No sex tonight. My roommate is trying to study

I have to say that I have had some experience with college roommates “entertaining” dates while I was in the room.

So, I am not opposed to Tuft University’s new policy saying no sex in dorm rooms while your roommate is in the room.

But it does seem like something roommates could work out together without a policy, as several students comment in the story.

Now, if only colleges would do something about roommates borrowing your clothes without asking.

(I am interviewing an author next week on a related topic, adjusting to college and to roommates. I will post his comments after I talk with him.)

With two kids in college, I have not heard any wild roommate stories. Both of my children have had great roommates, but I know it is a dice roll. The typical complaints that I hear are that roommates leave the room a mess, use stuff without asking and stay up too late.

However, I know of kids dealing with roommates with serious depression. And I know at least one student whose roommate committed suicide.

I think roommates impact a new student’s attitude toward college. After that first year, however, it seems the roommate is less of a lifeline. (Also, kids seem to move off campus faster now.)

Any great roommate stories out there?

46 comments Add your comment

Maureen's accountability metric

September 30th, 2009
9:38 am

Maureen, was discussing discipline such a scary topic that you felt compelled to replace it with a new one in under two hours?

Maureen Downey

September 30th, 2009
9:49 am

MAM, I am not replacing the blog entry on school discipline. The directive link to the blog remains on the news story. I often post multiple entries in the morning based on the news. (In fact, that is one of the mandates for the blogs here at the AJC and any newspaper, that they move with the news.)
I also haven’t found that adding new entries diminishes interest in earlier ones, especially for a topic like discipline.
If you look back, you will see many days with several new entries in a short span. The college sex entry is the third one today that I have posted and it is driven by a news story.
Maureen

jim d

September 30th, 2009
9:58 am

the average time from penetration to climax is like 6 minutes.

so your roomy loses 30 minutes of study time. SO WHAT!

Maureen's accountability metric

September 30th, 2009
10:01 am

Maureen, perhaps you didn’t note the sarcasm, because truth be told, it was mixed with equal parts of being obstinate!

Think what you might of my educational/AJC worldview, I do strive to give credit where credit is due, and even a quick perusal of other blogs on the AJC shows Maureen is absolutely right on this front, as far as multiple postings in a single day.

Maybe rather than criticize her on this front, I should instead give credit, since the word “sex” was in the title, for Maureen not giving in to the lowest common denominator and adding the words “videotape” and “Paris Hilton” to the title, just to drive traffic to it.

DeKalb Conservative

September 30th, 2009
10:22 am

This is a little too “nanny state” for me. This is more a common sense issue that needs to be worked out, instead of a rule change.

Give it time — behind most good intentions are unintended consequences.

Jeff

September 30th, 2009
10:32 am

Private college, I’m going to give them a pass on the “nanny state” charge.

That said, I too think this is something better worked out between roommates rather than issuing a campus-wide Decree From On High.

But jim… 30 minutes? LUCKY! :D

oldtimer

September 30th, 2009
10:34 am

Kind of glad I went to college in the “dark ages” women wer not even allowed to smoke in public. We certainly could not “entertain” the guys in our room. We did have fun cercomventing the rules.

Terry B. Shirey, Sr.

September 30th, 2009
10:39 am

How was the trash situation at UGA this week? I suspect it was much improved due to (1) the University was better prepared for seven to eight hours of tailgating (2) far less fans came from Arizona State for the ball game (I suspect the South Carolina fans comprised a large part of those parking on North Campus but have no way of knowing except that the lots show in photos were not Athletic Department controlled lots and (3) the University realized that when you “trash” the fans you also “trash” the University.

jim d

September 30th, 2009
10:44 am

Yeah jeff,

2 miutes of foreplay 6 minutes of action and 22 minutes for a shower–even with the new math concepts that is 30 minutes. :)

V for Vendetta

September 30th, 2009
10:46 am

Depends on if the roomie lets the other roomie join in. OK, sorry, I had to . . . .

jim d

September 30th, 2009
10:50 am

so in that case add another 3 minutes to shower time

jim d

September 30th, 2009
10:52 am

V,

I got this time thing figured out! lol

Old School

September 30th, 2009
10:57 am

jimdear, say what you will but my youngest put up with such a roommate. The youngest spent as little time in her room as possible but had to sleep there. It was that time of night that the alley cat she roomed with chose to engage in extracurricular activities with the boyfriend du jour. A change of roommates was requested and granted when the roomie was confronted with a promise to go to the school officials.

