My mom was still working at a department store and living at the same home where she had lived for around 60 years. She felt dizzy one afternoon at work. The next day she went two doctors… one a cardiologist who set up an exam at the hospital for the next morning. I wanted her to go strait down to Emory or to at least let me stay with her. My daughter lives next door so I thought she could at least call if she had an emergency so I agreed… after all she was a working adult with all of her wits.

When I arrived the next morning to take her for the exam I found her passed out on the floor. She had a stroke sometime between around 10 p.m. when I left her home and just before 7 a.m. when I made it back.
She is now confined to a wheel chair and can’t use her right side to write, talk, or walk. After keeping her in HER home for about 18 months and taking her to adult day care, my own health began to suffer.
Because mom was working until her stroke and was STILL saving at the time, she has had very little government assistance. She is now in a nursing home (paying all costs herself). The only reason
that I mention this is to beg those who in their golden years to do something NOW to make sure you can reach help in the event of an emergency. It doesn’t matter how close help may be if you have no way to reach them. A telephone may not get it. Your choice could be senior housing. It could be living at your home with someone else or with some type of call alert that you can wear even in the shower. If you value your independence protect it for as long as you can. Mom loves people and while I visit every day and she is with a caring staff I’m sure (especially with her inability to speak) that she doesn’t socialize to the extent that she would like. A nursing home can cost $6,000 or more per month NOT to mention prescription medication, etc. It’s cheaper to find emergency communications now… and to not take any chances if you feel signs of a stroke or heart attack. That extra night in a hospital is a lot cheaper than the costs you could incur if you don’t.

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Kimi, I certainly understand where you are coming from.. I had somewhat of a similar situation.. MY mother took in her sister who has MS. It was beyond overwhelming. I had to leave my household (husband and 2 kids, plus pregnant with 3rd) to go to my mother’s house to help her care for my Aunt. It got so bad that we could not lift her anymore and ended up having to put her in a home and turning over her asset to Medicare. The home is better equiped to care for her since they have round the clock aides and lifting equipment. My advice: Sit your husband down and lay all the cards on the table. Do some research on Assistant living homes here in Atlanta. (there is usually a waiting list). Tell him you genuinely care about his mother and want the best possible care for her. Suggest to him that he has a family meeting with his other sibblings so that they can talk about ways to share the burden. (Hopefully they are in the same city or close proximity). Maybe she can spend three months with you, 3 months with another sibling and so forth. (The key is that you approach your husband with solutions so that you are not labelled as the nagging wife). Communicate to him that this is affecting your marriage which you value. This conversation needs to take place away from your mother-in-law. If he is not receptive you may have to seek the conselling with a third party . Last but not least..PRAY and ask GOD to show you the way and for Him to resolve the situation.
Kimi I wish you the best.. Peta

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You have my FULL SYMPATHY!!! My mother, bless her heart, is in “memory care” in assisted living now — I tried to take care of her myself when my dad suddenly passed away. I lost 45 pounds in 4 months — it was a living hell to say the very least. I don’t know how my dad stood it; I wish he had asked for some respite cuz he certainly deserved it. Please don’t let you MIL take your life away, it can easily happen! Your hubby must take you seriously, and soon!

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The only way I’d put my mother or father in a nursing home is if it became completely impossible for me to care for them — and even then, the nursing home would have to be close enough for me to go see them every day. As a child (and even into young adulthood), my parents made many, many sacrifices for me. Anything I can do soften their golden years or ease their fears and worries as they enter the twilight of thier final days/weeks/months/years — I’m willing to do. Period.

I don’t mean to be judgemental, but some of the posters on this blog sound so heartless. You’ll hope YOUR children don’t treat you like old garbage when you get old or infirm. One thing is certain: if you live long enough, you’re gonna get old (and sometimes ill).

Kimi, while I do feel badly for what you are experiencing in your situation, I would hope you can have some compassion. Put yourself in your MIL’s place, what would you want? Seek assistance through the United Way or Senior Connections — they can guide you in making the right decision for your family and for your MIL. If she is an “active” senior (not requiring r-t-c nursing care), she could live in a seniors community. Most charge rent based on the resident’s income. It would give dear MIL her own space, new friends, and activities — and also give your family the space you require. Good luck.

God bless us all.

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My 93 year old mother lives alone and refuses to move into a smaller place where she could live so much more comfortably. She really needs someone to come by and check on her and do some house work, but isn’t willing to let someone come into her home. What should the family do? Should we abide by her wishes or shoulf we force the issue ? Her house is all cluttered, she has roaches, and her stove and hot water heater are messed up. Her bathroom is not suitable for her as she has trouble getting around without a walker. Please help!

