Sex, death and videotapes: College student’s suicide exposes the ugly side of our show-all society
As a New Jersey native, this story about the Rutgers freshman who committed suicide after his roommate filmed him in a sex act and posted it online caught my attention last night. It is a depressing story that raises questions about both morality and the invasive nature of today’s electronic toys.
Police believe Tyler Clementi jumped off the George Washington bridge last week after two students filmed him in a private sex act and posted it.
I am not sure what to say except people can be cruel and that cruelty has a price. How we are raising our kids today that they would think it was funny to videotape another teen in a sexual encounter and post it for the world to see?
But, we have become a nature of voyeurs, whether it’s gawking at the poor woman caught picking her nose on camera this week or a TMZ-surprise attack on some celebrity eating an ice cream cone with his kids.
A friend of mine who threw herself a birthday bash was stunned when a guest posted photos from the party on Facebook. There was nothing indecent about the photos, but my friend was very private and didn’t want photos of her whooping it up for strangers to see. I told her that we are now all living under the constant glare of a camera, except it’s a cell phone capturing every moment of our lives, even the embarrassing ones.
I am not sure if there is a privacy zone anymore, even in dorm rooms. This is a heartbreaking story.
Here is the story from the Associated Press:
The death of a Rutgers University freshman stirred outrage and remorse on campus from classmates who wished they could have stopped the teen from jumping off a bridge last week after a recording of him having a sexual encounter with a man was broadcast online.
“Had he been in bed with a woman, this would not have happened,” said Lauren Felton, 21, of Warren. “He wouldn’t have been outed via an online broadcast and his privacy would have been respected and he might still have his life.”
Gay rights groups say Tyler Clementi’s suicide makes him a national example of a problem they are increasingly working to combat: young people who kill themselves after being tormented over their sexuality.
A lawyer for Clementi’s family confirmed Wednesday that he had jumped off the George Washington Bridge last week. Police recovered a man’s body Wednesday afternoon in the Hudson River just north of the bridge, and authorities were trying to determine if it was Clementi’s.
The lawyer has not responded to requests for comment on whether Clementi was open about his sexual orientation.
Clementi’s roommate, Dhraun Ravi, and fellow Rutgers freshman Molly Wei, both 18, have been charged with invading Clementi’s privacy. Middlesex County prosecutors say the pair used a webcam to surreptitiously transmit a live image of Clementi having sex on Sept. 19 and that Ravi tried to webcast a second encounter on Sept. 21, the day before Clementi’s suicide.
Collecting or viewing sexual images without consent is a fourth-degree crime. Transmitting them is a third-degree crime with a maximum prison term of five years.
ABC News and The Star-Ledger of Newark reported that Clementi left on his Facebook page on Sept. 22 a note that read: “Jumping off the gw bridge sorry.” On Wednesday, his Facebook page was accessible only to friends.
Even if the young violinist from Ridgewood was not well known at his new school, his death stirred outrage.
“The notion that video of Tyler doing what he was doing can be considered a spectacle is just heinous,” said Jordan Gochman, 19, of Jackson, who didn’t know Clementi. “It’s intolerant, it’s upsetting, it makes it seem that being gay is something that is wrong and can be considered laughable.”
Other students who did know Clement were upset that they didn’t do more to help him. “I wish I could have been more of an ally,” said Georges Richa, a freshman from New Brunswick.
About 100 people gathered Wednesday night for a vigil on campus. They lay on the ground and chanted slogans like, “We’re here, we’re queer, we’re not going home.”
Several gay rights groups linked Clementi’s death to the troubling phenomenon of young people committing suicide after being harassed over their sexuality.
On Tuesday, a 13-year-old California boy died nine days after classmates found him hanging from a tree. Authorities say other teens had taunted the boy, Seth Walsh of Tehachapi, for being gay.
Rutgers University President Richard McCormick wrote in a letter to the campus, “If the charges are true, these actions gravely violate the university’s standards of decency and humanity.” Coincidentally, the university on Wednesday was launching a new two-year Project Civility, designed to get students thinking about how they treat others.
