Sex, death and videotapes: College student’s suicide exposes the ugly side of our show-all society
As a New Jersey native, this story about the Rutgers freshman who committed suicide after his roommate filmed him in a sex act and posted it online caught my attention last night. It is a depressing story that raises questions about both morality and the invasive nature of today’s electronic toys.
Police believe Tyler Clementi jumped off the George Washington bridge last week after two students filmed him in a private sex act and posted it.
I am not sure what to say except people can be cruel and that cruelty has a price. How we are raising our kids today that they would think it was funny to videotape another teen in a sexual encounter and post it for the world to see?
But, we have become a nature of voyeurs, whether it’s gawking at the poor woman caught picking her nose on camera this week or a TMZ-surprise attack on some celebrity eating an ice cream cone with his kids.
A friend of mine who threw herself a birthday bash was stunned when a guest posted photos from the party on Facebook. There was nothing indecent about the photos, but my friend was very private and didn’t want photos of her whooping it up for strangers to see. I told her that we are now all living under the constant glare of a camera, except it’s a cell phone capturing every moment of our lives, even the embarrassing ones.
I am not sure if there is a privacy zone anymore, even in dorm rooms. This is a heartbreaking story.
Here is the story from the Associated Press:
The death of a Rutgers University freshman stirred outrage and remorse on campus from classmates who wished they could have stopped the teen from jumping off a bridge last week after a recording of him having a sexual encounter with a man was broadcast online.
“Had he been in bed with a woman, this would not have happened,” said Lauren Felton, 21, of Warren. “He wouldn’t have been outed via an online broadcast and his privacy would have been respected and he might still have his life.”
Gay rights groups say Tyler Clementi’s suicide makes him a national example of a problem they are increasingly working to combat: young people who kill themselves after being tormented over their sexuality.
A lawyer for Clementi’s family confirmed Wednesday that he had jumped off the George Washington Bridge last week. Police recovered a man’s body Wednesday afternoon in the Hudson River just north of the bridge, and authorities were trying to determine if it was Clementi’s.
The lawyer has not responded to requests for comment on whether Clementi was open about his sexual orientation.
Clementi’s roommate, Dhraun Ravi, and fellow Rutgers freshman Molly Wei, both 18, have been charged with invading Clementi’s privacy. Middlesex County prosecutors say the pair used a webcam to surreptitiously transmit a live image of Clementi having sex on Sept. 19 and that Ravi tried to webcast a second encounter on Sept. 21, the day before Clementi’s suicide.
Collecting or viewing sexual images without consent is a fourth-degree crime. Transmitting them is a third-degree crime with a maximum prison term of five years.
ABC News and The Star-Ledger of Newark reported that Clementi left on his Facebook page on Sept. 22 a note that read: “Jumping off the gw bridge sorry.” On Wednesday, his Facebook page was accessible only to friends.
Even if the young violinist from Ridgewood was not well known at his new school, his death stirred outrage.
“The notion that video of Tyler doing what he was doing can be considered a spectacle is just heinous,” said Jordan Gochman, 19, of Jackson, who didn’t know Clementi. “It’s intolerant, it’s upsetting, it makes it seem that being gay is something that is wrong and can be considered laughable.”
Other students who did know Clement were upset that they didn’t do more to help him. “I wish I could have been more of an ally,” said Georges Richa, a freshman from New Brunswick.
About 100 people gathered Wednesday night for a vigil on campus. They lay on the ground and chanted slogans like, “We’re here, we’re queer, we’re not going home.”
Several gay rights groups linked Clementi’s death to the troubling phenomenon of young people committing suicide after being harassed over their sexuality.
On Tuesday, a 13-year-old California boy died nine days after classmates found him hanging from a tree. Authorities say other teens had taunted the boy, Seth Walsh of Tehachapi, for being gay.
Rutgers University President Richard McCormick wrote in a letter to the campus, “If the charges are true, these actions gravely violate the university’s standards of decency and humanity.” Coincidentally, the university on Wednesday was launching a new two-year Project Civility, designed to get students thinking about how they treat others.
