Why didn’t someone save Phoebe Prince from unrelenting bullying?
The fierce response of a Massachusetts district attorney to the suicide of a teen bullying victim — the prosecutor brought charges today against nine teenagers — reflects the increasing concern over school bullying, concerns that have grown as intimidation and taunting have gone viral over the Internet.
Nine teens face charges in the suicide of alleged bullying victim Phoebe Prince
Pursued with unusual cruelty by a group of students at her new high school, Phoebe Prince, 15, hanged herself in January. She had enrolled at the school in the fall after moving to the United States from Ireland, which may contributed to her victimization at South Hadley High School.
According to the AJC story:
Phoebe, ostracized for having a brief relationship with a popular boy, reached her breaking point and hanged herself after one particularly hellish day in January — a day that, according to officials, included being hounded with slurs and pelted with a beverage container as she walked home from school.
Now, nine teenagers face charges in what a prosecutor called “unrelenting” bullying, including two teen boys charged with statutory rape and a clique of girls charged with stalking, criminal harassment and violating Phoebe’s civil rights.
Northwestern District Attorney Elizabeth Scheibel, who announced the charges Monday, said the events before Phoebe’s death on Jan. 14 were “the culmination of a nearly three-month campaign of verbally assaultive behavior and threats of physical harm” widely known among the student body.
School officials won’t be charged, even though authorities say they knew about the bullying and that Phoebe’s mother brought her concerns to at least two of them.
For those of you who work in schools, why would administrators and teachers let this persecution go unchecked?
Research shows that bullying occurs in all schools, private and public, and that it is often unseen by adults. In an earlier blog on bullying, I cited a 2005 U.S. Department of Education report that found 14 percent of students ages 12 through 18 said they had been bullied in the past six months.
In the early grades, bullies direct their attacks at almost anyone. As they get older, they target certain kids. Bullies go after younger and smaller kids, but victims also are chosen because they are more anxious, sensitive, cautious and quiet.
Bullying is often a spectator sport, with 85 percent of incidents involving other kids who watch the torment without stopping it. On the day of her suicide, Phoebe was abused her in the school library, the lunchroom and the hallways, according to the charges. Classmates threw a canned drink at her as she walked home, where her sister found her hanging from a stairwell at 4:30 p.m.
While Phoebe’s bullies used texting and social networking sites to harass her, the prosecutor said most of the bullying occurred on school grounds during school hours.
In the next few days, we will likely see the families of the nine teens charged defend their children, who are already being depicted as monsters.
What is happening that such cruelty could be tolerated? Why didn’t other students speak out? Why didn’t the adults step in?
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243 comments Add your comment
Jim
March 30th, 2010
7:59 am
I’m amazed that the school officials are getting off Scott-free. These people are in a position of authority and we trust our children to their care for one-third of their day while at school. The school officials are just as guilty as the teens and if nothing else should be charged for aiding and abetting criminal activity. They knew of this activity and chose to look the other way with tragic consequences.
Jim
March 30th, 2010
8:04 am
Josey is obviously a bully . . . Hank, I like the way you think!
J.R.
March 30th, 2010
8:09 am
I’m amazed that the school officials are getting off scott-free. These people are in a position of authority and we entrust our children to them for one-third of their day while in school. Having chosen to turn a blind-eye to this activity they have infact encouraged such activity and if nothing else should be charged for aiding and abetting a criminal activity. Had they stepped in, this young lady might very well still be alive today.
Disgusted
March 30th, 2010
8:21 am
To Whiskey Charlie….I just read your comment and I am OUTRAGED!!!! You have to be kidding me!! CRUEL and UNUSUAL PUNISHMENT??? What are you thinking?? These 9 KIDS joked and laughed about this death at a party!! They knew exactly what they were doing!!!! They need to be dealt with as adults and put away!!!!
Annatola
March 30th, 2010
8:28 am
MIke-
You obviously have not understood “Bullying.” Your simple, pull yourself up by your bootstraps and teach your kids to knock others out if they’re bothering you is a caveman response, with all do respect. Children are developmentally and psychologically vulnerable and we need to protect them. Survival of the fittest requires all the evolved souls–I repeat, “EVOLVED” souls–meaning those who truly get that a child does not have the defenses to protect themselves against children raised by ego-centered imbeciles. Our society NEEDS sensitive children, children who are not psychologically soul-dead and always mass-consciousness oriented.
