We are less willing to let boys be boys in classrooms
Many parents worry that their boisterous 4-year-old son will never be able to sit still and focus on algebra. Others fret that their aggressive kindergarten toy thrower will never have friends.
Some fear that their toddler son’s refusal to make eye contact or engage playmates indicates Asperger Syndrome.
A new book suggests that the hands-on learning and motor skill focus of little boys is increasingly at odds with the test mania in our schools.
Now, a noted behavioral psychologist advises those parents to relax. Such behaviors are a normal part of boyhood and will typically fade over time in most children.
Anthony Rao, co-author of the new book “The Way of Boys: Raising Healthy Boys in a Challenging and Complex World,” wishes everyone would take a deep breath, slow down and realize that boys follow a rocky development path that may include troublesome behaviors.
“Most boys will grow up healthy,” he says. “When parents are too worried, they jump to conclusions that something serious may be wrong and focus exclusively on problems.”
Today, normal developmental phases can be misread as disorders by classroom teachers. Then, their inexpert diagnoses are too quickly confirmed by pediatricians in 15-minute office visits.
Parents leave the doctor with a prescription in their hand and a label on their child.
As a longtime practicing psychologist, Rao says the number of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder diagnoses has nearly quadrupled over a 10-year period. “We used to miss a lot of learning problems in boys years ago,” says Rao. “But now we are looking so aggressively for them and we are looking earlier and earlier.”
The problem, he says, is that reliable assessments are difficult in boys younger than 6 or 7. That’s why Rao recommends teachers, pediatricians and parents delve deeper and wait longer before applying labels and adopting such interventions as special education services, medications or class pull-outs for young boys.
The checklist for disorders — impulsivity, delays in socializing and language, resistance to eye contact, problems in transitions, extreme shyness, sudden fits — can also be a checklist of temporary development phases and setbacks, cautions Rao.
“Rather than rushing into a program to help troublesome behaviors, many boys benefit from a wait-and-see approach.”
Over his career, Rao has seen less tolerance of the little boy who can’t sit still or who is overly aggressive. Boys, for example, are expelled 4.5 times more often than girls in preschools — a rate that exceeds even high school expulsions.
This early pressure on boys to conform, a lack of free play and a surge in structured activities could explain why so many 23-year-olds are living in their parents’ basement.
“One could make the case that pushing their development so fast is leaving boys burned out and exhausted,” he says.
His solutions are basic; don’t push boys into competitive sports where dropping the ball brings not only personal disappointment but the disdain of teammates. Instead, Rao advocates that parents let boys try individual sports, such as martial arts, tennis or swimming.
Give high-energy boys a chance to release energy by letting them run around the house or out in the yard before school. In class, restore recess and give young kids 10-minute stretch and walk-around breaks every hour.
Rao endorses single-gender classes, saying new research from Florida suggests that boys benefit from it. Girls, he says, showed only a slight benefit from single-gender classes.
He also wishes there were more male teachers in schools, saying they understand restless boys and that boys often learn differently than girls.
“Girls use more words. They are heavy on reading and early literacy and more social cooperation,” he says. The boy brain is wired for motor skill development and spatial tasks, and boys learn more by touching and exploration. (There are exceptions, he says, describing himself as a compliant learner eager to do what the teacher wanted.)
Today’s classroom is better suited for the ways girls learn, says Rao. “When you promote all this assessment and increasing standardization, you narrow the way you are going to teach kids, eclipsing the ways that boys learn better. You go to much less hands-on and manipulation of objects and to more sit down and lectures.”
Rao concedes that it’s possible many boys he treated would have outgrown their extreme shyness or belligerence without his assistance, but their parents were desperate for help.
“Statistically speaking, most of them would have done fine, but their moms were anxious and worried,” he says. “My role was to help them get through it so they were not suspecting that everything their sons did was a problem and then creating self-fulfilling prophecies.”
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71 comments Add your comment
ThisADDkid
January 25th, 2010
9:20 pm
I really think that reading this, along with all of the comments below it, really fueled some opinions i have of these early diagnoses. I am fifteen years old and when i was in the second grade, my teacher had so many problems with me sitting still and doing what i was told. I must have gotten Assistant Principal Referrals twice a week. She suggested to my parents that i be tested for ADD and ADHD. An important word that she said was tested. In this current world, the doctors simply give the parents what they want to hear. I was labeled as ADD but my dad would not let them put me on medications.
Come the summer after my freshman year in high school my parents had me tested for a variety of things, including ADHD in a legitimate place with science-backed tests. They said that yes, i was ADHD, but that medication wasn’t necessary, i just needed to alter study styles, and note taking skills, and (what a shocker) i’m getting B’s and A’s for the first time in my life.
