Newtown shooting demands we consider our “call of duty” as parents

Ahh this merry old saw always brings to mind a book I found when I was in middle school. It’s called “From the Ballroom to Hell” and it’s about the insidious and socially destructive habit of ballroom dancing. You see ballroom dancing leads inevitably to delicate young ladies committing a whole string of unimaginable sins, the guilt and social opprobrium of which unavoidably causes them to turn to whoring or suicide.

No, wait, that’s actually a completely specious load of nonsense that a fake preacher made up over a hundred years ago and published to turn a buck.

I get it. Whatever the current crop of young people are doing the current crop of old people finds morally bankrupt and reprehensible, and if only sense could prevail those darn kids would cut that crap out and get back to the wholesome activities we enjoyed in our youth. You know, the ones our parents despised and reviled, like ballroom dancing.

I have to admit I cringe watching 13 year old kids hump dancing. It hurts the little old man in me who thinks back to when I was pushing boundaries by touching my hip to my partner’s during a slow dance. That being confessed, I have not forgotten being young. A child’s peers are a far greater influence on him than his parents, or anyone more than 4 years older than him. Give your kid the tools to select his peers wisely and you’ll have done a significant part of your job as a parent. Throw out his video games (Or cancel his ballroom dancing lessons) and you’ll just be sending him in search of whichever of his peers can give him a window into that world. A video game IS just a game. The simulated violence of football IS just simulated. Ballroom dancing doesn’t lead to whoring and death, it’s just friggin dancing.

Being a parent is about providing the context, experience, and skills to handle life as it exists for our kids and their peers, not about trying to remove the aspects of the world we don’t care for from our children’s experience. Eventually they move out. Then they see things as they truly are and they must come to terms with them. Don’t be that bubble parent.

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Enter your comments here

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Or, “Being a parent is about providing the context, experience, and skills to handle life as it exists for our kids and their peers, [and] about trying to [alter] aspects of the world [that] we [consider harmful to] our children’s experience.”

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Or, “Being a parent is about providing the context, experience, and skills to handle life as it exists for our kids and their peers, [and] about trying to [alter] aspects of the world [that] we [consider harmful to] our children’s experience.”

Not a bad counterpoint at all redweather; I wonder for example, what might happen if instead of reflexively saying yes or no to buying Call of Duty, one asked “Why do you think you might find it enjoyable to pretend killing people in a realistic manner?”

I’m not claiming a rightness or wrongness to this approach, but I am thinking it may very well provide some of that context. It may even cause the child himself to alter his consumer choice…heck, if he sees the title “From Ballroom to Hell” it may sound so rebellious, that he’ll ask for ballroom dancing lessons LOL

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“Eventually they move out. Then they see things as they truly are and they must come to terms with them.” Ros Dalton

The Newtown shooter did not move out. Parenting is not about allowing, not about giving in, it’s not a game. There’s no extra life, no do-over.

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@Dr. Henson, I appreciate your response to the Herb Garrett issue. Again, while not a fan of Michelle Rhee, I can appreciate someone who part of (from everything I’ve ever read) a viable alternative to the status quo, and could deal with the status quo (without going bat guano crazy) long enough to bring it to fruition.

Continued success. Now a 7 year old doesn’t get Call of Duty for Christmas. Period. End of story. But I do wonder if it is better to at least engage the 14 year old in the conversation, as to “why” even if, at the end of the day, you still say no?

Finally @Dr. Henson and for profit charters. You do realize when Office Depot, Microsoft, mop makers, tool makers, lawnmower manufacturers and the like sell to the traditional public schools, all of them sell at cost don’t you, and categorically refuse to make any profit off the transactions right?

Your school only pays a markup because it’s a charter school.

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” They understand the needs of those around them, they play with all their classmates, and they respect their parents, their teachers, and their god.” – We could use some folks like that in Congress. Glad y’all are growing them, there at Pace.

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I totally agree with the author. As a retired middle school teacher, I believe the author’s comments are right on the nail. Yes, I also watched the roadrunner and all the terrible cartoons containing violence, and I don’t kick dogs or terrorize others. There is a difference between these cartoons and the newest of the violent games children watch today. Realistic images of death and destruction are totally unacceptable in a caring society. I also know that there are many young people who are addicted to these games, spending countless hours glued to the screen containing nauseous violence. All these hours could be better spent by these young people. No, I do not think they are bad kids, but I do believe their mindset is seriously changed by incessant watching of these videos. Who knows what the future will hold regarding these students? From my personal experience, I have seen the changes in youth watching these game screens over time. Many of them become self destructive (cutting for example) and seriously depressed and standoffish. They reject authority and often have no idea how to fit into the real world they are forced to live in. Personally, I find most of these games as “vile” and “self-destructive” when parents allow their children to watch them without any time restraints. I would not ever allow a child of mine to own one. My hat is off to the Principal of Pace Academy, Fred Assaf, for having the courage and interest in his children at the school.

