Why didn’t someone save Phoebe Prince from unrelenting bullying?
The fierce response of a Massachusetts district attorney to the suicide of a teen bullying victim — the prosecutor brought charges today against nine teenagers — reflects the increasing concern over school bullying, concerns that have grown as intimidation and taunting have gone viral over the Internet.
Nine teens face charges in the suicide of alleged bullying victim Phoebe Prince
Pursued with unusual cruelty by a group of students at her new high school, Phoebe Prince, 15, hanged herself in January. She had enrolled at the school in the fall after moving to the United States from Ireland, which may contributed to her victimization at South Hadley High School.
According to the AJC story:
Phoebe, ostracized for having a brief relationship with a popular boy, reached her breaking point and hanged herself after one particularly hellish day in January — a day that, according to officials, included being hounded with slurs and pelted with a beverage container as she walked home from school.
Now, nine teenagers face charges in what a prosecutor called “unrelenting” bullying, including two teen boys charged with statutory rape and a clique of girls charged with stalking, criminal harassment and violating Phoebe’s civil rights.
Northwestern District Attorney Elizabeth Scheibel, who announced the charges Monday, said the events before Phoebe’s death on Jan. 14 were “the culmination of a nearly three-month campaign of verbally assaultive behavior and threats of physical harm” widely known among the student body.
School officials won’t be charged, even though authorities say they knew about the bullying and that Phoebe’s mother brought her concerns to at least two of them.
For those of you who work in schools, why would administrators and teachers let this persecution go unchecked?
Research shows that bullying occurs in all schools, private and public, and that it is often unseen by adults. In an earlier blog on bullying, I cited a 2005 U.S. Department of Education report that found 14 percent of students ages 12 through 18 said they had been bullied in the past six months.
In the early grades, bullies direct their attacks at almost anyone. As they get older, they target certain kids. Bullies go after younger and smaller kids, but victims also are chosen because they are more anxious, sensitive, cautious and quiet.
Bullying is often a spectator sport, with 85 percent of incidents involving other kids who watch the torment without stopping it. On the day of her suicide, Phoebe was abused her in the school library, the lunchroom and the hallways, according to the charges. Classmates threw a canned drink at her as she walked home, where her sister found her hanging from a stairwell at 4:30 p.m.
While Phoebe’s bullies used texting and social networking sites to harass her, the prosecutor said most of the bullying occurred on school grounds during school hours.
In the next few days, we will likely see the families of the nine teens charged defend their children, who are already being depicted as monsters.
What is happening that such cruelty could be tolerated? Why didn’t other students speak out? Why didn’t the adults step in?
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243 comments Add your comment
Bullying Pushes Two More Girls To Suicide; Nine Massachusetts Students Indicted. It Must Stop! - Caitlin Kelly - Broadside - True/Slant
March 30th, 2010
10:56 am
[...] Downey, writing in the Atlanta Journal-Constitution, asks the only important question: For those of you who work in schools, why would administrators [...]
zorlander
March 30th, 2010
10:56 am
As the parent of a child that was bullied in school growing up I can say I have seen this problem first hand. Kids are different today than they were when we were growing up. yes, it use to be “3:00, bike rack” but today kids have not been taught the value of human life and easily step over that boundry on a daily basis- just read the front page of todays AJC. They think little of the repercussions of their actions and parents are so fast to defend their little tyrants that they think ” my little Johnny couldnt possibly be like that”! NEW FLASH! He is! The schools on the other hand are a completely different problem. It has been my observation that teachers/administrators turn a blind eye to this problem, reports and even incidents. Case in point, my son was beaten at the bus stop, down on the ground the other boy kept kicking him so badly that he did damage. The bus driver came up over the hill and seen the whole thing. She did the right thing and stopped it and reported it. When I got to the school I was told by administration that the other boys foot “slipped” and it was an accident! At which time I politly told the admin staff that the first time that boys foot contacted my sons ribs MIGHT have been an accident, but the 2nd, 3rd, 4th etc time was malice intent and I would not only prosecute the boy and his parents but the school as well if it was not resolved as of now. The boy was expelled and later went to jail for unrelated charges but the point here is if you think your kid cant or wont, you need to open your eyes. if you think your kid is or was, be a parent. find out and do something before you find your daughter or son hanging from the the staircase!!
MikeeK
March 30th, 2010
11:03 am
The school employees should also be charged with child neglect. They are in loco parentis and responsible for this child’s protection during the school day. They didn’t do what they should have done and should be in jail right now and certainly out of a job. Are we seriously going to let these incompetents manage the next case like this that comes up in the school?
Of course the kids should be prosecuted if they broke one or more laws. Nobody’s ruining their lives but their own conduct.
Jim K
March 30th, 2010
11:19 am
The fact that some of these kids posted more insults on the memorial website set up for the girl shows there is no remorse for what they did nor should there be any remorse in punishing them. What a huge waste of skin!