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236 comments Add your comment
Eddie Longs Cadillac
September 30th, 2010
3:04 pm
The term “hate crime” is complete BS and is a bigoted law.
ATL Mom
September 30th, 2010
3:17 pm
@ ITP and John K,
Not even close. To believe that just because one has an inclination to do something, that therefore acting in accordance with that inclination is inevitable, is wrong. Of course I would be there to provide love, support, help and provide encouragement. I would hope my children could come to me about anything and thus far it seems to be the case. But that doesn’t mean I have to accept the behavior. For example, would I allow my son and his partner to sleep in my home together with my other small children just down the hall? No. However, I would still love my son as much as I ever have. That would not change.
The biggest thing I take away from this story is that unfortunately, this young man felt that his orientation was the defining fact of his existence. He didn’t realize that he was so much more or perhaps he did but it became distorted along the way at some point. We all have the ability to choose which characteristics will define us; those choices are not thrown on us. When the unimportant characteristics get in the way of who we believe we are, it is destructive and leads to poor decisions. I wish he had understood that and my heart goes out to his parents, friends, and family.
williebkind
September 30th, 2010
3:19 pm
Have you noticed the indoctrination of society. You can not watch tv or see a movie without a homosexual couple or scene. By this guide our population must be 40% homosexual and 40% wanting to be. Just like the good ole Roman days.
Bobby
September 30th, 2010
3:26 pm
This story is really a trajedy. From reading other articles the two who filmed him and posted the story did not do it for vengeance or homophobia. They were apparently friends and the two posters thought it was funny. It doesn’t appear they had any evil intent. Now they have to live with the unintended consequences of their actions. No one wins in this situation other than perhaps others will learn from their experience and think before posting personal and potentiall embarrasing videos.
trying to make a point
September 30th, 2010
3:29 pm
williebkind: “You can not watch tv or see a movie without a homosexual couple or scene.”
I think that if you analyzed the number of couples on tv and in the movies that are gay vs straight, you will find that it is actually heterosexuals that are overrepresented. Estimates for the prevalance of homsexuals typically range from 5% to 10% and the representation of regular gay characters in scripted shows for this TV season is 3.9% according to a report whose results were published by reuters.
Come on son
September 30th, 2010
3:32 pm
williebkind, the move is to make homosexuality a “non-issue” in society. This is why so many young people, 16-25, “experiement” with same gender relationships as just a part of growing up but do not consider themselves gay. Also if you disagree with the premise that gays should have “special rights” then you automatically are hateful, a moron, branded one of the worst people on earth. All this for 3-8 percent of the population, but you are right, you would think gays made up 30-40% of the population with the amount of press they get.
trying to make a point
September 30th, 2010
3:34 pm
Come on son: “williebkind, the move is to make homosexuality a “non-issue” in society.”
If only this were true. It should be a non-issue, but persistent attempts to demonize, criminalize and marginalize homosexuals make it an issue.
I saw a t-shirt recently that sums it up, “Some people are gay. Get over it”
ITP
September 30th, 2010
3:44 pm
ATL Mom
I’m happy that you would at least still love and accept your child. All children deserve to be loved unconditionally.
Willie
Could you possibly be one of those people you describe who wants to be homosexual? You seem to have such a fascination with the subject. Please tell us why you are here?
williebkind
September 30th, 2010
3:51 pm
ITP
September 30th, 2010
3:44 pm
That does not work with me. I would tell my child to conceal this affliction or move to another neighborhood. I would hug and kiss him goodbye.
Menace
September 30th, 2010
3:54 pm
The biggest gay bashers usually have something to hide – they are deeply closeted homosexuals
ITP
September 30th, 2010
3:56 pm
Willie
Homosexuals are not only male. Would you have these same feelings for your daughter?
Would you have no regret or remorse if your child then ended his/her life?
Last question…
Do you consider yourself to be Christian?
Menace
September 30th, 2010
3:57 pm
W/B – That was terribly cruel – to reject your child because of what they are is unforgivable. In an earlier post I stated that some people act as if bigotry, stupidity, adn arrogance were virtues. You just proved me right.