Tell us what you think about the site
Customer Care »
Vacation stops, manage subscriptions and more
AJC Services
Sections
Other Editions
Visitor Agreement | Privacy Statement
© 2013 The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
236 comments Add your comment
HS Public Teacher
September 30th, 2010
12:36 pm
@Peadawg – Did you chose to be straight? You have not answered me.
Are you capable of having sex with someone of the same gender? Did you make a choice?
And, if so, what was your choice based on? Are you repulsed by the same gender? If so, is that a choice?
Share the details so that everyone can understand your opinion/stance!
gadem
September 30th, 2010
12:36 pm
He chose to kill himself…if he was ashamed of his activities he should not have been partaking in said activities. So to the gay pride people, and their supporters, you can not have it both ways…don’t be parading around with your rainbows and glitter and then screaming for privacy the next.
The Sage
September 30th, 2010
12:39 pm
Gadem, he was in the privacy of his own room. Would you like someone setting up a camera in your bathroom and broadcasting you taking a dump all over the internet? Or maybe a video of you pleasuring yourself in the shower? Fine, you don’t like gays. That’s your right. But everyone has a right to privacy in their own home. Straight people have committed suicide over having their privacy violated and the embarrassment they suffered.
John K
September 30th, 2010
12:41 pm
This is what you get when you have religious and political leaders railing against the alleged homosexual agenda/delusional claims of “flaunting”/it’s a sick “choice” etc. etc. etc.
V for Vendetta
September 30th, 2010
12:43 pm
Every time someone says homosexuality is a choice, the world gets a little bit more ignorant.
The Sage
September 30th, 2010
12:45 pm
None of us knew this kid. Maybe he was gay. Maybe he was bi. Maybe he wasn’t sure what he was. Some people think homosexuality is a choice. Maybe he was seeing if it was for him and decided it wasn’t. It doesn’t really matter and it’s no one’s business. I find it very ironic that people who are so obsessed with gay people and bashing them are the ones who complain about too much government intrusion in their lives. If you want the government to keep their nose out of your business, keep your nose out that of everyone else! This kid was in the privacy of his own home. Stop blaming him and his sexuality for the embarrassment he was forced to endure because of his nosy, stupid roommate who probably has a prison cell in his future.
Gay is no better than straight
September 30th, 2010
12:45 pm
I too don’t believe in the “gay lifestyle”. I too believe that whoever did the videotaping should be punished. If you are a true religious person, then you know what the true moral and values are, or as it stands currently in this country, used to be. I.E. you resist the lust you may have for a woman or man and not pursue them. Here’s what I haven’t understood; why do gays always think they are better than straight people and always result to name calling and insults just because someone doesn’t agree in their “lifestyle”. I don’t agree with the gay lifestyle as I call it but I don’t call you names and I do believe gays should be treated equal. But why the name calling and insults?
about time
September 30th, 2010
12:47 pm
Gay is no better than straight
What exactly is the “gay lifestyle”?????
lmno
September 30th, 2010
12:48 pm
This is a very sad story from every perspective. Tragic. I am sure that those students will live with this every day of their lives.
Talk to your kids. Make sure you will love them no matter who they are.
Bib Nick
September 30th, 2010
12:50 pm
Sad story, but no one made that kid jump…
Steve
September 30th, 2010
12:51 pm
Being gay is definitely a choice. He chose to mess around with someone of the same gender. Yes it is sad his roommate filmed it and he ultimately committed suicide but please do not give me that crap about being gay is NOT a choice. People choose everyday who they interact with and their actions. Nobody forced him into being gay. He made that choice.
V for Vendetta
September 30th, 2010
12:52 pm
Gay is no better than straight,
Are you kidding me? You think they’re calling YOU names? Please. In my opinion, they are the most persecuted minority in America, and you’re going to claim that you feel bad because of name calling? Pretty thin skin, don’t you think?
gamom
September 30th, 2010
12:52 pm
@ G.O.A.T. – please tell me you are being sarcastic or are kidding. Quit blaming ‘helicopter parents’, I don’t even think that has anything to do with anything in this case.