What i say to the parents and teachers who ‘diagnose’ these boys is this: If they are under the age of ten, and they can sit still for more than 45 minutes or so, they’re barely human. no boy can sit still for that long without occupying his brain with something else! This world has come to wanting perfect cookie-cutter style students, and teaching to the test is not helping in any way
I want to apologize a little for this rant, but it hits right in the heart for me and i really want to say: THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH ME. I just get distracted by ridiculous things and i don’t like to sit still. My friends love that about me, they say it makes life more interesting.
Beth
January 25th, 2010
9:22 pm
I taught 5th grade for more than a decade. Recess is vital for children – it should be required, not discouraged. I had very high expectations for my students’ behavior, but kids are kids and movement is HEALTHY. No, being “bored” is not an excuse for being disrespectful or lazy – but teachers do have an obligation to meet the needs of their students, and with younger students (esp. boys) that includes activity, both outdoors and in the classroom via centers, cooperative learning activities, experiments, etc. Frankly I don’t buy the argument that b/c teachers have to “teach to the test” children can’t be engaged in worthwhile learning activities. There have always been standards to master – the good teachers figure out how to do so in ways that are engaging for children. And of course there’s always going to be some work that is boring, but if enough of the school day is spent being engaged in learning then most kids will do just fine with the mundane stuff. Oh, and by the way, any teacher who states that a child needs to be on medication for attention problems should be formally reprimanded in my opinion. It is highly unprofessional, b/c ADHD is a medical diagnosis and teachers are not physicians.
Southside mom
January 25th, 2010
9:42 pm
K TEACHER – AT WHAT SCHOOL DO YOU TEACH? I would like to bring my 10 year old, whose teacher never takes them outside for recess, even in the Spring when the weather is good. I am unable to afford Private school, but quite unhappy with my present public school who seems to hire mostly young teachers who don’t have children of their own, and are very impatient when it comes to dealing with children. I really appreciate teachers, but I think the direction they are heading in when it comes to boys is very unfortunate. My next option is to try a charter school. Hopefully, they will be a little less restricted, especially where recess is concerned. WHen I was a kid, we had recess everyday outside and also time in the gym. We don’t even sit still all day on our jobs…HELP!
Sunny
January 25th, 2010
9:54 pm
I think a HUGE part of the problem lies with the parenting BEFORE children enter school. The parents fail to teach their child basic manners and respect for adults so it makes it extremely difficult for them to adjust in a classroom setting. A 3-5 year old is perfectly capable of sitting quietly for 20 minutes or even a hour. Start by spending TIME with your children taking them places where they are required to sit quietly (church, movies, plays, book readings, etc.) so that they are prepared for school, trust me, you can tell which children have been properly disciplined and educated in this area.
three boys
January 25th, 2010
10:13 pm
It’s amazing how we see our world and very little of anyone else’s. Parents do not hold their little boys to a consistent expectation. I consistently watch well-meaning parents constantly excuse their boys’ impulsive behavior as “all boy.” I’ve used this phrase and meant it. Boys are different than girls, but not all boys or all girls act the same. Teachers, as a whole, public and private do a wonderful job trying to differentiate instruction, not just for boys or girls, but for all children. The reality is that many people who bash teachers have not really tried to understand their expectations. Parents are responsible for the success of their life. NCLB and any other accountability mechanism created by govt. will be limited and all children should be expected to perform at high levels if they wish to compete in the future economy. Parents and teachers need to work together, but ultimately, parents need to take responsibility for the responsiveness of their boys and girls to any adult who should have authority over them at any given time. Otherwise they will be undisciplined and crippled. Creativity + Discipline = Greatness
Ole Guy
January 25th, 2010
10:42 pm
Greg, there is absolutely no reason to apologize for seemingly harsh descriptions of reality. Two issues prevail here:
* As I’ve indicated in previous comments, all-too-often, it’s the damn parents who, nestled in their comfortable little concept of how (their) kids should be treated, get all anal and go ape at the very thought that their kid may not, in their misguided expectations, be normal.
The late great George Carlin said it best when he suggested that the kid should have to opportunity to just dig a hole in the ground with a stick…in other words, let the kid discover, for him/herself, what’s out there without mommy and daddy hovering in the background.
