Is the cat out of the bag? Are parents losing perspective when our kids do wrong?
A recurring issue on this blog is how to deal with out-of-control children in the classroom. Hundreds of you responded to the story last month on the police handcuffing of a 6-year-old kindergartner in Milledgeville, most expressing support for the school’s decision to bring in police.
This new AJC story did not take place in the classroom but it neatly reflects the dilemma of how to handle kids who may be endangering others. In this case, the other was a cat recovering from surgery in the waiting room of a north Fulton’s vet office. The story speaks to how conflicted we are as to what to do about kids whose parents either can’t or won’t restrain them.
My husband and I debated this story this morning. He contends that the frantic cat owner crossed the line when he swatted the 4-year-old who was allegedly harassing the man’s sick cat.
As I have said many times, I don’t believe in corporal punishment at home or in school. Beyond nostalgia, there is nothing that suggests beating kids produces better behaved or healthier human beings. In fact, the research suggests the opposite. There is hardly a child in juvenile lockup who was not raised by the belt, cord or switch.
But I don’t have a problem with a pet owner lightly swatting a kid’s backside because the child is sticking his hand in the cage of sick animal and will not heed warnings to stop. Nor is the parent, for whatever reason, stopping the child. The child’s actions posed a danger to himself and the sick animal.
Given the facts as reported, the arrest of the pet owner seems an extreme response.
I had a conversation this week with a parent who wanted to complain about the attitude and comments of a teacher who took her daughter’s phone from her in class. I asked if phones were allowed in the classroom, and the mom told me they were not. I told the mom that there was nothing else really left to discuss. Whether the teacher was abrasive in how she took the phone or in the tone she used to the errant student didn’t matter to me if the kid was in open violation of a classroom policy.
I find an increasingly odd attitude among parents: Yes, my kid did something wrong, but you weren’t nice in how you responded and that’s what we ought to be fixing.
A woman who called police to the scene said she had brought a family pet into the clinic, and was in the waiting room with her 4-year-old son. The mother told an officer that “she was having trouble controlling her son,” the police report said.
Trouble began when the boy reached for a cat in a carrier. The cat belonged to 42-year-old Russel B. Baughcum. The cat recently had surgery, and the Suwanee man was there to pick it up. Baughcum told the officer that the youngster repeatedly reached for the animal, the incident report said. The man said he told the child to stop, but the boy grabbed hold of the cage and tried to pull it off a chair. The man said he shouted, “Stop! Stop! Stop!” and struck the child lightly on his lower back and buttocks.
“Mr. Baughcum demonstrated that he struck the child in a back handed fashion, and that the contact was light enough that he didn’t think the child knew he had been touched,” the police report said. Two clinic employees said they witnessed the man strike the child on his rear when the boy tried to play with the cat, according to the incident report.
The boy’s mother insisted on pressing charges, so Baughcum was arrested and charged, police said. He was taken to the Fulton County Jail Alpharetta Annex. The veterinary clinic kept the cat for him to pick up later. Jail officials told Channel 2 that Baughcum posted $1,000 bond and was released Tuesday morning.
–From Maureen Downey, for the AJC Get Schooled blog
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244 comments Add your comment
brandy
May 3rd, 2012
6:29 am
No childare worker I am not the mom. Theres many people that agree with her, we are all entitled to our opinions and I get my facts straight before I open my mouth.
brandy
May 3rd, 2012
6:33 am
Maybe the mom did make arrangements and her sitter or whoever fell through? Maybe mom tried to go to vet at a different time but her animal wasnt ready yet??? There are many things all of you are assuming. You cant just think you know her and everything about the story and bad mouth her based on careless opinions.
brandy
May 3rd, 2012
6:38 am
And guess what? I dont really care about what you are and are not allowed to do at your job. The point is those parents gave you permission to do that….. a complete strange smacked her child, thats different…. you idiots who are supporting it are ridiculous. Its never ok for someone to just lay their hands on your child and now a days the mom could have gone to jail if she touched him the wrong way in public too.