V for Vendetta
September 30th, 2010
12:53 pm
Steve,
I remember the day I chose to be straight. Wait, no I don’t, because that never happened. Did you choose to be straight? Tell me about that day. How did you come to that decision? Was it a tough choice, or did you just know?
tlhanger
September 30th, 2010
12:54 pm
While I think it is a shame and the waste of a life, he decided to kill himself. It was his call. You can’t blame it on anyone else. Why is every bad call a person makes these day blamed on anyone else. Responsibilty seems to be the “f” word of the day.
gamom
September 30th, 2010
12:54 pm
By the Way – there seems to be a rash of suicides of young people going on – two 13 yr olds recently committed suicide. One of the boys’ parents were on Anderson Cooper last night, kid was allegedly bullied to the point of suicide. There is something weird going on with all these young people committing suicide. It’s a crying shame. Leave gay people alone, they have a right to be accepted for who they are.
Gay is no better than straight
September 30th, 2010
12:57 pm
@HS Public Teacher. I hope you really aren’t a teacher. If so, why aren’t you teaching your class now? I guess you’ll say you’re at lunch or on break. I hope you don’t teach at my child’s school. Your comments/questions are ridiculous. By the way, that should be choose not chose. Did you choose to be a teacher? Yes, we choose to be straight!
Steve
September 30th, 2010
12:58 pm
V for Vendetta,
Yes I chose to be straight and in fact it happened on July 23rd, 1985 when I actually started noticing girls and was attracted to them. I was 10 at the time and no it wasn’t a tough choice for me. Thinking about men in a sexual manner is not appealing to me at all.
V for Vendetta
September 30th, 2010
12:59 pm
gamom,
I think the bullying thing is a self esteem issue. I completely agree. Children seem to be seeing that suicide is a legitimate way out of trouble. I don’t get it, but I really think it has to do with self esteem. In this particular situation, I think it is very difficult for us (as straight people) to fully grasp the enormity of the coming out process. In a society that totally condemns them, somehow gays must find the strength to be who they are and shrug off the hate of narrow-minded bigots who dislike them because a dusty old book written by men told them it was bad.
Steve
September 30th, 2010
1:00 pm
And by the way since you asked about that day, it was a sunny, clear blue sky, High was 93.
about time
September 30th, 2010
1:00 pm
Gay is no better than straight
you didn’t choose to be straight. You chose not to have sex with a member of your own gender.
V for Vendetta
September 30th, 2010
1:01 pm
Steve,
So before that your sexuality was in question? How brave of you to admit that. I have several gay friends and family members, and ALL of them told me they felt “different” from the day they were old enough to realize it. I certainly thought girls were appealing before I was ten. Sheesh. You’re in fifth grade when you’re ten. What took you so long?
asdf
September 30th, 2010
1:02 pm
It’s a shame about the video, but nobody pushed him to his death. He jumped willingly.
Gay is no better than straight
September 30th, 2010
1:03 pm
@ V for Vendetta. Please read what I said again. I didn’t say I was hurt by the name calling or that I feel bad because of name calling. I don’t result to name calling and insults when someone disagrees with me. I said although I disagree with the gay lifestyle, I believe there should be equal rights. I also said gay lifestyle as I call it. That’s because I believe it is a choice. I’m done. Make it a great day!
gamom
September 30th, 2010
1:04 pm
Steve, what if all of a sudden at 10 years of age, you suddenly felt attracted to your best friend who happened to be of the same sex?
HS Public Teacher
September 30th, 2010
1:05 pm
@Gay is no better than straight,
Are you also known as Peadawg? I just noticed that you appeared as Peadawg disappeared….
Steve
September 30th, 2010
1:05 pm
No it wasn’t in question and yes I too have gay friends. So they felt “different” and they realized it. Huh, so they realized they were gay and didn’t choose??? I thought girls were definitely appealing but you asked which day I “chose” to be straight and I answered you. I didn’t indicate in anyway that I thought guys were appealing. You “chose” to assume that.
Sad
September 30th, 2010
1:07 pm
How people forget, the old robbie benson movie Ode to Billy Joe (1978) , same plot, guy ends up killing himself off a bridge for the same reason. Ironic.
Too bad the internet has gotten where people love to bully other people just for something they did or are. The internet and specifically You tube has become the wild wild west and still is. 
