More American workers taking time off to care for aging parents

The percentage of Americans who provide care for their aging parents has tripled since 1994, according to a new study.

What’s more, caregivers lose an estimated $3 trillion in wages, pension and Social Security benefits when they take time off  from work to help their aging parents, the study said.

The research was conducted by the MetLife Mature Market Institute, the National Alliance for Caregiving and the Center for Long Term Care Research and Policy at New York Medical College — all long-term care advocates. Still, they analyzed data from the National Health and Retirement Study done by the University of Michigan, and it appears newsworthy.

The study said that average losses equal $324,044 for women caregivers and $283,716 for men.

“Nearly 10 million adult children over the age of 50 care for their aging parents,” Sandra Timmermann, director of the MetLife Mature Market Institute, said in a statement. “As the percentage of employees who are caregivers continues to grow, there will be greater demand on employers for help and support.”

The study found:

– The percentage of adult children providing personal care and/or financial assistance to a parent has more than tripled over the past 15 years. It currently represents a quarter of adult children, mainly Baby Boomers. Working and non-working adult children are almost equally likely to provide care to parents in need.

– Adult children at least 50-years-old who work and provide care to a parent are more likely than those who do not provide care to report that their health is fair or poor.

– Overall, caregiving sons and daughters provide comparable care in many respects, but daughters are more likely to provide basic care (help with dressing, feeding and bathing) and sons are more likely to provide financial assistance.

– For women, the total individual amount of lost wages due to leaving the labor force early because of caregiving responsibilities equals $142,693. The estimated impact of caregiving on lost Social Security benefits is $131,351. A conservative estimated impact on pensions is approximately $50,000, the study said.

– For men, the total individual amount of lost wages due to leaving the labor force early because of caregiving responsibilities equals $89,107. The estimated impact of caregiving on lost Social Security benefits is $144,609. A conservative estimate of the impact on pensions is $50,000, the study said.

Are you taking care of an aging parent? How has it affected you?

Have you left work to do it? Is your employer helping out in any way?

Will you be facing this issue soon?

- Henry Unger, The Biz Beat

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47 comments Add your comment

mary

June 15th, 2011
7:13 am

my parents are in their early 80’s. Dad with cognitive decline. This year, I’ve spent all my vacation time with them. They are in FL and they want to stay put; no interest in moving closer to their kids (5 out of 6 of us are in the GA/SC area) so we’ve all been traveling to keep an eye on them. I don’t blame them for not wanting to move. I’d want to be independent and in my own home for as long as possible too. My employer has FMLA and when it gets to the point where I need to use that, I will. And I just hope my other siblings are will to do the same. Between the six of us if we all pitch in, I think we’ll be OK.

sarahmee

June 15th, 2011
7:22 am

If you currently have pre-existing conditions like me that have prevented you from being able to qualify for health insurance for at least six months you will have coverage options under new health care. Check “Penny Health Insurance” to find how to get quality insurance for dollars.

Jim

June 15th, 2011
7:50 am

Sarahmee If you just showed up at the hospital they would take better care of you than Obama will. The new health care plan is not just about health care, it is about government control of everybody’s lives,

Susan

June 15th, 2011
8:15 am

My husband and I have been helping care (i.e. someone with them 24/7) for his parents age 91 and 94 for 5 years. My sister-in-law has borne a larger share of the burden since she takes them to Docs and keeps up the food stock, Rx’s, etc. I and my husband still work full time. In the past year we have hired in-home care 24/7. It is an unbelieveably tiring undertaking, but we hope to provide care to our loved ones in their home as long as possible.

Homer

June 15th, 2011
8:30 am

We have had the benefit of social security and medicare for so long that people take for granted the cost of caring for their elderly parents. Having social security and medicare means that their children have more disposable income. That disposable income has fueled our consumer based economy. Our parents’ health care needs are not going to disappear when medicare disappears. We children will be bearing more of the cost. That means that we will have less to spend on a second home, a new car, our children’s education, etc. We need to figure out a way to control the costs of social security and medicare in order to keep it in tact for the long run.

blkshepherd

June 15th, 2011
8:30 am

I was a Caregiver for my moms from Dec 2002 to Oct 2008 when she passed..It was Draining, highly stressful, my health almost was in question until I joined a fitness center (the only thing that saved me) The only Peace and comfort I got out of the entire ordeal is, I know she got the Best of Care and no Nightmares at the Nursing homes..but it was Rough and seriously draining. But I would do it all over again for my Moms and not complain a day.

Bairet

June 15th, 2011
8:31 am

I’m 23 and my Dad is in his early 50s. He has a rare disease called Inclusion Body Myositis, making it hard for him to do normal activities. I moved back home after college to take care of him and I work full time, as well. There are certainly a lot of challenges but it’s rewarding as well.

Jer

June 15th, 2011
8:41 am

My caregiving years have passed. Our mother suffered a quick descent of 6 weeks with metastatic liver CA (from diagnosis to death) at age 95 back in 2007. Thankfully and gratefully, our father’s long employment with a corporation under the “old system” of the corporation taking care of its “family” took wonderful care of our mother. We were able to have caregivers for her around the clock, which if she had lived for a year with this help, would have cost her in cash $125,000. (Insurance and Medicare did not cover nursing assistants.) WOW! However, she required in-home care to assure her safety during a declining year for approximately six months before her death.