Nicole4579
May 3rd, 2012
8:18 am
How dare any of you judge the mother or child! Were you there? Did you see what happened? NO. this man is 42 years old. He should know better than to touch someone else’s kid. Simple as that. Whether the child was misbehaving or not the man had no right to touch him. I would have had him arrested too.
NBCT
May 3rd, 2012
8:49 am
@Brandy – You dont know the story either.
Calling people “idiots” because they disagree with you shows your maturity (or lack there of) and your lack of respect for others. Given this, I can see why you think a child should be allowed to run amuck, and disturb others unbridled by any form of respect for others and their property.
Its sad really that people in our society think children should not learn manners or respect for others.
AlreadySheared
May 3rd, 2012
8:58 am
The lead sentence for this blog is
“A recurring issue on this blog is how to deal with out-of-control children in the classroom.”
The fact that the question has to be asked at all speaks volumes.
The attitudes of some of the preceding posters – “How DARE someone other than me TOUCH my out-of-control child?!” shows exactly where these little egocentric nutjobs come from. God help us all when they are big enough to do actual damage.
NBCT
May 3rd, 2012
9:50 am
@AlreasySheared – excellent point.
brandy
May 3rd, 2012
9:55 am
I have the upper hand in this, I was there droppoing off my animal, so you have no points to prove. You were not there, and your facts are all wrong. So unless you were working there, you need to get stop talking.
brandy
May 3rd, 2012
9:55 am
I know the REAL story.
NBCT
May 3rd, 2012
9:57 am
Given your prior posts,.. I question your judgement, maturity, and understanding of effective parenting.
brandy
May 3rd, 2012
9:57 am
Do you believe everything everyone tells you? haha.
That shows a level of maturity also.
brandy
May 3rd, 2012
9:57 am
effective parenting… because you know it all right haha
brandy
May 3rd, 2012
10:01 am
Dont even get me started on judgement..
A man hit a child. Your judgement on that was…its ok! Then why did the cops arrest him(bc its against the law) and tell her she did the right thing.
NBCT
May 3rd, 2012
10:32 am
“she was having trouble controlling her son,” the police report said.
Trouble began when the boy reached for a cat in a carrier.
The cat recently had surgery, and the Suwanee man was there to pick it up.
… the youngster repeatedly reached for the animal, … he told the child to stop, but the boy grabbed hold of the cage and tried to pull it off a chair.
The man said he shouted, “Stop! Stop! Stop!” and struck the child lightly on his lower back and buttocks.”
high school teacher
May 3rd, 2012
10:36 am
From a 2006 Time Magazine article titled “Is Spanking Ok?”…
Plenty of experts believe that spanking is not always wrong. John Rosemond, executive director of the Center for Affirmative Parenting in Gastonia, N.C., and author of several books on discipline, notes that 50 years ago almost all children were spanked. Yet by all accounts, children are more aggressive and prone to violence today, and at earlier ages, than they were back then. Rosemond isn’t advising parents to break out the whip. He simply points out that existing research on spanking is unpersuasive. “There is no evidence gathered by anyone who doesn’t have an ideological ax to grind that suggests spanking per se is psychologically harmful,” he says.
Read more: http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1191825-1,00.html
NBCT
May 3rd, 2012
10:37 am
While I would not hit the kid, I do not blame him for doing so. Just because the laws have swung in the direction of liberal interpretations concerning corporal punishment does not mean it is just or even correct. I will be interested to know what happens to him when facing the judge.
AlreadySheared
May 3rd, 2012
11:03 am
@high school teacher
” Similarly, after reviewing 38 studies of spanking, Robert Larzelere, a psychologist at the University of Nebraska Medical Center, concluded that in children under 7, nonabusive spanking reduced misbehavior without harmful effects. Not only does spanking work, Larzelere says, but it also reinforces milder forms of discipline, so that children are more apt to respond without spanking the next time.”