Sad
Come on son
September 30th, 2010
1:08 pm
I was born heterosexual – I CHOSE to have relations with the opposite sex. If you are “born homosexual” you still have to CHOSE to have same gender relations. There is a choice element in all of our lifestyles.
V for Vendetta
September 30th, 2010
1:08 pm
Steve,
You must have been an advanced 10 year old to be thinking about sexuality in fifth grade. I’m sure the ramifications of your choice were obvious to you then. It’s a good thing you didn’t make the wrong choice! Whew!
Steve
September 30th, 2010
1:08 pm
@gamom,
It wouldn’t and didn’t happen. I would not have “felt” feelings for another boy. So did Eddie Long choose to have relations with those boys or was he forced into it by some unknown “feeling.”
Come on son
September 30th, 2010
1:10 pm
yes, I know I meant to spell CHOOSE, my point is still valid.
Steve
September 30th, 2010
1:10 pm
You’re right Vendetta. I am soooo happy I made the right choice.
V for Vendetta
September 30th, 2010
1:11 pm
Come on son,
So attraction isn’t innate? It’s just a matter of choice? By claiming such narrow-minded stupidity, you’re asserting that genetics and biology have nothing to do with it. You CHOOSE whether or not you want to watch Dancing with the Stars or Project Runway. You don’t choose whether or not you like men or women.
V for Vendetta
September 30th, 2010
1:13 pm
Steve,
“Soooo happy”? Why? What’s wrong with choosing the opposite? If it all boils down to a simple choice, what makes one right and the other wrong? Assuming for a moment that it is just a choice (it’s not; it’s genetic), why is one choice wrong and the other right? Who makes that call?
gamom
September 30th, 2010
1:14 pm
@ Steve, people don’t choose to have feelings, they choose how they act upon those feelings, and I’m with V – 10 years old pretty much don’t know squat. There are a lot of kids who don’t know how they feel about others, a lot of kids who are confused about what they feel – because they’re kids and still developing!
Light
September 30th, 2010
1:17 pm
We are all responsible for our own actions…i think that’s quite understood by most people on this blog. The problem in this situation is that this young man’s privacy was violated and may have pushed him over the edge emotionally IF he was struggling with his sexuality. People should be able to deal with their life’s problems in private and apparently that’s what he was doing. It was mean and heartless (and criminal) for the roommate to take the liberty to film him without his knowledge AND then put it on the internet. That was not a prank! All the people who feel differently are/were probably bullies who think its okay to capitalize on other’s people’s emotions/weaknesses/differences to make themselves feel better, and that’s quite the sad commentary for self control and responsibility.
gadem
September 30th, 2010
1:20 pm
When I chose not to have sex with someone of the same sex, I chose not to be gay. When I declined the advances of a gay man, I made a choice right then to not be gay. That is pretty simple. I chose not to do crack, I chose not to rob, I chose not to steal, I even chose not to kill. We all make choices. Unfortunately this young man was partaking in acts that he deemed embarrassing and chose to kill himself rather than face ridicule. Seems like he made a lot of wrong choices in his short life…
NativeAtlantan
September 30th, 2010
1:21 pm
The choice is whether or not to act on your feelings….not chosing to have the feelings. Steve — you didn’t choose to have feelings for women, but you chose to act on those feelings. I didn’t choose to have feelings for men….but I chose to act on those feelings because I didn’t have feelings for women.
Guilt is a powerful thing…forces many people to ignore feelings and just act to fit current mores.
If the stories are true, Eddie Long choose to act on his feelings….he didn’t choose to have the feelings.