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Things have changed, for sure. Years ago, we had wooden cut-out guns to play with. There was a toy gun called a Johnny-7 OMA that was a combination machine gun/pistol/ grenade launcher. It was a must-have at Christmas in the early ’60s (I’m telling my age) and we played army/war all the time. Shows on T.V. like “Combat” were all the kids favorites. However, while we enjoyed playing these games (and did so at school many a time) there was no killing or violence linked to this. G.I. Joe figures with all the camo and war equipment did not cause folks to go off the deep end. Man, how the times have changed. I know that each generation freaks at the next generation’s ways and means, but things have gotten out of hand.

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Guns don’t kill people, video games do?

Now I’ve heard it all!

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Anne it is far more difficult to obtain a firearm in Canada than in the U.S.

Incidentally, when I was up in Canada this past summer, there was a story on the news about increasing gun violence as a result of the illegal firearms trade between the U.S. and Canada….that is, easily obtainable firearms in the U.S. being smuggled to Canada.

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In the 1950’s, as a child, I went to every violent cowboy movie there was. I also saw all kinds of violent gangster movies.

No one ever brought a gun to school.

No one even thought of that.

Violent games aren’t causing this.

A huge emphasis on Civil Rights in the 60’s, with a corresponding total neglect of Civil Responsibilities, which persists to this day, is largely responsible for so many of the ills of our society.

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There’s certainly no silver bullet to this issue, and I’m not one to put blame on video games, dungeons and dragons, or any other form of entertainment. Part of the issue is that parenting takes tons of physical and emotional energy. If kids are left to their own devices, without constant, intentional parental steering, our kids’ ability to discern right from wrong may be lessened. I’d propose one ideal that needs to be addressed is what causes our parents to have less energy to devote intentionally to our children? Perhaps the drive for more income? Better providing for our families? Keeping up with the Jones’? Each parent working long hours at a job? Single parents? I’d like to see some data on this – again not putting blame all in one place, but an interesting thought.

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Our call of duty right now is to figure out ways to immediately provide better protection for children, not to argue about the causes of pathology or how many guns = too many. Listen, even as a conservative-leaning libertarian, I appreciate that we have too many guns and especially too many military-style guns. But we’re being distracted by the arguments over gun control and what causes young men to go on killing sprees, and what we should be focusing on, right now, is protection.

What can we do right now, in other words, to reduce the exposure our children have at unguarded schools?

And the answer is right in front of us. According to the NY Times, the Newtown killer bypassed the first classroom he came to because he couldn’t open the door. He went on to the next two classrooms and killed everyone inside.

Why aren’t we talking about steel fire doors with sliding heavy-duty bolt locks for every classroom door? Certainly that’s cheaper than spending billions on more armed guards, and it won’t set off an endless and unproductive argument.

Remember–no matter where you stand on gun control, 100 million people in this country disagree with you and they have votes and political clout just like you do, and they will never acquiesce to what you feel should be the standard on gun ownership. So stop wasting time arguing about it–because it is an issue that’ll never move more than a few inches in either direction in your lifetime– and put your focus where it can actually do some good.

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It’s really quite simple. With technology, parents no longer have to parent, they only entertain. When I took my small children out in public, I did not have a smartphone I could hand them to watch cartoons from Netflix. I had to talk to them, play games with them and teach them how to behave. When traveling, there were no dvd’s. We talked, played license tag games, checked out the scenery or read books. They were allowed to watch tv and played video games (as teenagers) that killed people. I did talk to them about make believe games and reality. We talked everyday. They knew that as long as they behaved and did what they were supposed to ,everything was great. Step out of line, and they would suffer the consequences. Communication is lacking when children spend the majority of their time wired.
Just wondering, how many of you have been terrorized at a restaurant by wild children at the next table while their parents seem oblivious to the situation?

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Thank you Dr. Assaf for your genuine concern for the children at Pace.
Reading all these comments defending violent video games makes me sad. That any parent thinks their children learn something valuable from a virtual horror show of shooting and maiming is the saddest thing of all.
There is an education component to video games, just as there is from children’s TV. Children learn their ABCs from Sesame Street. What do they learn from Halo?

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The military does use video game training. Many educational processes use multimedia as an efficient way to influence thoughts. Billions of dollars are poured into advertising campaigns specifically tuned to reach particular demographics. Why? Because it works! Arguments that people don’t chase roadrunners after watching a cartoon coyote are foolishness… a child WILL try chasing a bird given the opportunity; it’s called “play”. And although grownups do it less or differently, we still think about that roadrunner – therefor it IS lurking in our heads.

There is a missing half to this argument; balancing multimedia educational influences with discretion, compassion, and respect. For example; soldiers trained to kill are also trained when NOT to. They are debriefed and evaluated after missions or conflicts. What child is ever talked “down” from the high of achieving a violent game’s highest levels? They are not. In fact, the game escalates the tension and encourages an increase in “scoring” (killing). Each level and each new addition of the game incrementally increases the anticipation of a more profound experience.

