Sex, death and videotapes: College student’s suicide exposes the ugly side of our show-all society
As a New Jersey native, this story about the Rutgers freshman who committed suicide after his roommate filmed him in a sex act and posted it online caught my attention last night. It is a depressing story that raises questions about both morality and the invasive nature of today’s electronic toys.
Police believe Tyler Clementi jumped off the George Washington bridge last week after two students filmed him in a private sex act and posted it.
I am not sure what to say except people can be cruel and that cruelty has a price. How we are raising our kids today that they would think it was funny to videotape another teen in a sexual encounter and post it for the world to see?
But, we have become a nature of voyeurs, whether it’s gawking at the poor woman caught picking her nose on camera this week or a TMZ-surprise attack on some celebrity eating an ice cream cone with his kids.
A friend of mine who threw herself a birthday bash was stunned when a guest posted photos from the party on Facebook. There was nothing indecent about the photos, but my friend was very private and didn’t want photos of her whooping it up for strangers to see. I told her that we are now all living under the constant glare of a camera, except it’s a cell phone capturing every moment of our lives, even the embarrassing ones.
I am not sure if there is a privacy zone anymore, even in dorm rooms. This is a heartbreaking story.
Here is the story from the Associated Press:
The death of a Rutgers University freshman stirred outrage and remorse on campus from classmates who wished they could have stopped the teen from jumping off a bridge last week after a recording of him having a sexual encounter with a man was broadcast online.
“Had he been in bed with a woman, this would not have happened,” said Lauren Felton, 21, of Warren. “He wouldn’t have been outed via an online broadcast and his privacy would have been respected and he might still have his life.”
Gay rights groups say Tyler Clementi’s suicide makes him a national example of a problem they are increasingly working to combat: young people who kill themselves after being tormented over their sexuality.
A lawyer for Clementi’s family confirmed Wednesday that he had jumped off the George Washington Bridge last week. Police recovered a man’s body Wednesday afternoon in the Hudson River just north of the bridge, and authorities were trying to determine if it was Clementi’s.
The lawyer has not responded to requests for comment on whether Clementi was open about his sexual orientation.
Clementi’s roommate, Dhraun Ravi, and fellow Rutgers freshman Molly Wei, both 18, have been charged with invading Clementi’s privacy. Middlesex County prosecutors say the pair used a webcam to surreptitiously transmit a live image of Clementi having sex on Sept. 19 and that Ravi tried to webcast a second encounter on Sept. 21, the day before Clementi’s suicide.
Collecting or viewing sexual images without consent is a fourth-degree crime. Transmitting them is a third-degree crime with a maximum prison term of five years.
ABC News and The Star-Ledger of Newark reported that Clementi left on his Facebook page on Sept. 22 a note that read: “Jumping off the gw bridge sorry.” On Wednesday, his Facebook page was accessible only to friends.
Even if the young violinist from Ridgewood was not well known at his new school, his death stirred outrage.
“The notion that video of Tyler doing what he was doing can be considered a spectacle is just heinous,” said Jordan Gochman, 19, of Jackson, who didn’t know Clementi. “It’s intolerant, it’s upsetting, it makes it seem that being gay is something that is wrong and can be considered laughable.”
Other students who did know Clement were upset that they didn’t do more to help him. “I wish I could have been more of an ally,” said Georges Richa, a freshman from New Brunswick.
About 100 people gathered Wednesday night for a vigil on campus. They lay on the ground and chanted slogans like, “We’re here, we’re queer, we’re not going home.”
Several gay rights groups linked Clementi’s death to the troubling phenomenon of young people committing suicide after being harassed over their sexuality.
On Tuesday, a 13-year-old California boy died nine days after classmates found him hanging from a tree. Authorities say other teens had taunted the boy, Seth Walsh of Tehachapi, for being gay.
Rutgers University President Richard McCormick wrote in a letter to the campus, “If the charges are true, these actions gravely violate the university’s standards of decency and humanity.” Coincidentally, the university on Wednesday was launching a new two-year Project Civility, designed to get students thinking about how they treat others.