Elvgren
March 30th, 2010
11:21 am
Being a victim of bullying myself, I can totally relate to how kids feel when they are being tormented. I was told almost on a daily basis that I needed to kill myself and was threatened with having my a$$ kicked or threatened with my life all because I dressed different. I had gone to school with most of my former classmates since we were in the 1st grade so they all knew me in elementary school and liked me but once high school started everything changed. I don’t think these kids should go to jail for bullying this girl but I also don’t think they need just a slap on the wrist. I fortunately didn’t kill myself even though I was told to and threatened with someone else doing it but I do have some serious mental scarring from all of it. Should I go back almost 15 yrs and sue the bullies that made my life a living hell in high school??? No, because I am better than that and better than the petty, ignorant high school drama that takes place all around the world. These kids need to wake up and realize the world doesn’t revolve around who gets to date the football star and what clothes you wear. Life is much more than that and they won’t realize it if their parents keep wiping their a$$ instead of whipping it.
Stephens
March 30th, 2010
11:25 am
I am sickened by this behavior. What has happened to the minds of parents and school officials who allow this to happen? You are breeding hateful kids, so miserable with their own lives, that they must torture others. Each of those kids need to have help to find where their human side went. Not a single one of them could have taken it themselves, day after day, either.
Philosopher
March 30th, 2010
11:27 am
Ole Guy-gotta disagree strongly here- paddling is just another form of bullying and teaches nothing good. Bullying is a multifaceted problem…parents encourage it when they bully their kids verbally and physically and when they do not teach their kids not to bully. Kids have to be taught that it is wrong. But when they bully their siblings and parents don’t step in, they learn to keep it up. When they do it at school and teachers turn a blind eye, they get really skilled at it. Girls are the very worst. Sneaky taunts just out of earshot of the teachers, stepping on heels and jabbing with elbows, starting rumors making faces. Worst of all, teachers enable this behavior by ignoring it (don’t want to take the time to address it), denying it is happening, or treating it like it’s “just girls being girls”. And as in the incident with my child, the simple statement,”Well, you can press bullying charges-but it will go on the child’s permanent record…” Lots of parents and teachers encourage the bullied to stand up for themselves and fight back…but bullied kids have not got that kind of nature and are usually smart enough to know that they will be in BIG trouble if they fight. Just recently a 6 year old hit another child in the face…the principle instructed the hitter that there were other ways to handle his anger..and then gave the kid who was hit in-school suspension. Last, just read these blogs-all subjects..just FULL of bullies- as soon as someone makes a statement they don’t like, they start calling names and taunting…just a bunch of grown-up bullies. And how do our moderators handle it? They just let it go on unless it gets really foul…just like in school. Society is going to have to stop bullying…but don’t hold your breath-we’re not that civilized, yet!
Angie
March 30th, 2010
11:34 am
So, comes now Angeles Chanon, the mother of Sharon Velazquez one of the bullies, and says “My daughter never fought with Phoebe Prince”. She comes from a home of “strong values” and, while suspended after a verbal exchange with the bullied girl a month before Prince’s suicide, never physically harmed her. “She exchanged a couple of words with her,” but Sharon never fougth with her or said “Go harm yourself or I hate you.” I read this and it makes me sick. It makes me want to go kick her and her daughter’s ass. This is exactly the reason why your daughter is the little bitch that she is. This is what you have taught her. You are in complete denial of your daughter’s actions. You minimize the gravity of the problem. You also mention that your daughter cried when she found out she was indicted in the case. Well, guess what? I hope she cries the rest of her life rotting in jail along with the others. Well-deserved! Now… Phoebe’s mom can say… “It’s just your daughter in jail”. No harm done. Society will miss nothing except another little bitch who acts without thinking of possible consequences. Welcome to the real world. Nothing goes unpunished too long. Kudos to the prosecutors and I hope they get maximum sentence regardless of age.
Philosopher
March 30th, 2010
11:37 am
@Dan-Bullying is not “normal childhood behavior” and just the fact that I need to say that demonstrates my earlier point. Children need to know that taunting, name-calling, and physical and verbal “digs” are NOT normal and aren’t acceptable. While they may not appear to be overtly violent, the result is the same as a punch in the face. Until we adults understand and accept that, we will continue to see the kids bully. If WE don’t even consider bullying to be bad, how the heck will the kids ever learn it?!