For some, visceral stimuli is a temporary and completely manageable distraction from everyday thoughts. For others, however, it is more. Like a glass of wine or a few minutes on Facebook; i.e. some individuals have an overwhelming response. We all know that some people faint at the sight of blood, some are terrified by their own shadow, some startle easily, and so on. Where is the screening for those who are easily influenced by multimedia? Can a game identify if the person playing it is really practicing to fly a plane into a tower? Can a lurid image know if the person viewing it is voyeuristically stimulated to the point of sexually assaulting someone? Can a child know if his or her parent is not qualified to properly assess a young mind’s psychological condition? Can a young parent know what they don’t know? Maybe someday technology will help us in these areas, but not now. As long as we as a society do not teach responsibility before, during, and after each influential experience – we will continue to blindly (and painfully) bump into our own ignorance. Some will pay the ultimate price.

Don’t legislate what you can educate.

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Beverly Fraud posted, “But I do wonder if it is better to at least engage the 14 year old in the conversation, as to “why” even if, at the end of the day, you still say no?”

Totally agree, and a lot depends on the maturity of the 14-year-old. It’s not a good idea for a parent of a middle schooler or high schooler, or even an older elementary schooler, to issue edicts with no discussion. My point was for young children, which I think of P-4 or 5 as falling into that category, that violent, M-rated video games & similar television shows & films are utterly inappropriate.

“Finally @Dr. Henson and for profit charters. You do realize when Office Depot, Microsoft, mop makers, tool makers, lawnmower manufacturers and the like sell to the traditional public schools, all of them sell at cost don’t you, and categorically refuse to make any profit off the transactions right?

Your school only pays a markup because it’s a charter school.”

Absolutely not true. No private company, unless they are making a special exception, sells to public schools “at cost.” Many of them sell at a discount, and we purchase quite a bit at a discount ourselves. Talk to any purchasing agent at any school district, and they’ll tell you that companies compete fiercely for public school contracts. They don’t do that because they’re selling at cost.

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“A huge emphasis on Civil Rights in the 60’s, with a corresponding total neglect of Civil Responsibilities, which persists to this day, is largely responsible for so many of the ills of our society.”
—Dumbest comment of this whole thread. Implies that allowing women to exercise the full freedoms inherent in the Constitution (such as voting and working outside the home) was wrong.

Second dumbest is the notion that violent video game play leads to decreased sensitivity regarding sanctity of human life. Violent video game play at the expense of education or teaching self control leads to an inability to do a lot of productive things. But neither video games nor guns nor automobiles nor knives nor ropes, etc. kill people. Irresponsible use of the preceding leads to tragedies.

No one is defending violent video games. Some of us are trying to bring sanity back to this discussion. Like all things, too much video game play is bad for all involved.

Video games are rated as to their age appropriateness. Whether or not parents allow their child to play games rated “M” for Mature (meaning 18 or older is recommended) is a parental decision. The real issue is parents making poor decisions. These poor decisions could involve allowing their kids too much freedom, letting their kids watch too much TV or participate too heavily in sports at the expense of doing their homework. These poor decisions are the areas at fault and not the activity itself.

Headmasters of schools should focus on the primary things they can do such as
-school security (i.e. bullet proof glass at entry points, armed security patrolling the premises, security cameras),
-controlled access to school property during the school day,
-educating students so that they are thinking and engaged individuals, and
-providing counseling and mental health awareness.

And while I can find a study to support anything these days, I must say Maureen that you do this dialog no service when you post links to studies that are ultimately inconclusive. I would suggest you stick with the “all things in moderation” with “school work always coming first” point of view.

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So, what if the kids play MADDEN NFL 24/7? Are they then going to go out and be a football player? Get a grip people. If you try and say that the game is the cause then it has to go both ways. Why is it only violent games that concern you? So my son who plays Dance Dance Revolution and my Daughter who plays Call of Duty are going to grow up to be a male dancer and a female soldier?

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Video games are not to blame here folks. It’s the parents. This seems to be the elephant in the room that no one wants to address.

In the same time period that video games have gotten more and more realistic and more wide-spread, violent crime has DROPPED. Find your own data at CDC and FBI.

I was in the “latch-key kid” generation, I guess we were so named because we were the fist generation that had both parents working full-time jobs and so there was no parent waiting at home when we got off school.

Unfortunately this has not improved, it’s only gotten more prevalent. Too many kids either have very little time with their parents because they both work, or the quality of their time with their parents is so low because both parents are worn out or on a long leash, connected to their jobs 24/365 via smart phones and email (and not by the parents’ choice).

I believe this can be traced back to one thing: the extreme devaluation of the dollar. Both parents *have* to work nowadays. Gone are the days of the stay-at-home wife with the man’s income alone enough to buy a decent standard of living. Hell, we’ll be lucky if both parents’ incomes are enough to buy a decent standard of living soon!

