Help me out here: What should parents do to ensure their child’s success in school?

To us the real question was: how can we make sure the public school is doing the best it can do? (We always knew we’d handle our business on the home end). And our approach was: be as polite as possible but as forceful as necessary. Understand that a lot of what principals and even teachers do is to tell you what a great job they are doing, but you must evaluate with your own eyes and ears.

Be a regular presence in the building. Volunteer, serve on a committee. Get your body in that building on a regular basis.

Ask your child’s teacher what they need that they haven’t been able to get from the central office, then figure out how to make it happen. (We built fixtures, bought furniture and appliances and installed them, etc.) (All of this was specifically not permitted by APS, by the way, but we did it anyway).

You’ll meet some fantastic teachers. Even as I rant incessantly about the lazy inefficient bureaucrats up and down APS with their mail-order degrees and limitless contempt for parents, I’m still constantly amazed by the dedication of most teachers we’ve met. Remember–when parents like me rail for more vouchers, more control, more charters–we want to bring you with us. Great teachers will be more valued and appreciated than ever in our new world order. Bad teachers will be doing something else.

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From a former student and a former teacher:

1. Set a good example. If your children see you reading, see your intellectual curiosity they will be inclined to do better in school. We know that students raised in an abusive home will have problems, but kids from “good” who never see their parents pick up a book or ask questions about anything, who are more interested in what’s on the latest reality show than helping with the homework even if they don’t fully understand it themselves will raise children who will be relatively brain-dead in school.

2. Listen and pay attention.Asking straight up questions may not help with the reality of what your child is doing in school and out, on what they’re feeling on the inside and may not be obvious but can really impact how well they do academically

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“FPS Russia,” the “Georgia Arnold Schwartzenegger / James Bond.” What a cad that guy is with his faux accent. How to appeal to this type person for “education?” Probably through engineering or small business accounting? or construction trades. (?) maybe machining or law.

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Public art fairs for children are a good thing, where the family can go and the kids paint and make things. As a kid I did this and we had a brick of soft clay to cut on and then it was sun dried. (minimal expense, maximum “heft.”) Thanks to whoever put that together and I think there was no fee.

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Teach your children to read before they start school. You can still buy the “Dick and Jane” books that the nuns taught us to read in during the 1960’s. I learned how to read by myself at age 3, reading the News Paper. I have read the news paper for 48 straight years. I had Tea with Daddy and read the Courier Express with him. My mother didn’t believe it. I was upset when my kids weren’t spontaneous readers like me. So I bought the Dick and Jane Readers and taught them that way. We really need to just get rid of all the crap theories from 1980-present and go pack to the 60’s and 70’s when students learned. Schools had shop and business classes. The really big thing we did not have to deal with all the special Ed students and discipline problems disrupting classes. We had classes separated on intelligence. My own sister and I were with the smart kids we are smart.mmy other sister and brother were with the dumb kids, they are stupid.

I also taught my children multiplication tables to 12. The only way to do that is to hand write it out and drill it.

I taught my children how to write in cursive in the third grade, public school waits too long.

I made sure that my children could count to 100 before they went to kindergarden. They also knew their colors and shapes.

if a parent can not do these simple things, they should not be a parent. I was a single parent during most of this time working 60 hrs a week.

So if you are not prepared to do this for your child, use birth control, if that fails have an abortion or put the baby up for adoption to a family that will.

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Not every child has the desire or interest to learn. Just as …not every child has the desire or interest to play a sport or musical instrument.

The desire for learning comes from within…when the student is ready…a teacher will appear.

Some of the most deprived people have obtained great success regardless of their circumstances.

Stories of walking miles to a school, a history of limited books and reading by candle light.

The difference in today’s world and the opportunities available before…

PARENTS AND PUBLIC/PRIVATE SCHOOLS have the opportunity and resources to lay a smorgasbord of CHOICES at the GOURMET BUFFET of Education.

Parents/ and good schools should spend more time observing and feeding the individual natural gifts of their children. Less time needs to be given to trying to manipulate a child to fit into a education system that does not feed them naturally.

GIVE YOUR CHILD EXPOSURE…AND CHOICE…AND STAND BACK to watch what the CHOOSE.

Exposing a child to many many many choices…will help their gifts appear. The most difficult job of the parent … leaving “their” choice out of the picture. Any manipulation or attempt to make a child into something he/she is not….will only create more problems as the mature.