Jack
March 30th, 2010
11:40 am
Isn’t is something how children are “protected by law” from adults and their parents, but not protected by law from other children? This isn’t old age bullying anymore, it’s defamation of character, discrimination, rape, assualt with intent to harm, harrassment, humiliation, torture, mental abuse, etc. I wish in this age of technology more students would record and video these things. I wish Phoebe would have had a friend video what was happening, record the verbal abuse, threats, and conversations with school officials. Her mother went to the school 2 times, and her mother should have recorded those conversations. I wish they would have used this strategy to work together and put a stop this situation. By collecting irrefutable proof, bringing it to the police, and pressing charges against the students involved and the school – it would have stopped. They should have threatened lawsuits and citizens arrests to make their point clear. Old bullying is knocking books out of someones hands, and calling them 4 eyes – in other words, just being a jerk and an ass. Modern day bullying is advanced to the point of being truly criminal. I blame the bulliers, the parents of the bulliers, and the school. These under-aged victims and their parents need to empower themselves. These bully groups are modern day terrorist cells. Some if not most corporations require employees to take sexual harrassement, anti-discriminatory, and integrity courses, among others. One of the reasons for this is to “teach” employees “where to draw the line”, “how to appropriately act” in the workplace, and what do if you feel you’re being violated. It should be mandatory in schools, since some parents suck, to show children how to and how not to behave in (at least) school, what is appropriate and inappropriate behavior, what the school expects of them, what to do if they feel violated, and explain the consequences when students violate the schools rules and break public laws.
Pamela
March 30th, 2010
11:47 am
Yes those children that bullied this girl are monsters!!!!! I hope they spend the rest of their pitiful lives behind bars until the day they die!!!!!
August Paul
March 30th, 2010
11:49 am
@Mike – you’ve received enough abuse here, but let me tell you a story. I was bullied in school and I was timid and tried to avoid the bully. But I also had a temper and one day, while being mildly tormented, I snapped and beat the stuffing out of him. He might have fared better and I worse if he had been prepared. I learned a lesson from that. Not long afterward, a classmate accidentally splashed mud on me and with my new found swagger, I beat the stuffing out of him too. It didn’t take long for guilt to settle in and I still feel bad about the second incident. 65 years later. I guess that’s what you mean by lessons learned in the school yard. But in instances where the bullied person is outnumbered as in the case of Phoebe, she can’t retaliate against all of them. She needed allies and evidently found none. To dismiss her as weak is to not see the unfairness in her situation.
As for the guy who didn’t stand up to his boss, you dismiss him as weak, but you again don’t consider the unfairness of the situation. When the bully is the boss, you have no option if you want to go on drawing a salary but to put up with it. In my adult life, I worked for a bully once and after a little more abuse than my temper would allow, I shouted back and embarrassed him in front of his staff. This strategy only works in a situation where you cannot easily lose your job. I worked for the government. It appears that the fellow you accused of being weak did not have that advantage. He really had no choice. Physically attacking the boss in the parking lot was not an option. His only option was losing the job and at a time when finding another one with a bully as your most recent reference is likely to put you in a situation where you also lose your house. In this case again, it was not a fair fight.
Your criticism of weakness is the verbal equivalent of a sneer which may or may not have been your intent. Ultimately in the case of Phoebe, those who persecuted her continued to do so because there were no brakes in the system. No one took into the account the unfairness of numbers, at least nine against one. The accused take the greater blame and therefore, I suppose, deserve the greater exposure for their actions. We don’t know their minds, but I am willing to venture that few if any of them wanted the outcome to be Phoebe’s death. They will all have to deal with this 65 years from now. As for the others who didn’t step forward, they carry some of the guilt themselves and their guild will be their punishment and perhaps some day, their redemption.
SmokinBear
March 30th, 2010
11:53 am
I think that Roadtoad brought up a valid issue that a few people missed. Bullying can be a way of life for some if it is not ‘checked’ and carries through adulthood. When you are trying to survive in this economy especially, it isn’t so simple to walk away or challenge bullies in the workplace.
It appears that ADifferentOpinion and Hardworkinggal’s ugly remarks were nothing short of an attempt to bully a total stranger online. A good example of Mob mentality? Perhaps, but its also the cover of anonymity that gives small minded people a false sense of empowerment.
Its fine to disagree but keep it civil.
For the relentless abuse that pushed a child to choose suicide, Sean Mulveyhill, 17; Kayla Narey, 17; Austin Renaud, 18; Ashley Longe; 16, Flannery Mullins, 16; and Sharon Chanon Velazquez, 16. Mulveyhill and Renaud should all be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.
As a parent I am disgusted that these monsters dared to invade and post vicious comments on the memorial page for Phoebe. Her family will never stop grieving for the loss of their daughter, that she would not live to experience college, marry, have children of her own or create a life of her choosing. Well kids, now you’re famous for your reprehensible acts – hope that karma pays you back a thousand fold.
Greg
March 30th, 2010
11:53 am
As a father of a teenage daughter, I would turned the tables on these punk’s parents! Fire with fire baby!!!!!!!
DonnaH
March 30th, 2010
11:58 am
When my son was a first grader he was bullied by 6 older boys (1 was in 6th grade, the others in 2nd) on the playground and in before care and after care which was on the school grounds. He was bullied for over a year. When I complained I was told that the bullying had been stopped. The bullies never received any punishment. When I tried to start an antibullying campaign in the school I found out that the parents of the bullies were on the PTA board. The campaign never happened as they said it would be unfair to the bullies. It might hurt their feelings. Two years later, my son still has severe stomach pain every Sunday night and Monday morning. It use to be every day. The bullies and their parents get off scott free while I have spent thousands of dollars in medical treatment and lost days from work. Yes the teachers and the principal witnessed it every day.