Anyway….it’s up to the parents to monitor their children…what they watch, what the play, and what they do. And this seems to be a point the author is making. I just hope the point isn’t misinterpreted so that some believe we need to destroy the First AND Second Amendments to our Constitution for our kids’ sake, because that is truly doing NO favors for future generations.

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Here’s the deal. I have been around guns my ENTIRE life. Starting at 9 when I got my first shotgun and have NEVER had the want to go out and kill someone. I KNEW dead was DEAD. My father was my friend and also my FATHER!! Stop trying to find the BLAME and start being the SOLUTION…educate your kids, spend time with them, NOT EVERYONE gets to WIN! Not EVERY kid should get a trophy. ENOUGH of this “Johhny got his feelings hurt because he didnt make the team so he had to retaliate” garbage. That is ONE thing those games do teach is that you can’t ALL be winners. But I do hear a bunch of whiners out there!

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Maureen, this is not a new phenomenon, depending on your definition of “new”. Remember the arcade game Mortal Kombat? That old game had some quite graphic kill scenes. As a gen-xer myself (and parent) who grew up playing video games, I agree that young children should not be decaptitating foes in video games. But, a 14 year old? Even without my mom monitoring what I was doing, I was able to comprehend that just because it was ok for my character in a video game to go on a killing spree, that somehow it was inappropriate to do so in real life, as myself. The lack of gun control and mental health has much more to do with mass killings in real life than any video game ever will. Good parenting trumps everything though.

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Seriously, all of the “educated people” want to play the blame game. Let’s blame the guns. Let’s blame video games. Let’s blame Hollywood & violent TV & movies. BUT let’s not blame the individual that carried out this horrible act.

No, he wasn’t at fault, it had to be something else. Sorry, but if parents and educators would enforce than ethos of personal responsibility instead of looking to pass the blame then the world would be a much better place. Video games were no more responsible Fred Assif is responsible. Can we please stop passing the blame and start making people accept the responsibility for their own actions?

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As a low-income single parent, I confess that I relied heavily on the electronic “Babysitter” of TV and Video games since I couldn’t afford decent day care for my two young sons. At least I knew where they were after school before I got home from work. That being said, parents need to pay attention to what their kids are doing with their spare time, and respond accordingly.
Games like “Halo,” “Assassin’s Creed,” “Call of Duty,” “World of Warcraft,” “Grand Theft Auto.” – These games are NOT for children! You wouldn’t buy your 7 year old a pack of cigarettes and a fifth of Scotch, Why on earth would you let them get their hands on violent video games and movies before they are old enough to understand the difference between real life and fantasy? Back then, my kids played “violent” video games like Mortal Combat and Shinobi Warrior, and I was soundly criticized for letting them do it. The two video games that I eventually banned forever from my household, however, were “Micro Machines” racing game, and “Marble Madness” because my kids always ended up arguing and fighting over them in REAL LIFE! It wasn’t their exposure to violence that caused them to fight with each other, it was the frustration and helplessness they felt after losing in a game they couldn’t win anyway – not unlike the frustration and helplessness in the REAL lives that some people live day after day after day….
It’s time to stop blaming video games, guns, fast cars, motorcycles and everything else for dangerous and violent behaviour. The REAL problem isn’t that difficult to figure out, but the infinite human capacity for denial allows us to ignore the obvious. It is Anger, frustration, hatred and lack of respect that pushes us to violent actions, not something as silly as a game, and until we are able to accept the fact that WE are the problem – to acknowledge and cope this sickness of chronic anger that plagues every one of us and our entire society – nothing will change.

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“BUT let’s not blame the individual that carried out this horrible act. ”

Of COURSE we blame the individual, but what good does that do? Will it protect or bring back the 26 dead? We are trying for PREVENTIVE measures.

It does no good to increasse the penalty for murder, because the killer has already executed himself. We have to come up with ways to prevent the crime before it happens. That may involve better metal health evaluations, better parenting, limiting access to guns, limiting acces to violent video games, additional guards or better security at schools.

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“Letting my daughter watch movies like Mississippi Burning, and Schindler’s List, isn’t [horrible parenting].”

I agree, but I sure wouldn’t allow a 5 or 6 year old to watch either of those, and an older elementary schooler I’d want to watch it with me so I could answer questions and put some historical context around the films.

What I’m talking about is the fact that no decent parent would drag a child that age to a theater to see a slasher flick, or hand over the remote control with no monitoring and allow a 5 or 6 year old to watch The Walking Dead or Sons of Anarchy or any number of television programs that may actually be quite good for teenagers and adults (I’m a big fan of the The Walking Dead and watch it with my teenagers and young adult children at home).

Those who think that being an actual parent and having both some awareness AND some control over what their young children view and play with is advocating going back to the 1950s need to calm down and stop falling into the either/or fallacy of thinking.

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ImaDAD posted, “Start with being a freakin’ PARENT and not your child’s best friend!!! The word “NO” didn’t kill me and it will not kill my kids either. Just because the game may not be appropriate for your child or their age or even perhaps their mental capacity, doesn’t mean it can’t be ENTERTAINMENT for older, mature, or those with the mental capacity.”