Parents need to learn to … Watch…feed…lead…and know when to get out of the way.
Regardless…a child with determination and the GOD GIVEN desire …without parents or mentors…will find the resources and teachers with or without the opportunities.

Schools…good parents…make it easier for a child to SUCCEED …but amazingly…some of the best come from some of the worst struggling experiences.

Every experience inside and outside of the school house is an opportunity to figure out YOUR CHILD’S GIFT to the world.

When the student is ready…the teacher will appear.
And there will be no stopping the student.

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Homeschool is not necessarily the answer. i have seen some really uneducated kids come from homeschooling. you have to remember who is teaching them.

My formula has been to show my children by example.
I read, i went back to schol to get my masters
I talk to them about everything and if they do not know anything about it i make them resarch it.
we talk about what happens to kids who throw away their education,, scholarship etc.
My 2 year old reads and talks better than most in her class, or older kid in her daycare for that matter.
I have had parents come to me and ask how did yu get her to speak so well so early.
my wife and i TALk in front of her, we TALK to her, over and over again.
we provide her with dvds that TALK to her. that reinforces sound, sight, etc..

I have one child with a FULL SCHOLARSHIP, another daughter about to graudate highschool with a full scholarship, a son who struggles with math but speaks well, is respectful and knows who he is.
And my 2 year old will probably out do them all when she gets to college.
No pressure just started early and oftern..repetition, repetition
Life is a lesson in itself. we go grocery shopping they know exactly how much change they are supposed to gt be back without looking at the cash register….repetition….

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k teacher

that is NOT true…maybe in your instance but not in every instance..then you need to be more involved with your childs education and reinforce everythng that was one that day.

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@Gemeinschaft and Gesellschaft,

I would emphasis to your item number 4 because it is too little noted among the other comments:

Support their teachers.
For example, once one of our kids got an elementary school report card with an “S” (satisfactory) for conduct instead of an E (excellent).
In our conference with his teacher, we asked why, and his teacher told us.

Afterwards, we had a talk with our son and told him that at some point in the future we would send his teacher an email asking about his conduct, and if the answer was other than “excellent”, there would be consequences (no tv and an early bedtime for a week) at home.

It only took one time to fix things for him, and her, for the rest of the year – I made it quite clear what “in loco parentis” meant. I explained that if I ever checked in at school and found out that he had been disrepectful to me, or not following my directions (me==his teacher in school), there would be consequences.

Made things better for him, his teacher, and the rest of his classmates.

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Moreen, preschool is the most critical learning period in every persons life. Am sending you an attachment of things my Grans Parents taught their fourteen children before they started school. This is from1894 to about 1930. All of their children were very successful in life.

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I’ll be so glad when the computer can process the evaluation progress of grading…as MAKING PROGRESS or NOT MAKING PROGRESS.

Right now …you can sit on a the accomplishment of an A for Excellence…without making ANY PROGRESS.

The entire system needs to be overhauled.
If the student is making an “A” they can still be ineffective if they are not making PROGRESS.

Currently we have labeled excellence…without SUCCESS.

SUCCESS is multifaceted. HONESTY, INTEGRITY, and your ETHICS…these too, are part of the process of EXCELLENCE to obtain Success.

Currently, we measure success with a NARROW test score.

In the future…a computer will measure the psychology of a child in conjunction with their success SO children will less likely grow up to be sociopaths with unethical behaviors that paint an illusion of SUCCESS.

We have enough SOCIOPATHS in positions of leadership causing havoc with many of our “SYSTEMS” banking and education as we speak.

In the future, maybe with the COMPUTER’S measurement of skills like HELPING YOUR NEIGHBOR…and asking questions like WHAT DID YOU GIVE TODAY…rather than what did you compete to take…will be measured in the a QUALITY EDUCATION of an individual’s complete GRADE.

The outdated grading system of A thru F does not completely measure the QUALITY of the individual’s ability to make PROGRESS in a world that is much more advanced. The American …LITTLE PRAIRIE SCHOOL HOUSES are not keeping up with the ADVANCEMENT OF TECHNOLOGY.

Daily they sell the LATEST APPLE VERSION of technology while our schools play hopscotch and color with crayons making no attempt to keep up.