Sarah H
March 30th, 2010
11:59 am
I am very upset with some of you people who seem to think that all the adults in the school ‘let’ this happen. If we see it, we do something about it. The bullies are really good at hiding their actions.
Don C
March 30th, 2010
12:01 pm
Hey why aren’t the damn PARENTS of these bullies being prosecuted as well? When I was growing up parents were just as responsible for the way their childeren behaved as the kids were. It all starts at home people let’s look at the parents of these little thugs too!!
DonnaH
March 30th, 2010
12:02 pm
Sadly these child bullies will become bullies in the workplace and their victims will become victims in the workplace.
DonnaH
March 30th, 2010
12:09 pm
The hierarchy system of public education creates some of the best bullies in the world. Teachers are harassed every day by administration. Why would they report student bullying when they experience adult workplace bullying everyday. This is a reflection of a bullying culture in the school and in the home.
Philosopher
March 30th, 2010
12:20 pm
Out laws do not let us prosecute parents for the behavior of their kids, especially if the kids are old enough to be tried as adults. The question here, though, is why the teachers and administrators did NOTHING to protect this kid while she was at school.
Sarah H: I can understand how you can find this upsetting. I am sure YOU and many others like you would have stepped in. And,yes, kids are often sneaky with their bullying-but in this case, the bullying was so severe that it was known about ALL OVER THE SCHOOL. I do not believe that no person in authority knew this was going on. And,in addition, several of us have cited instances in our own lives where bulling was ignored and parents were brushed off, put off and essentially “bullied, when trying to get help from teachers and administrators for their kids. They don’t want to be involved and they do not want any responsibility in these situations. Maybe this will help put a stop to the ” I’ve never seen anyone picking on her ” attitude. Maybe, just maybe, some eyes will open, some questions will be asked…and a child will be saved.
Parent of Four
March 30th, 2010
12:24 pm
I find this one of the most frustrating things that occurs in school. One of my sons had an incident in school in which a couple of his piers were behaving like idiots, messing with him about his braces and hit him in the face, and his braces cut the inside of his mouth. When he went to the teacher, he told him he couldn’t see anything. Later, he (the teacher) came to my son and leaned down close to him and said in a whiney voice “boo hoo”, at which the other 2 boys started laughing. Cute right.
I took a picture of the cut in my son’s mouth after he told me what happened, and e-mailed it to the principal, along with a letter telling him what happened, and that I expected that teacher to appologize to my son and me for what he had done. The principal appologized to me, and made the teacher do so to my son in his office. But the teacher continued his bahavior by saying smart things to my son in class, like, I better not say that, or I’ll get sent to the principal’s office. As it was, I had a meeting set up with all of my son’s teachers to discuss his IEP information. I was just waiting for this teacher to arrive, because I really wanted to talk to him face to face. But like the insecure bully that he was, he couldn’t be embarrassed in front of his piers, and didn’t show up. I wasn’t afraid to stand up to him. He probably knew that, and that’s why he didn’t show up.
That kind of behavior from a teacher only encourages the behavior in students who are inclined to behave that way. The teacher should have been the person to put the brakes on what was occuring, instead of stoking it up, encouraging it, or ignoring it.
This was just my experience, and I know teachers work hard, and there are many wonderful teachers. But while our children are in school, they should be watching out for all of them. Bullying happens, but it should never get to this extent. I would be so ashamed of my children if they were to treat someone else this badly. These kids thought they were tough and that the situation was funny while they were harrassing this girl, they are responsible for the pain they caused, that led to her death. Now they should stand up and be accountable. And their parents should all be ashamed, because they failed their children by not teaching them how to treat others with respect.
Dan
March 30th, 2010
12:49 pm
Philosopher, I never said bullying was normal childhood behavior my fear was that normal childhood behavior would be labled bullying kind of like when one first grader kisses another and it is labled sexual harrassment. And quite frankly some level of teasing and name calling is normal behavior not positive behavior but certainly normal
Dan
March 30th, 2010
12:52 pm
Donna I suspect most of the bullies won’t succeed in the work place. Bullying is often a cover for other shortcomings that would undermine that. Sure their will be some but when I think back to bullys in school most probably aren’t in a position to bully subordinates
Andrea
March 30th, 2010
1:13 pm
BULLYING IS NOT PART OF SOCIALIZATION.
The parents of the nine attackers and school authorities failed tremendously on their respective roles and I feel deeply sorry for this little angel that didn’t see another solution than taking her life away. This could have been prevented. The role of a parent is to teach values, good manners to their kids and the role of a teacher is to continue reinforcing what they have already learned. Respect from one another is the pillar to be good citizens. Everything, everything starts from home. If there is not a good role model at home, kids grow up without discipline and these are the consequences (vandalism).
