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Worst Christmas songs?

You might want a little nip of something strong, like Billy Bob Thornton in "Bad Santa" here, before being subjected to some of these tunes again and again. Photo courtesy Tracy Bennett and Miramax Films

You might want a little nip of something strong, like Billy Bob Thornton in "Bad Santa" here, before being subjected to some of these tunes again and again. Photo courtesy Tracy Bennett and Miramax Films

It’s a season of joy and peace, but for some, a few of those Christmas songs are enough to make them want to steer that one-horse open sleigh into a snow bank. Our own Atlanta Braves have even contributed to the holiday noise pollution, but we’ll get to that.

A pair of websites have marked the holiday by weighing in on the musical coal in our Christmas stockings, including MSNBC and Jezebel.

MSNBC takes a look at the “11 Christmas songs we hope never to hear again.” Some of their choices aren’t surprising. There’s been plenty of disdain for Paul McCartney’s best-known contribution to the Christmas canon and MSNBC calls “Wonderful Christmastime” a “strangled-by-synthesizer mess.” A few of the site’s other choices might not be so agreeable to the Christmas music lovers out there (raise your hand Zooey Deschanel and Wham fans).

Jezebel took a different approach and allowed its online community to vote in a bracket-type tournament that just concluded yesterday. Check it out, but be warned that the language at Jezebel gets a little salty, so those sensitive to that kind of thing should steer clear. Their final four? “Wonderful Christmastime,” “Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer,” “All I Want for Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth” and “The Christmas Shoes.” And the winner was this sentimental heartbreaker.

We were rooting for “Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer,” which also inspired a sub-par “Scooby Doo”-lite animated special in which evil cousin Mel tries to sell Grandma’s shop after the elderly victim of Santa’s reindeer disappears (and she would have gotten away with it, too, if it weren’t for that meddling kid).

We didn’t expect the Atlanta Braves to get in on the musical mayhem, though. The team offers up a late entry for the worst Christmas song title with their take on “Jingle Bells.” Good thing they can play baseball.

What are your least favorite Christmas songs? Which yuletide tune would you like to see added to the “do not play” list?

17 comments Add your comment

Hang Up & DRIVE !!!

December 22nd, 2011
3:34 pm

My Favorite Contemporary CHRISTMAS, not “Holiday,” Songs Include:

iPhone Driver Got Run Over By a Semi

The 12 Dead Cell Phone Drivers of Christmas

White Crime Scene Tape Around the Dead Cell Phone Driver

Boo Got Shot! Christmas

Satan’s Claw is Coming to Greet Deceased Cell Phone Drivers

All I Want for Christmas is All Cell Phone Drivers Deceased

BFS

December 22nd, 2011
4:12 pm

Ahhh…Boo Got Shot. What a wonderful memory of Royal Marshall providing the lay persons inturpretation on Boortz’s show.

Priceless!

Hang Up & DRIVE !!!

December 22nd, 2011
4:29 pm

Royal Marshall was truly a gentleman and a PRINCE of a human being.

I wish the life of each and every person who uses a cell phone while behind the wheel of an in-motion motor vehicle had been taken instead of Royal.

Browncoat

December 22nd, 2011
9:57 pm

I hate Christmas Shoes, like Silver and Gold though.

Kat

December 22nd, 2011
10:35 pm

Christmas Shoes is pretty awful, but I would listen to it over that “song” about the “Christmas Train” or whatever it is over it any day. You know the one that is spoken rather than sung about the guy on the train and he sees the young woman and talks about looking out the window, etc? I don’t know the name of it, but it drives me batty! Fortunately, I have not yet been subjected to it this year.

Vince

December 22nd, 2011
11:28 pm

Is there anything worse than Paul McCartney’s “A Wonderful Christmastime?”

Mitchell

December 22nd, 2011
11:38 pm

We didn’t expect the Atlanta Braves to get in on the musical mayhem, though. The team offers up a late entry for the worst Christmas song title with their take on “Jingle Bells.” Good thing they can play baseball.

Yeah, right.

Cat man

December 23rd, 2011
5:12 am

War is Over:John Lennon.
Swish into Christmas:elton john and Last Christmas by george michael.

Don't Tread

December 23rd, 2011
9:29 am

“Santa Baby” is offensive, regardless of who sings it. Piling on the bling is not what Christmas is about.

Madonna, Christina Aguilera, Britney Spears, or any number of current “celebrities” with zero morals singing ANY Christmas song is a sacrilege at best.

Dcand Laird

December 23rd, 2011
9:50 am

I’m pretty sure this years… ‘hit’, “Wrappying Paper” is the worst Christmas song of all time… http://youtu.be/XERztVh-6y4?hd=1

C.A.

December 23rd, 2011
5:30 pm

“I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas” is about annoying as it gets.

Traffic Headache

December 23rd, 2011
7:30 pm

I ain’t hatin’ on McCartney’s tune, and Lennon’s “Happy Xmas (War Is Over)” still has resonance. But of those I’d rather put a gun to my mouth to as opposed to listening includes:

“Here Comes Santa Claus” (what does the Good Lord have to do with the arrival of a fictional character, anyway?)

Mariah Carey’s ear-bleeding version of “O Holy Night”

“Happy Holidays” by Andy Williams

“We Need A Little Christmas” by whoever does it

Any version of “Sleigh Ride” with words

Mitchell

December 24th, 2011
2:54 am

“I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas” is truly the worst song of any genre. Christmas or not.

Terrible.

Bah!

December 24th, 2011
12:02 pm

wow, so many.. any ex- Beatlesongs like “A Wonderful Christmastime”, “War is over”….uggggg to start but my all time hate its are Grandma got run over, Hippo, and the grndaddy of them all, Feliz Navidad….I want to rip a snowman’s head off every time that comes on….

Egg Noggin

December 24th, 2011
2:54 pm

So many Christmas lemons to pick from! But if one must choose the worst of the bunch, mine would be Neil Diamond doing Mary’s Boy Child with a hideous Brooklyn-cum-Caribbean accent. An excruciating bad experience, right up there with waterboarding. Mariah Carey’s O Holy Night is a close second. She’s a fine singer, but apparently doesn’t get that not everything she does requires superfluous grace notes.

Thank goodness for Frank Sinatra’s Christmas Waltz, Nat King Cole’s The Christmas Song and Bing Crosby’s White Christmas. Simple but elegant productions hat epitomize the perennial classic

Merry Christmas to all..

Ward

December 27th, 2011
8:53 am

Anything oversung by any of the usual divas… Mariah, Celine, whoever…

This year, I heard some version of Silent Night where the precious diva had decided to lose the melody of the song entirely and make up her own. FAIL.

sally

December 27th, 2011
8:55 am

Grandma Got Run Over, I Want a Hippopotamus, Santa Baby (hate the words, but love the way Eartha Kitt sang it – blush), Alivn & the Chipmunks, I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus, It’s a Marshmallow World and The Christmas Shoes are all pretty bad, but the all-time, worst Christmas song is the dogs barking to Jingle Bells. I haven’t heard any of the newer ones others have referred to. It’s probably because I don’t listen to the Christmas radio stations and I don’t shop much in stores where it’s played on the muzak.