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Bill ,While I certainly understand your grandmother wanting her independence.. It is time for you and the family to step in and take charge.. At her age she may not be operating in the right frame of mind which is limiting her rational and decision making.. Hypothetically speaking, if something was to happen to her (Lord forbid a slip in the bathroom) how would you and the family feel knowing that you could prevent such a thing. I am not sure of your Budget, however here are some suggestions:
- Hire a Private Nurses Aide that can serve as a live in help for a few days per week. This aide could serve as a companion, and do light housecleaning. (be sure to get references)
- Someone needs to move in with her immediately or
- She could move in with different family members on a rotating basis.
You guys decide.. However it should be a decison all the members of the family make and take forth to her. Do it before anything unfortunate happens..

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Nursing Homes are business,not a caring place.i agree with this statment A Nursing assistants enter the world of nursing not only because she/he can’t afford nursing school but because no matter what caring for people is what we love to do. The Nursing homes pay nursing assistants 10-15% of the income of a resident but we have to provide 85% of the care.i think they should step up to plate and do the job right(Nursing Homes).

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For those who are providing care for loved ones with Alzheimer’s there is a great little book out, A Cup of Comfort for Families touched by Alzheimer’s. It’s filled with personal stories of other caregivers who are struggling to cope with this disease.

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Medical insurances are made to take the responsibilities of all the health problems. So in this scenario these companies should show all their services that have effective functionalities.

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[...] week, we published Caregiving journey changed my life, Jacqueline Marcell’s poignant tale of the lessons she learned while providing care for her [...]

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My Mother has alzheimers or dementia. I don’t know for sure. She was diagnosed with Alzheimers, but she certainly isn’t following the signs that I read about. Mom is in a memory care facility. I wonder if I have done the right thing by her. I take her out almost every Sunday. I used to call her during the week, but she cries and I can’t stand it.
We include her in all holidays and family activities. I would not think of those things without including her. It is a sad, lonely time.

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My mother passed away on December 13th from complications due to breathing issues, but her main illness was Alzheimers. She was diagnosed with it 6 years ago and finally through sheer exhaustion from my father trying to care for her, we put her in a nursing home. It is an ugly, horrible disease. The frustration she felt when trying to remember people and what she had done in her life. And the pain in my fathers face as she struggled on a daily basis just to remember him. Her mother had the disease as well. Now, my brothers and I suspect that our father has it, because he is showing the same signs as our mother did. My fathers sister also has the disease. I have had an extremely difficult time coping with her loss. She was the strongest and most loving person I know. I miss her so much.

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Enter your comments here Although this blog is about elderly people it is projected that the baby boomer generation will overload the health care industry with Alzheimer’s/dementia. My wife was diagnosed at age 52 with Alzheimer’s. She is now 58 and in the severe range. I retired just months before her diagnosis so I am her full time caregiver. People need to realize that the caregiver’s life ends with the diagnosis also.

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My mother is now 80 and was diagnosed with Alzheimers approximately 7years ago and she lives with my sister but we all help but this is an ugly disease. We have already lost our father many yrs ago, to a separate illness, and my mother is all we have and for her to now be in the mental state of not really knowing who we are, her whereabouts, and able to comprehend from day-to-day, just tears me apart. She was always our strong point when we had a problem or needed that shoulder to cry on. I love her and to know theres no cure for this is hurting me terribly, although I know when God takes her home, she will be in a better place, by his side. I just will miss her so. She has also lost two other sisters to this disease so now the doctors have asked us, the daughters, to make sure to keep ourselves checked because there is a strong possibility of us inheriting this disease. This is not something I am looking forward to putting my children through. God Bless everyone and your family that has to endure this pain…We will make it!!

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My mother in law passed away this past November after battling with Alzheimers for nearly 9 years. My father in law is battling with the disease now. It is so painful to watch loved ones suffer with this disease and just as painful on the caregivers. We are truly at God’s mercy with this disease. Let friends and family members know that you love them…today.

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I helped my mother and father deal with his father with dimetia. It really takes its toll on family and friends.

We were living here, and my grandfather was living in Salt Lake City. My poor dad had to go out there at least once a month, for just over a year. Then my parents decided they needed to move out there, and care for not only my dad’s dad, but my Mom’s mom was getting older too.

