How do you cope with elder rage?
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This week, we published Caregiving journey changed my life, Jacqueline Marcell’s poignant tale of the lessons she learned while providing care for her elderly parents. Her difficult, painful but ultimately rewarding experience as a caregiver caused her to write a book called Elder Rage. Marcell discusses first hand the difficulties in getting an accurate diagnosis of senior dementia or Alzheimer’s, the conflict that can arise when the roles change in the parent-child relationship and how to manage your own stress when providing care for loved ones.
Have you had to be a caregiver for an elderly relative who was diagnosed with dementia or Alzheimer’s? What was your experience like? Do you have advice for others in this situation?
37 comments Add your comment
DiAnna Alsip
January 9th, 2009
12:59 pm
Enter your comments here My mother died Easter Sunday after an 8 year journey through dementia. I urge everyone I come in contact with who has parents on that rough ride to read The 36 Hour Day. An excellent source of “why” behavior. I wish I had it from the beginning, it would have helped me understand and ultimately have dealt with her disease in a better manner.
Jane Johnston
January 9th, 2009
1:00 pm
My Mother has alzheimers or dementia. I don’t know for sure. She was diagnosed with Alzheimers, but she certainly isn’t following the signs that I read about. Mom is in a memory care facility. I wonder if I have done the right thing by her. I take her out almost every Sunday. I used to call her during the week, but she cries and I can’t stand it.
We include her in all holidays and family activities. I would not think of those things without including her. It is a sad, lonely time.
Kats
January 9th, 2009
1:29 pm
My d/h and I have been caring for MIL with Alz for over 7 years. We feel blessed to have God’s direction in caring for her. God could have called her home years ago, but he allowed MIL to live us so that he could take care of us (d/h & me). We learn everyday through our caregiving the definition of the words compassion, unconditional love, sacrificial love, faith, the true meaning of family and the list goes on. Our caregiving is a daily witness to our children, extended family and friends of the love that we have for our parents and the love that Our Heavenly Father has for each one of us as his children. Yes, some days are headbangers and some days are funny. Some days pass with little or no notice of alz. But I wouldn’t trade the lessons I have learned for anything. My d/h and I feel we are better parents, better employees, better friends and stronger believers, etc. because of learning to live with alzheimers in our family. We know in the future that we will sleep at night knowing we did the right thing in caring for our loved one. But everyone must decide whether caregiving is for them or not. It is a time-consuming job and very demanding. Group support is very helpful and necessary.
Denise Owen
January 9th, 2009
1:32 pm
My mother passed away on December 13th from complications due to breathing issues, but her main illness was Alzheimers. She was diagnosed with it 6 years ago and finally through sheer exhaustion from my father trying to care for her, we put her in a nursing home. It is an ugly, horrible disease. The frustration she felt when trying to remember people and what she had done in her life. And the pain in my fathers face as she struggled on a daily basis just to remember him. Her mother had the disease as well. Now, my brothers and I suspect that our father has it, because he is showing the same signs as our mother did. My fathers sister also has the disease. I have had an extremely difficult time coping with her loss. She was the strongest and most loving person I know. I miss her so much.
Kathy Sough
January 9th, 2009
1:33 pm
I am a long distance caregiver for my Mom who was diagnosed with Alzheimers last year. It is a very difficult and emotional roller coaster ride but rewarding in that it gives a whole new meaning to the word life and living and enjoying every present moment one has with their loved one. My sister is the local caregiver and we are working very well together as a team. I have read the 36 Hour Day and it is an excellent book explaing Alzheimers, dementia and numerous other information that one should know in dealing and caring for your loved one. Thanks to the AJC for putting this in their newspaper.
Kenn
January 9th, 2009
1:35 pm
Enter your comments here Although this blog is about elderly people it is projected that the baby boomer generation will overload the health care industry with Alzheimer’s/dementia. My wife was diagnosed at age 52 with Alzheimer’s. She is now 58 and in the severe range. I retired just months before her diagnosis so I am her full time caregiver. People need to realize that the caregiver’s life ends with the diagnosis also.
