Plastic surgery to deflect bullying: What does it teach kids?
Georgia teen Nadia Ilse underwent plastic surgery to pin back her ears to repel bullying. (CNN)
One of the most memorable books I ever read on parenting was “The Nurture Assumption: Why Children Turn Out the Way They Do” by Judith Rich Harris.
When the book came out in 1998, it created a stir because of Harris’ contention that parents matter little; peers and biology matter more. “Parenting matters zilch, ” said Harris.
Harris proposed that the most significant environmental influence comes from outside the home, in the playgrounds and the schoolrooms and the places where children teach each other how to live. Her work ties together phenomena that argue against parental influence — evidence that twins reared together are no more alike than those reared apart, for example, and that the children of immigrants speak the language of their peers, not their parents.
In fact, she suggested in her book that parents consider plastic surgery for their children if they had some facial feature — big nose or ears — that provoked teasing. (She also recommended moving if your child fell in with a dangerous peer group.)
Harris earned a lot of criticism for her theory, but today plastic surgery is becoming an increasing option for bullied kids. First, there was this “Nightline” report about a 13-year-old child model who underwent a nose job because of teasing on Facebook.
Her mother told “Nightline” that kids kept posting, ‘Hey big nose.” The surgeon involved said a quarter of his rhinoplasty patients were teens, and bullying was a factor in their decisions to go under the knife.
Now, CNN has a story about 14-year-old Georgia teen Nadia Ilse who was given free corrective surgery for her ears to stop classmates from calling her “Dumbo” and “elephant ears.”
I am sure that Harris would agree that the surgery was justified in these cases, but I wonder about the message of remaking yourself in response to the bullies and petty tyrants in your life. There will always be someone who finds fault with your nose, your chin or your ears.
Is this the right response to bullies — changing yourself to deflect their barbs?
To ward off school bullies who began taunting her in the first grade for her ears, Nadia begged her mother at the age of 10 for an otoplasty — an operation to pin her ears back.
The teen, now 14, was recently granted her wish by the Little Baby Face Foundation, a charity that provides free corrective surgery to children born with facial deformities.
Avoiding school bullying by going under the knife is on the rise among American teens. In 2007 alone, about 90,000 youth underwent cosmetic surgery — though not all cases were the result of teasing.
Nadia told CNN that the bullying turned her talkative self into a withdrawn, antisocial girl. The taunting “hurt so much,” she told CNN’s Dr. Sanjay Gupta.
When the Little Baby Face Foundation was contacted by Nadia’s mother, the organization brought the duo to New York City from Georgia and did more than just pin her ears back. The organization’s founder, Dr. Thomas Romo, III. also performed reduction rhinoplasty, reducing the size of the nose, and mentoplasty, altering the chin.
The foundation covered the estimated $40,000 cost of surgery.
–From Maureen Downey, for the AJC Get Schooled blog
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75 comments Add your comment
4xtra
July 30th, 2012
8:15 am
there is more bullying in high schools than PRISONS
David
July 30th, 2012
8:16 am
I, myself have had this exact surgery done back in the late 70’s to curve some of the bullying. I feel it was instrumental during my high school years. I also was fortunate enough to also get braces to correct a bad overbite. People can be so cruel. Now close to40 years later my 10 year old daughter is receiving the same kind of bullying that I received, she also has problems with her teeth, she has about 5 spots in her mouth where her baby teeth came out, that their were no adult teeth to come in behind where the baby teeth had fallen out. I have never heard of this but our orthodontist says it is more common than you would think. She is VERY self conscious about smiling now. So, not only do I have to worry about braces for her, I also have to check in on implants, and they have to wait until she is in her late teens so that her mouth is done growing. That means she still has another 6 to 8 years to deal with this on her own. That is alot of photos of no smiles during what should be some of the best years growing up.