Exactly. Well said.

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The young man who committed this crime in Newtown was mentally ill. His mother had tried desperately to get help for him, however, as a society we no longer care for our mentally ill much. They are on their own – or sent to the total care of their families.

Blaming this action on video games is magical thinking: If I can find something that I can control, then I can control my environment to the point that I’ll be safe from harm. That is never true. Random is random.

I will say though, that the one obvious help in this story is that the classrooms that had at least two adults in the room had no fatalities. Staffing up and ensuring there are plenty of adults to corral children in emergencies is a key to surviving a disaster of most any kind. Be prepared – not in denial.

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There is no reason to believe that these children suddenly are not the product of parenting (or the lack thereof). Maybe the attempt to create a less violent environment will create less violent parents? Maybe not. Fact is that this country has seen a more than proportional part of graphic violence and many adults still see more weapons as a solution. Sure, there are no simple solutions to complex problems (especially not in a country with so many dogmas) but it seems to me that any attempt to stop the madness is likely to fail in a society where anybody with a temper and not enough restrain can pull a weapon of mass destruction. Violent video games are played all over the world. Capable parents know how to deal with that.

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Using a survey to identify “aggressive behavior” is not a very rigorous way to make a measurement. Respondents who play video games may just be more likely characterize their actions as being violent. People in Canada, Japan, the UK and every other first world country play the same violent video games and maintain low murder rates, yet the murder rate in the USA is similar to those in the third world. The USA has been a violent country since its founding. The only things I see as possibly unique about us are that 1) we take insults too seriously (defending one’s “honor” or being “dissed”, 2) we have a very competitive society, 3) we are not as homogeneous as some societies , 4) we don’t institutionalize our mentally ill, and 5) we have easy access to guns – which allows any issue to become deadly in an instant.

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As many here already pointed out (and I have said in the past), parenting is the problem. Specifically, lack of parenting. Stop trying to be your child’s friend and give them the video games and movies that they shouldn’t be seeing when they are 12 years old.

Games have ratings for a reason, and when I play Call of Duty online (just got the new one for Christmas, it’s fun!) I am amazed that many of the other people sound like they are 12 years old, swearing up a storm, and it’s going on midnight. Growing up, I had a bedtime. I got in trouble for things I shouldn’t have done, and I also got spanked. Now, kids are getting a free pass and the blame card is falling on people/corportations who’s job isn’t to babysit your child.

These are probably some of the same people who brought their 5 year old to see Django: Unchained at the 8 pm showing Christmas day.

C’mon parents… use some common sense

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When Ever something horrific happens, we collectively begin to point fingers at things in a vain attempt to make some sort of sense of it. NEWSFLASH- The world is FULL of BAD people. To blame Rambo Movies or Video Games or Super Hero Cartoons is just stupid. I Have two small children and am a Gamer by Hobby (When I have time.). My son is nine and plays CERTAIN games. he’s not allowed to play games that are too violent. And my wife and I do our best to keep him grounded. He plays lego batman and arkham city, I have YET to find a button to a secret cave where he keeps is cape, cowl, and fancy gadgets.
All video game retailers check IDs for violent games (I had to flash Mine in Target the other day, and I’m 38). With that being said, if your child unwrapped “Call of Duty” 8 days ago, YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO BLAME VIDEO GAMES! Let’s start calling a spade what it is: With ALL the parental controls on everything from ipads to cable boxes and game consoles, all of this begins at home. My son doesn’t play Grand Theft Auto, or any other game I determine to be out of his age bracket. I don’t allow him to go places where other people allow thier children to do so. When he grows up and understands a little more, I will, as a parent, re-visit the issue then. For now, all he does, watches, and plays is monitored. To blame the things around you because you are out of touch is WRONG!
Holding a controler and playing a racing game does not make you a NASCAR driver. Holding a controller and playing “Call of Duty” does not make you a Marine Corps. Sniper. If YOU are going to allow your Children to play these games, First, teach them the difference between what the see on xbox, and how to interact with people/ resolve conflicts in life. If you, AS A PARENT, think they cannot handle the difference and don’t kid yourself, Do not buy the game. Buying power has shifted to you. Be a parent….

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It just seems like yesterday when Rambo, Terminator, and any martial arts movie was the reason for violent crime. Add to that rock and roll and gangsta rap. Sure is funny how people cannot control themselves and are so easily influenced to do bad by others. Why aren’t people easily manipulated to do good things?

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Just out of curiosity, does anyone have any statistics on the number of children killed annually by a video game-wielding madman?

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We have a call of duty as parents? This is true but here we have another kind of crazy when people claim playing a game causes people to become murderers.