Margaret
January 9th, 2009
1:54 pm
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My mother died of Alz’s in 2006. I was happy to see her go home to be with the Lord because it was the most awful thing she had to endure. She was a very modest woman and all that was lost to the disease. My sisters were not much help to me in caring for her and I eventually had to place my mother in a nursing home and that was the end of her. The care there was not good and they put my mother on several mental health drugs ,to what I feel only added to the already heavy burden. Alz is a mean, vicious disease. I don’t wish it on my worst enemy.
deecald
January 9th, 2009
1:57 pm
My mother is now 80 and was diagnosed with Alzheimers approximately 7years ago and she lives with my sister but we all help but this is an ugly disease. We have already lost our father many yrs ago, to a separate illness, and my mother is all we have and for her to now be in the mental state of not really knowing who we are, her whereabouts, and able to comprehend from day-to-day, just tears me apart. She was always our strong point when we had a problem or needed that shoulder to cry on. I love her and to know theres no cure for this is hurting me terribly, although I know when God takes her home, she will be in a better place, by his side. I just will miss her so. She has also lost two other sisters to this disease so now the doctors have asked us, the daughters, to make sure to keep ourselves checked because there is a strong possibility of us inheriting this disease. This is not something I am looking forward to putting my children through. God Bless everyone and your family that has to endure this pain…We will make it!!
Pamela
January 9th, 2009
2:26 pm
My mother in law passed away this past November after battling with Alzheimers for nearly 9 years. My father in law is battling with the disease now. It is so painful to watch loved ones suffer with this disease and just as painful on the caregivers. We are truly at God’s mercy with this disease. Let friends and family members know that you love them…today.
Tricia
January 9th, 2009
2:26 pm
Kathy, no offense, but if you are long-distance, you’re not a caregiver. You have to live with to earn that title. Visits vs. 24/7 care are very different matters. Believe me, I know. Good luck to you family.
Cindy
January 9th, 2009
2:32 pm
I helped my mother and father deal with his father with dimetia. It really takes its toll on family and friends.
We were living here, and my grandfather was living in Salt Lake City. My poor dad had to go out there at least once a month, for just over a year. Then my parents decided they needed to move out there, and care for not only my dad’s dad, but my Mom’s mom was getting older too.
It is so hard to see someone that you love, slip in to this other world. Dealing with someone you have loved all your life, who now doesn’t recognize you. It almost killed my dad.
Ann
January 9th, 2009
2:41 pm
Enter your comments here
my mother has dementia or Alz, not exactly sure which one, but she diagnosed in 2004 which around the same time my father was diagnosed with stage four cancer and passed away within four months. It was very diffult in the beginning trying to understand the disease and in the mist of coping with my mother and her illness and losing my father within a two year period of my father death I lost a brother to cancer as well, so it’s been very difficult just dealing with the losses and the disease, although it gets hard sometime, I treasure every moment I have with my mother. There are some days she seems to understand what you are saying and has a valid response and there other times she struggle, but she always seems to repond when asked how is she doing, with a smile-I’m doing pretty well or pretty good. (this helps my day) We all work togehter as a family with sibling/granchildren to keep our mom at home as long as we can.
Marilyn
January 9th, 2009
2:51 pm
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Kathy ,
Unfortunatley a long distance caregiver is really not a caregiver. You have no comprehension what your sister is going thru as a truly only caregiver.
Frank
January 9th, 2009
3:03 pm
Enter your comments here
interesting stories
susan
January 9th, 2009
3:12 pm
I care for my mom. She will soon be 80 and has been diagnosed about 7 years. It is heartbreaking and very depressing to watch. Sometimes I think shes lost her will to fight and ready to give up. I can’t say that I blame her
Ferias
January 9th, 2009
3:16 pm
My mother was diagnosed with Alzheimers at the age of 58. She was considered one of the youngest patient at Univ. of Texas Med. School. This was in 2001. Seeing a parent go from owning her own PT Clinic to being unable to read, talk, or recognize family memebers is very painful. She went through the anger stage but it was mostly against my father who is her primary caregiver. She is in the advance stages and is having seizures now. My father, sister and aunt are the caregivers. They have a schedule and do a great job. I go for a week at a time to give them a break but my father never wants to leave her for over a day. He feels its his responsibilty to take care of her since he took those vows. We still take her to family gathering and she tends to have a good time but she does get restless and is more comfortable at home. She enjoys watching children play and loves to listen to us talking when we were young. She loves to look at photo albums too. I am not a “care giver” but I support my mothers care givers. I will take my hat off to anyone who is a primary caregiver of someone with Alzheimers. I am not a fan of nursing homes I believe a person should stay in their familiar environment as long as possible. I have enjoyed reading all of your blogs on here…..