It is so hard to see someone that you love, slip in to this other world. Dealing with someone you have loved all your life, who now doesn’t recognize you. It almost killed my dad.

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Kathy ,
Unfortunatley a long distance caregiver is really not a caregiver. You have no comprehension what your sister is going thru as a truly only caregiver.

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I care for my mom. She will soon be 80 and has been diagnosed about 7 years. It is heartbreaking and very depressing to watch. Sometimes I think shes lost her will to fight and ready to give up. I can’t say that I blame her

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This is to KENN: Kenn your life should not end. If at all possible please get a nurse aide to assist you. My mother stopped wanting my dad to bath her and help her with certain things. Have an aide come in and give you some assistance.Many only charge $10 an hour. They will even come and sit with your wife if you just want to have some time for yourself. My father says that the aide is the best investment because she will stay while he goes fishing. You do not want the disease to take you too.

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My father was diagnosed with alz. Here is this brillant man who was an executive for Ford Motor Company that had deteriorated to an individual with the mentality of a 4 year old. He didn’t die of the alz.At the time of his death,we were discussing moving him to a care facility. I have 5 brothers, a sister, myself and my mother. Taking care of him took a terrible toll on my mother. It took ALL of us, round the clock to care for him/clean him/feed him etc. That is when he would let us. You could see pain and frustration in his eyes when he couldn’t recall our names or how to end a sentence that he started. I pray for each and everyone…..what an incidious disease Alzheimers is.

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My Dad died of Alzheimer’s at age 68; 3 years after his diagnosis. Like many of the folks above, I saw the strong, idealistic, very smart man I knew and loved become a shell of the person he was, until the disease took his life. Many people don’t know how devastating this disease is and how many younger adults get Alzheimer’s–it’s not an “old person’s disease” anymore! I recommend Georgians call the Georgia Chapter of the Alzheimer’s Association. They provide many services, including educational programs, support groups, caregiver respite and a Helpline where you can talk to a real person 24 hours a day/7 days a week. Go to http://www.alz.org/georgia and seek out their help. My family did!

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My grandfather is in final stage of Alzheimer’s right now at the Georgia War Veteran’s Home. For those of you who do not know and live in Georgia, the War Veteran’s home in Milledgeville, GA have a special Alzheimer’s unit. It is only open to those who are veterans, but it is worth your while to investigate it as an option if one of your loved ones has this horrible disease. It took my grandfather nearly a year to get in, and it was sort of on happenstance that it happened, so also look into other options. I just know that they have top-notch care there, and they treat your relatives and everyone else’s with the upmost respect that they should recieve.

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FERIAS. Thank you for the advice. I retired with plans for a second career. That’s not possible now so money is tight. I have a caregiver that charges $13 an hour but that’s over $100 for a day. I can only use her when I have to go somewhere. I can’t bring myself to spend the money so I can go to a movie.
I’m 56 and in good health but I can tell that the stress is weakening me. My biggest fear is that something happens to me and then my wife will have to go to assisted living.

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I’ve heard different accounts of the Elder Rage phenomenon before and even witnessed a few incidents of it as a child (which really shook me up). I’m lucky that there hasn’t been a need for someone to deal with this problem in my own family, but I think that for anyone to successfully perform their caregiving responsibilities, they would need at least some sort of specialized training. Since there are appropriate and tested methods of dealing with dementia or Alzheimer’s, studying up on them before being put into that situation is the best possible preparation that can be done: http://www.medifecta.com/ourproducts.asp

After that, it’s simply a question of compassion and stamina.

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I absolutely agree! My aged aunt has been in-patient for two years and all of a sudden they are trying to put her psychotic drugs. There is no medical reason for this sudden interest so I can only assume they want her in a stupor so they can provide less care / man hours per day on her care.

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I have been a cna for 23yrs and I love what do and I love nursing homes more than anything but moved to ga from IL,and it has been really bad can’t understand why they don’t pay anything here . so because of that I had to go to a hospital to get a job because the pay alittle bite more .I just think its really sad that you can’t do the job you really because of pay .

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we are certainly the most delicious generation! oh so tastey. a delicious sandwich.

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I am a national speaker, HR consultant, and author of “Stuck in the Middle…shared stories and tips for caregiving your elderly parents”. As I am speaking across the country, I find that adult children caregivers want 2 things—true life stories of other families and essential information. We need to be prepared for our parents aging and not work out of crisis. Let’s have those difficult conversations NOW!