Sounds about right. I would also add that if you end up needing to spank a young child MORE than once a month, you should consider different approaches. If their child mind begins to view it as anything other than “the worst thing ever to be avoided at all costs”, it is losing its effectiveness.
high school teacher
May 3rd, 2012
11:13 am
Already Sheared,
Agreed. We used spanking more as a means of conditioning than anything else; when a 2-year-old child reaches for a forbidden object and has his hand popped, he learns not to reach for that object. I am NOT a fan of time out. Once I tried a Supernanny technique with my younger son when he was 3. He had to sit on the “ugly rug” for 5 minutes. The “ugly rug” was placed in the foyer away from the action. He simply scooted the rug on the floor (while he was sitting on it) until he was back in the middle of things. Needless to say, we didn’t use that one anymore
As my boys have gotten older, we have changed our punishment strategies. The best investment we made was when we gave them iPod touches for Christmas; they don’t like it when we take them away!
AlreadySheared
May 3rd, 2012
11:28 am
@high school teacher
We are sympatico.
My two other rules for spanking:
1) Never in anger
(I know the wingnuts out there will not believe this)
and
2) ALWAYS known as a consequence known to both of us in advance.
Examples
“if you mess with your seatbelt or the car door while I am driving, you WILL get a spanking”
“if you get out of time out before I tell you to, you WILL get a spanking”
When our kids were young (up to about age 5) we used time out to good effect, but it was one minute per year of child’s age, sitting in a chair in the middle of the kitchen which was too tall for their feet to reach the ground. Or, when we were dining out, strapped into their car seat out in the parking lot (yes, there were periods of my life where I didn’t necessarily get to eat my food hot in restaurants).
The following link, by the way is hilarious and insightful, but probably not safe for work (it IS a South Park episode)
http://www.southparkstudios.com/full-episodes/s10e07-tsst
jj
May 3rd, 2012
1:38 pm
He should have opened the door to the cage, let the little darling stick his hand in and let the cat bite the hell out of it. Would the mother then be demanding the “ferocious” cat be put down, and the owner be sued?
bu2
May 3rd, 2012
2:31 pm
@already sheared, NBCT
So its ok for adults to lose their temper and strike someone else’s child and break the law, but heaven forbid that a 4 year old child fails to follow directions. You are putting a higher standard on a 4 year old than on a 42 year old. Your stances are totally illogical.
And you are condemning a child who may be undisciplined, but may have many other good qualities. Naturally, your children (if you have any) are perfect in every single way and much superior to this child.
I guess I’m not surprised Maureen isn’t attaching the article in today’s AJC about the many cases of teacher abuse of special needs children in Fulton County, to the extent they are thinking of putting cameras in classrooms. (its a tough job and special needs teachers are a special breed-if they aren’t like the ones in the story).
bu2
May 3rd, 2012
2:39 pm
The title should be:
Are adults losing perspective when others’ children do wrong?
brandy
May 3rd, 2012
2:45 pm
Exactly.
AlreadySheared
May 3rd, 2012
2:46 pm
@bu2:
And I suppose your child sings “Who’s got the greatest mom in the world? I do!”
Good luck with that, m’kay?
Charlene
May 3rd, 2012
3:44 pm
For all of u posting on this and do not have children and have never worked with children u have no ro to speak … A child will be a child and till he is about 8-9 he will not understand right from wrong and that all animals and humans are politically correct!!!! He is a child how dare u blame the mother no matter what the kid is Doing he is a KID and don’t call the mother a bad mother u don’t know her story what her day was like or what she doing I’m sure she was watching him and in a split second a child can turn from her attention it happens to all parents and all teachers…. U don’t know anything if u do not have a kid or have never worked with them do how dare u call someone a BAD MOTHER that is just wrong and hurtful and u don’t know her to say that there are parents out there that clearly ate bad moms an u can tell by there child and this women is not a bad mother bc her son was curious and wanted to pet a cat …. All kids are curious all kids want to touch animals my son loves my dog and follows her around and when other dogs are around he tries to do the same thing not all dogs and cats and HUMANS (in this case) are nice kids don’t know that so quit trying to make the mother put to be the bad guy the real bad guy is the man who laid his han on a child instead if asking the mother can u pls tell ur son to leave me and my cat alone the correct way of going about it not laying ur hand on a child all I have to say is YOU GO GIRL an dont let these ppl bring u down ur a great mom and these ppl obviously either have no life or no kids
NBCT
May 3rd, 2012
4:05 pm
@bu2
So its ok for a child to run amuck and mess with another persons sick animal after being told repeatedly not to touch it. God forbid if the person, whose property is being attacked, corrects the child while the parent is oblivious. Your stance is totally illogical.