Parent, you need to be close to your children, spend some time with your teenager. Try to improve the communication with them. Most of the time parents are busy traveling, socializing and they forget that they have teenagers that need (especially in this period of life) the most of attention possible. As many know, growing up sucks. We all have passed that period with a lot of discomfort or probably a little less for other ones, but come on let’s be honest: This period was painful! Wasn’t it?! So, let’s help our teenagers. Let’s be part of their lives and good role models. If we see that one of our daughters or sons have aggressive conduct toward others, then we have to do something, right? We need to have a serious talk, don’t you think that’s educating? That is educating, of course! If we don’t do something now, that kid as an adult is going to have a lot of conduct problems at work, in the marriage, in the community, in other words is going probably to end in jail for being a troublesome. And we as parents, we wouldn’t like to see a son or daughter in jail. That would be very painful.
We all want a safe place to live, a place where we are not attacked of our race, gender or beliefs, so let’s make this a better place by educating our children.
Philosopher
March 30th, 2010
1:16 pm
@Dan: And I say it is not normal, it is learned…and parents and teachers need to make sure they aren’t the ones teaching it and instead, are the ones who should help them unlearn it. To label it “normal” behavior is to brush it off as unimportant, allowing the behavior to be considered OK and become a habit…usually worsening as the child grows and becomes better at it.
Philosopher
March 30th, 2010
1:20 pm
Bullies absolutely THRIVE in the work place…by the time they are adults, bullies have perfected the art of sneaky, subversive bullying, using their position to hold the bullied back, blocking promotion, , turning coworkers against each them with rumors, lies, and innuendoes. Women are the pros at it.
Laura
March 30th, 2010
1:21 pm
I think one of the biggest points being overlooked here, is that people can only take so much torture before they snap. Here, this poor girl took her own life. So many people on here are backing up the bullies, but I think I need to remind all those people of something.
Ever heard of Columbine High School?
Now, I am NOT in ANY WAY justifying the horrors that have gone on in school shootings or on college campuses, BUT every single one of those incidents began with some kid being bullied and EVEYRONE around them looking the other way. This cannot be tolerated! For the sake of ALL the children. In this case only one life was lost, but this girl, tormented beyond imagination, could have taken matters into her own hands as some of you have suggested. Kids do need to be able to stand up for themselves, but violence is never the answer.
I am in my late 20s. I was bullied in middle school by a vicious group of girls. The pinnacle of the torment was when they got a hold of a really bad photo of me and made flyers which they posted all over the school, with lewd, descriptive comments below. We went the administration and they did nothing. I switched schools shortly after that.
In the new public high school, I was instantly popular, but I stayed away from the ‘in-crowd’ for fear of what had happened to me when I was younger. I had my friends and kept mostly to myself. One day while in 11th grade there was a popular track jock teasing this kid who sat behind me. He was quiet and geeky and had bad acne. I can still see his face in my mind. I listened as the jock picked at him and my blood began to boil. I finally turned around and said, “Why don’t you leave him the f— alone?” The jock just about fell over. I was known for being a nice girl. I remember the jock said, “What does it matter to you?” and I said, “Because I’ve been him and if you’re going to keep it up, you better just start with me.” The jock never messed with that kid again in my sight. I don’t know if it solved everything, but I at least tried to do something. There is power in numbers. If kids could be taught not to look the other way, bullying would be a lot harder to get away with.
Finally, to break this, “weaker” person BS: I was 5’6, athletic, pretty and smart (and could have certainly taken one of those girls in a fight had it come to that). But women are sneaky. They don’t throw punches, they spread rumors and do any number other underhanded things to screw with each other. These girls picked on me, simply because I was new and I was kind. They never really need any reason at all. Anyone can be a victim of bullying. There is always someone bigger.
R. Gene Baxter
March 30th, 2010
1:53 pm
Children and teenagers bully because they are copying adults, and that is where they get it and the re-enforecement of the adult bragging in front of the children. It is not just what they do, but it is what they are taught by others. Society needs to take a strong stance against this, instead of taking the “good ‘ol boy” cod-scratching approach, which is the problem when they become of age. This is a sick part of the society, and the sports mentailty is one of the biggest area of this crime. People in charge, teachers, administrators, and parents, are more afraid of bad publicity than anything. Parents who condone this kind of activity in underage children should be arrested, and then the problem will ease. Cure the disease, and the symptoms will go away.
Dan
March 30th, 2010
2:23 pm
Picture two babies (at crawling age) and one cookie what do you think would happen absent the 8 months of socializing???? The larger baby would take the cookie from the smaller one. Thus learning when I take what I want I get a reward this is normal behavior there are no feelings of animosity or meaness simply a way to get what you want. What is taught is that there are other ways and perhaps if you share the cookie now you won’t have to fight for it later. Contrary to popular belief (and what people would like to believe) it is the good behavior that is learned,this in no way diminishes the parental influence, it actually makes it more important. To believe that good is natural and bad is not suggests (ableit simplistically) tha all one has to do to raise a good child is not be a bad influence, of course we all inately know this to be false, in fact a child needs to be taught what is right and how to act in a society whether that is a family or a school. Human beings just are not predisposed to be unselfish they need to learn it. I think this is pretty self evident although not as rosy a picture as some would like
Monica
March 30th, 2010
2:29 pm
I saw the Fox News update this morning on the pending charges of the bullying and I say, “FINALLY!”