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I am a grandmother, raising a grandchild for the past 11 years and as of 6 months ago caring for my elderly mother…what kind of sandwich does that make me?

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Perfectly said, David. That is the role of parenting to teach these skills. I am starting to take care of my elderly Mom as well as contribute to raising my niece and nephew. My Mom taught me well, but sorta planned for her own retirement. She has a pension, but does not drive and is still in good health. She loves my taxi. I am the one on call if she needs something. I am trying to teach my niece and nephew to be good people, have character/integrity, get good grades, achieve a good education and pick a field where they are recession proof and can make a good living and be good parents themselves. At 11 and 13, so far, so good as they are great kids making good grades. Mom always taught me, as a women, have your own game so you can take care of yourself and not depend on a man. I have great man, though, on my team! Also, save for the future as we all slow down and money and health are always needed as we get older.

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I have been a CNA for 19yrs I have seen first hand on how others treat the patients. And to me there is no reason for anyone to be treated that way. I often wounder what was the whole reason why they became CNA’s LPN’s, and RN’s. Wasnt it to help those who can not help themselves. That is why I became a CNA and am pushing myself to become a RN. And it not about the money, ya it’s nice but money don’t save lives people who care like me do. And if that is the reason why people become CNA’s,LPN’s or RN’s then there in it from the start for all the wrong reasons. I love what I do and I love talking to every patient even if they can’t, they love it when I start talking to them and like there a child like an adult that is all they want to have someone who cares enough about them to just sit there long enouph to hear what they have to say and conversate with them. And you made a friend and thy know you care.

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I am a care-giver for a 98 year old woman. I recieve 200 dollars a week and work 6 days a week. She can not get out of bed and I work alone with bathing and changing I prepare her meals and have conversations with her. I take public transportation and have to pay for my medications. I think that I should be payed more and have help with bathing and rotating her. The family doesn’t want to pay anymore money.

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My dad has alz and my stepmom was soul caregiver and also didn’t want to bother her six stepchildren. My brother and I were from my dad’s first marriage, the other four were from his second marraige. None belong to her. The last month I found out she had mentioned nursing home to the four children that lived within blocks from them. We all not knowing how serious trouble she was in, although I knew my dad was verbally mean to her, I didn’t know he was physically until today. I got a phonecall this evening telling me that my dad tried to hurt her. I called my brother up there and he had taken her to his home last night and then to hospital. I called him because I wanted to ask her to come and stay with my husband and me and to thank her for taking care of my dad for 32 years and 17 of those he was ill. well my brother said they were coming to get her in a few minutes to take her to a mental institution. Don’t you be to late too. Please forgive me mom, your youngest daughter, that’s what I always called myself but I’m really the oldest.

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I have looked over a number the postings and I understand your questions about elderly care. I understand them because I’m private elderly caregiver and I hear these questions all the time with working for different families. I have done this type of work for a number of years now and I believe that you pay for what you get; but you should not be taken advantage of because you have no knowledge about the field of work. The caregiver should assess each job and the family as well as the person providing care should sit down and discuss the clients’ needs. Many care giving agents can charge anywhere from 15+ dollars per hours therefore sometime it is best the find a private caregiver in which you can trust with your family members. Private caregivers rate are most times lower and you get better care due to the fact the people are not just looking at it as a job. It’s their good name being put on the limb with clients. I can provide additional help as well as quality private care at reasonable rates. I can be reached at supercare101@yahoo.com and provide background and references. No obligation to hire

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Nice post
A budget is a spending plan that includes everything you will spend money on. A good budget is a spending plan that includes everything you will spend money on and stays within your income.
Budgeting tips, information, advice, and resources to help you set up a successful budget and stay motivated.
Budgeting is something that many of us don’t like to consider as we think it will tie us down. But if you really stop and think about it, budgeting is simply a means of looking at your income and expenditure and deciding on what is most important to you.

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My grandma, Beatrice, once shot a man, and I suspect that it was a money-saving measure in the long run. He must have deserved it, and she went on just fine without him.

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My husband passed away and I am now taking care of his parents. Both cannot walk without assistance and they need help in all aspects of their lives. I also work full time and have 2 sons in college and a teenage daughter. I am losing so much patience with them and I am not usually that kind of person. I cannot imagine having somebody in my life at this point and I feel very resentful. They will not let anybody take care of them but me or my kids…..NO assisted living or nursing home for them….they say. It is hard and I wish my husband were here to handle some of this mess.