You have so oversimplified the problem to justify yourself and the bullying of others, that you have offered nothing for us to learn from. Keep our combat boots on, your lectures to your kids going and leave the evolution of consciousness and the laws to those who understand what is going on. You are too simple….in that simplicity, ineffective to the mass of people/children who need to get the help they need to survive. I mean, blaming, Phoebe….you should be ashamed of yourself. May that Karma come back to haunt you.
Jennifer
March 30th, 2010
8:31 am
Part of the problem is that most schools I have worked with will not allow the parents of those concerned sit down and talk together. They will not allow an exchange of phone numbers nor will the school offer to mediate the situation. I can’t tell you how many times the parent of a victim comes in and just asks as a solution to bring in the other parents and work through the issues. I don’t want to put all the burden on the schools, but until they wake up and bring parents into the equation, they will continue to struggle with these issues. Where there are unwilling parents, then other measures need to be used to make kids safe. But in what I have observed, that is the minority.
Tweets that mention Why didn’t someone save Phoebe Prince from unrelenting bullying? | Get Schooled -- Topsy.com
March 30th, 2010
8:33 am
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Mark Sumpter, legallawyer. legallawyer said: News: Why didn't someone save Phoebe Prince from unrelenting bullying?: Atlanta Journal Constitution (blog) … http://tinyurl.com/ycf36v3 [...]
Erin
March 30th, 2010
8:34 am
it’s obvious that Mike and Josey are bullies. I hope if they have children they do not find themselves in the same place where these 9 students parents are, but unless they can come to understand that sticks and stones as well as WORDS DO hurt, and that the effects can’t be reversed sometimes… they too may end up in the same situation someday.
Just Wondering
March 30th, 2010
8:35 am
I know a young student up in Calhoun who is relentlessly bullied to the point he now abuses himself. Teachers know about it, parents know about it, yet it is allowed to continue. It used to be that bullies would continue until the student body had enough and took him or her on and when administrators stepped in paddling would occur. Now with the complacency of the administrators kids know nothing will happen to them so why stop bullying, and those who would stand up to them feel helpless because they, too, know nothing will happen to the bullies. Enough is enough. Stop pandering to the masses, stop denying your “baby” is a bully, allow corporal punishment back in school (often the threat of the paddling was enough), and teach your kids how to stand up to bullies. If a kid is being bullied and finally fights back – don’t punish the one being bullied. It is self defense. If the parents of the bully refuse to do anything, hold them accountable as well. Kick the bully out, they are a disruptor to the education of the other students.
A Different Opinion
March 30th, 2010
8:37 am
Roadtoad
March 30th, 2010
12:45 am
Roadtoad, you need to get a backbone!!!!!
Allen
March 30th, 2010
8:44 am
Here in DeKalb we know how to deal with this: pay a friend of the superintendent half a million dollars to conduct an “investigation” with no report and issue a short statement blaming the family of the victim.
Gail
March 30th, 2010
8:47 am
Parents are ultimately responsible for the behavior of their children. However, as a teacher, I believe the school should have intervened. This is the policy at our school. On three separate occasions students were recently assigned 5 days of in-school suspension at an “alternative school” because of bully behavior. FYI…..the person slamming Southern grammer should read a reputable dictionary to learn that “hanged” is an acceptable alternative to “hung”.
Amanda Gilman
March 30th, 2010
8:47 am
I’m sorry for the length of this post but I have a great deal to say. I would like very much to speak to the “Mikes” in our society (see earlier post). Bullying is not what it used to be – these kids were not refusing to play at recess or taking lunch money (reprehensible behaviors for sure though significantly less serious).