Ferias
January 9th, 2009
3:23 pm
This is to KENN: Kenn your life should not end. If at all possible please get a nurse aide to assist you. My mother stopped wanting my dad to bath her and help her with certain things. Have an aide come in and give you some assistance.Many only charge $10 an hour. They will even come and sit with your wife if you just want to have some time for yourself. My father says that the aide is the best investment because she will stay while he goes fishing. You do not want the disease to take you too.
marie
January 9th, 2009
3:49 pm
Formal caregivers in long-term care facilities should also be commended for their VERY difficult job of caring for someone with Alzheimer’s disease on a daily basis.
Libby
January 9th, 2009
3:53 pm
Enter your comments here
My father was diagnosed with alz. Here is this brillant man who was an executive for Ford Motor Company that had deteriorated to an individual with the mentality of a 4 year old. He didn’t die of the alz.At the time of his death,we were discussing moving him to a care facility. I have 5 brothers, a sister, myself and my mother. Taking care of him took a terrible toll on my mother. It took ALL of us, round the clock to care for him/clean him/feed him etc. That is when he would let us. You could see pain and frustration in his eyes when he couldn’t recall our names or how to end a sentence that he started. I pray for each and everyone…..what an incidious disease Alzheimers is.
Kaye
January 9th, 2009
4:27 pm
My father and mother could have cared less what happened to my Grandmother so I am trying to deal with her, 95 years old, and she has dementia. I never had kids because I was afraid I would be a parent like my mother and yet I find my life being taken over by dealing with my grandmother (who might i add was not there for me when I was younger). I resent it, hate it but don’t know what else to do other than make sure I end my life before I am in the state she is in.
Leslie
January 9th, 2009
4:28 pm
My Dad died of Alzheimer’s at age 68; 3 years after his diagnosis. Like many of the folks above, I saw the strong, idealistic, very smart man I knew and loved become a shell of the person he was, until the disease took his life. Many people don’t know how devastating this disease is and how many younger adults get Alzheimer’s–it’s not an “old person’s disease” anymore! I recommend Georgians call the Georgia Chapter of the Alzheimer’s Association. They provide many services, including educational programs, support groups, caregiver respite and a Helpline where you can talk to a real person 24 hours a day/7 days a week. Go to http://www.alz.org/georgia and seek out their help. My family did!
gail tison
January 9th, 2009
4:58 pm
My mother passed in April at age 90 from Alzheimer’s. She had it for 8 years. We started out with Assisted Living, then Personal Home Care and finally a nursing home. That was the hardest thing to do. But I felt I was honoring the person I loved by making sure they were taken care of. Over the last few years, she became more and more distant, no verbal contact at all and expressionless. I felt that I started losing her a long time ago. It was hard to see her that way because she was always a loving, fun, and exceptional woman. I miss her terribly, but I know she is no longer suffering. I recommend the book 36 hour day and also local support groups. That really helped me to understand the scope of this disease.
Matthew Jones
January 9th, 2009
5:01 pm
My grandfather is in final stage of Alzheimer’s right now at the Georgia War Veteran’s Home. For those of you who do not know and live in Georgia, the War Veteran’s home in Milledgeville, GA have a special Alzheimer’s unit. It is only open to those who are veterans, but it is worth your while to investigate it as an option if one of your loved ones has this horrible disease. It took my grandfather nearly a year to get in, and it was sort of on happenstance that it happened, so also look into other options. I just know that they have top-notch care there, and they treat your relatives and everyone else’s with the upmost respect that they should recieve.
Dena Thompson
January 9th, 2009
5:13 pm
I lost my dad to this very ugly disease on April 14th,2007. He was diagnoised at 57 and suffered with it for 11 years. My mom was his primary care giver.(She did not want to burden her children until the last 6 weeks of my dads life) He became very violent and she was scared he would hurt her or someone else or himself. I was a Long distance supporter but, I had 2 wonderful brothers whom helped out when they could. I would highly suggest that you get someone to come in at least 2 times a week to give the care giver a BREAK they lose their own idenity as they care for someone they love. My mothers health was highly affected due to her not taking care of herself. In the end she could not leave my dad by himself as he went through the wondering/ Sundowning stage to violent attacks. My parents would have been married 50 years this year..In the last 6 weeks of his life he went to 3 nursing homes, the hospital and a Senior Behavior center. As a family we thought that we were doing the best thing for him but, if we had it to do over we would have hired a nurse to do round the clock care and kept him at home to pass to a far better place than he was in. Once again I can’t stress enough to give Care givers a BREAK to some kind of normalcy in their life and to get them help whether they ask for it or not. My mom thought she was weak if she asked for help so she suffered in silence. If you are looking for support or have questions you can email me at dena.thompson@yahoo.com
Kenn
January 10th, 2009
9:55 pm
FERIAS. Thank you for the advice. I retired with plans for a second career. That’s not possible now so money is tight. I have a caregiver that charges $13 an hour but that’s over $100 for a day. I can only use her when I have to go somewhere. I can’t bring myself to spend the money so I can go to a movie.