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My mother, who lived 2 1/2 hours from us, fought cancer for 4 1/2 years. I spent many, many days there … one time I was there for 8 weeks coming home only for 4 days in that time period. My husband and my teen-age sons were wonderfully supportive and did everything they could to help me be able to care for my mom. Any feelings of guilt (and there were some on occassion) were self imposed. They loved my mom deeply and wanted her to receive the most loving care possible. Because they believed I was the person who could best provide that care, we were in it as a family. It created a deeper love for my husband and an appreciation for what a wonderful gift they gave me … the gift of helping my mom to live until she died.

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my husband’s mother is very needy. she has no major medical problems and is very active in her mid 80’s and she has a lot of family and friends around some living right next to her but she is constantly on the phone to everyone telling them how lonely she is and is very demanding. the adult children cannot go on vacations with their spouses or children as she makes everyone feel guilty and says she wishes she could go although most of the family is with her 24/7. she has caused a lot of problems with the spouses and in the marriage of her children with her demands and meanness. she uses her medications which are few to control the family, she will go off them and then demand they come and help her and she won’t listen to her doctors. its very frustrating for the adult children and their spouses and even the grandchildren are feeling the pressure to visit more than they already do which is quite often. we used to go to her house which is at least a two hour drive for many of us almost every week but it still wasn’t enough for her and she would complain when we left or if we wanted to spend time with our our children and spouses famlies. its gotten to the point that many of us make up excuses to not see her because whenever we do she whines and complains and wants us to spend the night or come back the next weekend. us adult children would really like some time with our own children and spouses but she calls constantly and complains about being alone although there is some one with her everyday. she does not have alzeheimers or dementia so that is not the issue. i think its about control.

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my mother is 80 with alzheimers and is living with us also my daughter in law and 2yr and 4yr old grandsons live with us ,due to my sons army deployment{101st airborne]we both work and have been married for 32tears. my sisters live nearby and help with getting mom to the doctor. my wife ang I try to keep things as normal as possible between us. but it is still very difficult,our children were both married and we were empty nesters for about two years,this has all developed over the last 6 months, so I really can;t give any good advice,we are still learning. good luck to all.

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YES! Murmuring, stumbling, crying, deaf and blind one minute, incomprehensible and uncomprehending, crying for help; yet as soon as the parameds arrived, my mother sat up, straightened her skirt, tapped her hair into shape and welcomed them in for tea. No, nothing was wrong. No, she had no idea why her daughter would “call the police.” ,Yes, they stared at me – now in a helpless teary rage – and wondered whether to take me in for observation. Yes, after I closed the door, my mother began to laugh. Oh yes. Manipulation is as alive and well in Planet Mother as it always was. How do we know when she sincerely needs help? A battery of tests is scheduled with a gerontologist (geriatrician?) for next week and she’s also being tested by a geriatric LCSW to see if she needs a geriatric psychiatrist and meds. Thanks, Jacqueline, for your essay. It’s not very pretty, is it?

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with a dementia patient, you must take charge of their medications,when my mom moved in with me I found that she could not always remember if or when she had taken her meds. also educate yourself on what they are taking as well as side effects and drug interactions, don’t count on the doctor to do this for you. mom was placed on the drug namenda, which caused her to start having falls on an almost daily basis, also she began to have hallucinations and even more confusion than before along with a noticeable difficulty walking. after some research on my own we found a new doctor and removed her from namenda, the improvement was amazing, within a few days she was walking normally with no falls and is now more conversant and active. so educate yourself on the meds asap,don’t hesitate to change doctors,especially if the current doc is not a geriatric doctor.

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it’s also very important to address legal issues while your parent still has the cognitive ability to understand them,specifically the Georgia advance health care directive ,which gives the designated person the legal authority to make health care decisions in the event your parent is unable to. this also contains a living will. also needed is a durable power of attorney which gives the designated person the legal rights to execute any and all legal matters that your parent has the right to do should they become unable to do this for themselves. I had an elder lawyer provide both of these documents for 250 dollars.

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We converted a den into a sitting room and then added a wheel-chair accessible bedroom and bathroom for my 92 year old mother. The bed and bath are separated from the rest of the house by the den, which makes it more private for everyone. Mom likes to be able to look outside, so we put 2 windows in her bedroom that look out into the backyard. We try to keep a birdhouse or birdbath and flowers so that she can see activity out her windows.