gamom
May 3rd, 2012
4:13 pm
bu2 – thank you for your insightful posts…ignore the trolls..
NBCT
May 3rd, 2012
4:21 pm
@gamom
Wow so now because someone has a different perspective,.. they are trolls. You are out of control.
I am irritated over this article because it amplifies so many parents who are NOT parenting and become mad when others become upset with their children’s bad behavior.
I must concede,.. I do not think it is right to hit another persons child. However, I am sick and tired of parents not doing their parental duty and then defending their kids bad behavior. Especially when the child is affecting another persons adversely. All i hear is your outrage over the man striking the child. I don’t hear your disgust at the kids bad behavior, which is exactly the problem. You have narrow focus only on the child and don’t care about anything else.
NBCT
May 3rd, 2012
4:22 pm
@ amplifies = exemplifies
gamom
May 3rd, 2012
4:32 pm
I typically don’t condemn 4 year olds! The child is FOUR. I sure hope you don’t have young children because they will try your patience. Even if you are the best parent in the world, they do things.. they act up… and no 4 year old is maliciously trying to bother a kitty cat. 4 year olds are inherently curious. Please do tell …do you have kids?
gamom
May 3rd, 2012
4:40 pm
Try raising 4 year old twins, I couldn’t go anywhere without hearing some stupid comments that were A. Uninvited and B. None of their business. It would be nice if someone perhaps offered a hand or even a kind word, but always, always….people are so quick to judge!
NBCT
May 3rd, 2012
4:52 pm
Yes I have kids, 4 and 7 year old boys. I am not asking you to condemn them and I don’t believe the man did by giving him a whack on the butt. I am asking you to understand that the man asked the child to stop messing with his cat and the parent was not able to control her child. She admits this,.. how this is possible is beyond me. She should have removed the child from the area so the child would not have messed with the mans cat.
The cat was sick (hence the vet) and the kid would not stop and so he whacked him on the butt. I do not see the big deal. I, personally, would not be put off. In fact I would asjk what happened and apologize for my child messing with his personal property. However, my kids know better than to go over and touch anything that belongs to someone else without permission,… even at 2 they got that concept.
I understand the woman may not be an oblivious parent and the child is not evil demon-seed. But no one cares about the man with the cat. What if that cat was his world and he was protecting it?
gamom
May 3rd, 2012
4:58 pm
But you were not there! You are making many assumptions, all the facts have not been publicized. All of this probably took place in a matter of 15 seconds and it was probably bad judgment on the dood’s part. Perhaps little munchkin just simply slipped out of mothers grip in a blink of an eye.. You do not know that. And apparently swatting someone else’s child is illegal. (also mind – boggling to me because educators in this dumb state get to spank other people’s children all the time and they are immune, never arrested, heck no one really cares! The laws are seriously messed up.
NBCT
May 3rd, 2012
5:07 pm
Of course I was not there, none of us were save Brandy (says she was – IDK really)
I am going off what the story said, like you. The difference is that I don’t see the big deal with a whack on the butt. However, he should not have done it. Its not his kid. I admit that is something I would not do. I wish he would have done this differently.
But come on gamom,.. you have seen parents with out of control kids haven’t ya? They practically expect others to tolerate their kid bad behavior. The kid was old enough to know better and didn’t. This lets you know that the mom didn’t train her child to respect others and their property.