If colleges and universities are going to require freshmen to live in dorms the first year, they ought to give those who want out of the above situations the option of living elsewhere.

V- that was pathetic and completely insensitive. jimdear, your comments are not much better.

And don’t either of you tell me to get a thick skin or just “deal with it.” My daughter sought her own solution and went on to earn her degree with honors. That first roommate dropped out with failing grades.

jim d

September 30th, 2009
11:02 am

Guess you could envite a few friends, open a bottle of wine and make a night of it.

Ernest

September 30th, 2009
11:06 am

Entertaining while you roommate is there? What happened to simply hanging the towel on the doorknob to let your roommate know not to come in?

V for Vendetta

September 30th, 2009
11:39 am

Do all of these students grow up to be swingers? And if so, who cares? Oh, and where are they swinging at? You know, just wondering . . .

Sorry, I’m in a puerile mood today!

Old School

September 30th, 2009
11:43 am

The comments today are just plain pathetic. I miss the intelligent discussions that once took place in this forum.

Tonya C.

September 30th, 2009
11:45 am

This makes me SOOOOOO glad I never had to live on-campus. I don’t play well with others like that. My aunt had a roommate from hell one year though; nastiest woman you ever would see.

hawk teach

September 30th, 2009
12:04 pm

Tonya was your aunt’s roommate my mother in law?

Leave it to a guy...

September 30th, 2009
12:07 pm

…to say it is 6 minutes when it is really only about 30 seconds, 45 seconds tops! Sort of like the inches, oh, nevermind!

lakerat

September 30th, 2009
12:09 pm

When my son went to UGA in 2004 as a freshman (he did graduate on time in 2008) they put him with a 6th year senior as his roommate! One could drink, the other could not (at least not legally) – and they wonder why trash is left all over campus!

Mr. Practical

September 30th, 2009
1:11 pm

Coitus Interuptus is a terrible thing.

Threesomes anyone??

September 30th, 2009
1:11 pm

You bunch of prudes.

Reverend John Wilson

September 30th, 2009
1:16 pm

SEX on campus–no way.

Maureen's accountability metric

September 30th, 2009
1:42 pm

Why have a ban in place, that instantly loses credibility because it has no consequences to enforce it? Especially when you admit the purpose of the ban is to encourage discussion?

Wouldn’t it be better in this case to empower the aggrieved roommate with some discussion points to initiate a discussion on respecting boundaries? For example

“Hey guys, did you see the new Time Magazine article on STD’s on college campuses?”

“Susie, I’m so glad that painful itch has subsided to the point that you can resume normal sexual activity.”

“I’m sorry guy, I don’t mean to laugh, but those sounds are just too funny.”

I would think any and all of the above would do a better job of reminding an inconsiderate roommate than any “ban” would, plus they have the added advantage of empowering the aggrieved roommate to take control, rather than have the nanny state do it for them.

jim d

September 30th, 2009
2:52 pm

Old school,

sorry if my comments offended your senses. This whole thing is absolutely rediculous.

point is that a student can stop this behavior from going on simply by grabbing up a camera and making a promise to post all over campus. It should not require a policy!

David

September 30th, 2009
3:21 pm

We just hung a tie on the door knob. Worked fine when I was in the dorms in 2005 and 2006. I graduated in May, for what it’s worth.

David S

September 30th, 2009
4:25 pm

As always, a law enacted by the parent wannabees.

What ever happened to people learing to get along without running to their parents (government, power authorities) when things go wrong? We have no decent societal structure left because every group and every individual runs to the government or some other authority whenever they get in trouble. It is far easier to use the force of a gun to do what negotiation, compromise, and the like would likely also solve, but requiring a bit of effort.

Hey, if you can’t get your roommate just cant’ control his/her self, ask if you can watch, or ask if you can join in. That will at least make a point. And who knows???

Gary Hart

September 30th, 2009
5:05 pm

Back in the day, my roomie was the BMOC–football jock, you know the type. Well anyway, he would bring back to the room not only a cheerleader for him, but one for me also. He always got the cute one with the big boobs, but hey, I was kind of nerdy, and even his rejects were a big score for me. Everything was working out fine, until he brought my sister back to the room one night–she was a freshman and we were seniors. That was a very akward for a few minutes until he said hold on–made a call–and about ten minutes later his sister showed up. Like I say, a little kinky, but man was his sister…well, I don’t kiss and tell.