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I recently took a job as a Wellness Director in a assisted living facility and quit after 3 weeks. In the facility I was in, the maintenance staff had been let go 8 months prior, the housekeeping staff was terminated 4 months prior, almost all the residents were chemically restrained and on top of the monthly room and board the residents were “nickel and dimed” for what should be considered basic care. It is a sad state for the elderly in the state of Ga.
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I work 2 jobs in home health care, one is with Volenteers of America of North Alabama i get 7.50 hr and work like 24-30 hrs a wk only on week ends and i just started working for my former bosses mother, she is 95 yrs old, sharp as a wistle, she is in a wheel chair but can walk with the a walker. Now, I know for sure after reading some of the comments of that i’m definatly being takin for a ride with my pay. I was told that I would have to put her to bed and maybe once in a while prepare her dinner and clean some dishes that might be there, I’ve worked there for one week and is totally exhausted, i came everyday around 6-7 pm. and not only prepared her dinner but cooked and cleaned the whole kitchen for the family. Then i have to wait up for her, cause she doesn’t go to bed any earlier than 12 midnight, so by time i put her to bed ( because she has a lot of rituals before i actually leave her side) and i finally get into my bed it’s way after 2 am. I leave at 8 in the morning when the nurse comes in. I work for 14 hrs and she pays me only 25 dollars a day!! yes! .. I SAID 25 DOLLARS FOR THE 14 HRS!! she says i’m not doin much cause i’m just puttin her to bed! but it’s alot more then just puttin her in the bed… so i’m goin to tell her i can’t do this anymore. i’ve had at least 3 yrs experience so i deserve better pay!!

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[...] provide caregiving services for an afternoon, or do a chore or errand for the caregiver. Research support services in the caregiver’s area. Of course, being a good listener is also a great [...]

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My mother has experienced this condition for years. She is now 88, and has been diagnosed with TIA’s so we were not so alarmed when she started having mild hallucinations (seeing things that were not there and then relating to the family that she was aware that these visions were not real but were “real” when they appeared to her. She was also experiencing unexplained nausea and more pronounced weakness and fatique. She complained to extreme pain in her legs (primarily thighs). These symptoms seemed to me to be a part of aging because she had been seen by a physician within the last 3 weeks and was given a B12 shot and complete exam except for no urinalysis. My daughter-in-law is a physical therapist who has had several elderly clients immediately shared her thoughts that these symptoms could easily be from a urinary tract infection. When I described her symptoms to the “phone nurse” at her physician’s office, I was told to bring her in. Bottom line…she did have an infection and has been on antibiotics for 3-4 days. Her symptoms are already diminishing. My adivice, don’t assume that condtions are “just age-related” as we are often told. Do the research and take action.

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My heart is broken to see my beautiful, spunky Mother so vulnerable. This has happened so suddenly within 3 months. She has gone from being independent, having a normal conversation, walking – albeit it slowly to being immobile, confused, incontinent. I think it’s vascular dementia but the Doctors don’t seem to know or care, saying they can only tell postmortem. They told me for a while it was just a UTI. For a long time, I wondered was it depression and the nursing home environment to which she was discharged after hospital. As he continued to decline rapidly and become more helpless, it became more and more difficult to contemplate having her home but it was never meant to be permanent. Thank God, she knows me, smiles and kisses me. She constantly tells me she loves me. She is in a nursing home but I spend several hours a day there. it is a nice place but there is no stimulation and every time I go, she needs changing. I go to make sure she is hydrated, clean and stimulated. But I know that it is putting a strain on my health, well being, work and marriage but I cannot cope otherwise. I keep hoping for a miracle that one day I will walk in there and she will say, “what am I doing here – let’s go home”. I’ve brought pictures of her during the various stages of her life in to show to staff – I want to reinforce that she was – is – a special person with a personality, spirit and soul. When I see her clutching her teddy bear for comfort, my heart breaks. When I hear the staff talking baby talk to her, even though they mean well, it angers me. When I see the other residents ignoring her as she cannot participate in a conversation, it makes me want to cry. I miss her. I miss our chats. I miss her company. I miss going shopping with her. I just miss her. I look at her and see glimpses of the person she was. I wonder what is going on in her head. I brought her out to her usual hairdresser last week. I try to bring her out for drives but that’s become difficult since she became immboile and incontinent. If only she could stand, it would make such a difference. Thank God, I can still hug her and tell her I love her. She is still so loving and asks am I hungry when I visit. It just breaks my heart. My beautful mother still so loving and caring, worrying about me. God bless her. I hate the nursing home – but know that the day I stop going there, is the day my mother dies. One one hand, I don’t want her to suffer and think in many ways she’d be better gone but I cannot visualise life without her. I should be grateful to God for sparing her to me for 84 years but I’m angry that she should be given this scourge. I lost my father young and my only baby when I was pregant. Life sucks sometimes – I feel so sad inside. Don’t mind me – just having a bad day. God bless you all.