These teens were relentlessly harassing/humiliating this poor girl with every resource they had available – they used ethnic slurs for her Irish heritage, labeled her a “slut”, and used multiple intimidation tactics. Their behavior embodied exactly the type of conduct that our laws define as harassment and stalking. Then when this young woman took her life because they had demoralized her to the point where she felt worthless the bullies went on Facebook and mocked her death. To further reflect the severe character flaws of these teens consider what is continuing to happen after Phoebe’s death; when a news team came to the school campus and interviewed some students about the widely known campaign against Phoebe an uninvolved teen girl described the vicious nature of the attacks against the dead girl only to be rewarded with physical assault – one of the female bullies slammed her into a locker and punched her in the face as soon as the news crew left. These teens absolutely deserve incredibly severe punishment – their actions directly resulted in a death whether that was their intention or not.
Furthermore, I would like to make it very clear that by making excuses for these teens we are essentially condoning their actions. These are learned behaviors – what else are we teaching them through our response?
I would like to close by briefly addressing the stereotype of who is a bully and who is a victim. Yes, bullies (female and male) pick those considered “weaker” either physically, mentally or socially but those identified as “weaker” individuals at the tender age of 15 have a lot of potential for greatness in the future. I have been bullied and am a big enough person to admit I have also been a bully (and feel true remorse for my actions). I was a Miss USA contestant who competed in the nationally televised pageant, a college graduate and now a successful business professional completing my Master’s degree in leadership. If I had been written off at 15 for being weak where might I be now?
P.S.
You’ll note that I used my full name because I take responsibility for my words and actions. Internet anonymity directly correlates to the increase in cyber bullying among young people and I intend to lead by example. If you have something to say OWN IT!
Rambler
March 30th, 2010
8:51 am
Mike – YOU have got to be kidding me! According to the article, the bullying went as far as her being raped and having at least one can thrown at her. This is far beyond non-contact bullying that can be ignored.
Denis
March 30th, 2010
8:53 am
I read most of the comments on this post and the thing that really makes me mad is that the students did nothing!!! I have two children, one was quiet and thus had some bullying against her, the other was outgoing and athletic and was able to take care of himself and his sibling when needed. I raised them not to start a fight but to never back down from one either!!! When we do not teach our children not to stand up for others, then we grow up to be adults that will not stand up for other also!!!!
DBW
March 30th, 2010
8:54 am
I grew up all over the USA. Always the new kid and always bullied in some way. At about the age of 15 that all changed. I figured if I could take it… what happens when I dished it back to those who deserved it. I almost lost my left eye from a cowardly sucker punch from a 6 foot 3 inch kid who ran down some bleachers and caught me blindsided as I turned around. I should have thanked ole Quincy… And I did just that. I never backed down and I kicked ass from then on. Didn’t matter to me if I was fighting 1 person or 6 of the bastards and all at the same time. Same result. They lost and sometimes they had broke bones to show for it and others times… they bled their way to the E.R.
In one fight that started with 5 to 1 odds, one kid left trying to hold his eye in the socket. The police officer asked in I wanted to press charges against my oppressors. I don’t think it was necessary.
By the time I had graduated I was in more fights each year than the sum of all the kids at my school each combined and probably multiplied a time or two.
I didn’t back down. I was never sure who was going to win and I knew exactly who was not going to lose. I never asked for help and never received any. I once had 11 fights in week and 4 in just one day. Sometimes they used weapons and every time they met the same result.
One thing was for sure, they were not going to lay on me or come within my 12 inch body space and if they did whatever they got, they earned it. Let a 200 pound kid with an extra foot of height explain how he and his twin brother got beat to a pulp by some skinny runt… It was a common story in my little town for a few brief years.
Recently I went back home and one of my younger cousins told me he wanted to thank me for standing up to the bullying. He said ever since I did what I did people never knew what to expect any more and so were a lot more careful who they picked on in school or even in the community.
See I only stood about 5 foot 6 or 7 inches and weighed in at a featherweight 130 pounds or so soak and wet.
I was also the quiet kid and one of the brightest of my class despite my moving from school to school and even being expelled from school after a riot in which some kids got a lot more than they gave. Nothing less than deserved however. Sad to say.
If the big kids and the sportsy kids give other kids a hard time and the culture/parents or whatever allow it and even encourage it. Turn the tables.
There will always be a table…
What goes around comes around.
So no I still don’t approve of bullying.
It only takes one trip to the E.R. for a community to wake up and stop such nonsense.
The question is which kid has to take that trip?