Atlanta Mom
September 30th, 2010
4:30 pm
Can someone tell me why 10% of the population would “choose” to gay? What exactly possesses someone to want to be in a group that may be the most vilified in the world (and if not the world, certainly here in Georgia)?
john konop
September 30th, 2010
4:35 pm
Williebkind,
I never said it was a hate crime and by the way a crime is a crime to me. My point is simple people who make homosexually people feel like they are sub-human do have their hands in this situation. I am not calling for the gay bashers to get arrested only to look in the mirror. And also more people to step-up and say gay bashing is unacceptable end of story.
williebkind
September 30th, 2010
4:43 pm
ITP
September 30th, 2010
3:56 pm
My religious beliefs are personal an mine only.
John K
September 30th, 2010
4:46 pm
Really ATL Mom? That’s what you get from the story? Your projection on what he was thinking and how he was feeling. A real round about way to get back to blaming him, but you managed to do it.
williebkind
September 30th, 2010
4:49 pm
john konop
September 30th, 2010
4:35 pm
We have laws already covering that. It is like hate crime. We had laws to sentence people for breaking the law then speciali interests were not satisfied because they thought there should be greater punishment when concerning them. That is vile! No where have I read that someone could not be homosexual nor have I said that. I just believe it is abnormal. Your examples and analogies are self gatifying and do not change the nature of the world.
williebkind
September 30th, 2010
4:58 pm
I see teenage boys and young men go bonkers watching two women go at it. It is not the desire to be homosexual but the excitement of the opposite sex and the mental picture of replacing one of those ladies or joining them. However, those scenes do encourage bad behavior. Unless you are Bill Maher.
ITP
September 30th, 2010
5:01 pm
Willie
Oh come on now. It was your “decision” to be here today. This is a forum to exchange thoughts, beliefs and ideas. In this particular case, I would hope it to be a forum for discussion regarding how adults can help prevent such unnecessary tragedies. You have “decided” to modify that focus.
Does your hesitation to meaningfully contribute to the discussion relate to your own internal conflicts?
john konop
September 30th, 2010
5:24 pm
Williebkind,
Many said the same about interracial marriages………In time people will look back and realize how gay bashers like you are just wrong like they were wrong about the above.
….I just believe it is abnormal. Your examples and analogies are self gatifying and do not change the nature of the world…..
john konop
September 30th, 2010
5:27 pm
ITP,
A study done by the University of Georgia claims gay-basher tend be frustrated gay people scared to come out of closet and or deal with their sexuality.
Quite Frankly
September 30th, 2010
5:28 pm
First and foremost, but being gay TODAY is mostly about choice. It’s just a numbers game with GLBT group, they want you to think all these folks are gay when it is just an alternative lifestyle. The gay & lesbian community are actually doing more harm to themselves as a group than they are trying to create tolerance and awareness (to a large group that really doesn’t exist). Think Al Sharpton, and that is the kind of eye rolling response you get when you think about gay rights groups!
These people that published this video should be punished for that and nothing else. They’ll have to live with and suffer the consequences accordingly. They’ve ruined their lives so to speak.
People who commit suicide often have other issues. I seriously doubt this incident is the sole reason for his selfish act. His family and true friends are the ones that we should feel sympathy for.
Think Sane
September 30th, 2010
5:35 pm
Either you are born heterosexual or you choose to be heterosexual.
Either you are born homosexual or you choose to be homosexual.
Listen up folks, it doesn’t matter whether you are born or choose your sexuality, it is no one elses business. The problem with people is we spend too much time being judgmental of other people when it is not our place to do so. If everyone would tend to their own business and try their darndest to keep it straight, you wouldn’t have time to be all up on someone elses. Get a life.