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236 comments Add your comment
NativeAtlantan
September 30th, 2010
1:32 pm
Menace — exactly!! Well done….
I'm just sayin . . . . .
September 30th, 2010
1:32 pm
Ultimiately, this isn’t a gay issue. What if it was your daughter? How would she feel? How would you feel? I’m certain this young man felt violated, victimized. Often, we forget to imagine ourselves in the same postition. What they did was wrong. He committed suicide because of it.
observer
September 30th, 2010
1:33 pm
well, it’s unknown if the video caused him to want to kill himself. If so, I guess the moral to the story is don’t do in private what you’d be ashamed of if it became public. If you are ashamed of it, DON’T DO IT! Secondly, this is a reflection of a society in which morally their feet are firmly planted in mid air. Folks like this guy have no anchor, no foundation. They have no intrinsic value of right and wrong, moral and immoral. Too many in our society view what’s right as what feels good. Destructive behavior may feel good for the moment, however it may lead to disastrous consequences.
williebkind
September 30th, 2010
1:35 pm
The crime here is the invasion of privacy! However, the progressive liberals who are for vile and disgusting behaviors are making it a gay bashing hate crime event. Shame on you Maureen! Your credibility has gone done tremendously.
No one knows why this homosexual committed suicide! All of you are speculating and using that speculation to futher your private agendas.
Shame on you Maureen. You have made journalism one step more less professional.
NativeAtlantan
September 30th, 2010
1:37 pm
Cissy — I was only responding to Steve’s question from earlier about choice. If he did what he is accused of, Eddie Long chose to act on his feelings. I wasn’t supporting his actions in any way, as I view them as quite inappropriate. I was also not relating them to the story of this young man….the topic was “choice”.
Brad
September 30th, 2010
1:38 pm
I’m painfully reminded that this is Georgia.
1 Cor 6:9
September 30th, 2010
1:39 pm
What the other kids did to him is appauling and should be punished, but that in no way excuses his choice to kill himself. What you are seeing is the effects of sin…That is what it is…Romans 6:23…Being gay is a choice. One chooses whom to sleep with…Just like fornication is a sin…There is not a shred of evidence nor any gene found to prove that being gay is inherent and born that way. That is a lie from the pits of hell
Liberal/Conservative
September 30th, 2010
1:40 pm
A terribly sad, tragic example of how technology deprives us of our privacy, and spreads our most personal details to a vast, learing audience.
Liberal/Conservative
September 30th, 2010
1:41 pm
To the Bible thumpers: Judge not lest ye be judged.
John K
September 30th, 2010
1:41 pm
1 Cor 6:9, not shocking that most of your post was about what you believe he did wrong.
Come on son
September 30th, 2010
1:42 pm
African-Americans/Blacks who are born with a skin color that easily identifies them as such can not be compared gay/lesbian persons who can live and interact without being known as such. An “in the closet” white gay/lesbian person still is viewed better “on first impression” than a Black person.
This argument is old, tired, and compares apples to oranges. I can go into any public arena and make a quick scan and identify any Black, Asian, Indian, White person, you can not do the same with gay and lesbian people. Let’s be real, there are plenty of gay people in metro Atlanta that live on the “down low” and enjoy the benefits of being male, white, or both and will not compromise them by being “outed”; but I guess that is their CHOICE.
gamom
September 30th, 2010
1:42 pm
a lie from the pits of hell??!! What?! There is so much they do not know about the brain and neuro-receptors and neurochemicals. It doesn’t have to be a gene, it could be some other mechanism.
Maureen Downey
September 30th, 2010
1:43 pm
@williebkind, Not sure what you are saying, but it appears that you think this student’s behavior was “vile and disgusting.” I disagree with that. And, frankly, it’s none of my business or yours what this student did in his own room with a consenting adult. The only vile and disgusting acts here were the filming and the failure of any students who watched this video to not condemn the perpetrators and reach out to Tyler.