The bit about educators not seeing it is pathetic. They know or “hear” of it in the school halls and should be held to the highest accountability if they allow it to persist or they are as guilty of the crime as those who committed it. In some quiet way they allow such a culture to exist.
I have a friend who had his young son and only son beaten down in Denver over his being of German descent. His collar bone was broken and his body was bloodied in the incident and it is published.
This type of behavior cannot be condoned. Somehow it is.
Listen to some of the people who have responded here…
God bless the bully who treads on me… cause I won’t.
To the Mike’s of the world… sometimes, every once in a while, your world can change, and when it does and you meet a person who does bend or who will not yield, your world can and will change in the blink of an eye.
FYI: Self-Defense is “ALWAYS” and option. If more people tried it less people would have to.
For those who say and think: Tell someone and report it… It’s not as easy as it may look to the adults who offer such good advice, when you are being kicked down in an empty bathroom or back of a bus, or somewhere else on school grounds – and literally scared to death of what is going to happen next.
It takes time for a school incident to get responded to sometimes. It takes the bully only one a brief immediate second to injure another student or traumatize another student for life.
People wonder why and often times feel sorry for the sociopaths when they meet the psychopaths…
Which came first?
pam
March 30th, 2010
8:58 am
stop these mean people and charge the parents for such bad parenting an lack of role modeling by parents everything starts @ home! I hope they are all punished to full exstent! But nothing bring that girl back you sick insecure people!
A Mom
March 30th, 2010
8:59 am
My daughter was bullied for years. We looked into changing schools. A couple teachers were helpful but when I spoke with the vice principal about it and asked to have a meeting with him and the main bully’s mother, you know what he said. He said, ” oh that would be too personal”. You think. It was personal. No wonder bullies get away with it. The schools don’t care. Something has to be done. Later on this same bully was suspended for threatening another girl on line.
Rambler
March 30th, 2010
9:00 am
Hardworkinggal – I think you are too hard on roadtoad. I didn’t get that he was comparing his being bullied to Phoebe’s, except to say that if we don’t stop bullying when these children are children, then they go on to do bullying in the workplace, and do it more creatively and in a manner that is hard to fight. So, bullying needs to be stopped as soon as it starts.
Rambler
March 30th, 2010
9:05 am
Hank – I love your soloution – it is swift, effective, crime-related, and doesn’t overload our jails for years and years, but makes the punishment memorable and definately would make kids think before they decided to pick on someone and would make the parents think when they let their little one get away with bullying!
Renegade
March 30th, 2010
9:08 am
@ Sean..DITO– you are dead on right,without A doubt. @ Mike..You must be totally ignorant.
Kayy
March 30th, 2010
9:11 am
she was to young to die i think that parents need to know whats going on in school and with their friends. may god be with her!
Monica in NC
March 30th, 2010
9:11 am
I am a former school administrator who dealt effectively with bullying when it was brought to my attention and I could confirm that it was in fact taking place, usually by interviewing some student witnesses and guaranteeing them anonymity, then checking with some adults to see if they’d seen anything that might indicate an issue. (I usually avoided describing it as “bullying” because so many teachers roll their eyes and resist intervening, thinking it’s a rite of passage. It’s easier to work around them than to try to recruit them to help.)
My procedure was to bring the bully, ALONE, into my office and describe exactly what I had been told, guarding the identities of the informants. After all the sputtering and denials and claims to be the actual victim subsided, I would tell the student that as the administrator, I don’t have to “witness” anything. My job is to take the stories of those involved and weigh them, then render a decision based on my interpretation. I would notify the kid that (1) I believe the victim and the witnesses, (2) there would be zero tolerance of any more bullying, (3) I would notify his/her parents of the bullying and the warning, and (4) the next instance would result in AT MINIMUM an out-of-school suspension, and a pattern of bullying would result in a report of stalking and criminal harassment to the police, signed by me, and transfer of the bully to the district alternative school. I told the parents and the bully that students have a civil right to attend school without being harassed and that it was my job to ensure the safety of all the kids. Most administrators do not see this as part of their job. I only took these steps when I could confirm that serious bullying was occurring and that the victim was not making efforts to instigate the situation. I also only took these steps when I had substantial corroboration of the situation.