Perhaps the mother had a call of duty to be a responsible gun owner and keep her weapons secure at all times. Knowing her child was different from the other kids, a hobby other than target shooting would have been more appropriate for her son. Perhaps we can blame the shootings on the fact that they came from New Hampshire where the state motto is “Live Free or Die.” I read one report where the mother was going to institutionalize her son. If she was as free with her plans as she was with her weapons, just maybe the young man snapped over the fear of being completely removed from the one person he could count on to care for him feeling completely abandoned. As he pushed his father and brother away after their parents divorce and his fathers new marriage there appears to have been a huge dynamic that existed between the mother and son. It is possible this was created by the mother and her own words. We don’t pay enough attention to mental illness in this country until it leads to tragedy. We don’t see gun ownership as the tremendous responsibility it is until it is to late. So many claim they need weapons to defend themselves when all to often they only bring the ultimate pain to those that surround them and others that have nothing to do with the situation.

There may be several reasons for this situation but to blame it on a video game as a simple solution is far fetched and very irresponsible to write or publish. The media did a terrible job tripping over each other to be the first to report any of the news, factual or not, related to the shootings. A little more thought before writing, printing or reporting anything relating to such a situation would be proper.

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Monica Henson: “Tom & Jerry, the Road Runner, and Marvin the Martian are nothing like the violent, adult-rated video games (and television shows)”

Flew right over your head, didn’t it? Every few years the boogeyman changes.

Emulating cartoon violence. Non-terminal violence causing severe injuries/death. (Kids do not understand that people die from these things, so they do them.)

Emulating violent video games. Terminal violence. (Kids do understand that people die from these things, so they do them.)

Emulating violent pencil and paper games. Terminal violence.

Music, several times. Back masking, subliminal messages. Terminal violence to self and others.

(Blame Target) is responsible for (societal problem related to children.) Children copy these actions because they (do/do not) understand that the actions cause real world consequences.

It’s the same thing over and over. Stupid people blaming something they don’t understand rather than watching their kids. It’s just bad parents trying to justify their “it’s not my fault” stance.

As for video games, have I missed the articles where the killer yells “PWNED!” while tea-bagging a corpse? Did the killer say “PEW! PEW! PEW!” while firing off rounds? Did he have Cheeto dust on his hands? Was he all hopped up on Mountain Dew? Are we sure he intentionally killed himself? Maybe it was a mistimed rail gun jump.

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Recaping an earlier blog on parental responsibilities, in general, and specificaly, the poor judgement the dead mother of this apparently unstable kid exhibited…one certainly does not wish to trample upon the grave of this mom. However, it cannot be diputed that, given her son’s (presumably known) mental disposition, this parent was way way out of line in the responsibility department. Had she survived, there is little doubt that she, and she alone, would have suffered the legal wrath of the parents of these dead kids.

Given that we no longer (if, indded, we ever really did) live in the innocence of the so-called “Beaver Days”, we witness, day in and day out, such reprehensible behavior of youth…SOMEONE must be held accountable. Given the public outcry, in my more-past comments on the revitalization of “the stick” over the “kind word”, just exactly what are YOU to do with these kids, and their parents, who somehow don’t seem to get the message…WITH RIGHTS COME RESPONSIBILITIES. Just as we are quick to demand our rights, let us not overlook a demand for accountability.

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Finally @Dr. Henson and for profit charters. You do realize when Office Depot, Microsoft, mop makers, tool makers, lawnmower manufacturers and the like sell to the traditional public schools, all of them sell at cost don’t you, and categorically refuse to make any profit off the transactions right?

Response from Dr. Henson
Absolutely not true.

Dr. Henson, you were aware that I was totally, completely weren’t you?

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I don’t think video games are “the” reason for the problems, but as much as we keep learning about how the brain works and develops, parents should use discretion, especially with pre-adolescents, and there should be more study.

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We glorify gun violence in our society–always have–but it is now more pervasive (tv, movies, video games) than it’s ever been. Children are impressionable, meaning they are easily influenced for good and for ill. Every parent knows this, and that’s why responsible parents seek to maximize the positive influences in their chidren’s lives and minimize the negative ones.

Video games that equate killing people with entertainment can’t possibly have a positive influence on children. Might there ultimately be negative effects associated with these kinds of games? It would not surprise me if research eventually showed that there were.

There are negative effects associated with all kinds of behavior. That’s why parents don’t hire pimps and prostitutes as babysitters. That’s why they don’t encourage their children to smoke cigarettes, drink alcohol, have unprotected sex, commit crimes, etc.

And it isn’t just children who are impressionable. When I was growing up in the fifties and sixties, most of the adults in my life smoked cigarettes. And when I was a teen, most of my friends and I smoked. That ain’t the way it is any more. Why? Because we succeeded in changing the way people think about cigarettes by enlightening them to the dangers associated with smoking, and the media played a very important role in this.

If responsible parents can see the wisdom of bringing positive influences to bear in the lives of their children, they should also be able to see the danger of allowing negative influences to have a place in their children’s lives.

