The “Twilight” of teenage hookups: A love story?
The “Twilight” craze has passed me by as my oldest daughter is beyond the books and the popular series is too sophisticated for my youngest.
Here is an interesting op-ed on by an NYU professor why the books and the movies are such a hit with adolescent females: (The piece ran today on the education page in the AJC that I put together each week. Send submissions to mdowney@ajc.com.)
By Jonathan Zimmerman
Hey, do you want to hook up?
The appeal of "Twilight" to young girls may be the depth of the romance between the lead characters.
If you’re like lots of American high school and college students, the answer is clearly “yes.”
But when you look at the reasons, you’ll find an enormous gender divide. Girls have sex in order to score a boyfriend, and boys simply want to score.
And the boys are winning.
That explains the overwhelming success of Stephanie Meyer’s “Twilight” teenage books, as well as the most recent film adaptation, “The Twilight Saga: New Moon,” which sold $140 million in tickets in its first weekend in North American theaters.
Eighty percent of viewers were female, and half the audience was under the age of 21. Why are young American women flocking to a movie where the hero — a hunky dude named Edward, who also happens to be a vampire — refuses to have sex with the heroine-loner Bella, lest he harm her with his supernatural powers?
The answer lies in a University of Missouri survey of 4,000 Twilight fans, to be published next year. And it’s not that complicated: Girls want love, not just sex.
“This series represents a backlash to the ‘hooking up’ culture,” explained one author of the Missouri study. “ ‘Twilight’ has been a way for young girls to acknowledge their emerging sexuality without actually having sex.”
In other words, it’s a female fantasy. It’s also every boy’s nightmare. After all, the hooking-up deal works well for guys.
Lots and lots of sex, without all that messy relationship stuff? What’s not to like?
On this not-so-delicate subject, I’ve heard plenty of my 40- and 50-something male peers complain that they were born several decades too early. But I have never, ever heard a woman say she’d prefer today’s hooking-up system to the dating rituals we grew up with.
Remember dating? As quaint is it might sound today, dating required you to get to know a girl before you did anything else. The goal might be the same — indeed, it often was the same — but you had to follow several distinct steps to get there.
That was far better for girls, who could decide if they liked a guy before physical intimacy began.
Now, the order is reversed: You hook up first, then decide if you want to “go out.”
And it turns out — surprise, surprise — that most guys don’t want the second part, so long as they get the first.
“They’re in college, they don’t want a girlfriend,” one female college student told LaSalle sociologist Kathleen Bogle. “They basically just want to get …” (Well, you can guess the rest.)
So why do women put up with this?
As Bogle explains in her indispensable 2008 book, “Hooking Up: Sex, Dating and Relationships on Campus,” part of the reason is they overestimate the frequency of sex among their peers.
Nationwide, about one-quarter of college students remain virgins. So when women presume that “everybody is doing it” — so they need to do it, too —they’re wrong.
Moreover, “it” can mean many different things. In one survey at a large Northeastern university, 78 percent of students had “hooked up” at least once.
But among those students, only 38 percent reported a hookup that culminated in sexual intercourse. The rest had kissed, groped or engaged in oral sex without going all the way.
No matter what you call it, though, many women feel that they must engage in a certain degree of sexual activity to have any hope of finding a boyfriend — or, down the road, a husband.
They well understand that most hookups will not lead to the type of relationship that they really want. But they just don’t see any other way to get there.
It doesn’t help that women outnumber men on most college campuses, where there are about 80 men for every 100 women.
As the scarce resource, men get to make the rules.
And they know it, too.
“No real commitment, no real feelings involved, this is like a guy’s paradise,” one male student told Bogle. “I mean this is what guys have been wanting for many, many years. And women have always resisted, but now they are going along with it.”
He’s right. Since the sexual revolution of the 1960s, women have made enormous strides in education, income and professional achievement.
But when it comes to sex itself, it’s still a man’s world.
And that’s why young women are celebrating an imaginary one, in the movies, where the guy actually loves you before he makes love to you.
Even if he is a vampire.
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36 comments Add your comment
Reality Mom
December 7th, 2009
9:04 am
Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free??
saddened
December 7th, 2009
9:15 am
Teens are tantalized by sex and the odd vampire entity. They have no qualms of hooking up at a very early age. This, in part, is due to the fact that their lives have been saturated with sexual images since very early. Most of the parents these days are not parents, but rather their “child’s friend”, living vicariosly through their kids and their poor choices. No one is brave enough to tell kids that frequent hookups are going to damage them forever. No one wants to parent and police their child.