cobbmom
July 30th, 2012
8:30 am
As a teacher I tell my students on the first day of school that we are a family within our classroom. I tell them that bullying or making fun of someone will NOT be tolerated. I further add that if they want to make fun of someone to go right ahead, but then they have to take ME on and I have a reputation from childhood for making the bullies cry. I tell the parents up front that I will not tolerate bullying of any form in my classroom and their child will be dealt with if they bully. Every once in a while I will have one child who wants to test the limits, I gently put them back in their place, talk with the class again about how bullying will not be tolerated, that I will defend any of them from a bully and that is the end of it. In addition I make it clear to them that if someone in another class or on the bus bullys them to tell me and I will handle it. Because they know how I feel about bullying they are comfortable telling me. I was never bullied as a child, I always came to the defense of someone who was being bullied. God gave me a wicked tongue that I put to use more than once to humiliate a bully.
Howard Finkelstein
July 30th, 2012
9:23 am
Gee, this reminds me of the phrase “sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me.” Instead of parents coddling these “bullied” children they should be teaching them to fight back because mommy and daa daa arent always going to be there.
Its a wonder the attitude change a bully will have when walking away with a bloody nose.
Men, teach your children to standup for themselves and fight if necessary. Women, quit making your children into little sissys who cry out to be picked on.
Howard Finkelstein
July 30th, 2012
9:24 am
“As a teacher I tell my students on the first day of school that we are a family within our classroom.”
No you classroom is not a family and never will be. Why not teach these kids a little independence and dispense with the politially correct socialism.
Ole Guy
July 30th, 2012
9:50 am
Dave, that’s a tough situation; you can’t advise your daughter to “take care of business” as earlier generations would have suggested the “toe-to-toe” method of establishing respect among peers, particularly if scrapy kids were involved. Unfortunately, the schools don’t seem to be of much help in this regard. Watch her; councel her; do whatever it takes to bolster her self-esteem. In the end, she will be a better person for it.
IF IT DON’T KILLYA, IT’L MAKE YA STRONGER.
anon
drew (former teacher)
July 30th, 2012
10:04 am
From the Clayton County Public Schools website:
“Students, parents/guardians and other stakeholders may report incidents of bullying to an administrator, teacher, counselor or other staff member by using the school district’s complaint procedures or by calling the Georgia Department of Education’s 1-877 SAY-STOP (1-877-729-7867) School Safety Hotline. (anonymously). No person who reports bullying behavior will be retaliated against by any school employee. Students who retaliate against others for reports of bullying behavior are subject to discipline which may include strong enhanced penalties. Students who knowingly file a false report of bullying will also be disciplined.”
I’d recommend the state “School Safety Hotline” for teachers suffering from useless administrators who don’t have the time or inclination to deal with the matter. Anonymous, no office referrals, and no jumping through administrative hoops. If administrators won’t attend to bullying issues in-house, let them deal with the state.
Digger
July 30th, 2012
10:10 am
You’ll never meet a teacher who doesn’t do everything perfectly within his/her classroom.
PLOW
July 30th, 2012
10:11 am
It might send the wrong message but I bet the teen feels better.
PLOW
July 30th, 2012
10:16 am
It’s probably not the best message, but I bet she feels much better about herself.
Dumbo88
July 30th, 2012
11:23 am
I was 11 years old when I got my ears pinned back, and it is something I never regret. I begged and BEGGED my mother to get them pinned back for YEARS before because my brother and everyone made fun of them… I would only wear my hair in front of my face to make sure no one saw them. Then finally she gave in to me crying, and it changed my life and self confidence forever. However, now when I see people my age with ears that stick out, I do secretly get jealous because I think they are an endearing trait on someone my age. I think they are so cute. BUT… I would never go back and chagne not getting mine pinned-back. It allowed me to be less selfconcious growing up.
Dr. Monica Henson
July 30th, 2012
11:43 am
drew(former teacher): I am an administrator who will not hesitate to deal swiftly with investigating a bullying situation myself. It is too time-consuming to expect a classroom teacher to handle if it’s a systematic harassment and victimization, because it is certainly happening in other venues besides the reporting teacher’s classroom. All I have ever required my teachers to do is refer it to me–that’s why I have found it astonishing that so many of them didn’t want to do even a simple referral so I would be made aware.