I was bullied from 7th grade through 9th grade. I spent most of my time running home from school. In my freshmen year, I would strategically place myself in front of a classroom just outside of the bus loading zone. I am 47 years old and the pain of those years never goes away. And yes, it was usually over boys. And rarely did I have any interest in them…it was very one-sided but because the boy just happened to like me and not them…it was reason enough in their eyes. One particular girl lived across the street from me and she was the neighborhood bully. Although we were “friends” and played together at times when we were in fourth grade..if thngs did not go her way she would start throwing punches and pulling hair. Her parents always defended her actions. She was a mean and wicked hearted girl. She tormented me (because I was not allowed to fight) and my best friend across the street. I was delighted to hear that one day, my friend slapped her across the face. I know that we she never return evil for evil, but she had it coming to her and she got off mildly in comparison to what she did to us. This went on from fourth through sixth grade. In middle school she just worked on flirting with the boys I liked. Our freshmen year she finally moved away – and although it would be lonely in my neighborhood not having a same age friend…in my heart I rejoiced at her departure. My best friend and her family left when we were in eighth grade due to a job transfer.
When I became a mother, I promised myself that I would be a better defender of my children than what I received at home. My goal was to be home by the time she reached middle school. Well, God granted the desire of my heart because of the wonderful husband I was blessed with (my second marriage). Although I was able to be a SAHM (stay-at-home mom) we weren’t even into our first month of school and the bullying began. First by the seventh grader and then by the neighborhood kids. Although she did not want me to defend her, I did – I calmly spoke to the girl who was instigator and made a phone call to the school. In about October, it was evident that I needed to bring my children home ..and homeschool them…for scholastic reasons. Each had a different learning style. One child was way ahead of his grade and they wouldn’t move him up, the other was struggling to stay afloat in a class of thirty children.
Fast forward …my daughter is now a senior. She has done quite well with homeschool. In her sophomore year we elected to let her take some classes at a homeschool school. It is a CHRISTIAN school set up like college. You sign up only for the classed that you want and do the rest at home. All of the parents are committed CHRISTIANS and have reference checks done. Even so, by my daughter’s junior year, the bullying started. They did things to her, they talked about her, they shunned her…and did everything to make her feel uncomfortable. This year, her senior year, it has gotten worse. I tried to get her to go to the principal last year and earlier this year but she refused. This winter was the last straw, We had unkind prank calls, a tire slashed on the car she drives (it’s mine), gossip, and obscenities written over a senior profile done on her in the school newspaper. We told her that this was no longer okay…and we had reached the end and we were going to the principal.
Our meeting with the principal was great! She was sorry and aghast that this was happening to our daughter and told us that if she had come to us in December she would have expelled the ring leader. Now here is the unbelievable part. The bully is an eigth grader who has enough “leadership” skills to hornswaggle older girls including other seniors to bully my daughter. We don’t know if any cyberbullying was involved because our daughter has just gotten a facebook account. It was one of her eighteenth birthday. And although she is eighteen, the rule was that she had to be “friends” with us. If she unfriended us…she would be locked out from FB at home. (We have parental controls).
Measures are now being put in place in this school to protect kids from this bullying, which I am hoping and praying will include cyberbullying. It is now a law here in this state that all schools must put programs in place to educate all students and protect victims. We expect to see these changes implemented over the summer.
As for the bullies…this is the ring-leaders last year in this school. The biggest problem that our principal faces is that the parents REFUSE TO BELIEVE THAT THEIR CHILDREN are capable of this type of behavior and defend them to the death. If they believe that it MAY be true…the insist that they must have been provoked. THAT IS THE PART THAT IS INFURIATING TO ME.
The eighth grader…has issues at home. The father believes that the daughter is behaving this way..but is at a loss of what to do next. He’s a single parent. The older daughter is a model student and citizen.
Here are my major points: If you think that homeschoolers don’t suffer this way; think again! Bullies come from all walks of life….including Christian homes. The issue is that these teens don’t know what it means to be a Christian and have not taken responsibility and ownership for their faith. A Christian is to be CHRIST-like. And although we are not perfect…it is incumbent upon us as their parents to monitor what our children are doing. The rule that we have established in our house is that if you “unfriend” us …you lose your FB account. Period. End of Story. All other social programs like “myspace” have been disabled.
My heart goes out to Phoebe’s family and all the other families who have lost thier children to this cyberbullying and bullying in general. I hope that Phoebe’s parents go after the school board…and hold them accountable. It appears it has been an on-going problem with little to nothing done.