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I am a CNA and work for a private family careing for their elderly parents. I started at $10 per hour and now make $12.50 per hour. It really depends on how much experiance they have and what certifications they have. A caregiver’s pay for example normaly is between $7 -$10 per hour. I know other CNAs that recieve $15 to $20 per hour.

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I am a CNA with 9yrs experience. I do both live in and 12hr care. For live in I charge 6.75 to 10.00 per hour per person, level of care depends on pay rate,and I don’t work weekends.I also have a min of 4 days.
For 12 hour shifts I charge 12.00 to 18.00 per hour based on level of care required,and require a min of 4 days/week.I charge a 100.00 holiday fee for federal holidays.I charge an overage fee for anything over 60 hours per week, additional 2.00/ hour. I have call in rates for weekend and holidays as well.As for work that I do, if I know how to do it I will. I utilize any discount I can get to save my vlients money.
I take them where ever they would like, I have even traveled out of state with a client.I cook REAL food to their diet requirements. I am not trying to get rich, just pay the bills and have money in my savings. My biggest complaint is familt who says room and board is included with 24 hour care, but when I tell them I can break my lease, that my boyfriend lives with me and that I have a great dane, when can we move in? They looked confused! Live in care means being there 24 hours a day other wise – would go home at night. I live in Phoenix AZ btw. Hope this helps everyone.

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I am a registered nurse but mostly a daughter who loves her mother. I have managed to keep my now 80 year old mom at home with the assistance of my elderly aunt and my children since my mom broke her arm 2 years ago. She has numerous physical problems and has become more debilitated as time as gone by though up til now we have weathered all the storms. With a fall two weeks ago resulting in a fractured hip, her condition is now essentially bedridden. In order to get rehab services at a pace I hoped she could handle, five days ago I placed her in a nursing rehab facility that was highly recommended for its rehab services. On day 3 I found that her surgery dressing had not been changed for 2 days and she was developing 2 decubiti. When the nurse came in to change the dressing, she left a pair of sharp pointed sissors in my mom’s bed and left the room. I found the sissors when I was positioning my mom. That night, she was overdosed on narcotics and when I came to see her the next day noticed that she was becoming less alert,unable to speak, and her breathing was more labored. I had an ambulance called and my mom was admitted to the hopsital with drug overdose, congestive heart failure, 2 decubiti and an INR (blood thinness level) of 4 (therapeutic level is 2-3). She remains in the hospital as I research ratings of local nursing facilities knowing that all are likely to give inferior care. I am at a total loss of what to do at this point. I will not take my mom back to that facility and I have lost hope that my mom will ever walk again. My aunt can’t continue to help with my mom as she is and I, like so many others, have to work regardless of how much we want to take care of our parents. I know I will have to place my mother in another nursing home but just at the thoughts of the care she will receive makes me sick. I know how difficult the work is for the aides, but in my case, the most detrimental care came from the nurses. There is no excuse for overdosing an elderly patient. If you are a nurse who works with the elderly, you should know about the effects of medications on those with debilitating frail physical conditions. To me, and to you if it had been your parent, there is no excuse. Had I not went to see my mom when I did she would be dead from a drug overdose.

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hi, i’ve been working as a caregiver 2,5 yrs and my agency not pay me right seen this year, any body know where i can report this issue?

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I am looking for a caregiver for my husband. He is at home disable. He takes orders well. The maximum I can pay is $15/per hour. I need somebody at home from 6:45a.m. t 5:p.m. Monday-to-Friday. This is the time I am at work. The job will be long term. If you are interested, your reply will be very much appreciated. You may call me at 949-349-3411

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Wow! Somebody’s grandmother shot a man over finances? Hopefully she didn’t kill him. Speaking of finances, I found switching from a contract to a prepaid cell phone plan is saving me a bundle. I hear lots of talk about Metro PCS and TracFone’s new StraightTalk with unlimited everything for $45 a month, but Net10 suits my purposes. I paid around $30 for a good phone, I pay a flat rate of 10 cents a minute for calls all over the nation, and text messaging is 5 cents a minute, though I admit I don’t text. I have lots of friends abroad so I’m thrilled with Net10’s 100 international destinations for the same price as a local call. Cutting back on phone bills is one way to save. Every penny counts.