DeKalb Conservative
December 7th, 2009
9:32 am
I think this NYU professor is missing some key premises. Consider the following:
1. In a time far, far away (say 2-3 years ago), would these girls have lead a more promiscuous lifestyle?
2. Are there boys actively chasing after these girls? If so, is there more than one that the girls find attractive?
Just like some guys get wrapped up into a Sci-Fi Star Trek fantasy tend to not be the most desirable sexually among their peers, there’s something to be sad that Twilight could be a female equivalent.
As a late 20-something I think its unfair to look at teen and college student behavior as overtly promiscuous. Wind the clock back a few decades and you have a world where waiting until marriage was out of the question because people were getting married closer to age 18 than towards 25, if not 30. Being a virgin bride is not a difficult thing if the woman is dropping out of high school and getting married at age 16, or 17.
Jim
December 7th, 2009
9:40 am
2 Things.
1) oral sex is still sex – you imply that it isn’t. To many kids these days continue to think it’s okay because I’m not really having sex. If it involves sexual genetalia (sp), then IT’S SEX.
2) Your columns are supposed to be about school – keep in line.
Ole Guy
December 7th, 2009
10:07 am
There’s a helluva big difference between the sexual revolution of the 60s and the “bump n’ grind” generation today. That difference can be best-summed up in four tiny letters: AIDS. While, I’m sure, AIDS has been in existence since well-before the discovery of the condom, it was simply an unknown factor back in the days of “free love” and “wham bam thank you mam”. Did this level of ignorance somehow lessen the potential for moral degredation…I don’t think so! But, as awkward as it may be, particularly for the Bible Thumpers Annon crowd, sexual experimentation and discovery has always been, and, I am quite certain, always will be an ingredient in the growing up process.
Inasmuch as parents, in the “global scope” of child-rearing, appear to have an ever-diminishing influence on their kids, one would, logically, look to the schools for guidance on the matter.
As 18 year-old college freshmen (or is it freshperson?), a required course of study in biosocial aspects of living brought, besides giggles, chuckles, and male/female heart palpitations, an awareness of the realities which the powers-that-be were all-too-aware we leading edge boomers would soon, if not already, face.
When is too early vs just the right time to introduce the “this-is-the-way-it-is” aspects of sexuality? From a strictly impersonal clinical viewpoint, one would probably say ASAP. However, it’s not that easy, nor that comfortable to subject little Johnny and little Suzie to that which we, ourselves, may not feel that comfortable with. Either way, parents and schools, you had best face the inevitable and, in the absence of squabling and indecision, come up with a plan.
Maureen Downey
December 7th, 2009
10:11 am
Jim, Actually, the blog is about education in general. One of the ongoing requests from parents who read the blog has been a wider lens on issues; they want more general topics rather than classroom specific all the time. Please note that I often post several items a day, so that there is a mix.
But my mandate is a blog with appeal to both parents and teachers. So, expect a range of topics.
Maureen
Batgirl
December 7th, 2009
10:25 am
As a middle school librarian, I can tell you that these books fly off the shelves if they are ever actually on the shelves. Usually, each book has a list of 4-6 students who have the book reserved. As stated in the article, their appeal is very simple; it’s the romance. What girl/woman doesn’t want that?
I’m not sure that I agree that the teen/twentysomething Twilight fans are the same as the boy sci-fi fans. The Twilight books are popular across the lines from the cheerleaders to the goth girls. The Twilight moms, however, may be in the same league as the sci-fi geeks.
Also, the vampire genre in general is popular among both boys and girls.
Joy in Teaching
December 7th, 2009
10:29 am
When will the teacher bashing begin?
mystery poster
December 7th, 2009
10:38 am
I remember it being put this way when I was in school:
Women give sex to get love.
Men give love to get sex.
Pretty much sums it up.
Grazer
December 7th, 2009
10:48 am
As much as conservatives, religion, and romantics value marriage as a sacred bond of love, trust, etc. – marriage was above all an economic agreement. Men with more money used cars, status, houses to find the most beautiful, youthful woman they could find. This equation worked b/c the women, who typically didn’t work or did not earn equal pay, could then be certain they could raise their children in a secure, stable environment. That era is over – hence the social disgust with golddiggers and sleazy old rich men.
Now women are on equal socio-economic footing (sorry feminists) and the mating game is forever changed. If that means men have more of a choice in how the mate selection process works – so be it.
AlphaDog
December 7th, 2009
10:53 am
Basically little has changed in generations. Boys want “it” and girls want and need more than just sex, and deservedly so.
William Casey
December 7th, 2009
11:44 am
I’m retired from 31 years of high school teaching. I don’t that things have changed ALL THAT MUCH in the 40 years since I was a college frosh except for the media coverage. My son is currently a frosh at Georgia Southern. Lots more twitter, cell phone pics, etc. now though ang girls begin taking birth control pills earlier.
Oral sex has probably begun sooner today.