I’m 56 and in good health but I can tell that the stress is weakening me. My biggest fear is that something happens to me and then my wife will have to go to assisted living.
Vern M.
January 14th, 2009
12:56 pm
I’ve heard different accounts of the Elder Rage phenomenon before and even witnessed a few incidents of it as a child (which really shook me up). I’m lucky that there hasn’t been a need for someone to deal with this problem in my own family, but I think that for anyone to successfully perform their caregiving responsibilities, they would need at least some sort of specialized training. Since there are appropriate and tested methods of dealing with dementia or Alzheimer’s, studying up on them before being put into that situation is the best possible preparation that can be done: http://www.medifecta.com/ourproducts.asp
After that, it’s simply a question of compassion and stamina.
Jennifer Hines, CNA, AD, Chairperson for CNA on the Move
January 15th, 2009
10:31 am
I feel for all the people that didn’t no how to cope and is coping to the best they can right now. Being a CNA that specialize in the Alzheimer’s Disease makes my heart go out for all of the caregivers. But I must say caregivers, lets take charge of our roles. Yes our parents need us and yes they are strange to us right now. But just take a moment and say I am the decision person in the family. Our parents had to be harsh sometimes but they still Love us. Sometimes they said no and we still lived. There is way to have the upmost respect and dignity for our older adults and still give direction. Asking for help to deal with, getting outside help, learning 101 ways to deal with the disease is a positive way to go. I have not had the pleasure to read the book of coping with rage but as a Direct Care Worker the Alzheimer Patients are my most happy people to care for. They are Grown Folks without a care in the world. Their World. But we must go into their world and enjoy them for who they are now. Sometimes i ealk in Ms. Blurs room and she calls me her brother. Well today I am her brother. Why confuse her more telling her I not when her disease is telling her I am. Well all she really wanted to talk about is the way they went fishing one day. I went along with the story and by the end she said Jennifer you are so fun to talk with. I just gave her a moment to reminse about her pass. We must learn more of the disease and how to cope but a lot of it is just excepting that we are now the leaders of our family.
Jennfer Hines point of view as a Certified Nursing Assitant that Cares for family and their older adults.
Cherrie
February 8th, 2009
7:53 pm
I’ve cared for my elderly parents since I had to retire becaues of major health issues. My father died in 2004 at the age of 92 with a clear sharp mind. My mother is now 87 and is showing major signs of dementia, she’s on medication that isn’t helping, she has major rages that I can’t deal with. I’m very petite but she tries to hit me, curses me (she never used those words in her life), and I can do no right in anything according to her. I’m not married, my sister just passed away January 16 and we don’t have the money for a nursing home, nurse, assistant or anyone to help out. It’s just me and I’m trying to do my best and praying for God to give me greater patience. I feel like a total failure. I’ve spoken with her doctor, (who Mother hates) and there aren’t any other choices as far as medications . We live in a very rural area and there aren’t any specialist close by and because of my health problems I can’t drive long distances. I feel very alone and cry often, mainly at night because I can’t give my mother what she needs.
Debbie
February 17th, 2009
2:53 am
My dad has alz and my stepmom was soul caregiver and also didn’t want to bother her six stepchildren. My brother and I were from my dad’s first marriage, the other four were from his second marraige. None belong to her. The last month I found out she had mentioned nursing home to the four children that lived within blocks from them. We all not knowing how serious trouble she was in, although I knew my dad was verbally mean to her, I didn’t know he was physically until today. I got a phonecall this evening telling me that my dad tried to hurt her. I called my brother up there and he had taken her to his home last night and then to hospital. I called him because I wanted to ask her to come and stay with my husband and me and to thank her for taking care of my dad for 32 years and 17 of those he was ill. well my brother said they were coming to get her in a few minutes to take her to a mental institution. Don’t you be to late too. Please forgive me mom, your youngest daughter, that’s what I always called myself but I’m really the oldest.