I can tell you exactly why administrators usually do nothing. First of all, most of them share the teachers’ predominant attitude that bullying is no big deal and it’s a rite of passage. Secondly, administrators who intervene in bullying cases become targets themselves of the angry parents of the bullies. And parents who complain loudly get the ear of the superintendent and the school board. When administrators take the steps I took, the bully’s parents go completely berserk 9 times out of 10.
I have had bullies’ parents go to the school board and demand that I be drummed out of the district for “victimizing” their child, for believing the victim without actually witnessing the actual acts of bullying myself, and for being way too harsh on “kids being kids.” I have had parents yank their bully sons out of my high school and “homeschool” them rather than accept the fact that their sons were bullies–and this was only after a warning, with no punishment administered. I have only had one instance since 1985 of parents acknowledging that what their child was doing was hurtful and wrong. The parental freakout by bullies’ parents is unbelievable. I have worked in several states and this reaction by bullies’ parents is pretty much uniform on the East Coast across 25 years of my experience.
maidenhouston
March 30th, 2010
9:14 am
I was a very fat poor kid growing up. Kids made fun of me behind my back. Although the kids knew I could hurt them physically, their teasing would eventually make it’s way back to me and I would just tear up in silence. The chuckling and whispers were ever prevelant for me when I was in elementary school.
On one such occasion, my teacher Mrs. Thompson, picked up a drawing that all the kids were passing around and she asked me to leave the room. Mrs. Thompson proceeded to tear into the entire class and admonish them for being so mean and two-faced. I don’t know what happened to her but I’m really grateful she decided to stand up for me when no one else would.
My father was an alcoholic and he would beat my mother regularly. Things were not good at home to say the least and I was the poor fat kid people made fun of behind my back. With all that said, I felt someone cared when few did and that is something I will never forget.
Renegade
March 30th, 2010
9:15 am
Enter your comments here
maidenhouston
March 30th, 2010
9:15 am
I wish Phoebe had a Mrs. Thompson. Unfortunately she didn’t.
Kayy
March 30th, 2010
9:15 am
parents need to be more into what their ,kids are doing
dbow
March 30th, 2010
9:15 am
You want to know why this happened? Because administrators have no backbone. I laugh each day as I watch students out of dress code walk by me. If I thought for one second that the admin would do something about it, I would report it. Their response is to either tell me to call the kids parents or have the kid sit in the office for a few minutes and then get sent back to class. Most of these kids aren’t even my students, but they want me to call home? If the admin are going to handle the little stuff like dress code infractions this way, what makes anyone think they’re going to handle bullying any better. Their answer to everything is to put it on the teacher as if we don’t already have enough to do.
Aim
March 30th, 2010
9:27 am
No one helped Phoebe because she’s new and the bullies rise from S.Hadley since they were babies so it makes sense the bullying abuse falls on deaf ears. The whole school supports the bullies like Sean Mulveyhill a football LB jock and Kayla Narey field hockey/la crosse STAR/honor student when these predator bullies make in all over the local news as S.Hadley sport celebrities. Phoebe had absolutely zero chance getting any attention from these two celebrity predator bullies and the bullies knew what they were doing it’s premeditated abusive behavior. The whole country should focus on the problem of predator bullying in schools and maybe include anti-bully as part of curriculum because no matter how great the school district is there will be predator bullies around. The DA is right on exposing the names of these predators and relentlessly prosecute for their terrorist act on Phoebe.
Batgirl
March 30th, 2010
9:34 am
To answer your question, Maureen, I have no idea why the school would do nothing if they knew about the bullying. In my experience, if teachers know that a child is being picked on, they will stop it. However, a lot of times so-called bullying is a two-way street with both sides picking on each other. We’ve had cases where the “victim” cursed and called other students names until they got fed up and did something about it. Then the “victims” went to the principal or to Mama and claim they were being picked on. It doesn’t look like that was the situation with this girl, but it does happen. As stated, much of it goes on online and off campus. Home life should also be looked at when a child commits suicide. There may be something going on there, too. However, having said all that, I do believe that if these nine are responsible they should be punished for their actions. This is a sad, sad situation. No child should ever feel so hopeless that he/she feels compelled to commit suicide.