If all went well, the average relationship probably lasted 2 months.
What’s the big deal?
ajf7688 Blog - The “Twilight” of teenage hookups: A love story? | Get Schooled
December 7th, 2009
12:14 pm
[...] Original post: The “Twilight” of teenage hookups: A love story? | Get Schooled [...]
jim d
December 7th, 2009
12:22 pm
Times haven’t changed that much from the 60’s. Teens today are doing the same things we did back in the day. SD&RR
Jessica
December 7th, 2009
1:28 pm
The whole sexual revolution of the 60’s was supposed to bring women more fulfillment and power in their relationships with men, but the opposite is true. Easy access to sex means that a lot of men don’t want to commit to a real relationship, and even if they do commit they are more likely to bail on their girlfriends/wives as soon as the relationship requires any real effort on their part. In other words, the stuff our grandmothers said about cows and free milk turned out to be true.
Also, no one seems to be pointing out that casual sex can be bad for guys too. Sure, they want it and they enjoy it, but they are risking their health and damaging their chances of having healthy long-term relationships in the future.
V for Vendetta
December 7th, 2009
1:41 pm
I’ve always thought the Twilight series portrayed to teen girls a rather unhealthy view of relationships. In the second book, the main character, Bella, attempts risky behavior in order to see hallucinations of Edward.
I don’t know about you, but I might prefer my child have safe, protected sex than jump off of cliffs into the Northwestern Pacific in an attempt to see an imaginary boyfriend.
mystery poster
December 7th, 2009
1:44 pm
@V
People like to pretend that teens will abstain from sex (often when they didn’t). It which reminds me of a joke:
Q: What do you call a woman who teaches her daughter abstinence only?
A: Grandma.
Meme
December 7th, 2009
1:53 pm
I read Twilight and New Moon. Twilight was good but New Moon was so boring that I didn’t read any of the others. Twilight was fun and I think that the teens and above would really like the idea of romance. At 60, I like the idea of romance. However, I don’t think my 6th grade girls or anyone younger should be reading this.
catlady
December 7th, 2009
1:54 pm
Why are these people (in the photo) so PALE?
mystery poster
December 7th, 2009
2:04 pm
@catlady
They’re pale because they’re vampires.
Grazer
December 7th, 2009
2:46 pm
One more thing…
I don’t think any girl/woman who is a Twilight fan would have to worry about losing their innocence. Most men wouldn’t pursue her in the first place. In my opinion, that’s a win for both parties…right?
Maureen Downey
December 7th, 2009
3:08 pm
Grazer,
I am not sure if you have seen the crowds at Twilight, but I think you would be eliminating a large percentage of the young female population if you ruled out fans from the dating pool.
Same deal on the opposite side if you ruled out fans of the X-Men or Fast and Furious movie franchises.
Maureen
Susan Atkins
December 7th, 2009
3:14 pm
Yea Jim…expect more BS and Horse Hockey.
Susan Atkins
December 7th, 2009
3:16 pm
Women are bascially co-dependent and stupid. Thats why they are so easy to get into bed…they believe anything…ie the sun is really the moon, you cant get pregnant if we do it standing up etc.
LMAO!!
Grazer
December 7th, 2009
3:37 pm
@ Maureen Downey
I saw Twilight at the Fox last winter with the woman I was dating at the time. It was our last date to say the least. Xmen is more of a mainstream blockbuster than a cult like Twilight. Maybe a Battlestar Galatica guy and a Twilight girl would work well and that’s a beautiful thing. I just think most guys would never try with a woman whose ideal man is mythical storybook character. Would you be turned on by a guy who is into mermaids?
vft638
December 7th, 2009
4:05 pm
1) Has the professor actually read the book? Have most of the people posting? Bella actually gets a little aggressive towards Edward at some points. The study seems to be just a cheap attempt to cash in on the Twilight phenomenon.
2) The more the years pass, the less things change, unfortunately. In the Dark Ages (1980;s) before AIDS, both males and females made no bones about enjoying sex and not necessarily wanting more than a one night stand at times.
TechMom
December 7th, 2009
4:49 pm
I’ve read all 4 books and must say the movies are cheesy and contain some terrible acting. I will definitely say the romance appeal was great though I don’t consider my self a romantic. There was something sweet and sincere about a couple who has selfless motives. It’s something we certainly don’t see much evidence of in American relationships (married or otherwise). It’s the complete devotion to one person that I think a lot of girls & women find appealing. Edward (who is really ~109 in the books and not 17) has finally figured it out. Unfortunately we are marrying a guy far before he’s figured out what his mate really wants/needs because there aren’t a lot of hot 100+ year old men running around! So is it the kind of devotion that is unrealistic in our day and time? Maybe. Maybe not. I still think it’s what girls and women desire.