Persistent bullying is a severe enough offense that it deserves and requires an administrator’s attention. Having dealt with enough bullies’ parents over the years, I would never subject one of my teachers to the inevitable firestorm that those people create–that’s what I am paid to handle.
Teachers and paraprofessionals are the first line of defense for kids in schools, along with bus drivers, cafeteria staff, and other folks who are witness to large groups of kids interacting. Responsible administrators ensure that all the adults are aware of their responsibility to report bullying, and then the administrator worth his/her salt spends the time necessary to get to the bottom of it and handle it like the serious disciplinary issue it is. Bullies who refuse to stop their victimizing and buddies of bullies who help retaliate against victims who report the abuse must be confronted, disciplined, and if need, be transferred to an alternative facility, if we truly are to make schools “bully-free zones.”
Howard Finkelstein
July 30th, 2012
11:57 am
“bully-free zones.”
That expresson is, at best, laughable.
Prof
July 30th, 2012
12:07 pm
I’ve read the article and the comments here about the situation involving this young woman, and am very struck by the extent to which gender seems mixed up in all of this….more specifically, the female gender and certain expectations, roles, and self-assessments thereof. David at 8:16 am above seems about the only male who reports such bullying of himself (though I am sure there are others), and he reports that his daughter is now undergoing it.
Could that have anything to do with why such bullying is so often under-rated or ignored by adults?
Frankie
July 30th, 2012
12:56 pm
to me it depends on the person and how they handle their situation..All through high school we had a young man whose hand was deformed (smaller than his other hand with little use of it. But the amazingin thing about him is he played baseball as a pitcher and was better than most of the players on the team. he would pitch with one hand while just setting the glove over his smaller hand and as soon as he released the pitch he would slide his normal hand into the glove and be ready to catch the ball.
Not sure what happeed to him but he was a hell of a playr and never was bullied. i guess inpart because of his confidence and the players that backed him also.
Frankie
July 30th, 2012
12:58 pm
i am not in favor of childrne getting this surgery to change specific features about them unless it is directly related to improving their mobility or ability.
having big ears to me does not constitute and i am not sure but i think it should not have been fully funded by the organization. the parents should have had to pay some percentage based on income andactual cost of surgery…
Sylvia
July 30th, 2012
1:37 pm
My daughter was bullied in school from about second grade until 10th, when SHE changed schools because all we’d tried had done no good and she didn’t want to let me know because, at that point, I was too sick to do anything about it but it was still happening and she didn’t want to upset me. The schools, while they were saying zero tolerance, were turning a blind eye, because she was too scared to identify by name the kids doing it. These kids are pros at it. They come up, whisper in your ear or something like that, and move on in the crowded halls. One kid smacked her in the side of the head with a crutch from behind but didn’t get in trouble because she didn’t see which of five or six kids sitting back there did it. If I was the teacher, they would have all been rounded up until one of them squealed and the rest verified. Did she get sent to the nurse? No. It was the end of the period. Did the kids get in trouble? No. She couldn’t identify the perpetrator like in a police lineup. One of these days, that kid will be in a police lineup.
At this point, in this state, if you have any knowledge of anything, you have to report it or you get to go to jail, no passing go, no collecting $200. What’s defined as knowledge, though? I know a counselor who was going to call a student’s parents with bad grade news and the kid screamed “inappropriate touching”. The police were involved before any school investigation; the poor guy hasn’t been able to work in like three years because of it. He took it to court, was found innocent, but can’t get his license back for another three years. Meanwhile, the kid gets off. Part of the problem is that the kid almost always gets away with it. If there was even a glimmer of a chance that they might get some kind of minor retribution, then there might be a hope of bullying slowing down – but it’s the adults and the innocents who get punished, not the perpetrators.