Glenn'sbiggestfan
March 30th, 2010
2:37 pm
“As I’ve said before, we need more male teachers in schools. The female teachers just can not stand up to the mean gang like kids, therefore, they say nothing. The bullies not only should be punished, but charged with a misdemeaner. It has to stop somewhere.”
WOW, really?
I was surrounded by a group of boys in 7th grade, as they were grabbing at my body. A gym coach (male) saw what was happening, and when I asked for help he shrugged. You have a right to your opinion, but it isn’t based on ANYTHING. I’ve known many females who risk physical harm to protect children.
You must’ve had a sorry excuse for a mother, Glenn.
Jenny
March 30th, 2010
2:43 pm
What horrible little monsters – Karma will come back to get them. That’s all I have to say.
Phoebe Prince Facebook - oSeat
March 30th, 2010
2:47 pm
[...] School, targeting the Irish immigrant in the halls, library and in vicious cell phone text messagePhoebe Prince Facebook – Insults and threats followed 15-year-old Phoebe Prince almost from her first day at South Hadley [...]
Phoebe Prince Facebook | VsCon
March 30th, 2010
2:49 pm
[...] of bullying in school and even in her Facebook account. When I read how Prince was bullied via FaPhoebe Prince Facebook – Phoebe Prince was a 15-year-old student from Ireland, and she was found hanged in her home after [...]
Joan
March 30th, 2010
2:52 pm
I am 32, and am still dealing with low self esteem due to being bullied by the same girls from 1st grade through high school. When changing high schools, people were nice to me. I thought they were fake and feel like my social awkwardness sabotaged relationships. These students deserve jail time. My school was very poor. Teachers stood in doorways and didn’t care that I got pushed down the hallway every day by 6 girls that were all larger than I. I was the youngest, and smallest in the class, and now I realize I was probably the smartest. I have deep-set anger. If I would see any of these girls to this day I would want to beat the crap out of them. The only thing that stopped it is when I had enough, and in an adrenaline rush, I couldn’t stop myself from pushing the girl against the locker. It was like a dream. I was telling myself that the other 5 girls would really beat me, but I couldn’t hold back. This was the girl that repeatedly held the door in the bathroom stall closed so I couldn’t get out unless I crawled through other stalls. Then I had a fear of using the bathroom. I feel like I became a target for other bullies by my demeanor after that. There were at least 10 (mostly girls). I feared telling my parents because the school did nothing when my mom called, and in some cases I thought it got worse. Something needs to be done. There has to be a no tolerance policy. If kids know they can be incarcerated, maybe they won’t do it. Education is key. Educate families that this will not be tolerated. This girl is a beautiful girl.
David S.
March 30th, 2010
2:52 pm
South Hadley students + teachers + administrators = Zero courage.
Not one person at South Hadley High School has courage. Pity.
Kelly
March 30th, 2010
2:53 pm
Mike…rude! How would you like for someone to bully your children into suicide?
Philosopher
March 30th, 2010
2:58 pm
Enter your comments here
Joan
March 30th, 2010
2:59 pm
@ “Glenn’sbiggestfan”, The teacher that I was speaking of that would stand in the doorway and watch me get bullied was this HUGELY BUFF male gym and health teacher that did NOTHING.
I was shy and had a fear of telling anyone. I never felt like telling the teacher. I thought things would get worse. Kids need to be educated to feel comfortable talking to someone at school and it being discreet. I was talking about first grade when I was held in a bathroom stall by 2 girls repeatedly. The teacher gave us a group bathroom break every day. As far as I know I only have memories of the bullying at school. I have a hard time remembering anything else about school. I could have had a better education if I wasn’t bullied. A lot of them were not even in my class, and some were from a grade younger than me.
Philosopher
March 30th, 2010
3:03 pm
Mike- you are LOST if you think this wasn’t murder- Self-esteem is not something you can beat into a kid, teach or buy. If you don’t realize the impact that words can have on a human being and their ability to destroy, especially an adolescent psyche, you need some serious sensitivity education. Words can murder just like a gun…only slower and much more painfully. Educate yourself, PLEASE!
abused teen
March 30th, 2010
3:03 pm
Some of you people are so defensive that you exude the guilt that comes from being an abuser. It takes real arrogance to take up for someone who has bullied another person and carried the despicable act as a badge of honor. Worse are those sleezes who condone it. No one is mentioning the feeling of entitlement of many who commit this kind of sick act. Just like the “entitled-upstanding businessmen” who prey on children for sex, thinking that no one will believe a child over a prominent businessman, these spoiled brats think that it is a show of macho (even in girls) to do this kind of sick behavior in front of their friends, and then they swagger away to applause. This is what we have taught our children, and they have learned well. NO, it is NOT right to abuse others. Teachers in their bias minds so often protect and coddle the children of the prominent, popular, or wealthy families to feather their nests. I remember so well in my years in school, and it was always just dangerous to be different from the robots of the day, who always wore the “right thing”, or went to the “right church” or lived in the “right area” or drove the “right car”. Take a look at the sleezy tactics of the Republican Party, their death threats, their smear tactics from “if you’re not with us, you’re against us and thus anti-American” (swift-boarding, etc.) and then rationalize that with their claim to Christianity. Same hypocracy that we see in this scenario. The same kind of strategy as them committing adultery and abuse at the same time they were prosecuting Clinton for lying about sex. So what do you expect when those who claim to have a patent on Christianity turn right around and do this kind of thing? It makes one proud to be an independent. The real trash on the schoolground are the ones with bows in their hair and the lastest sneakers who taunt those who can’t afford them. Ask the bible about what God thinks about their hopicritical actions. Jerks, all of them, including the teachers who don’t have the guts to stand up for what is right. It is a crime against humanity, and should be punished.