Quite Frankly
September 30th, 2010
5:39 pm
“The biggest gay bashers usually have something to hide – they are deeply closeted homosexuals”
LMAO at that myth. You people say the same about men driving expensive cars trying to compensate for the lack of something. It’s the supporters and sympathizers like yourselves that really need to take a deep look at why they hypocritically support homosexual lifestyles. You have more to gain by supporting them than I do by not condoning their lifestyle. Birds of a feather …
Bill
September 30th, 2010
5:41 pm
I hope that the two foreign low lives will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law or at the very least, be sued by the poor guy’s parents until their careers (and lives) are destroyed and they are living in a cardboard box on the streets. What is funny about invading someone’s privacy, and then broadcasting it over the internet? NOTHING. This sounds like a hate crime to me.
Quite Frankly
September 30th, 2010
5:52 pm
“I hope that the two foreign low lives”
Wow – now I believe we have an immigration issue to deal with in this whole unfortunate episode. You guys really need to pick your “bandwagons” more carefully! I’d be careful in labeling this a hate crime though, you folks are really starting to generalized and over use that word.
ITP
September 30th, 2010
5:53 pm
john konop
I would be interested to see the details of that study. Do you happen to have a link? Regardless, “gay bashing” is the result of poor parental guidance. Good parents teach their children to be accepting individuals who contribute positively to society without resorting to violence.
ITP
September 30th, 2010
6:04 pm
Quite Frankly
No one is asking you to condone a lifestyle. Whatever that means. You obviously feel threatened by the accomplishments homosexuals have made. I have some bad news for you. Those accomplishments are only going to increase until complete equality is achieved.
Think Sane
September 30th, 2010
6:10 pm
Think “LIFE” instead of “LIFESTYLE.” Whether you are gay or straight, it’s your “life.”
Quite Frankly
September 30th, 2010
6:21 pm
“Good parents teach their children to be accepting individuals who contribute positively to society without resorting to violence.”
Very true. But these children become adults at some point and however they were raised becomes a mute point.
I have a very liberal friend that taught her child to be respectful and tolerant of others. Once her child went off to college things changed. To make a long story short, he was bashed by gays for not being gay! Yep, his gay friends insisted he was indeed gay when he knew he wasn’t! Seems there is a fine line with accepting and admission in the gay community. This young man never resorted to violence but now he is now anti-gay because of his experience. Tolerance is like a 2 way street.
Most “gays” today are living a lifestyle. Much like 3 years ago people had faux wealth. Abnormal lifestyles are no longer shunned. It’s the normal people that need to worry about being bashed and ridiculed. Heck, it’s practically a crime to work hard and be wealthy today.
Quite Frankly
September 30th, 2010
6:27 pm
“You obviously feel threatened by the accomplishments homosexuals have made. I have some bad news for you. Those accomplishments are only going to increase until complete equality is achieved.”
Yep, the numbers game yet again. And FYI, your suggestion that I feel threatened is quite hysterical. How can one feel threatened by something that doesn’t exist? The boogie man doesn’t scare me, lol!
ITP
September 30th, 2010
6:59 pm
Frankly – or should we just call you basher?
I have no idea what numbers game you are referencing. You are a threatened straight, white, older man. Am I correct? As we all know, your portion of the population has and will continue to decline. I can understand why you are threatened.
Nevertheless, your off-topic, self gratifying diatribes in response to an article of the potentially preventable death of a child thoroughly indicate your lack of maturity.
Quite Frankly
September 30th, 2010
7:17 pm
“You are a threatened straight, white, older man. Am I correct? As we all know, your portion of the population has and will continue to decline. I can understand why you are threatened.”
NO – I am a black woman. And again, how can anybody even a heterosexual, whitle male in his 50’s be threatened by large numbers of people that DO NOT EXIST.
Are you gay? If not, then why are YOU speaking on behalf of the gay community? I dare you to speak for me as a heterosexual single black female in her 30’s (with no children), NOT on government
Really, what are YOU gaining from supporting something that you know nothing about? Your hidden agenda is disgusting!
FYI – this was not a child. This was an adult. By all accounts in the article he was NOT bullied. The crime is his private life was put on the Internet without his permission. He was not outed, how do we even know if he was in fact gay. This lifestyle often starts and ends in college or in the mid 20’s. Taking his own life was HIS CHOICE!