RJ
March 30th, 2010
9:34 am
The problem is that we’re raising a generation of uncaring, self-centered kids. Students are standing by watching kids get beaten or bullied without reporting it to anyone. Girls are becoming worse than boys. It’s not a racial or socio-economic issue anymore, it’s happening everywhere. Dr. Phil showed footage from a train station where a girl was attacked and beaten unconscious while “security” simply watched. She asked a police officer for help and they did nothing. Cyber bullying is the latest craze. Parents are encouraging fights as well. This has to stop.
Joseph J Soap
March 30th, 2010
9:37 am
The football captain, honour role student; it sounds like the cast of one of the numberless films exported by America promoting this horrible hierarchy and clique mentality. These kind of tragic outcomes aren’t shown on the OC unfortunately and young people this side of the atlantic are all too ready to hop on the abercrombie bandwagon.
South Hadley High School | VsCon
March 30th, 2010
9:40 am
[...] apparently in the presence of a faculty member and several students, none of whom reported it unSouth Hadley High School – Earlier in the day, Prince had been harassed as she studied in the library at South Hadley High [...]
Violette
March 30th, 2010
9:49 am
This comment by the author of this article is right on: “Bullies go after younger and smaller kids, but victims also are chosen because they are more anxious, sensitive, cautious and quiet.”
This is allowed to happen in schools and allowed to go on into the work place. Bullies never stop if not corrected when young. Bullying gets worse at work. Why not do an honest survey at at work places and see how many grownups go through this daily.
South Hadley High School
March 30th, 2010
9:54 am
[...] Why Didn't Someone Save Phoebe Prince From Unrelenting Bullying She had enrolled at the school in the fall after moving to the United States from Ireland,… [...]
John MacDonald
March 30th, 2010
9:54 am
I spent 15 years as a school administrator and my final four years in a provincial position in which I visited nearly all of the more than 500 schools in Nova Scotia.
I commend the prosecutor. She should use every means to ensure that significant penalties are imposed on the perpetrators. The rapists, for example, should receive the same multi-year jail sentences that any adult would receive. The others should also receive some jail time, assuming that option is available.
Though I understand that the school cannot be charged in this case, there must be an investigation with full dissemination of the results. It would appear that there is certainly some culpability on the part of the school, especially since the girl’s parents informed them of the abuse. Their apparent negligence must be highlighted as an example to other school boards, administrators, and teachers.
Quite simply, bullying cannot be tolerated. There must be accountability for those who allow it to continue.
Again, my commendations to the prosecutor.
Mike
March 30th, 2010
9:55 am
The parents of the children should also be penalized for this. I hear talk of “values” so often it makes me sick to my stomach, when I read stories, like this, of children who are seemingly raised more by television than morally responsible adults. This is criminal, and no child should ever be forced to put up with the product of people who don’t teach the value of respect to their kids.
God Bless that poor child.
Bob
March 30th, 2010
9:57 am
I remember in my public High School back in the 80’s we had a punishment worse than paddling. It was in-school suspension isolated trailer with enforced silence while you did your work by one of the toughest coaches we had. Lunch was delivered there, often cold. You had to show up at 7AM and leave as late as 6PM. A single peep in response to the coach’s constant drill sargent barking would extend your sentence by 1 day the first time, 2 days the second time, etc. Tardiness was treated the same way. Repeated offenses in in-school suspension will result in expulsion. It was either this or expulsion, very few out-of-school suspensions were allowed.
The point of this in-school suspension is to make you fear this punishment as much as possible. It was fear of this that kept us in line. If a teacher saw bullying going on the threat of in-school suspension either stopped it cold or the bully will have a lot of time in the trailer. If you are a bystander that saw it happen and you said nothing you will get 3 to 5 days and the bully will be told by the coach that you “snitched” on him to get a lesser punishment, that encouraged kids to come forward.
In this case it should not have gotten to this point. It is because kids no longer fear the teachers and principals that the law must step in when it is too late for Phoebe.