Another thing,.. many on here were quick to condemn the man. He is considered the villain but he was a victim as well. I know several people how love their pets like others love children and there is nothing wrong with that (though I don’t share that emotion). Wouldn’t you protect your child that was sick from being harassed or further damage? Why don’t we care about him?
NBCT
May 3rd, 2012
5:16 pm
@gamom – “Try raising 4 year old twins” – you have my condolences LOL
I understand your perspective as well. People can be SO inconsiderate and intolerant of kids. Its a difficult thing really.
However that have a right to be that way and a right to their personal space and privacy. Thats the way I look at it. This is why I have made sure that my kids respect others and OBEY what I tell them to do. My littlest one (4yo) is the type to run out in traffic or drink beach. I have to watch him like a hawk and I do,.. especially around other people.
bootney farnsworth
May 3rd, 2012
5:21 pm
what an overall pantload.
and on so many fronts.
1-spanking is not the same as a beating by a long shot. anyone who can’t differentiate between the two is well below stupid. anyone who can’t is a PC zombie.
2-dude shoulda loudly told the woman to get her damn brat under control or he would for her. only thing he did wrong was not to very publically call the alleged mother down – THEN swat the kid.
3-if you don’t want people disiplining your child, then DO IT YOURSELF.
4-back in the long long ago, if the neighbor took a switch to me (often happened) my parents would also do the same for making the neighbor have to.
5-once upon a time we looked out for each other, knew our neighbors, and behaved in public.
6-if junior doesn’t get disipline at home, he WILL get it on the street.
or in the jail cell after lights out.
7-mess with my pets after I tell you not to, I’ll swat you, too.
again – what a liberal pantload.
bootney farnsworth
May 3rd, 2012
5:22 pm
upon reflection dude did do one mistake.
should have swatted mom, too.
bootney farnsworth
May 3rd, 2012
5:24 pm
having to watch and be responsible for your kid is part of the parental deal. don’t want to do it? don’t have kids.
see how simple this is?
brandy
May 3rd, 2012
6:55 pm
“Of course I was not there, none of us were save Brandy (says she was – IDK really)”
I was, I have no reason to lie.
I saw and know the entire story.
brandy
May 3rd, 2012
6:59 pm
I am a twin. Glad it skips a generation.
Concerned
May 4th, 2012
10:12 am
What has this world come to? Are people really this ignorant to comment or publish an article without knowing facts of the situation and only relying on minimal information thay have obtained. Do people really think it is their right to form opinions on people or their children without really knowing them? Ask yourself if this situation would have been different if it had happened in a school setting. Would you be supporting the school staff for swatting ( so nicely stated) or slapping a child? Remember this is a four year old child we are talking about here. Do you know this child or were you there to witness this event? The writer of this article as well as all people making their ignorant comments should be ashamed. What is this was your child?
gamom
May 4th, 2012
2:02 pm
@Concerned — They do spank children every day in Georgia Schools – it’s legal, and usually done with a ‘wooden paddle’.. Maureen has done several blogs on this issue… And 11 Alive Atlanta did an investigative report and found in 2010/2011 OVER 21,000 INCIDENTS WERE REPORTED. AND NO ONE IS BEING HELD ACCOUNTABLE, it’s Georgia’s dirty little secret. I am disgusted with all the people who post their nonsense about slapping children….IT IS LESS AND LESS ACCEPTABLE and especially so for educators who do so or even believe in it. Educators show how DUMB they are when they support this spanking CRAP!
NBCT
May 4th, 2012
2:10 pm
@gamom – tell us how you really feel ….. lol
LongTime Teacher
May 6th, 2012
4:11 pm
Parents have changed. Now children are attached to their parents. Whatever is done to the child is taken personally by the parent. No longer can a teacher discipline a child without the parent taking offense. This makes teaching very difficlut. Teachers would be so much more effective if children came to school with discipline or the parents backed the teacher if the child had to be disciplined in school. The discipline of students is a great underlying pressure on teachers and affects the ability of the whole class to learn.