ITP – YOU NEED to stop with your socialist agenda. It isn’t working for you and I don’t want you and I don’t need you on my team!
Quite Frankly
September 30th, 2010
7:39 pm
PS ITP
Your ilk is the very reason many black folks including myself are forced to now live OTP! You have come into a community and taken over with your fake lifestyle. What you have posted here and by the rest of the supporters is all an act. You claim diversity and tolerance, but what do you really want in turn for our alliance? You ITP are a certified hypocrit living a lie!
V for Vendetta
September 30th, 2010
7:41 pm
Quite Frankly,
As a black woman, I would think that people disliking you for something you can’t change would be all too familiar to you. Your lack of compassion for a minority group suffering the same injustices that Blacks suffered for hundreds of years is astounding. I suggest you run (not walk) to your nearest dictionary and look up the word “hypocrite.” If it weren’t for open-minded, tolerant people, Blacks would still be picking cotton and working in the laundry rooms of houses.
And “socialist agenda”? Do you even know what socialist means?
Being gay is NOT a choice, and, even if it were, who cares? What bothers some of you so much about it? Please try to explain yourself without resorting to your dusty old book and its intolerant, bigoted moral code.
john konop
September 30th, 2010
7:46 pm
ITP,
FYI
Homophobia
……University of Georgia found that men who were found to be homophobic (as measured by the Index of Homophobia)[48] were considerably more likely to experience more erectile responses when exposed to homoerotic images than non-homophobic men…….
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Homophobia
ITP
September 30th, 2010
8:00 pm
Frankly
You certainly had me fooled. I am in fact a homosexual as you would have realized if you had read the previous posts. I have no hidden agenda and consider it one of my personal missions in life to relentlessly seek equality for others like me. My intention is to provide hope to young people who think they are “abnormal”. The homosexual community has not tried to maliciously overestimate our numbers as far as I am aware. Although, does it really matter how many exist within a minority when seeking equality? As a black woman, you must know something about the desire for equality.
Anyway, I’m glad you have returned to the topic at hand. Do you truly believe posting a private video of someone else on the internet is not a form of bullying? You imply people should not try to help others (especially young, impressionable and usually self-conscious) in order to prevent them from taking their lives. You have clearly said that it was his choice. Is that what you are implying? Should we, as a society, ignore teenage suicides?
I would never speak for you and I’m thankfully not on your “team”. Although, I’m incredibly confused by the “socialist agenda” you have mentioned. How is that relevant? Do you even understand the meaning of socialism?
ITP
September 30th, 2010
8:15 pm
john konop
In light of this depressing subject, I must thank you for including such a humorous quote. I believe many would agree that those who are the most homophobic are indeed more inclined to homosexual thoughts. This, however, does not indicate that homophobic individuals are more likely to engage in “gay bashing” as you indicated earlier. Someone who is violent against homosexuals is not necessarily a homophobe.
The Percieved Narrow-Minded One
September 30th, 2010
9:36 pm
Let it be said from the start, that as WRONG as these Idiots were that taped this guy, Clementi killed “himself”! He took PERMENATE action, to a temporarily bad situation. So, as much as these “boys” should be punished, they should NOT be liable for his death.
Obstacles are a fact of life, and they come in varying degress at unexpected times… We dont find the nearest bridge in order to deal with those trials. We bear up; but we also rely on the love & support of family & friends. It seems this young man didnt have that. I read in another article regarding this, that he was “mortified” by what his parents would say or do… Huh??? Mortified??? What happened to unconditional love??? Im not saying his parents had to agree w/ his lifestyle, but he should have at least felt assured that they would always love him regardless. How sad that he didnt have that??? Do we judge & cast stones at them? Which brings me to my second point…
I read these comments, and everybody has an opinion… Wrong, right or otherwise. That is one of the MAJOR problems with people today. We live in a global society of “I thinkers”! I think this, I think that, I think blah, blah, blah… Very few today are TRULY concerned with what God thinks. As our Life Giver & Creator, all that matters is what He thinks.