I never raised the issue of the victim’s sexual orientation. I think any young person in any sex act would be devastated to discover the moment was livestreamed to the world. I regret that this young man’s devastation played a role in his death.
I hope the two other students, if found guilty, get the maximum sentence under the law.
Maureen
trying to make a point
September 30th, 2010
1:44 pm
williebkind,
The legal issue may be as simple as invasion of privacy. The motives of the perpetrators may or may not have been tied to the victim’s homosexuality, so I don’t think the characterization of that portion of the story as a hate crime is accurate either.
Where I think homosexuality comes into this, is that this person was raised, either by his family, or by society, to believe that he would be better off dead than gay. Or perhaps that his parents would be spared more by his death than his homosexuality. That is the problem here.
Maureen Downey
September 30th, 2010
1:45 pm
@Brad, I have to agree with you there. Many of these comments sadden me and make me fearful for the safety and welfare of Georgians who are gay.
Maureen
Menace
September 30th, 2010
1:46 pm
Thank You Lib/Con. If being gay is a choice why would someone choose to open themselves to the jokes, putdowns, discrimination, etc.
HS Public Teacher
September 30th, 2010
1:46 pm
@Jesus-Freak,
Could you clarify you stance please?
You say that the norm is male/female because they can reproduce, right?
If the end goal is to reproduce, and that is all you consider to be the purpose, does that mean any other intimacy is not normal?
Do you snuggle with your mate? The last I heard, a snuggle does not reproduce, so it is not normal?
Do you kiss your mate? The last I heard, a kiss does not reproduce, so it is not normal?
If you use reproduction as your reasoning to define what is normal, then there are likely many many intimate activities that occur BETWEEN a man and a woman that is not normal.
Do I have your position on this topic correct?
trying to make a point
September 30th, 2010
1:47 pm
come on son,
I think you missed my point. The issue isn’t about whether you CAN hide something about yourself in order to get equal rights, it is about whether you SHOULD HAVE TO.
John K
September 30th, 2010
1:48 pm
And let’s not forget the entire reproduction argument invalidates the relationships of infertile or elderly couples.
gamom
September 30th, 2010
1:48 pm
@Cor – maybe you are unaware, there are genetic conditions that can cause the lack of production of estrogen and testosterone, which can greatly effect one’s sexuality – look up klinefelter’s syndrome for example and other XX or Y genetic disorders… come on now!
ATL Mom
September 30th, 2010
1:49 pm
@ John K,
Really? You have no idea what “normal” is given the differences between male/female? I think most get it. Using your logic, why not extend acceptance of personal preference to animals, children, or other behaviors? Afterall, “normal” is relative, right?
gamom
September 30th, 2010
1:49 pm
mo – I hope some of these comments are not coming from a congressional staffer
HS Public Teacher
September 30th, 2010
1:50 pm
@Come on son,
You miss the point. The comparison between gay and black people is NOT to say one is better or worse than the other. The comparision is simply to point out that both are minorities and both can be and have been supressed by the majority. And, that it is wrong to supress any minority of any type.
That is all.
John K
September 30th, 2010
1:50 pm
Right ATL Mom, because in your world animals and children are consenting adults!
John K
September 30th, 2010
1:51 pm
And you do get an award ATL Mom, because whenever there is a debate on homosexuality, someone has to bring up bestiality and pedophilia. And you went for the double! Congrats.
williebkind
September 30th, 2010
1:54 pm
So all of you know that the invasion of privacy was the reason the homosexual committed suicide? And you fear for the lives of other homosexuals because the homosexual could not handle the lifestyle he chose. I have not read where anyone stated that people could not choose their lifestyle. You are trying to make homosexuality normal. You want to indoctrinate our kids into thinking it is normal to complete your agenda–how vile!
gamom
September 30th, 2010
1:56 pm
@ATL mom – whatever happened to treat others how you want to be treated?? This kids’ sexuality is not your business, not my business, not anyone’s business. Why would anyone want to be gay, why would anyone choose to put up with ridicule, exclusion and hate, especially a young person, who is just learning about life and themselves. If any of my children came to me and told me they were gay, I would love them unconditionally anyway. It would not matter to me, I would support them, becasue I know how tough it would be for them.
williebkind
September 30th, 2010
1:56 pm
John K
September 30th, 2010
1:50 pm
C’mon have you not heard of stump broke mules?