GH

Maureen Downey

September 30th, 2009
5:14 pm

Sen. Hart, Are you sure you didn’t mean to send this to Penthouse Forum?

Maureen Downey

September 30th, 2009
5:16 pm

Your beta club one didn’t pass the filter.

Gary Hart

September 30th, 2009
5:20 pm

Aw come on MD, you have to admit, it was kinda funny.

Maureen Downey

September 30th, 2009
5:29 pm

It’s a familiar screen name on sports blogs. (Great minds think alike?)
So, I think the humor has been mined out of it.

Gary Hart

September 30th, 2009
5:35 pm

By the way, whatever happened to Donna?

Maureen Downey

September 30th, 2009
5:39 pm

With no irony, I report that Donna Rice Hughes now leads an anti-porn organization, “Enough is Enough,” devoted to cleaning up the Internet and making it safer for children.

Gary Hart

September 30th, 2009
6:16 pm

No wonder she kept saying Sweet Jesus over and over.

Maureen Downey

September 30th, 2009
6:18 pm

Now, that’s funny.

Babawaba

September 30th, 2009
6:38 pm

“I have to say that I have had some experience with college roommates “entertaining” dates while I was in the room.”

Details, details!!!

Difficult to follow

October 1st, 2009
8:34 am

Maureen,

I understand your need to post topics that are relevant to the AJC articles, and that might mean several posts on one day. I just wonder if there is a better way of organizing the threads so that we can continue discussion on some topics. The list of “Recent Posts” on the right side seems to be limited to 10, so when you post 3 or 4 on one day, posts from a week ago has to be dug out from archives.

Can you make the list a bit longer – at least listing all topics from the previous week?

gojoe

October 1st, 2009
9:54 am

Enter your comments here
We don’t send our students to college to have sex.You can have it any old place and not pay a price.

phraughy

October 1st, 2009
10:48 am

If you’re blast off into space occurs within 10 minutes you should read the kamasutra. Your girl or boyfriend will be very happy.

Richard Dawson

October 1st, 2009
11:08 am

“I have to say that I have had some experience with college roommates “entertaining” dates while I was in the room.”

It is telling that your roommates apparently never had the experience of dealing with you “entertaining” dates, Maureen. Is there a picture of you anywhere on this site?

C’mon, JYYC.

Dr. Craig Spinks /Augusta

October 1st, 2009
2:56 pm

Who thought that Tom Wolfe’s Charlotte Simmons was a figment of his overly active imagination?

Magenta

October 1st, 2009
4:00 pm

Mostly, the reason for this new rule is the fact that people are increasingly lacking in common sense, which is directly related to common courtesy. Also, our exhibitionistic culture has erased the concepts of modesty and privacy.

Having said this, I like the rule. Keeping “three’s a crowd” out front could save a young lady from gang rape one day. I’m sure it happens quite often that the roommate who gets to watch becomes a spontaneous participant when too much alcohol is present.

Ole Guy

October 4th, 2009
2:21 am

My bunkie would burst into the apt, roaring drunk and raising heck, but at least he was a pretty considerate cuss…he would save a few extra pulls of Jim Beam for me. He even bought a “sound-drowning” headset for communal use whenever one or the other of us was in nocturnal pursuit of non-academic design. Whenever we decided to “straffe the beach” in “lead and wing” formation, we always kept an eye on eachother while in search of quarry. Being former pilots (still in our late 20s), we established a “race to be ace” contest…first to bag 5 quarry would carry the title. We never did agree on the outcome, so we just bellied up to the bar.

The purpose of this bio (of sorts) is to illustrate, what I feel, are some of the major issues of student life in the dorm/apt:

1) You’re both there for a common reason…respect it.
2) Help eachother out.
3) Work (and play) together.
4) When the actions of one interfere with those of the other, lighten up…we’re not all perfect, although we sometimes find ourselves pretending we are.

HAPPY LANDINGS!

paul

October 15th, 2009
8:37 am

This story is so interesting. I went to Tufts and lived in the dorms—I just wrote a piece about my experience as a Freshman and why I think this rule is awesome. Here’s the link:

http://thecorner33.blogspot.com/2009/10/tufts-university-how-to-not-get-lucky.html