Annie
April 18th, 2009
7:05 pm
My heart is broken to see my beautiful, spunky Mother so vulnerable. This has happened so suddenly within 3 months. She has gone from being independent, having a normal conversation, walking – albeit it slowly to being immobile, confused, incontinent. I think it’s vascular dementia but the Doctors don’t seem to know or care, saying they can only tell postmortem. They told me for a while it was just a UTI. For a long time, I wondered was it depression and the nursing home environment to which she was discharged after hospital. As he continued to decline rapidly and become more helpless, it became more and more difficult to contemplate having her home but it was never meant to be permanent. Thank God, she knows me, smiles and kisses me. She constantly tells me she loves me. She is in a nursing home but I spend several hours a day there. it is a nice place but there is no stimulation and every time I go, she needs changing. I go to make sure she is hydrated, clean and stimulated. But I know that it is putting a strain on my health, well being, work and marriage but I cannot cope otherwise. I keep hoping for a miracle that one day I will walk in there and she will say, “what am I doing here – let’s go home”. I’ve brought pictures of her during the various stages of her life in to show to staff – I want to reinforce that she was – is – a special person with a personality, spirit and soul. When I see her clutching her teddy bear for comfort, my heart breaks. When I hear the staff talking baby talk to her, even though they mean well, it angers me. When I see the other residents ignoring her as she cannot participate in a conversation, it makes me want to cry. I miss her. I miss our chats. I miss her company. I miss going shopping with her. I just miss her. I look at her and see glimpses of the person she was. I wonder what is going on in her head. I brought her out to her usual hairdresser last week. I try to bring her out for drives but that’s become difficult since she became immboile and incontinent. If only she could stand, it would make such a difference. Thank God, I can still hug her and tell her I love her. She is still so loving and asks am I hungry when I visit. It just breaks my heart. My beautful mother still so loving and caring, worrying about me. God bless her. I hate the nursing home – but know that the day I stop going there, is the day my mother dies. One one hand, I don’t want her to suffer and think in many ways she’d be better gone but I cannot visualise life without her. I should be grateful to God for sparing her to me for 84 years but I’m angry that she should be given this scourge. I lost my father young and my only baby when I was pregant. Life sucks sometimes – I feel so sad inside. Don’t mind me – just having a bad day. God bless you all.
Courtney
June 6th, 2009
6:56 am
New Memoir Details Affects of Alzheimer’s on Family
Daughter Recounts Time Spent Caring for Parents with Alzheimer’s in Heartfelt New Book
In her new collection of memoirs, 36 Days Apart: A memoir of a daughter, her parents and the Beast named – Alzheimer’s: A story of Life, Love and Death (published by AuthorHouse), Deborah Ann Tornillo chronicles the time spent taking care of her mother and father, both of whom were diagnosed with Alzheimer’s in February 2006.
“I didn’t know when I would tell this story, I just knew I would,” Tornillo writes. “Both my mother and father had Alzheimer’s; my Mom was further along in the disease process than my Dad. It was an incredible journey spending the last year and a half of their life with them, slowly watching the disease take its toll.”
36 Days Apart recounts this painful, enlightening journey, and Tornillo writes candidly about the struggles and fears she faced as her parents’ caregiver. When the diagnosis came in 2006, Tornillo bravely faced the reality that she would need to take care of them full-time. At first, this entailed monthly flights back and forth to her home state, but it quickly became apparent that the Alzheimer’s was progressing in both parents much more quickly than first anticipated.
As their disease progressed, Tornillo was faced with the difficult task of learning how to be a parent to her own parents. Through the year and a half of caring for them she extensively researched Alzheimer’s in order to provide the best care possible, all the while knowing that the disease would eventually win in the end. She found herself saying goodbye to her father first, but little did she know that her mother would pass away just 36 days later.
36 Days Apart gives an honest, unflinching look at the realities of caring for and losing loved ones to Alzheimer’s. Tornillo gives the reader an inside look into the day-to-day life she faced during her heartbreaking, difficult time. “The two most important things I learned from my parents as we traveled this road together was how to stay strong in faith and never lose compassion for others or myself,” she writes. “I was blessed to have learned from them their wisdom of life and death. I have faith that as you read my parent’s story you will gain the strength and wisdom needed to guide you.”
