, even if they make the post season. What makes more sense?

Flagstaff

January 29th, 2011
10:26 am

The reason that the “loser point” is necessary is, mainly, because of the shootout. It’s just an absolute gimmick to determine the winner of a team sport. However, I suppose that it’s better than ties because, as Ties are for losers said, “You would sit through a 2 1/2 hr game and leave unfulfilled.” However, the only reason that I don’t like the 3-point system is that I don’t think that fans should feel unhappy about anything if their team wins in this way, even in overtime. This being said, however, I think the league should extend overtime to at least ten minutes.

Buzzeng

January 29th, 2011
10:42 am

Bill – this is close to touching on one important aspect of the W-L… in a tie breaker at the end of the season, the first tiebreaker is “2.The greater number of games won, excluding games won in the Shootout (NEW for 2010-11).” So, while the W-L percentage doesn’t come into play, other than an interesting way to look at the teams statistically, the Wins-minus-SO-wins review might paint another picture. Also worth considering is the number of games in hand, since we are short in that stat against every team except the Ranjerks and Ducks.

Fan from Carolina

January 29th, 2011
11:04 am

I’d also like to see the OT extended to a 3 on 3 after the initial 5 minute OT. Most games will end. Very few ties should occur after 10 minutes making the shootout even more unusual and less frustrating for the players. After 70 minutes, you had your chance.

LAC

January 29th, 2011
11:27 am

Those three games kill you when you are NOT involved and other teams are. Hate ties, but the game ended with points split… Better that way.

Bill’s point shows we need some help in the lineup, problem many many other teams are too !

Chris16

January 29th, 2011
11:35 am

I like to see if you lose in the first OT you get no points, IF it is tied then you get your point and go to the shootout to get the next point. That way teams are fighting to win in the first OT. Where were the Thrashers in points last year at the All Star Break.

Jason

January 29th, 2011
11:50 am

I think you go 10-minutes of 4-on-4 and eliminate the shootout with no point for losing in OT. Or, at the very least, add two more rounds to the shootout to make it 5 rounds instead of 3. Three rounds of a shootout just seems more like a crapshoot. Plus, after waiting around for 5 minutes for the zamboni to clean the ice, the tv crews to get ready, etc., only doing 3 rounds can be a bit of a letdown.

Red Light

January 29th, 2011
11:57 am

The overtime is fine but the shoot-out is a ridiculous means to decide a team game with individual skills. But, I also can’t see extending the overtime session beyond (2) 5-minute periods where the ice conditions become questionable. Team travel also is an issue, particularly when teams have a back-to-back set of games.

Now, what you could do is forget about awarding points at all for wins and just go by a team’s record. The playoff teams would be decided by…

1) Which teams have the most wins
2) Resulting ties between teams decided by best winning percentage in conference games

But, what infuriates me even more than all this talk is that teams within the same conference don’t play the exact schedule, which has meant in the recent past that Washington, for instance, had the advantage of playing 24 games vs. “weak” Southeast Division opponents, while Pittsburgh played 24 games vs. “strong” Atlantic Division opponents. While the strengths and weaknesses of each division change from year to year, teams competing for an Eastern Conference playoff spot don’t play the same schedule.

It’s much the same in all sports, but consider if each of the 14 other teams played four times against every Eastern Conference opponent, and then a home-and-home series against teams from the Western Conference, the total yield of regular season games would then be 86 games, but at least you’d have a completely balanced schedule that way. I agree that four more regular season games isn’t the way to go, but you’d get a clearer picture of what teams should advance to the playoffs Then, you’d argue why should there be divisions at all, and of course, that’s a valid point.

If you keep it the way it is with teams playing 6 games vs division opponents, and 4 games vs conference opponents, you should play a home-and-home versus all Western teams at least, which puts the schedule at 84 games rather than 82.

Red Light

January 29th, 2011
11:58 am

Floating in the atmosphere with a post, Bill, Trix?