NativeAtlantan
September 30th, 2010
1:57 pm
My parents were probably as southern, white and christian as they come being from south Georgia and Alabama. The interesting thing is when I came out to them at 22, my mother told me she already knew and my father just asked me if I was happy. That was it. After that, my partner became one of the family. I guess when it happens that close to home….maybe family wins.
Maureen Downey
September 30th, 2010
1:58 pm
williebkind, Yup, I am trying to teach all four of my children tolerance, acceptance and grace. I believe science is showing us more and more that we are hardwired in our sexual preferences.. And even if we are not, I don’t care. It is not my concern or my business.
What are you teaching your child?
Maureen Downey
September 30th, 2010
2:00 pm
gamom, Has Saxby ever named that person in his office who sent out the death threat?
Cruel
September 30th, 2010
2:02 pm
Unbelievably cruel of the 2 ADULTS who pretended to grant the fellow privacy and then spied on him, broadcasting his most private moments on the internet to humilate him and ruin his life, career, and more forever. They murdered a potentially great violinst who could have given so much enjoyment to the world.
These two adults should be proscecuted for 2nd Degree MURDER. These college students are not idiots. They schemed and tricked the roommate with intent to hurt him to the fullest extent. The two charged with the crime might as well have pushed him off of the bridge.
A lot of parents out there are raising sick, sadistic kids that seem to be straight out of “LORD OF THE FLIES”. Parents, take another look at yourself and your children, then get help….Call DR. PHIL….
gamom
September 30th, 2010
2:03 pm
mo, don’t know. Only know what I read in the news..
gamom
September 30th, 2010
2:07 pm
I’d like to know where everyone’s moral compass really is.
Leila
September 30th, 2010
2:15 pm
I don’t have kids so I don’t often read this blog and I’ve never commented here, but I read this story last night and the world suddenly seemed a bit darker to me.
It’s disturbing that there are, walking among us, people so wicked at such a young age. What was done to Tyler Clementi was not impulsive. It was very much premeditated. It was a long progression of purposeful acts undertaken with a specific objective in mind. Something is badly, badly wrong with the people who did this.
Think about this:
-They had to come up with the idea
-The camera had to be acquired
-They had to go online and announce what they were going to do.
-The camera had to positioned and concealed.
-The camera had to be activated at a time when the roommate knew that Clementi and the other person would be in the room.
-The camera had to be retrieved and the video was probably viewed by Ravi and Wei.
-They had to take the time to figure out how to stream live video.
-Finally, they had to make the decision to click the button to start the broadcast.
Only a highly defective human being is driven by such an intensely sadistic desire to humilate someone that they’d go to that kind of trouble.
At any one of those eight steps in the process SOMETHING in one of their minds should have said “This is not right. Let’s not do this.” SOMETHING should have told them that being this fixated on someone else’s private sexual activities is a problem. But that apparently didn’t happen or they were able to disregard it. That is NOT NORMAL.
These two kids are badly damaged and it wouldn’t bother me one bit for the two of them to be locked up forever so the rest of us can be safe from them. If you’re already that evil that young, you don’t need to be anywhere near other human beings. There’s enough trouble in the world already.
In the alternative, I hope that both Tyler’s parents and whoever was with him in that room sue both of those kids and their families up, down and sideways so that even their grandchildren die broke.
Blkshepherd
September 30th, 2010
2:20 pm
When the two students Get to prison, I sincerely Hope they get exactly what they derseve.(and they Will) NO MERCY, RAPED, and who knows what else. Since some of you on here dont care any thing about the student or the pain his mother and father is going through Karma is waiting on you. . You REAP what you sow.
This young man did NOTHING to hurt those other students. You folks on here saying he shouldnt be gay and this and that and spewing the hate I sincerely HOPE some one tapes you doing something and place it on the net for the world to see. There are some things that can be embarrasing as well that is NOT a homosexual act.