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“The arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends towards justice” MLK

Figure this out…

Those wanting to GO BACK TO THE BASICS.
The party of the OLD.
The individuals holding on to their OLD ideas of MORALS based out dated information without the facts.
The OLD METHOD OF COUNTING VOTES.

and even in the midst of all the chaos…and attempts to stop the NEW FROM UNFOLDING…
No matter how hard the OLD try to keep the future from unfolding to CREATE NEW.

EVEN STILL …the divine wheel turns to the beat.

EVERYTHING MUST CHANGE…
and Education is still in control of the OLD.
SLOWLY…DIVINE ORDER…puts the keyboard in money to obtain a NEW PHONE in the hands of the NEW MINDS so

CHANGE occurs REGARDLESS.

With the help of technology…the OLD …experienced their failed efforts to KEEP THE WORLD FROM CHANGING in ELECTION.

OLD vs. NEW

Either those will join in the change for NEW…or the population of OLD will slowly die out.
NATURE …GOD…DIVINE JUSTICE is a slow process…but it bends towards the light so it can grow.

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Teach your child to work hard and do his/her best in all they do. Expect your child to do the work. Establish good communication with teachers. Trust your children but verify. Teach them to be responsible for their actions and there are consequences for poor choices. Allow them to fail and dont try to direct every aspect of their lives. Help them discover their strengths and teach them how to strengthen their weaknesses.

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Get to know your child’s learning style at a very early age, watch how they play and what interests them the most. The more you read to, work with and engage with your child the easier it will be to spot a learning deficiency and get help for it early. Use their interests to help them learn and motivate themselves. Read some of Dr. Stanley Greenspan’s books on child development.

Research what your children will be learning before you enroll them in school. If you are planning on public school, research the state standards and decide if that is what you want your children to learn. If it isn’t, don’t freak out-research and find another alternative. Do this long before your children are 5 on the eve of kindergarten enrollment.

There are many alternatives these days. Think outside the box. In fact, get rid of the box completely. With the resources now available you can homeschool or have your child take any combination of homeschool and online courses, courses available at centers, or tutoring using your own curriculum or one designed by an educator.

Know a group of parents with children around the same ages? Start an educational co-op. Choose a central location or rotate homes and bring in tutors or teachers to teach your children and split the cost. As they get older, let your children have some input in the choices you make for their education. Let them set their goals for secondary school and college, and then help guide them in reaching those goals.

Lastly, life changes. Don’t fear having to re-evaluate your decisions and make changes, even if it means getting there differently.

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I find the suggestions to ‘let your child fail’ a bit chilling. Not everyone pulls themselves up by their own bootstraps, or overcomes addiction, or has the heart to engage things that just do not interest them. Be an advocate for your child. Sitting by and watching while they sink slowly into the cement just won’t do.

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1. Respect your child, yourself and other family members. Set this as the example and the standard.
2. This has been stated already but it’s that important: read to your child! Tell them stories, and make them up from scratch and ask them questions about what could happen next. Expand their little imaginations.
3. Keep the communication open between you and the teacher. If something big is happening at home, at least give the teacher a general head’s up. It’s good for us to know so we can tread lightly if necessary, or let you know if we see behaviors we might otherwise put on the back burner.
4. Teachers make mistakes, and most are mortified when they do. We are very hard on ourselves. Understand this is a complex job and (most) of us are doing the best we can. Do not make generalizations based on one experience.
5. Ask your child about his or her friends, how school was, what they did – etc. In other words, get to know your child’s day. This can and should start in preschool. Kids love to talk about their day at this early age and want to show you everything. Show your interest!
6. Volunteer if you can and get to know your child’s school and the people in it.
7. Let your child make small mistakes without freaking out. Let them miss a homework assignment or get a late grade for a project. Don’t leave work to take it up to the school because they left it at home. It’s important for kids to learn what failure is and how to deal with it, and know that it happens and life goes on.

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We Americans claim to be the most civilized people the world has ever known.
However, to know the people we are, it is enough to gauge the language, tone and tenor of the comments given here. We cannot separate ourselves from behaviors, private and public.
We denounce the school boards, administration and teachers, as if we are experts in education.
We easily detach ourselves when convenient, and then hope the system to excel.
Try that at home. By attacking our spouse, child or parent do we expect a optimal home?
We are one people at home, and another outside, school, work, etc.
For best outcomes, we first have to own. By finger-pointing “only”, we will not progress.