Shannon
August 2nd, 2009
2:56 pm
I went to live with my grandmother over a year ago to help out,and she was fine..then. I did notice some memory loss,but I did not think at that time that it was alzheimer’s or dementia. Then she started being more paranoid and anxious. I even witnessed her trying to attack people for no reason. She even hit me one day. I was only trying to stop her from hitting my dog,(the dog was doing nothing). Sometimes I just think that her true colors are coming out,other times I just think that it is the disease. I wish she was the grandmother I once knew.
Shannon
August 2nd, 2009
3:08 pm
I went to go live with my grandmother over a year ago,she was fine..then. I did notice some memory loss,but I did not think that it was Alzheimer’s or dementia. She then slowly started becoming more paranoid and anxious. She became combative and cursing at people for no reason. She was not like that before. She even hit me. My family tried to get her help so she would not have to leave her house. We had a home health agency come out and she ran them off saying she was fine and was not sick in any way. She always told us not to put her in a nursing home,but that might be her only option or an assisted living center. I just wish she was the grandmother I once knew.
evan
August 3rd, 2009
2:17 pm
my grandfather has dementia. he’s 90 years old. about a month ago he fell while going to the bathroom during the night, and a couple other falls during the day due to dehydration. he was in the hospital for a couple weeks and then sent to a convelescence home for another couple of weeks. and he’s home and is required to use a walker.
this is where it gets difficult. my grandfather is the most stubborn man i have ever met in my entire life. that is apart of his personality and it makes it more difficulty when it ties into his dementia. we feed him all throughout the day. 5 minutes after he is fed, he asks someone “i need to eat, i haven’t eaten all day.” when told he was fed, he immediately yells out “i never ate a damn thing all day!” followed by accusing everyone of being a liar and name calling. this has been going on for a several years and getting worse. his memory is becoming and issue. he’s lived in his house for over 60 years, and he doesn’t believe it is even his house. he thinks he’s living in someone elses household and continueously asks when he can go home? where he sleeps? where i sleep? where his wife is (she passes away 5 years ago)? where his brothers are (they’ve all passed away over the years)? where his mother and father are (they passed away 30 years ago)?
now his leg is not fully healed, and he looks at his walker and thinks its a piece of furniture and is constantly thinking he has to put it somewhere, so he leaves it in his bedroom, or the kitchen, or the living room, and he’s walking around the house without his walker.
his attitude towards his family is also a difficult matter. he is constantly forgetting stuff, and automatically if he can’t recall something during the day, its not because he can’t remember it, its because someone is lying to him. not only that, but he gets angry and yells out mean things to his family, calling us all worthless and that he doesn’t need any of us is his life, when he clearly cannot survive without us for no more than a week. he is my grandfather and i love him, but it becomes a burden because i work during the week and am still in school, my other brother still living at home doesn’t spend much time at home, and my father can’t leave the house for a second, even to start working again, so money is tight as well. we’re not only worried that he might fall again, but we’re worried for his life. he does not even know how old he is. he told me he thinks he’s in his 40’s. some of his falls were because he climbed on a chair to clean the top fo the refirgerator and he lost his balance and fell off the chair. his balance is what worries us all because he tends to wobble when he walks, and he’s leaving his walker everywhere, and he’s getting angry with everyone because we tell he forgets things, but is completely unaware of any of all this
Elder rage: how to cope and manage elderly relatives with dementia … | Elderly Quicken
October 6th, 2009
9:38 am
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Suzanne
October 21st, 2009
11:32 pm
My mother was placed in a nursing home about three months ago from a hospital stay percipitate by continued falling and memory loss. She is diagnosed with dementia. At first she was fairly calm, but now she has full rage all directed at me. She thinks she can care for herself and that I have placed her there because I don’t want to take care of her. First of all, I have a job and secondly, I did take care of her for six years in a little house I bought and placed in my yard so she would be near by. I am trying to let it go as my husband tells me to and realize where it is coming from, but it is very hard. I believe I will stay away for a while to see if the rage will lessen. I don’t know what else to do. She threatens violence to me when I go and even threatened to kill me. It is very draining.
mike
November 8th, 2009
1:04 pm
My 75 year old dad, who is pretty much physically active, has become (sporadic) verbal abusive towards my mother and accuses her of having affairs with other men. They have been married 55 years. This is clearly not his normal personality nor is there any signs of truth to the stories. The verbal abuse is obviously a controlling means and has me perplexed. Any suggestions or help, I don’t know which way to turn.