Archie
July 30th, 2012
2:09 pm
Hello, Maureen! Have you seen the article in today’s AJC about Clayton County’s new version of alternative school where chronic classroom behavior problem students get to stay home and work on their assignments via a county-supplied laptop? It isn’t exactly my idea of a special school but apparently the idea has its supporters and its detractors! As the late pro wrestling commentator Gordon Solie would say; “It all remains to be seen!”
Archie
July 30th, 2012
8:17 pm
@Ole Guy: “Whatever does not kill you makes you stronger.” -Frederick Nietzsche (1844-1900)
Lee
July 31st, 2012
10:13 am
Interesting…. Most parents, myself included, wouldn’t give a second thought to taking our child to the orthodontist to get them fitted for braces, but we balk about taking them to a plastic surgeon. Bottom line is that there really is no difference.
Dekalbite
August 1st, 2012
8:45 pm
Models and singers and actresses are the idols of our age. Most are young and have symmetrical features and toned (slim for females and good musculature for males) physiques. Salespeople, account executives, and others who work directly with the public are also valued for these physical attributes. Is it any wonder that our youth see such a premium on physical attractiveness? This is a ticket to success in our society. Their attitudes toward physical beauty are merely reflecting the values of our society.
Dekalbite@Howard Finkelstein
August 1st, 2012
9:21 pm
“Men, teach your children to standup for themselves and fight if necessary. Women, quit making your children into little sissys who cry out to be picked on.”
I always told my daughter not to hit back. If someone physically struck her or threatened her, just come home and tell me and I would take care of it by going to the school and ensuring that it never happened again. If I needed to call the police or sue the parents, no problem there. As long as my daughter was not an instigator, I would ensure those children and parents felt the brunt of my legal wrath no matter what I had to spend, and in the process they would be paying dearly with their time and legal expenses.
I was the smallest member of my class growing up, but no one picked on me because I knew my parents would absolutely not put up with it. Adults are supposed to ensure their children are not physically threatened. That’s why we have a legal system.
I felt the same way when I taught. I had a child threaten me once when I was a young 24 year old teacher, and I would not let him enter my class for a month. When the administration pressured me, I told them if they put him back in my class and he so much as said anything threatening to my person, I would not report him to the principal. I would go straight to the office and call the police to have him arrested (he was a 6th grader but almost 6 feet tall with muscles to match) and let them deal with the public relations in the newspaper. In the end the child came back after school and cried as he asked to be readmitted to my class. His attitude was the only reason I made the decision to let him back in. He was a student I had spent hours after school tutoring on my own time so it was particularly hurtful for him to be banished from my class. The student never made that mistake again and neither did any of the others. I got the only unsatisfactory ever in my 30 year teaching career on my end of year evaluation (I believe it was in “working well with the administration”). It mattered not a whit to me.
Most of the time, just having the confidence to stand up for yourself discourages bullies, and most of the time that does not entail physical altercations. Bullies tend to move on to easier prey if they suspect the retribution for their actions may be more than they want to bear.
Teenage Plastic Surgery Won’t End Bullying – Philadelphia Magazine (blog)
August 2nd, 2012
7:00 am
[...] surgery the right response to bullying?The Independent Florida AlligatorThe Corner News -Atlanta Journal Constitution (blog) -CTV British Columbia Newsall 24 news [...]
Pride and Joy
August 2nd, 2012
7:39 am
Dr. Monica, I am delighted at your 10:26 post! Good for you!
Keep on keeping on !
Pride and Joy
CalebOran
August 2nd, 2012
10:47 am
That’s pretty extreme. Giving this girl some self-confidence would have been better than plastic surgery, I reckon. I suppose that plastic surgery can help boost confidence, but you shouldn’t give in to bullies. There are some interesting ideas on http://www.harleystreetaesthetics.com/blog/blog-post.aspx?bp=159 – a London plastic surgery blog, worth reading what it says.