R. Stroz

January 29th, 2011
12:35 pm

h

January 29th, 2011
12:56 pm

Anyone catch Marc Stahl’s slam on Toronto last night when making his final pick? “Since Toronto isn’t a real hockey market…..” then he leaves Kessel as the last man standing…..gotta love it.

h

January 29th, 2011
12:57 pm

Ooops..Eric Stahl….sorry

World Be Free

January 29th, 2011
1:11 pm

h-didn’t hear it – I will have to youtube Eric Staal.

Chris TMC

January 29th, 2011
1:37 pm

I miss ties.

Hockey Biltong

January 29th, 2011
1:41 pm

wow, me too on the u-tube check…

Curly

January 29th, 2011
2:24 pm

I don’t think the outcome (and 2 points) should be determined by an individual skills competition (shoot-out). If you want to do away with the bonus point, then finish the game in sudden death OT (like the playoffs). First TEAM to score wins. If not… keep it the way it is or go back to ties.

Red Light

January 29th, 2011
3:01 pm

Staal was being totally and playfully tongue-in-cheek with his remark about Toronto and Kessel. Not a single mention of it in any Canadian rags online.

simpleminded

January 29th, 2011
4:14 pm

Shhhhhh…… put your mythical stats away! Instead, why not play a 5 minute overtime and then if it’s still tied, count the number of natural teeth still left in the mouth of the original 5 starting skaters.
With all our young kids, we should win that. Heck, some of them may still have baby teefs.

Buff-n-stuff

January 29th, 2011
4:28 pm

The NHL will never change back to the old W-L-T system….they may tweak OT, but NO WAY does it go back…Fans love it, Sponsors love it, owners love it….

simpleminded

January 29th, 2011
5:19 pm

We have owners?

ZAvalanche

January 29th, 2011
5:47 pm

As a fan, I love the shootout and can’t stand ties. However I think if are going to have a shootout in the regular season you need to do the same for the playoffs. Make the rules consistent.

glovesave29

January 29th, 2011
6:12 pm

ZA – NO way. NEVER want to see a Stanley Cup awarded because of a shootout. Sudden Death is the ONLY way to go. Shootouts are terrible in the regular season and would be disastrous in the playoffs.

Brendan

January 29th, 2011
6:16 pm

I never thought ties were evil, sinister things that simply had to be eliminated. At least a tie is an equitable distribution of points. Plus, it adds value to the “win” column. But I hear what people are saying. “A shootout is very more exciting than a tie.” I agree, even if it is a gimmick. We USED to watch the “skills competition” of All-Star weekend for this purpose. But now, we get a skills competition almost every night in the NHL.

Because the shootout isn’t going away, and ties aren’t coming back, all I ask is … assign a full loss and a full win to the result of the shootout. It doesn’t matter if someone makes the playoffs with a 38-44 record. Every game’s value is 1/82nd of the season. That’s clear. That’s fair. Every team would know what the story is. The goal of every game is to win, not to claim a “pity point” or a half-loss in the standings.

The other thing I’d ask … is for an extended overtime session. Maybe ten minutes of 4-on-4? How about a 10-minute intermission to resurface the ice, then play 15-minutes of 4-on-4? Then, we can have our ‘last gasp’ shootout. There’d be a lot less shootouts that way.

Brendan

January 29th, 2011
6:24 pm

ZAvalance, I doubt you can find one (1) GM to vote in favor of a shootout in the playoffs. Every fan that buys a playoff ticket knows they could be there until 2AM to get a result. But during the regular season, families have to get home at a reasonable hour. The travel is too rigorous to play back-to-back, after a 5OT game the night before. The Airlines have to wait on the tarmac until 3AM, etc. Over 82 games, shootouts are a necessity, if the ties are abandoned.

ZAvalanche

January 29th, 2011
6:50 pm

I have no doubt I couldn’t find a GM that would vote for a shootout in the playoffs. And Glovesave, it would be one of the most incredibly intense moments in sports. Game 7, tied, lets see who is better. I like the 5 minute OT, but the shootout is flipping amazing. I just remember the something like 7 period game several years back with, I think, Philly or Pitt, and man, my company lost a lot of man hours the next day. Mono-a-Mono (sp), get it settled. The whole prospect of sports it to determine the best (and make money while entertaining fans) and you can’t tell me that if Thrashy was in the finals you wouldn’t love the prospect of Buffy crushing the ice from center on the way to the goalie. It is one of those moments where you either crap your pants in defeat or break your hand high-5′ing your buddy. That is some good sport!