Phoebe Prince Facebook - Keada
March 30th, 2010
3:10 pm
[...] of bullying in school and even in her Facebook account. When I read how Prince was bullied via FaPhoebe Prince Facebook – Phoebe Prince was a 15-year-old student from Ireland, and she was found hanged in her home after [...]
Peg
March 30th, 2010
3:23 pm
Bullies are usually a product of parents that bully and see nothing wrong with their actions. Parents will defend their children, because they too have the same views and see nothing wrong with it. I think the parents who defend their child as “a good kid, and ment nothing by it, kids will be kids” should be punished with fines (hit them in the pocketbook) and the children should be put in detention centers or prison. I’m sure they will only get a slap on the wrist and told to behave. They should at least get counseling (real counseling) both children, parents & teachers to at least know what they did was wrong and take whatever punishment is due for their actions, or lack there of in the case of the teachers and staff.
Dan
March 30th, 2010
3:31 pm
Another important lesson parents must teach is how not to be bullied. Lets not forget there is an entire spectrum from the biggest bully to the meekest victim. From hangers-on to enablers to supporters and those who fight back. Almost every suggestion here is passive agressive someone should make them stop, this is a nice way to scapegoat. It is hard to compell another to do something either right or wrong so people must control what they can and that would be in part educating the “victims” how to dissuade being bullied, Bullys by definition pick on the weak make yourself not so weak. I am not in anyway trying to blame the vicitm, just suggesting an alternative or symbiotic approach
Guardian Angel
March 30th, 2010
4:10 pm
I wish she had been my child. I bet you…I would have stopped the bullying. I have no children; however, I have two nephews and all they would have to say to me is that someone was bullying them.
I bet you I could stop it!!!!!! These are just stupid, undisciplined children.
Philosopher
March 30th, 2010
4:16 pm
@Dan:That’s just plain bogus and implies that all personalities are the same. If that were true- all things wouild be equal , there would be no bullies, just a free-for-0 all. What you have to rrealize is that all children cannot be forced, taught, bullied into, shamed into, or made to be strong enough to stand up to a bigger, meaner, slyer, more forceful person. And since the old “survival of the fittest” is no longer applicable, we have no legitimate reason NOT to PROTECT kids from bullies!!!
Philosopher
March 30th, 2010
4:17 pm
correction: free-for-all
tina
March 30th, 2010
4:17 pm
It’s highschool your going to get bullied.Those kids shouldn’t be sent to jail for her emoitonal instability. Also if the bullying was so serious why didn’t her parents who knew it was going on remove her from school, transfer her, or get the police involved? Lets see maybe because it wasn’t really as terrible as Mrs. Scheibel wants you to believe it was. She justs wants her 15 mins of fame and doesn’t care if she has to ruin the lives of nine young people to do it. If you asked everyone in america if they were ever called, a slut, had a terrible nickname, or had some mean girls scribble tuna tina on the bathroom walls and found tuna in thier mail box. They would say yes, well maybe the tunatina thing was just me , but the point is it’s highschool and part of it is getting bullied.
Josey
March 30th, 2010
4:27 pm
I think the profile of the DA pushing these bogus charges says it all:
Elizabeth D. Scheibel – http://www.ndaa.org/ndaa/profile/elizabeth_d_scheibel_march_april_2004.html
“In the fall of 1996 Scheibel, at 40, faced a personal crisis….”
These charges are all about the mentally unstable machinations of a menopausal prosecutor “finding herself” after a life altering event. It’s sad because these 9 kid’s lives are gonna be ruined because of it.
The wise and proper thing would be for the judge to throw these charges out and admonish the DA. Send her packing. Let her go find herself a safe distance from society.
Dan
March 30th, 2010
4:29 pm
Philosopher it is your perception that personalities are the same, not mine, and I didn’t say people shouldn’t protect kids from bullies at all I said in addition to teaching kids not to bully we need to teach them not to be bullied as well. Some kids won’t take to either teaching but taking both approaches is sure to result in more success than either one alone. and quite frankly your approach and most on here are entirely reliant on others to act eschewing self reliance. (which is typical of our current political and educational paths)
Anyone whos only response is for someone else to solve their problems is already a victim. This is where philosophy meets reality