Is Elton John too old to be a good school parent? (I may be, too)
The rejection of Elton John as an adoptive parent based largely on his age hit home with me.
I am one of those parents with two sets of kids. My husband and I had our oldest two kids relatively young and then we decided to try for No. 3. It took four years and wondrous infertility treatments to finally get No. 3 and, as a consequence of IVF, No. 4 as well.
Now, I am one of the oldest parents in the fifth grade.
With regards to school, I think I was probably a better parent for my two older ones. When my oldest started kindergarten, I became science parent, which meant I had a chunk of time every Friday to conduct science projects with the class. Somehow, I managed to pull it off, with the help of all the parents in my neighborhood who worked for the CDC. I chaired the silent auction and co-chaired the carnival. My husband went on overnights to the museum and the zoo. I helped the class put out a school newspaper.
Now, we do far less for the twins and their classes. Like most workplaces, ours has become more demanding. But it’s also because I knew more parents in my older kids’ classes so it was easier for me to yell over the fence, “Marty, can you lead a science experiment on Friday?” “Hey Kathy, will you get some donations for the auction?”
I have also found that the parents in my twins’ classes are a different breed. Most are 10 years younger than me. More of them work at home as a result of technology. They have greater flexibility to meet at 9 in the morning for coffee to talk over school events and they also have more stamina to meet at 9 at night over wine to talk over school events.
Does the age of the parents affect their involvement and their energy to help their kids with school?
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22 comments Add your comment
jim d
September 15th, 2009
11:07 am
I’ve been TOLD he’s too old.
jim d
September 15th, 2009
11:07 am
I’ve been TOLD he’s too old.
Maureen Downey
September 15th, 2009
11:22 am
Jim d, That’s the trouble with switching from one headline – “Elton John: Told he’s too old to adopt” – to another too quickly.
MAM will be happy to know to know that Fran Jeffries on our desk also caught the error. Now, we need to working on dying, which Mam says we got wrong twice in the last week in news stories. I have told the public editor about it
philosopher
September 15th, 2009
11:46 am
Yes- and the gentleman, sadly, was found lying in the foliage, not laying…
jim d
September 15th, 2009
11:50 am
Maureen Downey
September 15th, 2009
12:11 pm
Philosopher, The news article has been changed. It is now “lying.”
Thanks, Maureen
philosopher
September 15th, 2009
12:26 pm
My husband and I were blessed with an “oops” baby when I was 44. I feel a little differently about being an older parent. I find that I now understand more of the school machinations and have less tolerance for the unnecessary ones. I now know to throw fund-raiser packets out as soon as they arrive, and take the time to explain how it all works to my child and make her understand what the junky prizes are…just that.( I contribute in other ways-and I’d just give them money, really!) I now feel much freer and stronger when conferencing with a teacher. I am no longer afraid to stand up for my child-only when necessary…another thing I’ve learned. I now feel much more confidence in raising a child to understand that just because Suzy has it or does it, it isn’t necessarily right. Peer pressure affects me very little. I now KNOW she’ll survive it and do well…my others proved it. The lack of energy I feel, is mental…mostly always toward useless exercises such as proms in Middle School and $50.00 yearbooks, etc. How will I feel when she’s in High School and I am even older..I can’t say…but for her sake…just like all mothers…I’ll fake it!
Maureen Downey
September 15th, 2009
12:31 pm
Proms in middle schools? That is a new one on me.
And please, don’t get me started on high school yearbooks. I hate the idea that you have to buy a $300 ad now to assure your kid is in more than one photo. I promised my high schooler that I would not rant about his senior yearbook since he knew many kids who worked on it, but he’s now 700 miles away at college so I make break my pledge.
Ernest
September 15th, 2009
1:14 pm
We were in our mid 30’s when we were ‘blessed’ with twins. I definitely don’t have as much ‘pep in my step’ as we did with our older children. With the older children I was called ‘Coach’ on most of their teams whereas now I’m simply happy being a ’soccer dad’.
In fairness, we probably make additional effort to be involved in the younger children’s school activities. We obviously take a ‘been there, don’t that, still have wrapping paper from before’ attitude with fundraisers. Like philosopher, we’d rather just give a donation. We do wonder how they will react to fundraisers when they have children given they have not seen their parents actively participate in them.
Maureen, for my ‘middle school seniors’, we will help them with a video yearbook. This can be done by simply using MS Movie Maker and is much cheaper than the paper yearbook.
philosopher
September 15th, 2009
2:26 pm
Yes- proms in Middle School, complete with limos, updo’s, gowns, the whole shebang…only to have the dance in the old gym…and the guys wearing khaki’s and tennis shoes. I object, protest and find something else (fun, more exciting), for the kids to do that night.