Everybody’s yacking about whether “they think” it’s right or not to be gay… The Scriptures CLEARLY state “God’s thinking” not only on homosexuality, but fornication, greed, murder, etc… But do we ever consider using the Bible “before and as” we make CHOICES in life??? No!
All we consider is how “I feel & what I think”… And as you can see from the comments above and the conditions of the world today, the end result is DIVISION.
The fact is… God’s Word is the FINAL AUTHORITY as to whether something is right or wrong. Not us and our misguided consciences. Instead of wasting time on a blog, telling the world what you think, pick up a Bible & let God tell you what he thinks!
Atlanta mom
September 30th, 2010
11:37 pm
ITP
You go girl or guy, whatever.
As for “The Percieved Narrow-Minded One ” have you never heard of unintended consequences? Gee, I talked to my children about this a lot. Like: you take down a stop sign, because you think it’s funny, and somebody gets killed. Not so funny.
You don’t think, you do something stupid, you must accept the consequences
ITP
October 1st, 2010
12:07 am
Perceived
You seem to believe that all people share your spiritual views. Personally, I don’t require a bible to hear that higher calling.
Atlanta mom
October 1st, 2010
12:19 am
Perceived,
“God’s Word is the FINAL AUTHORITY as to whether something is right or wrong.”
I suppose so, if you believe in that particular mythology. But, this is America. We are not required to believe in your myths.
bootney farnsworth
October 1st, 2010
7:18 am
a fast glance thru these moronic posts reenforces why I’m made a point
of staying out of it thusfar.
instead of dealing with the larger, more important issues of: a total lack of privacy, basic decency, and a subculture obsessed with broadcasting itself in every possible way…
we had our own little version of race to the bottom.
gays are this and that, God says this and that. liberals are
this, consevatives are that
anything but dealing with the real issue of profoundly inappropriate
actions by airing a private act for giggles
Eddie Longs Cadillac
October 1st, 2010
7:40 am
“This is why so many young people, 16-25, “experiement” wit”
Well I guess this experiment went somewhat off course and into the ditch, no? Actions have consequences and that unfortunately for this young man is what he learned albeit the hard way.
This Homosexual behavior is a cancer on our society. You wanna do it behind closed doors then thats your problem but myself and my kids etc shouldnt be forced to turn on the tube and there is Gay pride participants with their rear-ends exposed, same sex kissing etc. This behavior is an abomination, wrong and deadly. But do as you must…its your life or death.
Adam V
October 1st, 2010
8:24 am
He was weak. Where is the Hollywood protest, those freaks love gay causes! Clearly he is happier dead than alive, then again lots of people would be better that way. Time to help them along – death to the weak.
ITP
October 1st, 2010
9:26 am
Eddie
I believe many of us would agree that people like you are the “cancer on society”. I don’t know how kissing is wrong, deadly or an abomination. However, it is mostly unfortunate for your children who could quite possibly have the same fate as this poor young man because of your narrow-minded views.
Rutgers suicide case: Was it a joke that got out of hand? And who thinks livestreaming intimate moments is funny? | Get Schooled
October 1st, 2010
9:50 am
[...] The story has struck a chord with people across the country — as the comments to my earlier blog on this tragedy demonstrate — but not everyone blames Ravi and his alleged partner, fellow student Molly [...]
Eddie Longs Cadillac
October 1st, 2010
10:24 am
Good and you should stay ITP.
Stevereeno
October 1st, 2010
11:19 am
People can be cruel!
If individuals could only stop for a moment and ask themselves;’will this embarrass my mother?’ The answer would inform their decision making.
ADAM&EVE NOT ADAM&STEVE!
October 1st, 2010
12:13 pm
IF BEING GAY IS NOT A SIN? WHY DO PEOPLE KEEP IT IN THE CLOSET SAYS A BLOGGER ABOVE?
P.S.GOD MADE MAN AND WOMAN,NOT MAN AND MAN,OR WOMAN AND WOMAN!