Cant wait until the male student meets his cellmate..300 pound Bubba who guess what? happens to be gay and Heard about this story and decide to avenge the student that killed himself. And guess what? The guards will turn their heads saying they saw nothing. I would not want to be in their shoes..because trust me, that young man will be advenged..Also women do rape other women in prison with Foriegn objects..broom handles toliet plungers. When Inside gays get through with these two, they will wish they too they Jumped off the GW bridge. Karma is a bytch!
They will get theirs. and for some of you heartless bozos on here that have no heart for this young man’s parents..You will get yours as well..have a good day, Karma is waiting on You.
gamom
September 30th, 2010
2:20 pm
October is National Bully Prevention month by the way.
V for Vendetta
September 30th, 2010
2:21 pm
Let me be more blunt,
If you believe homosexuality is a choice, you’re a moron. Keep clutching your dusty old book while the rest of the modern world leaves you behind. Check out Time.com for an article on the recently discovered planet that has possible Earth characteristics–such as water. Or did you think we were the only ones? I’m done with this foolishness.
The Sage
September 30th, 2010
2:27 pm
It’s really sad that this has turned into a discussion about whether being gay is a choice or not. Who cares if it is or isn’t? What business is it of yours what someone chooses to do with another consenting adult in the privacy of their own home? Don’t give me that crap about them trying to shove their lifestyle down your throat. That isn’t the case here. This kid was in the privacy of his own home. What he did should be of no concern to anyone else. What if he was just pleasuring himself and that got into the internet because of someone conducting illegal surveillance? How would you feel if a video of you was circulating the internet of you pleasuring yourself? What if a future employer googled you and found it? I don’t care if you like homosexuals or not, the bottom line here is this kid’s privacy was violated to a point that it caused him severe emotional distress. You don’t have to be gay to put yourself in this kid’s shoes.
Come on son
September 30th, 2010
2:29 pm
Well the true issue is the crimes involving invasion of privacy; I think a DA going after the hate crime angle can jeopardize the whole case/conviction, chasing this red herring. Like mentioned before, many heterosexual college students have “been caught on tape” and exposed.
As always, whenever homosexuality is a part of the conversation, there is always a big conversation. Atlanta is the last place anyone should feel “suppressed” about being gay; didn’t Atlanta just get named in the top 10 as the most “gay-friendly” cities to live in.
On one hand, gays want to be treated “like everyone else” but on the other hand they want special protections and laws, which is it? People decide (notice I did not use choose this time, lol) if they want to live openly or not.
What aggravates me more than anything is the amount of time, money, and effort spent on such a small percentage of the US population. The whole gay marriage debate just irks me to no end. For everyone worried about “Obama-care” raising health insurance premiums, they need to be more concerned about the increase in the number of patients your insurance company will have to carry by providing “spousal” coverage to non-traditonal couples. If I had a roommate, if we lived together for a number of years, at what point can he/she should be eligible to be on my health insurance?
We spend too much time on this and I am just as guilty, but I defend people’s rights to not agree with homosexuality without being labeled a homo-phobe and other names. What gay people need to understand is that not everyone is going to agree or understand their lifestyle and by the same token they can not force their beliefs on others.
ITP
September 30th, 2010
2:32 pm
ATL Mom is most likely very similar to this unfortunate boy’s mother. Please tell us ATL Mom, would you rather your child be dead or gay?
Come on son
September 30th, 2010
2:35 pm
V says, “If you believe homosexuality is a choice, you’re a moron.”
Once again it does not surprise me which side of this argument always resorts to name calling.