* All these alphabet soup “maladies”, which have gained psuedo notoriety among “pop educators”, are nothing short of official-sounding means of admiting failure…”I don’t know what to do, so rather than admit failure, I’ll ascribe the problem to some exotic-sounding bs”. My second grade teacher, Sister Mary Meanface, had a way of commanding respect. Her tools of the trade included a paddle…really just a yard stick which inflicted more fear (respect) than anything else…and the ability to restore confidence and respect in the would-be wayward kid. The big difference between Sister Mary Meanface and today’s teachers is the “size of the court”…Sister could play a “full court” in her little part of preparing kids for adulthood; today’s teacher’s “court” has been shrunk…shrunk by parents who are, themselves, psychologically undeveloped in accepting realities…shrunk by politicians and administrators whose only “game” is to wield as much power as possible.
TechMom
January 25th, 2010
10:56 pm
Southside Mom brings up a topic I’ve long thought to be true; teachers who have no children of their own tend to lack the patience and the ability to creatively ‘manage’ kids who don’t fall within the very centered ‘norm’ that they’re taught to teach in college. I never get phone calls or emails from teachers who have kids; only from those who are inexperienced and don’t have children of their own. Anyone else notice this?
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January 25th, 2010
11:21 pm
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DEC
January 25th, 2010
11:27 pm
I am happy to see I am not the only one who thinks boys need to run that energy off! In the kindergarten my son had to be quiet at lunch and sit in his seat all day! that is impossible for a 5 year old boy! He is now 11 and I still le him run around to get that energy off!
All I'm Saying Is...
January 26th, 2010
8:02 am
Has anyone noticed that girls are more successful academically than boys in college, a greater percentage of them attend college compared to boys, and girls have a higher likelihood of graduating than boys? What’s my point? This is excellent news but I think it also goes unreported and the problem is not just confined to minority communities but is true for men from all backgrounds when compared to women and this issue starts in pre-school with these short-sighted notions about boys needing to act just like girls to show they do not possess a developmental difference and are ready for school.
Let boys be boys and stop shying away from the notion of single gender classrooms — the facts show that girls are doing very well in the classroom and outperforming boys academically which is excellent news but also means we need to reexamine what is going on with boys with an eye towards improving their performance.
AlreadySheared
January 26th, 2010
8:54 am
@catlady – he WAS bored!
Some years ago when my son was in second grade, we were called into his school to discuss the learning team’s observations of him. He had been fidgeting, squirming, staring off into space, calling out answers without waiting his turn, getting up and walking around the room, etc, etc, etc.
The learning team concluded that we should take him for a “psycho-educational evaluation”.
When I asked them what they thought that might reveal, they answered in effect ‘well, gosh, we don’t know, let’s wait and see what the psychologist says’ [bear this response in mind below].
1) We took him to a psychologist, who gave him several tests, and us and his teachers questionnaires to fill out. The results:
i) the intelligence test she gave him showed very high intelligence, including an attribute called “working memory” where he scored in the 90th percentile.
ii) the achievement test she gave him showed him to be very high-achieving in math and reading.
iii) the questionnaire we filled out showed him to be a normal kid.
iv) the questionnaire his teachers filled out showed him to be really, really, REALLY ADHD.
The [school-recommended] psychologist’s diagnosis, of course, was that he suffered from a condition in which, due to poor working memory, success in math and reading is naturally difficult for a kid, namely that he was ADHD (’well, gosh, we don’t know, let’s wait and see what the psychologist says’ ). Her recommendation was that we give him drugs to make him settle down and act right (my words, not hers).
Despicable.
2) When the results of the kids’ standardized tests came back (ERB?), my son had, despite all his time off task, scored much higher than the national averages AND significantly higher than the average score in his classroom in EVERY area tested.
So, catlady, let me translate for you. “Yes, I got that the first time you told me and you have now repeated yourself FOUR MORE TIMES”. Day after day, week after week, month after month. What exactly is an 8 year old boy supposed to do when this is his life in school day after day?
You can guess from the above that I never allowed my son to be drugged. We removed him from the private school that he was attending to go to our excellent public school, where upon finishing the fifth grade, he was one of 12 kids (in a 5th grade class of 100+ students) to make straight As for the entire year. This while posting an overall ITBS score in the 97th percentile and of course crushing the CRCTs.
I remain, to this day, horrified by the knowledge that parents trying to do the best for their kids are being deceived by intolerant teachers and pliant physicians. Loving mothers and fathers are feeding their boys psychoactive drugs so that the boys will sit still and mind for their teachers.
Again, DESPICABLE.
Nora
January 26th, 2010
9:25 am
I have to comment on this one!
I have four sons (in their 20’s). None of them have ever been diagnosed or treated for any “disorder” and they are all healthy young men. But over the years I have dealt with teachers and schools not meeting the needs of active boys and then pointing the finger back at them for “bad behavior”.