Monica in NC
March 30th, 2010
10:03 am
Most administrators have the same attitude that most teachers have, that bullying is a rite of passage, that the victim is somehow bringing it on himself or herself, that it’s no big deal. When I was a building administrator, I had a very specific protocol for dealing with hardcore high school bullying of the variety that this poor girl endured.
When a situation was brought to my attention, usually by the victim or the victim’s parents, I took interviewed them and took extensive notes. I then spoke to teachers and other adults in the school to see if they had noticed anything—I learned not to use the term “bullying,” because of the eye-rolling and attitude of the other administrators and the teachers—it was easier to work around them and build a case myself than to try to get their cooperation in advance in working to change the culture of the school, especially if the bully was a popular student with influential parents.
I also interviewed student witnesses, always alone, and always guaranteeing their anonymity. I took care to interview them at times when other students wouldn’t know that they were in my office, perhaps having the guidance counselor or a coach lend me their office instead and have the school secretary send a note to call the student there.
Once I determined whether there was a persistent and serious bullying issue, I met alone with the bully in my office. I went to the bully’s classroom to get him or her myself, because I wanted the rest of the students to see that something was up and I was aware of it. During the course of my discussion with the bully, I allowed the student to offer his or her side of the story, which usually was in diametric opposition to everything I had heard from the victim and the witnesses and the adults. Frequently the bully would characterize him or herself as being victimized by the victim and simply defending him or herself. Even when confronted with hard evidence such as notes and eyewitness accounts from several others, including adults, I never had a bully who would break down and admit to such cruelty. I did not reveal any of my sources to the bully. I told the bully that I would notify his or her parents of the situation and that zero tolerance would be implemented effective immediately.
Before the student left my office, I would notify him or her that if there were any retaliation whatsoever against the victim, or anyone s/he thought had been a witness, either in school or online, that there would be an immediate ten-day out-of-school suspension for disruption of the academic environment, and this would apply to any of the bully’s friends who took any retaliatory action. (I never had to enforce this—it was a very effective way to shut down the grapevine.) I also notified the bully that any future incidents would be considered a persistent pattern of behavior by me and would result in the bully’s being transferred to the district’s alternative school at best, possible expulsion from our campus, and a police report filed by me for stalking, criminal harassment, and potentially assault. At this point, I would have the school resource officer come in to back me up on the criminal issue. I would explain to the student that my job as administrator was to hear all the sides and weigh the issue, that I believed the victim and the witnesses, and that I would tolerate no more bullying, period, and I had the legal authority to back up what I was telling him or her.
As soon as the bully left my office, I would call the parents and ask them to come in for a conference. I would give them the same information I had given their child, including all of the background information I had gathered so they would know that the situation was serious. Since 1985, I have had a grand total of ONE set of parents who were aghast at their child’s behavior and demanded to see her right then and admonish her to cut it out. Every other set of parents went berserk. I have had parents show up at school board meetings and demand that I be fired for victimizing their football player son by disciplining him for physically assaulting a gay classmate in the cafeteria in front of dozens of witnesses. I have had parents yank their sons out of my high school to homeschool them rather than accept my warning (not punishment) of their sons for physically and verbally harassing a female student in plain view of teachers and other students. I have had fellow administrators tell me that I was making a big deal out of nothing, that I was bringing unwelcome attention to the superintendent’s office and the school board, and that kids will be kids.
Persistent and severe bullying is a violation of a student’s civil right to a free and appropriate public education. Administrators have to deal with it effectively, and that usually falls on the assistant principal or dean of discipline. It takes time, backbone, and the support of senior administrators, the superintendent, and the school board.
Jane
March 30th, 2010
10:06 am
Mike,
Your posts are ignorant, as are you. When a child is tormented so much that she/he feels the best option is to commit suicide, I think it’s safe to say this isn’t normal bullying. These kids who drove her to this obviously aren’t getting the right discipline or being taught what is moral at home – so let them sort it out while they wallow in a jail cell.
I’m honestly astonished that you could really be obtuse about the matter, the more you write, the less credibility you have, and the more you make yourself look like an idiot.
Good luck with your “well mannered” son whom you have raised to think that violence is the answer – great parenting, I’m sure you endorse beating women as well – they are weaker after all, and sometimes need to be put in their place, right?