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“The media did a terrible job tripping over each other to be the first to report any of the news, factual or not, related to the shootings. ”

Because there were no FACTS being given out! Just as I predicted, the media has moved on and we are left with a bunch of unanswered questions that the Newtown officials know the answer to but they won’t release them until the story grows cold, and then a little at a time and on the newspaper back page. They do that on purpose. Did the mom own a gun safe? Was it forced open? Did the mother try to have her son institutionalized? Did he have a credit card? Did his mom supply it? Did he order high-capacity clips and ammo over the internet? How did he pay for it? Where did he get the bulletproof vest? How did he pay for it? Inquiring minds want to know the FACTS, and no one will give them to us, so we cling to press releases from the National Inquirer. They are the ONLY ones reporting!

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I liked this essay and found his description of 6 year olds to be heartbreakingly accurate, in the context of Sandy Hook. I just wish there was more research into effects of video games. I think they sound horrible and then I read some piece citing something saying that they help,channel aggressions. I just wish there was more research. Instinct tells me the games are wrong but my instinct could be wrong. It has been before.

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Dr. Monica Henson

January 2nd, 2013
12:40 pm

“Aren’t you the same person who is all for stealing money from local systems to give to Nathan Deals secret little commission that will decide who offers enough in bribe money to get to build so called “charter schools” where ever Nathan Deal needs to gain political favors and more bribes?”

Fred, why don’t you come Downtown and visit our charter public high school district headquarters? Take a look at the work that is being done, and who is being served? You can email me at monica.henson@ga.provostacademy.com with your availability and I’ll be glad to show you around.

State & federal appropriation of funds to a PUBLIC school is constitutional and not theft, by the way, whether it’s a charter or a district school.

Finally, it’s humorously ironic that someone posting under a pseudonym charges a public entity like the Charter School Commission with being “secret.”
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Georgia ALREADY HAD a mechanism for charter schools. What we didn’t need was for Nathan, who resigned his Congressional seat so he couldn’t be brought up on ethic s charges, to create his little secret commission.

Now YOU may think that a message board screen name and a tax payer funded commission are the same thing but they aren’t. Your snide little digs are meaningless to me and really show how shallow and ignorant you are. One would have hoped that someone such as yourself who not only benefited form a higher education but also advanced degrees would have a capacity for reasoning skills above this level. Apparently not.. You know you are helping to perpetrate a fraud and apparently are proud of it. Unfortunately you get paid for it and I don’t. Things I post here could negatively affect my WIFE’S job. Maureen knows who I am. She won’t tell you I trust because it’s none of your damn business and that journalistic sources thing I think.

But your taunts are juvenile. I PAY for my daughters private school. 20 grand a year roughly (Woodward academy, you do can google). All this new ‘amendment” does is provide “private school” for whoever the crook Nathan Deal wants to provide a private, I mean ”charter” school for, AT TAXPAYER EXPENSE. I was abut to take you up on your offer before you made your snide comment. I can’t afford to jeopardize my wife’s career on someone with an agenda and political clout to “punish” anyone who doesn’t toe the line. Your Southern Baptist “line” isn’t one I choose.

You have Nathan’s ear and OUR checkbook so you have cart blanche to continue to wreck Georgia’s already piss poor public education system. Enjoy the havoc you wreak. There isn’t much lower you can take the public schools. Thankfully I can avoid that for my child, but I weep for the other children who’s parents can’t. Enjoy your Judas gold.

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How many parents were involved completely in our lives as kids? My parents told us to go out and play and not to come back until lunch/dinner/bedtime. Not superinvolved, I would say.
We made our little people rules, we had our own caste system, and not one of us ended up in jail. My dad used to say that was pretty good odds for zeor out of five to be productive members of society.
We did things as a family, but we were also left to our own devices a lot.
I don’t think that parents are more involved than they were in the seventies or eighties.
I also can’t blame guns; we did not have them in the house, but most of our neighbors did. No one ended up on a killing spree.
I’m struggling with blaming video games, too. I think they are silly, but my husband had an Xbox for years until the first born came along; then the whole parenting thing got in the way of personal enjoyment.
I believe that this was a disturbed young man who committed a horrible act.

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Fred is an advocate of giving kids violent video games because he says he has to prepare his kids for teh real, violent world out there.
But Fred…violent video games don’t prepare the kids. When they get killed online, they get a new life, unlike the real world.
If you want to prepare the kids for the real world, how about driving under a bridge and showing them the homeless people and then taking him to a shelter and asking him to help serve those people and then emphasize homework and education so they don’t end up homeless? That’s what I did. My little children fed the homeless in person, food they helped to prepare that I purchased.
If you want to show your kids how to deal with real life, show them the horrors of what a meth-addict looks like — with scabs on his face and rotten teeth and then talk about drug addiction?
If you think showing the kids the real world will help them deal with it — then really Do show them the horrors of bad choices.
But violent video games have no good value except to make the creators rich. They sucker us out of our money.
I prefer not to be a sucker.
I spend my money on taking my children to places they can appreciate such as space camp, circus camp, gymnastics and the swim team. They get to spend time with kids their own age, socialize, learn and get and stay fit.
A game of cards with mom and dad is also a wonderful past time to teach numbers, strategy and good sportsmanship and manners. It’s also extremely cheap as other other board games which require social interaction, attention to manners (politely taking turns) and strategy. board games also show kids that parents give a rip enough about them to tear themselves away from the TV to spend some quality time with their children. Books work like that too.
There are a lot more healthy choices to teach kids about the real world than throwing an overpriced video game at them.