JesusFreak
September 30th, 2010
1:22 pm
Two issues here: one was that the two losers had that idea in the first place, without a clue as to what the boundaries of decency are. The secondary issue is that the deceased had a sexuality that obviously caused him tremendous guilt. Male/female attraction is the norm and what keeps our human race going, that is a no brainer, nobody can deny that. No matter what you feel and try to justify, this is a basic tenet of the perpetuation of the species. Any other behavior is deviant. We shouldn’t get into that whole issue because there’s no point in trying to argue against what is normal, not even going to get into the discussion about morals and what God has so clearly spelled out, it’s not relevant here. The homosexual agenda is being pushed, successfully so, when you consider what a shameful scandal it was only 50 years ago, now it is considered a matter of pride for certain individuals. Obviously, not all people are proud of their tendencies, as it became obvious in this case. We must never judge others, if we are indeed followers of Christ. All human beings are entitled to be treated with dignity and respect, and even love because after all Jesus died for all of us, not just a chosen few. It is important though to recognize sin for what it is and repent from it. Our life here on this earth is but a short time, eternity is what we have to keep in mind when we make certain choices. All choices have consequences, some more desirable than others. The main issue here is how our society has degraded to the point that people would think it a source of entertainment to do such a thing. Then again, we know this world won’t last forever, just read the Book of Revelation. The time is coming, sooner or later. Whose camp would you rather be in?
John K
September 30th, 2010
1:22 pm
No, gadem. When you chose not to have sex with a man, you chose not to have sex with him.
Or to turn your logic around. If there was woman you chose not to have sex with, did you then become gay?
ATL Mom
September 30th, 2010
1:23 pm
The distinction between feelings or inclinations on one hand, and behavior on the other is very clear. Homosexuality is not a noun that describes a condition. It’s an adjective that describes feelings or behavior. When one acts upon those, it becomes a choice of personal preference.
I love how advocates pressure society to accept as normal what is not normal, and to characterize those who disagree as narrow-minded, bigoted and unreasonable. They are quick to demand freedom of speech and thought for themselves, but equally quick to criticize those with a different view and, if possible, to silence them by applying labels like “homophobic.”
Come on son
September 30th, 2010
1:24 pm
V, we chooe our actions and therefore must be willing to accept those consequences associated with them.
NativeAtlantan
September 30th, 2010
1:24 pm
…and I know…choose, choice, chose….just trying to be the spelling nazis to the punch…
Come on son
September 30th, 2010
1:24 pm
dag nab it, I keep typing too fast, I better choose to slow down.
John K
September 30th, 2010
1:25 pm
JesusFreak. No, it did not mean he had tremendous guilt. It could have meant he was horribly humiliated. Would you be ok with someone secretly taping you having sex and broadcasting it all for to see?
And even if he did want to be quiet about it, just like sexuality, there is a wide spectrum of personalities. Perhaps he was a private person?
John K
September 30th, 2010
1:26 pm
So ATL Mom, what’s normal? Only after marriage? Missionary position only? What?
trying to make a point
September 30th, 2010
1:28 pm
come on son: “If you are “born homosexual” you still have to CHOSE to have same gender relations. There is a choice element in all of our lifestyles.”
I completely agree with this. It is just like all those uppity negroes wanting to use the same facilities as white people, or ride in the front of the bus, or choose to work the same jobs for the same pay as white people. The didn’t choose to be black, but they are sure choosing to want these things. Why can’t they just deny themselves? Why can’t they just stay away?
Menace
September 30th, 2010
1:30 pm
PD, ELC, and others of their ilk – you act like ignorance, stupidity, and bigotry are virtues. It’s a sad reflection of the young man’s thought processes that death is better than admitting your orientation. Someone in his life made him so ashamed of what he was that he couldn’t deal with it. People with attitudes like yours.
Cissy
September 30th, 2010
1:32 pm
My deepest sympathies to the boy whose privacy was so viciously invaded and his family. And I really, really wish we could bring back horsewhipping for the perpetrators of this sort of crime. It would be too good for them, of course… they’d still be alive at the end, unlike their victim.
I’m with Light on this one; and I wish the rest of y’all would quit airing your feelings/ prejudices about sexual preference. It’s no. one’s. business.
However. NativeAtlantan: This victim was an 18-year-old boy trying to figure out who he was. He was, as far as we know, with another willing person about his age. Eddie Long is how old? And extremely rich and powerful in the most imposing way–a “bishop” of a huge, supportive church. Does he choose to explore his sexuality with another man of his age and station in life? No; if the stories are true, he chooses poor kids who are more than 30 years younger than he, kids he probably figures won’t tell. This 18-year-old suicide is in no way comparable to Eddie Long..