Back to what I think is the topic though- can books like Twilight actually affect women’s viewpoints about sexuality and possible help trend them away from the casual hooking up? I certainly hope so! Media has such a huge impact on young people and if I had a daughter who decided she wanted to wait on ‘her Edward’ (aka, the 21st Century Prince Charming) after reading the books, then I certainly wouldn’t complain. And vice-versa, if my son can learn a little bit of manners and chivalry from Edward so that he will treat his future girlfriend/wife more appropriately, then bring it on! And no, I’m not saying that I would let my kid(s) decide on what is important in life solely based on a book. The reality is that media has a huge impact on young people and does help shape their viewpoints in life and if Twilight or another book can help encourage young people to not have casual sex, then I think it’s a good thing.
high school teacher
December 7th, 2009
5:30 pm
Oh, for heaven’s sake. I think that every female student that I have this year has read the Twilight series, but when I ask them why they like it, they don’t say that they like it because of the purity of Edward. They simply relate to the main character, which may or may not be a good thing.
I resisted reading the books because I am not a fan of the vampire genre. However, I finally broke down and read them (read all 4 of them in about a month, during school no less), and I was pleasantly surprised at how much I enjoyed them. I saw the first movie before going to the secons one. The acting was a bit flat, but it was still fun to see the characters come to life on the screen, Grazer, there were some pretty hot chicks watching that flick, so I wouldn’t cross them all off of your list. For what it’s worth, I think X-Men is weird.
Ole Guy
December 7th, 2009
8:36 pm
I didn’t realize kids actually checked books out of the library and read them…I guess some things endure!
Old School
December 7th, 2009
8:36 pm
I tried to read Twilight, got halfway through, gave up. I much prefer Morgan Llewellyn or Charles de Lint. Better yet, if you guys haven’t read any Pat McManus, run out right now and buy every book he has written. His hilarious tales of growing up hunting & fishing with pal Crazy Eddie Muldoon and old man Rancid Crabtree have my high school students reading every day without complaint. I don’t even hunt or fish but I love the outdoors and Pat Mc has it nailed! (ever wonder why every piece of rope you cut is six inches too short no matter how long you cut it?)
Grazer
December 7th, 2009
9:29 pm
@ high school teacher
Look…I am not saying a woman is physically unattractive because she likes Twilight. If I met her out Saturday night and had no idea, she is still gorgeous. But it says enough about what kind of relationship she wants, what type of movies you’ll be watching when you’re with her,and her expectations for a mate will be ridiculous due to all the romance novels/chick flicks she has used to model Mr Right after. I know men are meant to be the simple cavemen with no ability to listen, but trust me…normal guys (no history, no debts, no drama, no arrests) will check into friend/big brother mode real fast so there’s no misunderstanding.
Georgia Teacher
December 7th, 2009
9:29 pm
This discussion reminds me quite a bit of one of the stories I teach in Brit Lit: “The Wife of Bath’s Tale” from The Canterbury Tales.
I guess things have not changed all that much in the past thousand years. Men are driven by the physiological need to procreate. Women are driven to select the best possible candidate for mating. As we have advanced in terms of Maslow’s hierarchy of need as a society, the critera of selection has changed respectively.
But the nature of men and women, in terms of sex, never changes. And it never will.
Ole Guy
December 7th, 2009
10:30 pm
British Lit…AAAAAH! I’m having nightmarish flashbacks! Do the kids still ascribe to Cliff’s Notes?
high school teacher
December 8th, 2009
8:18 am
Grazer, you assume that women cannot distinguish from reality and fantasy. Maybe I don’t give myself enough credit; I did not make my husband go to these movies with me (nor do I force him to endure the few chick flicks that I want to see), and I absolutely don’t expect him to act like Edward (I’m personally in the “Team Jacob camp.” If you’re not familiar with the plot, Jacob also has supernatural abilities but is much more “human” than Edward). Understandably, you shouldn’t date a woman who thinks that Edward is the supreme model for a relationship. I’m saying that most women who watch these movies realize that he is a work of FICTION. But I guess I could be wrong!
The “Twilight” of teenage hookups: A love story? | Get Schooled - Dating Tips and Tricks
December 8th, 2009
4:04 pm
[...] the rest here: The “Twilight” of teenage hookups: A love story? | Get Schooled :business, dating, edward, entertainment, lifestyle, movies, relationships, romance, schooled [...]
Toto: exposing the per*vert behind the curtain
December 8th, 2009
11:32 pm
Looks like the taxpayers are getting scr*wed by the government school once again….
http://biggovernment.com/2009/12/08/fistgate-ii-high-school-students-given-fisting-kits-at-kevin-jennings-2001-glsen-conference/