WE lost our way
September 30th, 2010
2:45 pm
My son’s childhood best friend came home from college this year and informed his parents he was gay. They did not take this information very lightly.In fact a heated argument and rejection happened. When I was told by my son about the news;I asked him how he felt since he has been his friend for over 14 years. He replied; he is one of my best friends and will always be. His sexuality does not change anything about how I feel about him. As of this date, they still hang out with the same crowd when they are both home from college and discuss their problems by email or phone.I’m proud of both of these two men. One for being open and honest and one who has a loving and kind heart. FYI -This young man was a true Jock in middle and High school. You would have never know he was gay.He had scholarships from several universities.
williebkind
September 30th, 2010
2:47 pm
Maureen Downey
September 30th, 2010
1:58 pm
“What are you teaching your child?”
To abide by the law of the land! However, the laws of man are imposed by the lawmaker’s individual beliefs wether it is traditional or abnormal. I teach my children and future grandchildren that homosexuality is abnormal. We as a nation are decomposing the great experiment into a decadent Roman Empire. So not to learn from history is to repeat it. You are doing your part Maureen.
john konop
September 30th, 2010
2:52 pm
I agree it is very insensitive, disrespectful and hateful! And some of you do this in the name of Christianity. God is about love not spewing hate!
….I have to agree with you there. Many of these comments sadden me and make me fearful for the safety and welfare of Georgians who are gay…..
Debby Downer
September 30th, 2010
2:59 pm
Sadly, our moral compasses fade or all out disappear behind the safety of the internet. There’s very tiny (if any at all) risk of embarassment, shame, guilt or humiliation involved for posters claiming higher moral character while they spew hatred and judgement on others. Perfect example of what happened in this case…..two young adults seeing something they think is funny and posting it on the internet…..they didn’t know, probably didn’t care if their actions would have any negative impact on this young man. Actually, the thought PROBABLY NEVER EVEN OCCURRED TO THEM that they should even be concerned with the consequences of their actions. Sad state of society.
Just as it is with each of you on this blog…no one here knows if something they say here may hit home hard with another. Obviously we can’t police ourselves to the nth degree when posting, but we CAN be more responsible when dealing with personal information/pictures/video, etc. instead of taking the route of ZERO personal accountability along with ZERO concern for the feelings of others, which is most often the case.
The internet is much worse than the wild, wild west in that it’s really the Wild Wild GLOBE. Anyone’s identity can be hidden if desired, you’re not safe even locked up tight in your OWN HOME, and the sheriff’s done gone. The art of sympathy/empathy is completely lost. NO ONE cares how you feel, no one cares or regrets if they’ve made you feel bad, and certainly, no one would EVER try to put themselves in someone else’s shoes for even a moment. That part of the ME, ME, ME point of view really SUCKS *SS— actually, the ENTIRE me, me, me point of view falls into the suckage category.
Now that I’ve well and truly depressed EVERYONE here including myself, I think I’ll go have a coke and a smile and play with my kid and do something to help his self esteem stay healthy, intact and thriving even if just for today!
BTW, if anything that I’ve said has impacted you to the point of severe depression and you consider yourself at risk for harming yourself or others, please take your happy pill and seek immediate professional assistance, or hang up and dial 911.
williebkind
September 30th, 2010
2:59 pm
john konop
September 30th, 2010
2:52 pm
How can you go from suicide to fear for the welfare of others? This is fear mongering to achieve personal sympathy or get sympathy laws passed. The crime like I stated was the invasion of privacy. Others are trying to make it a homosexual hate crime.
ITP
September 30th, 2010
3:00 pm
WE lost our way
You have obviously raised your child well. The truth is that many of us “abnormal” people are overacheivers. We have learned that it’s a requirement to receive acceptance for who we are.
However, we will continue to leverage our accomplishments to fight for equality and freedom from persecution, much to the dismay of several posters here. Hopefully these efforts will one day allow children to feel safe and comfortable with hope for tomorrow.
williebkind
September 30th, 2010
3:01 pm
Debby Downer
September 30th, 2010
2:59 pm
I totally agree!!!
Eddie Longs Cadillac
September 30th, 2010
3:03 pm
“Actually, the thought PROBABLY NEVER EVEN OCCURRED TO THEM that they should even be concerned with the consequences of their actions. Sad state of society.”
Better yet had said act never occurred it could never have been filmed and never released on the internet.
It is what it is…the chicken or the egg.