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I went to live with my grandmother over a year ago to help out,and she was fine..then. I did notice some memory loss,but I did not think at that time that it was alzheimer’s or dementia. Then she started being more paranoid and anxious. I even witnessed her trying to attack people for no reason. She even hit me one day. I was only trying to stop her from hitting my dog,(the dog was doing nothing). Sometimes I just think that her true colors are coming out,other times I just think that it is the disease. I wish she was the grandmother I once knew.

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my grandfather has dementia. he’s 90 years old. about a month ago he fell while going to the bathroom during the night, and a couple other falls during the day due to dehydration. he was in the hospital for a couple weeks and then sent to a convelescence home for another couple of weeks. and he’s home and is required to use a walker.
this is where it gets difficult. my grandfather is the most stubborn man i have ever met in my entire life. that is apart of his personality and it makes it more difficulty when it ties into his dementia. we feed him all throughout the day. 5 minutes after he is fed, he asks someone “i need to eat, i haven’t eaten all day.” when told he was fed, he immediately yells out “i never ate a damn thing all day!” followed by accusing everyone of being a liar and name calling. this has been going on for a several years and getting worse. his memory is becoming and issue. he’s lived in his house for over 60 years, and he doesn’t believe it is even his house. he thinks he’s living in someone elses household and continueously asks when he can go home? where he sleeps? where i sleep? where his wife is (she passes away 5 years ago)? where his brothers are (they’ve all passed away over the years)? where his mother and father are (they passed away 30 years ago)?
now his leg is not fully healed, and he looks at his walker and thinks its a piece of furniture and is constantly thinking he has to put it somewhere, so he leaves it in his bedroom, or the kitchen, or the living room, and he’s walking around the house without his walker.
his attitude towards his family is also a difficult matter. he is constantly forgetting stuff, and automatically if he can’t recall something during the day, its not because he can’t remember it, its because someone is lying to him. not only that, but he gets angry and yells out mean things to his family, calling us all worthless and that he doesn’t need any of us is his life, when he clearly cannot survive without us for no more than a week. he is my grandfather and i love him, but it becomes a burden because i work during the week and am still in school, my other brother still living at home doesn’t spend much time at home, and my father can’t leave the house for a second, even to start working again, so money is tight as well. we’re not only worried that he might fall again, but we’re worried for his life. he does not even know how old he is. he told me he thinks he’s in his 40’s. some of his falls were because he climbed on a chair to clean the top fo the refirgerator and he lost his balance and fell off the chair. his balance is what worries us all because he tends to wobble when he walks, and he’s leaving his walker everywhere, and he’s getting angry with everyone because we tell he forgets things, but is completely unaware of any of all this

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The Assisted Living Federation of America has just added your blog to its’ blog roll on ALFA Re:source (http://alfa-resource.org/)! We hope that you read our blog as well!

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I m deaf and live on SSI and not enough income ,,,I do have medicaid they pay for teeth pull out and i have no problem with that but medicaid wont pay for dentures,,,I need full denture for top and bottom ,,,wonder if u can help me with dental cost ?? my dentist cost 1,300 for two full denture and I dont have money for it ,,,,Can u help pay for it ?? i desperately need help and I must have teeth to eat good ,,,,i cant live without my teeth and I m desperately need someone help me if u can tell me who will help from charity thanks ,,,email me Dollydale@aol.com

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I need to report a substandard facility in East Point, GA. Someone please give me some insight on handling this matter.

Bernard

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Rates vary depending on the type of care that’s needed and the patient’s situation.
-Some patients are mobile & workload isn’t heavy at all. (less $)

-Some patients are heavy-set, where only a handful of caregivers are able to do the job, I’ve had instances where we employed 2 caregivers for 1 patient, 24 hours/day, 7 days a week. (more $)

-Some patients have Alzheimer’s disease and never sleep. because of the risk of the patient disappearing, shifting caregiving services are usually needed to cover 24 hours of care. It is not unusual that these patients become violent towards the caregivers and even families. Therefore you will need to hire someone with certifications regarding Alzheimer Patient Care. (more $)

-Some patients need driving caregivers where the caregiver needs to be reimbursed for the mileage/fuel that they spend, using their own car. (more $)

If you are interested in learning more, contact me. thanks!

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Is there anyone or a service in Atlanta that could help me and my dad. He has Alzheimer’s and since I work full time I don’t have time to take him to see his pals during the week.
Thanks,

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