ZAvalanche

January 29th, 2011
6:58 pm

Additionally, a shootout would be sudden death, and the tension leading up to it by far beats a random Crosby goal (Gold medal game) that just sends you sitting there with your beer full of tears.

Red Light

January 30th, 2011
7:16 am

If you sat through the shootout competition last night, then you’ll know exactly why the shootout should never decide a game. Boring.

Hoof Arted

January 30th, 2011
8:15 am

No way should a shootout ever decide a playoff game.

Never.

Ever.

World Be Free

January 30th, 2011
9:26 am

Cant go back to ties after you have had a system in place that give us wins-losses every game. No matter how flawed the system may be (if you think it is) it would not work.

TV must have known there was no hockey last night-we had some great movies like The Dirty Dozen, Field of Dreams, Bad Day at Black Rock, Bachelor Party and Butch Cassidy/Sundance Kid so we didn’t have to watch the entire skills competition, though I have to admit I changed over the hardest shot.

glovesave29

January 30th, 2011
9:47 am

ZA – a shootout is a gimmick, and compared to the intensity of each shift during a sudden death overtime – and the the overwhelming joy (or heartbreak) when the game is decided – it just pales in comparison.

ZAvalanche

January 30th, 2011
12:19 pm

I respectfully disagree but value your opinions. You all must have played goalie! And RL, I did watch the whole skills competition last night and LOVED it! You have to realize, and I know you do, that the shootout in the skills comp is just to show off all the crazy things the players can do with the puck. In a real shootout there is no way they would try that stuff as it is a very serious process when games are on the line. Can’t wait for the game tonight, hope you all enjoy it. And BTW, I like the introduction of the draft process, very cool.

glovesave29

January 30th, 2011
12:53 pm

ZA – I don’t disagree that it makes for good TV and fun for the fans, but you’d really prefer that a Cup be decided in a team game by an individual competition?

ZAvalanche

January 30th, 2011
1:07 pm

Glovesaves – absolutely. When the team can’t decide the game I think it is only natural so put the best vs the best in a gladiator style. Don’t get me wrong, I will watch every overtime I can and I enjoy them. But I like the shootout more. Here is part of my reasoning; the league wouldn’t exist without fans and the fans like shootouts. If the detour in overtime policy puts people in the seats and watching the tv then I am all for it. The lockout killed our fan-base, even to this date, and ruined our national tv contracts. Average fans will not buy Center Ice so they will have to pony up for the extended cable, which they may not be able to afford, which greatly diminishes the viewership. The league needs to do everything they can to build up the fan-base again.

Alan R.

January 30th, 2011
3:17 pm

I guess I understand the skills competition deciding games during the regular season. During the playoffs and Cup finals, however, is a big negative. You will do more to upset the current fans than you will get new fans.

Brendan

January 30th, 2011
6:51 pm

I hope it never comes down to a shootout to decide a playoff game. Those games should be won and lost as a team, not as an individual skills competition between specific players. I don’t care if it takes six overtimes to settle it. That’s the proper way to settle it, in my opinion.

The closest we’ll ever see, more than likely, to a shootout deciding a playoff game … was Game # 82 in 2010 between the Flyers and Rangers last season. The Flyers won, moved into the field of 8 at position # 7 while the Rangers were eliminated from the playoffs. It was really, really exciting. But try to imagine losing a playoff series that way??

When the World Cup of Soccer was decided on penalty kicks, I thought … “No way!, this is what will decide the winner??!” I try to imagine if an NBA playoff game would ever be decided by a free-throw shooting contest. Or a baseball game decided by a homerun derby event. It just doesn’t add up to the spirit of what the playoffs are all about.

The day the NHL adopts shootouts for the playoffs, I’ll just ask them, “why not skip the game and go DIRECTLY to the shootout?” Then wait to hear their answer, which I imagine would sound something like, “because it’s a team game. The teams should decide the outcome.”