Maureen's accountability metric
September 15th, 2009
2:34 pm
I’m not sure how important actual participation really is.
Not sure where the original quote comes from, but it goes along the lines of what teachers truly need to maximize their teaching is not so much “involvement” from parents, but instead an “expectation” that parents have of their children to follow the golden rule when it comes to behavior and to apply oneself to learning.
I have no doubt that there are parents who show up only on conference day who do a much better job, because they’ve instilled expectations at home, than parents who constantly refer to themselves as “concerned parents” yet in reality enable their children to escape consequences that could be real life lessons with their constant “concern” for their children, that is more ego based on their need to be the parent of a “star student” that what’s actually best for the child.
Gandalf, the Wise
September 15th, 2009
3:46 pm
This has nothing to do with his age, Elton is really a troll, and Trolls, well the eat human babies. It’s for the babies protecion!
Gandalf, the Wise
September 15th, 2009
3:46 pm
This has nothing to do with his age, Elton is really a troll, and Trolls, well they eat human babies. It’s for the babies protecion!
Me
September 15th, 2009
4:01 pm
I do not think Elton is too old too adopt. I really don’t think that is the issue that the Ukraine has with Sir Elton. The child he wanted has HIV and he could provide exceptional care for this child and not only improve his life, but probably extend it. But no, the child will stay in an orphanage.
Now on to the question at hand. I had a child in my mid-30s and yes, there are days that I feel fatiqued, however I think we are at an advantage because we are settled in our life plus my life/business experience allows me to be a better advocate for my child. As an older parent, I think I more likely to stand up for my child instead of just accepting the word of the teacher or school.
byte me
September 15th, 2009
8:21 pm
im glad my parents didnt have me when they were “old” i see so many people in their late 20s and early 30s already having to take care of their “old parents”…its not fair to the kids! trying to raise their own kids, and taking care of the old parents at such a young age…think of the future consequenses for the kids. i think its a selfish thing to do, and against nature..money and maturity arent everything
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DB
September 16th, 2009
1:02 am
Being a “good school parent” and being a “good parent” can often be two vastly different things! There’s a fine line, there, between keeping an ear to the ground as an advocate for your child’s education, and being such an “active” participant that your child starts to think you work there. It’s a shame that some kids never get an opportunity to develop a sense of independence, because their parents never let them go. You can always pick ‘em out of the crowd — during the Parent Night, when you reach for the volunteer form, you find the same person’s name entered to be the Room Mother, the Winter Party chairman, chaperone for two field trips, and “mystery reader” once a month for the entire year. (And then complain because the other parents “do nothing.”)
I’m afraid that I do think that Elton John is too old to adopt a baby. He is 62 years old, and, while he may be a vibrant, rockin’ son-of-a-gun when he’s 80 and his child is 18 — the odds are pretty much against it. Granted, it would be an extraordinarily lucky child, given Elton John’s fortune and access to medical care. But he doesn’t have to adopt the child if he really, truly wants to make arrangements to provide for its care. Those orphanages in the Ukraine and Romania will tear your heart out — my daughter came away from two mission trips to orphanages in both areas with tears in her eyes for the barrenness of these children’s existence.
There was almost 13 years difference between my brother and me growing up, due to a few miscarriages my mother suffered between us. My mother often commented that it was like raising two completely different families — when I left for college, he was just starting kindergarten. In a sense, he had the best of both worlds — he had parents who had “been there done that”, and I had broken them so that they were not terribly authoritarian with him. Plus, he was far enough removed that his school career was newly new — they had forgotten what kindergarten was like at that point!
philosopher
September 16th, 2009
9:46 am
Dear byte me-My children would greatly differ with you- as they are neither selfish nor self- centered and raised in a culture in which helping others out is part of the circle of life, I feel priviledged to care for my parents and in-laws,,,not burdened. And neither my late life “oops” child nor any of us in the family regret the joy and love we share …just because she’s here.
philosopher
September 16th, 2009
10:00 am
P.S. byte me… my husband and I just ran our 10th consequtive Peachtree Road Race, and I coach soccer-so careful with those preconceived notions and prejudices…my kids aren’t having to take care of me yet. And even young parents develop chronic illnesses.
philosopher
September 16th, 2009
10:04 am
P.S. byte me…my husband and I just ran our 10th consecutive Peachtree Road Race and I coach soccer…so careful with those preconceived notions and prejudices-my kids aren’t taking care of me just yet. And even young parents develop chronic illnesses….
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King Fernidad Friedrich of Prussia
September 16th, 2009
9:36 pm
I’ll take him (Lev)!
The House of Hohenzollern
King Fernidad Friedrich