White collar criminals get lesson on how to act in jail

So what’s it really like for white collar criminals behind bars?

Fine cuisine, serious thread count sheets and a personal trainer, perhaps?

Not even close.

Try getting a fork stuck in your arm if you should try to reach across the plate of another inmate at the dinner table.

But inside traders and others who’ve wound up in jail can avoid committing gaffes like that _ and the bodily harm that can result _ simply by undergoing a little advance training.

That’s right. According to The Wall Street Journal, a whole cottage industry apparently has developed to guide them on the dos and don’ts of the prison system.

For a price, former inmates are more than happy to tell them how to behave. The main tip, it seems: be polite, and mind your own business.

Some of the particulars: Don’t interrupt conversations; always say ‘excuse me’; don’t change the TV channel; don’t sit in another prisoner’s seat or bunk; and don’t stare at another guy in the shower.

Or else.

The “consultants” offer to help newbie inmates through their websites which carry toll-free numbers. One such firm: “Wall Street Prison Consultants.”

Some things on the inside are pretty much like they are on the outside, it turns out. And that might offer solace to some white collar criminals.

As one inside trader who’s headed to the slammer this summer said he learned, you can still get other prisoners to do your menial chores, like make your bed or do your laundry. You just have to pay them _ with a $15 can of fish every week.

4 comments Add your comment

Bob in Sandy Springs

March 26th, 2012
9:25 am


Don’t drop the soap!!!!

White Trash Bill

March 26th, 2012
1:00 pm

Man when I was in it was great all we did was play games and watch TV heck it beats workin. There aint too much violence or all that sex stuff you hear about. Really I would rather be in jail than on parole which is harder.


March 26th, 2012
1:52 pm


You are a legend in your own mind.


March 27th, 2012
2:04 am

@ White Trash Bill: I’m glad you’re on parole and not in prison because I’m tired of spending my hard-earned tax payer dollars to support your lazy F’in as*! You inbred hick F***! Eat a Di*k! We should’nt even put ya’ll in prison…just execute all ya’ll and be done w/ it!