Case in point: In Cobb middle schools there is no recess. Never mind that young adolescents are fairly bursting with energy, both physically and mentally. The only physical activities during the day are structured PE classes. One evening a PE teacher called me at home and informed me in grave tones that my 13 year old son was “cutting up” with his friends in PE. She felt that I should know that the boys were horsing around during the flag football game and not playing by the rules.
I suppose my response wasn’t what she hoped. I simply told her (in weary tones) that as the mother of four sons she was going to have to come up with a better reason than that to call me at home in the evening because I just didn’t think that was any big deal. I told her 13 year old boys need to blow off steam after being in classrooms all day and if the school wasn’t going to provide recess time for them to do that, she could hardly expect them to stand in the sidelines nicely waiting for their turn to play in PE.
I’m sure she chalked me up as a Bad Mom. Whatever. You simply cannot harness the energy of young boys into structured activities for 7 hours a day without a break. Recess time is important for active, growing children, especially boys, to burn off some of that excess energy so they can settle down in the classroom the rest of the day.
Eva B
January 26th, 2010
10:03 am
Dr. Rao’s book “The Way of Boys” is great resource because it’s not only reassuring to anyone struggling to raise a young boy, but it’s full of great practical parenting advice about bullying, socializing, school, emotional health, healthy play, etc.
We are less willing to let boys be boys in classrooms « Education Soon
January 26th, 2010
10:56 am
[...] be boys in classrooms Posted in commentary by tucksoon on January 26, 2010 Great read via Get Schooled: Today’s classroom is better suited for the ways girls learn, says Rao. “When you promote all [...]
RJ
January 26th, 2010
12:25 pm
@Already Sheared, I have to agree with you. My son was on principal’s list and I asked the teacher how he was able to make make all A’s. She said she didn’t know because when she was teaching he was hanging from the desk! He has always scored in the 90th percentile on the ITBS. The gifted program only pulled him out once a week. He enjoyed that class because it was lots of hands on activities.
AlreadySheared
January 26th, 2010
1:20 pm
RJ,
A word of warning (based on my experience, not my son’s).
Often the earlier grades in school are not hard enough to push a smart kid. While other kids are learning subject material, they are also learning how to study and learn. Meanwhile your little smarty pants is getting the material essentially “for free”, with very little effort.
There will come a time, likely in high school, when the work gets too hard to coast. When that time comes, smarty pants will be ill-served by his or her failure to learn good work habits in the early grades. I recommend that you do your best to make sure your son is challenged (I don’t mean challenge classes, but presented with material that’s hard enough to make him whine and complain a little) early and often.
Anon
January 26th, 2010
1:41 pm
kaos0302 – You are absolutely right.
Don'tunderstand
January 26th, 2010
5:41 pm
I’m so glad this article was published because it seems to hit home on what I’m expericing with my 7 year old son. Since he was in Kindergarten he has been labled by his school. He is now in the second grade and as of today has been suspended for 20 days for behavior issues. I’m planning on purchasing this book and I think all teachers and parents should be required to read it. I’ve been to hell and back with my son’s school here in Cobb County. I’ve written letters to administrators, and can’t understand why they and the teachers don’t want to put fouth the effort when it comes to the kids. I’m wondering is it because my child is from a single parent home and I would be an easy target to be taken advantage of. Is there anyone who knows what I’m going through or could share any thoughts. I’m at my whitts end. I think the school is just fed up and don’t want to put fourth the effort and so therefor the only answer is to suspend never mind if I have to work and provide for me and my child.
Vita Zuniga
January 26th, 2010
6:35 pm
As a daycare/preschool teacher and mother of two very active boys,ages 13 and 5, I completely agree. My preschool and toddler boys thrive on active play! When they have run around for an hour they are much more agreeable about “lessons” and thru music and marching my two and three year olds learn their letters and numbers much easier than the traditional “sit down and listen” way. Allowing them free time enhances their social skills and imaginations. My 5 year old is in an all boy Kindergarten class and I think with the absence of girls (they like to tell!) is getting into a lot less “trouble” than I thought he would(he’s very impulsive). I strongly believe that it’s time to get our boys off medications(lazy teachers) and back outside! In doing so maybe we can also keep them out of jail in the future. Just a thought.
wow
January 26th, 2010
7:32 pm
@ don’t understand – suspended for 20 days at 7 years of age?? That does not sound right. Have you called the state dept of ed, had meetings with the school, ask for any evaluations???
Lots of news on boys. None of it good. | Get Schooled
March 17th, 2010
12:02 am
[...] One of the experts expressing concerns about boys has been Anthony Rao, co-author of the new book “The Way of Boys: Raising Healthy Boys in a Challenging and Complex World,” My interview with him is here. [...]