Dan
March 30th, 2010
10:24 am
Wow the whole thing is kind of scary and tragic. My fear is that the reaction to this will be some kind of zero tolerance policy that will result in ridiculus charges being filed for normal behavior. Like when a 1st grader is expelled for drawing a gun or having an aspirin. Lets hope the result is common sense discipline being allowed to take place in school
Dan
March 30th, 2010
10:29 am
Monica your post sounds cogent and reasonable, and I am sure much of your experience is can be explained by the adage “the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree” however if you have only had 1 set of parents agree with your assessment in 20+ years I suspect your definition of bullying could be a tad stringent. It reminds me of a friend who in searching to legitimize his claim that Atlanta has aweful rude drivers commented that he is honked at 3 or 4 times a week. I commented that I have lived here for about 16 years and have been honked at a total of 3 or 4 times so perhaps the cause of the honking was his driving and not the “atlanta drivers”
mike
March 30th, 2010
10:33 am
Where was the national article for the little boy of the Dekalb school system who did the same as this young girl.
Monica in NC
March 30th, 2010
10:35 am
Dan, I’ve dealt with only about a dozen incidents of this severe nature over 20 years. Most bullying is garden-variety and can be handled effectively without going to such extremes. When it gets to the point where victims are considering changing schools or worse, taking their own lives, it requires a severe response.
Monica in NC
March 30th, 2010
10:36 am
The key to “handling it effectively” is for adults to make it very clear up-front to the bullies that they see what is happening and that it won’t be tolerated. Then impose consequences in a progressively more strict manner. Most adults just won’t do this.
Angela Motta
March 30th, 2010
10:42 am
As a parent my heart goes out to her parents and to all the kids that have to endure this abuse. Kids have to receive severe punishment for this behavior.
The bullies become adults and continue the same behavior in the work place. There is lots of bullying happen in work place also.
This country has to come out with specific laws to deal with this type of crime. Because this behavior is a crime.
Dunwoody Mom
March 30th, 2010
10:44 am
mike, it was national news at the time – CNN even ran several stories
on the DeKalb incident.
I was reading several articles/editorials in the Boston papers this morning. Such mean, mean children these are and they apparently have no conscience either.
Marisa
March 30th, 2010
10:46 am
Bullys are people who gain self worth from treading on others. These people grow up and become the jerks who don’t use their turn signals before cutting in front of you in their huge SUVs (again another sign the driver may have self worth issues). At the end of the day, parents MUST teach their children how to push back. I thank goodness that my father taught me to be the one that pushes back. I’m 45 now and while I choose to ignore a lot of bullish behavior in our society, I still speak up when someone tries to step on my toes… I therefore don’t subscribe to the “turn the other cheek” baloney. If I had children, I believe I would try to instill in them to treat people how you would like to be treated, but if they are treating you poorly, don’t just take it. It’s frightening standing up to bullies, but once you’ve done it, it becomes easier and easier, until you grow up and realize that you have a good sense of self worth and pretty much get along with everyone… except those bullying few….who you stand up to. I feel so bad for this family, coming from Ireland, a country with relatively small population, America must have been such a culture shock for her. Could petty jealousy by the School Administration kept them from doing anything? Are any of the bullies children of the Administration? This is pathetic, but sadly a big problem in the US…. Why didn’t the School do anything? Then again, if it was so bad, why didn’t the parents take her out of school until the school agreed to do something about it?
Dan
March 30th, 2010
10:50 am
Monica thanks I meant to ask how many you were referring too. Clearly bullying needs to be addressed but I still fear the response will be a knee jerk CYA action where normal childhood behavior will be branded violent. The education system just seems particularly bad at reasonable discipline. I don’t mean to suggest it is easy, but schools do seem to provide the best examples of PC run amok
Elizabeth Mason
March 30th, 2010
10:53 am
Yes, bullying is an issue that schools deal with on a daily basis and try to control. However, there has been little mention of the rape issue which could have led to the suicide issue more so than the bullying which took place at school. The biggest issue with bullying on a school campus is it goes unreported until a major incident occurs and then that is the first time the administration is aware of the bullying of the student. Schools need additional help from classmates, parents and the student itself.