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Dr. Monica henson is spot on when she says that public schools do not buy products “at cost.”
My friend’s son sells text books and educational materials to PUBLIC schools and he is RICH and…32 years old.
He’s also handsome and smart and he is charming and he makes a butt load off of the public schools. I’ve worked all my life and I never made half his income even in my best years.
He literally makes a fortune selling text books to public schools…at a discount.

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Dr.Henson – Provost Academy is owned and operated by Edison Learning a for profit corporation. A Wall Street investment firm owns a majority stake in Edison. Edison’s CEO is a former exec at GE Capital. Edison has been around in various forms over the years yet is still not profitable. I believe it started in Great Britain and has proved over the years not be the magic potion to cure public schools. It’s looks like most Edison schools are not accredited similar to the for profit tech schools like ITT Tech.

Edison is also a huge player with ALEC whose sole mission is to destroy public governments like schools and to push ‘For Profit Charter Schools’ so that Wall Street can claim billions of taxpayer education dollars.

As long as our state general assembly – Chipper Rogers , Jan Jones etc – continues to defund public schools and fund (2x the dollars) Charter Schools I will continue to be skeptical of the for profit charter movement no matter how they are marketed.

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For all you folks wondering why Japan doesn’t have a gun problem
“In part by forbidding almost all forms of firearm ownership, Japan has as few as two gun-related homicides a year.” http://www.theatlantic.com/international/archive/2012/07/a-land-without-guns-how-japan-has-virtually-eliminated-shooting-deaths/260189/
DUH

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Fred, I happen to be Presbyterian. Our school is at nearly 1,000 enrollment as of this week, 72% of which are free & reduced lunch-eligible, more than 60% minority, and more than 16% special education–hardly the population one would expect to find in a private school, and far higher a percentage of needy population than the state average for Georgia public high schools.

Even with those demographics, our kids posted a 92% proficiency rate on the 2012 Georgia High School Writing Test–virtually equalling the state average proficiency– after being with our teachers for only three months before taking the exam. If that’s the kind of havoc we can wreak, then I say open the gates and let’s wreak away. We happen to be wreaking it at a rough average of $5,450 per student–I call that a bargain for the taxpayers, myself.

What you perceive as “snide little digs” are my effort at good-natured ribbing. Surely you can see the irony in hiding behind a pseudonym at the same time that you accuse others of ulterior motives and creating secret cabals. Lighten up!

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We just received last week our materials from AdvancED/SACS for Provost Academy Georgia to begin our accreditation process, by the way. EdisonLearning holds corporate accreditation from the Northwest Accreditation Commission, a member of AdvancED, as well as the Middle States Association.

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I think my wife and I have come up with a long term solution to making our schools safer. First consider what it would cost to put armed guards in schools and how many would be required at each school. Now here’s our plan. Put bullet proof doors on every classroom (with a bullet proof window in each as required). These doors would have locks on them that require a key from the hall but open without one from the classroom. Next every classroom wall that faces the hall would be paneled with bullet proof material. All ground level outside facing windows would be bullet proof with at least one per room being of the kick out (not kick in) variety for safety reasons in case of fire or some such emergency. Of course the initial cost would be expensive, but given the life of a school would pay for itself when considering the lives protected when weighed against the cost of salaries of who knows how many armed guards per school for the number of years in a schools life. 1 guard @ $20,000/year X 5 guards X 30 years per school. Just an idea to be considered when trying to protect children.

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[...] #3: Newtown shooting demands we consider our “call of duty” as parents (1/2/13) by Maureen Downey Atlanta [...]

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Dad says no violent games I am sure for a reosan. I hate to say that it could be your attitude right now. I am a parent and we tend to take away our kids favorite things, like violent games if they seem to be acting out. How ever it is your dads decision what you play unless you are 18 or on your own. so I have some suggestions that aren’t child games like some I have seen listed. And I am a gamer myself, I could care less what people think of a Mom who plays her 360 as often as she likes. How about Guitar hero any of them, Rock band. You don’t like sports but you like to be challenged. Tomb Raider the newest one, Not violent at all unless your dad doesn’t want you to kill a beast in a cave. which would be stupid. Shaun White snow boarding. Scene it. You know there are just so many war type games where killing another person, EVEN if they are computer generated, makes you less sensitive to the value of life. Its is the way it is. And yes Gears of war one and two are both Violent, duh, all you do it kill the enemy. What is so sweet and sensitive about that? I suppose since dad buys that games, and dad has the say so, you are going to have to look for something else. Parent try to teach respect to their kids. and to hear things like, do what you want how will he know, or ignore him, well that will get you farther from your goals.Was this answer helpful?

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