World Be Free

January 30th, 2011
7:28 pm

No way should playoff games ever be decided by shootouts; let them play until you have a winner. Nothing like going to a playoff games that last so long that they have to call people back in to re-open concession stands!

Thrashers27

January 30th, 2011
8:00 pm

How about this: instead of a shootout after OT, the teams go to a three round, one on one, open net format. That would end quickly and could be interesting.

Incase you’re wondering, yes, I just pulled that out of my bum.

ZAvalanche

January 30th, 2011
8:37 pm

Are you kidding???? The shootout in soccer is a total fan favorite. I am advocating a single 20 minute sudden death extra period and then a shootout. The NFL OT is a joke and is basically decided on a coin-toss. I’m not even going to talk about the NBA as it is a total joke.

Scott

January 30th, 2011
9:45 pm

My guess is, Rawhide will post a new entry soon, but here is some research I did:
https://spreadsheets.google.com/pub?key=0Ag_W2hFUK1OLdE1TN0hZaXlfTy1fYm1NQnpUNGhKa1E&hl=en&output=html is a google docs spreadsheet that has a breakout of wins and losses by type to this point in the season.

I was surprised things didn’t change more with various point methods. I really think a SO win needs to be de-emphasized, but everything I came up with made things more complicated and did not change things much.

World Be Free

January 30th, 2011
10:10 pm

The only change I would advocate to the current format is going to 3-3 for the entire overtime. That’s why you have skill players. Or you can take the goalies out and turn the nets around-it’s a good goal iwhen you bank it off the backboarders into the net. Whatever.

Tony C.

January 30th, 2011
10:44 pm

Two 5-min. OT periods of 4 v 4 still tied, 5-round shootout. Problem solved-You’re welcome.

Do not change a thing about playoff OT. That’s what makes the Stanley Cup playoffs the most exciting annual tournament on the planet. That edge-of-your-seat tension for minute after grueling minute-ultimate drama in sports. Take away the 5 v 5 sudden death drama and what do you have to make the playoffs special?…I mean what about the Kieth Primeau game way back when? San Jose Sharks had that OT thriller the other year.. Or the legendary NYR-NJD series in ‘94? You put the shootout in the playoffs and two things happen immediately: (1) Playoffs become suck. (2) Somebody finally does shoot Betteman.

Brendan

January 30th, 2011
11:11 pm

ZAvalanche, I just feel awful for the fans of the team that loses the World Cup or the Olympic Gold Medal via penalty kicks. What did the losing team do to deserve to fail? Answer: Their goalkeeper dove left instead of right, while one (1) of their shooters hit the crossbar. And THAT’S THE MEMORY they’ll carry for the next FOUR YEARS???? Are you serious??? And clearly, the answer is “yes,” since THAT’S ACTUALLY HOW IT IS!!!!! That’s, honest to Pete, how it’s done. Nobody ostensibly thinks to change it, in soccer. It’s chiseled in stone, irreparably the LAW of soccer, and to change it … would require the resurrection of Moses, himself. And, let’s face it, Moses had been dead for a while. The mere ’sticker shock’ of what it’d cost to commission new stone chiseled templates, alone, would send him right back into the grave. Plus, it’d apparently ruin some VAST, ETERNAL plan. Nations would crumble. Rivers would turn to blood. The fowl would fall from the sky. And the fish would wash up dead, by the tens of thousands, along the shorelines of the oceans of the world.

No doubt, the penalty kicks are exciting. The penalty kicks for the Gold Medal or World Cup have to be highlight for fans, if you don’t care about the teams playing. “Que tencion! Viene, viene, viene … GOOOOOOOOL!! GOOOOOOL,” etc. But, it doesn’t end there. The team that wins this abomination acts like they’ve actually done something. To me, the actual reality of what transpired was something a kin to flipping a coin … and it really did some up “heads.” Yay!! We win!! We called, “Heads!” I repeat. “We called HEADS!!” Take a LOOK at the SHINY COIN!! The coin doesn’t lie. Read it and weep, losers!! It’s a “Heads.” Now gimme my Olympic Gold Medal.

Sheesh. they peed in the ocean, then got a trophy for it. And the next thing they might do … is pluck a booger outta their noses. Aye, aye, aye … que no me gusta eso.