Take it from me, the single most important factor in a good education is the parent.
Believe, because I have 2 children, 1 a PhD student and the 2nd a HS senior.
Both my children have different personalities, interests, learning attitudes and performance.
My children have attended different schools. None of them were perfect or were failures.
As parents, we too were neither perfect nor failures.
The teachers who taught our children invariably were doing their very best.
Very rarely did we come across incompetent teachers.
When we did, we worked with the teacher first, principal PTSA and attempted to remedy the situation.
We were hesitant to demonize the entire system.
A good education is outcome of several factors, and “OUR” child is a big one too!
Are we sure about how our child is learning?
Are we sure we as parents, are providing the ideal environment and support?
The variables in education are so many, and we cannot blame any one.
The political favorite these days is to crucify the teacher.
Both my children are doing reasonably well.
And, I give credit to my children, their friends, teachers, supervisors, principals, PTSA and schools.
On our part, as parents we have accepted that parenting is a very responsible and challenging role.
Over the years, about 20 years, as parents of our children, we closely observed education.
An important one, is the involvement of parents.
The friends of our children have done well, and invariably their parents have played a big role.
And, there are some children who haven’t done as well, whose parents couldn’t participate as much.
I can say, “show me a student performing well, and I’m sure there’s an active parent behind it.”
As a society, we need to stop our name calling, finger pointing and aggressive posture towards education, and resolve to work with teachers and the school make the best of education.
Even Bill Gates and Warren Buffet, with unlimited wealth have not found a 100% perfect system, for their own children. In fact, Bill Gates is himself, working to maximize education outcomes in USA.
Finally, let me reiterate that parents are the most vital link to better a child’s education.
There is no perfect school, system, child, teacher or parent. It a combination of all these factors.

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One of the hardest things a parent has to face, when “helping” the kid is knowing when the best help is no help…to leave the kid alone and let em decide…ON THEIR OWN…what they’re gonna do. This penchant of parents to get involved can easily lead to a co-dependent attitude in the kid. We are seeing a generation which has come to blame everything…schools, teachers, parents…Santa and the tooth fairy…for their difficulties…everyone and everything but…THEMSELVES.

let the kid come to you for help. Otherwise, leaveim the hell alone.

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Point them to the Creator. Have them learn about the creation and all the answers to life. This will be a guiding light in whatever they do. It will be a constant source of Hope and Faith in a dark world.

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I know it’s too late, but here is my list.
1. Do not let them quit or give up. They can take a break, but they have to finish the work.
2. Struggle with them. When they see you struggle and ask questions, they see how you go about solving a problem. You are modeling problem-solving for them and they learn how you learn (which they may have inherited).
3. If both of you (and your spouse/mom/neighbor) are stumped, make a plan for how to get the answers you need. Use e-mail, telephone or drop off early to school so the student can get help directly from the teacher.
4. Do not let them quit anything because it is hard. They can choose not to do it again, but once they start (season of sports, piano lessons, reading a hard book), they need to finish to a checkpoint (end of season, recital, end of book). (Do not apply to video games!!!)
5. Check their work. Make sure they put in all the effort it they can; don’t let them get away with half-hearted work.
6. Celebrate the success. Success is not good grades or perfect work, success is completing the work to the best of their ability. To celebrate, do something they love, even if only for 10 min and even if they miss bedtime.

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ANOTHER COMMENT=ANN COULTIER
Whew….harsh.

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I agree with the first post completely. I will add one thing, make sure your child has rules at home and follows those rules. So many of the kids do whatever they want at home, and because of that feel that they can do the same thing at school. I feel the main purpose in school is to get your child ready for the workplace, as a customer do you want to go to a restaurant and be cussed at? Then don’t allow your child to cuss. As a customer, do you want to go to a restaurant where all the employees have their pants around their ankles and holes everywhere? Then don’t allow your child to it. As a customer, if you have a disagreement with a waiter do you want them to get all in your face and want to fight you? Then don’t let your kid. These are common things that get kids in trouble at school that if you do your job as parents you can avoid. School isn’t that difficult, if you can keep them at school instead of in ISS or suspended, then they will be fine.

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It may seem sad,but if you look in the mirror and can admit you lack a good education,get your child some tutoring. Or resolve to turn off the television,quit texting, and study with your child.
Also, whatever it takes for a Tutor do it. No new clothes at high end places. Rice and Beans. No sporting evnts. etc.
Old school of the forties. Sending child to College,because Dad gave up pipe Tobacco and Mom sewed her own Clothes.
Extreme I know. Having Geniuses for Parents is about the only sure thing.

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