All three of us siblings were working full-time. I, the only one out-of-state, was given grace by my employer to take an early sabbatical to care for her and then to deal with her estate and house after her death. My brothers and I divided the caregiving workload according to our skills and preferences (i.e., I am a retired nurse working in another profession). This worked very well for us and our families. Literally, I moved in to Mother’s house to supervise her care for her last six weeks and actually lived in the home for two to three months after her death getting her estate settled. Needless to say, we (including Mother) were exhausted; yet, the time with her and giving back to her what she had given to us all through our years was well worth the effort and we look back at that time with no regrets.

We were very fortunate and remain grateful for how this all worked out for Mother’s benefit and ours.
I only wish all caregivers could benefit from such an arrangement. It makes the end-of-life care a bit easier.

Ann Eagerton

June 15th, 2011
8:55 am

A few years ago I had to give up my career and home (sold my house as a short sale) in Atlanta and move several states away to take care of my aging parents–ages 86 and 90 at the time who refused to move closer. My only sister had passed away before this. Both parents were starting to show significant progression with Alzheimer’s. Also, my dad was a hoarder and more significantly, unable to take care of his finances (taxes, investments, household) and he was falling prey to schemers in the area. Reluctantly I had to go through the horrible legal process of having him declared incompetent in order to protect their considerable life investments. I’m now living in their home and they are both in nursing homes at ages 94 and 90. I’m living in a small town with no career possibilities at the age of 60+. They had retired to this town but I had not lived here before and the change from living in Atlanta to a town of 23,000 is a huge cultural change.

Lynda

June 15th, 2011
9:15 am

Having dealt with this on both sides of our family, there are two things that make the situation harder than it has to be.
1. We’re paying $60,000/yr each at nursing homes in two different states for care for our mothers. It’s amazing how poor the care is for that kind of money. My mother in law was not eating and the doctor didn’t even look inside her mouth and see that the problem was a poor fitting partial that caused blisters inside her mouth! The nursing home/doctor totally ignored dental care. Since she made the smart choice to move to the city where my husband and I live, we supervise her dental care, but what if she didn’t have us? She’d have a feeding tube when the problem is an easily fixable dental issue!
And the bookkeeper at my mother’s nursing home in Georgia can’t even keep up with the checks we write for her care, necessitating additional work for my sister who had to write another one and put a stop payment on the first one. If the bookkeeper can’t even handle the money, how can we trust that institution with our mother’s care(but she refuses to move to a different one)?
2. In my opinion, elderly people who need help from their children must move where the children’s jobs are. Yes it’s sad that they have to leave places they’ve lived for 50 years or more, but the man who gave up his job in Atlanta to move to where his parents live may never get another job.

Gamtnlady1

June 15th, 2011
9:43 am

I admire your devotion to your dad, Bairet. Especially at such a young age. I took my mom in when I was 30 and have watched her health decline rapidly over the past 5 years to the point where most of her doctors and others are trying to convince her to go into a skilled nursing facility. As long as she can safely be at home while I am at work, I will do everything I can to help her stay with me. Many do not understand as I have given up the opportunity to get married and have children, but that is a consequence of my choice to care for my mom out of my love for the woman who brought me into this world. It is very stressful, especially with no siblings or spouse to help with care, and the finacial responsibilities of supporting us both on my lone salary has been very stressful as well. Working in a hospital reminds me daily of how fragile life is and though I have not experienced many things in my own life that I had hoped to, it’s ok. Caring for my mom is just one of the ways that I look at as “honoring my mother and father”, and though difficult, financially taxing, and no time for your own except maybe my daily commute, I consider it an honor to take care of either of my parents if needed out of my love for them. God bless those who are doing the same.

Monica

June 15th, 2011
9:45 am

Interestingly, there was quite a lot of attention paid to the “last chance children” when the trend began, children born to parents over 40. Now, we are also the caregivers of aging parents. With siblings in their retirement years, or deceased, these last chance children such as myself, are faced with caregiving during the highest earning years and critical child rearing years. My responsibilities will be finished sooner than friends my age, but the relationships are strained because they can’t understand my position and when their turn comes I will likely be past those caregiving years. This group of caregivers is often lost in the research and support structures because the perception is that we are young and strong. The reality is, however, that we face the same economic and emotional challenges, perhaps moreso with young children in the home, as the 50+ caregivers facing the same daily challenges.

soned60

June 15th, 2011
9:45 am

My mom has dementia and she lived with me for almost 6 years (diagnosed 4 yrs ago) until two weeks ago. My stress level and health concerns helped me decide to place her in an assisted living facility. People have mentioned that I’m a new person – I worried about her constantly and even though finances are still tight, I don’t have the day-to-day expense of adult day care or in-home companion. Luckily she’s still mobile and able to do most things for herself. Doing all this plus working full time, with sometimes an hour or mor commute was taking it’s toll. I know she’s in good hands.

SherCare

June 15th, 2011
10:02 am

FYI…Individuals who are honorably discharged veterans (or widowed spouses of same) may qualify for an Aid and Attendance Pension from the Veterans Administration, which assists with the costs of services needed by persons whose ability to live independently is failing.

Gus

June 15th, 2011
10:08 am

I moved my mother in before I even turned 40. Her Social Security and small 401 was just not enought for her to live on, especially after the economy tanked. There is so much more to it than lost wages….it takes a toll on your personal relationships, your health, and emotinonal wellbeing. I don’t regret moving her in and I will do everything I can to care for her because I know it is the right thing to do and blood is thicker than water…period. However, it doesn’t mean you are suppose to give your life over to it…take time for yourself and DO NOT feel guilty.

2Cee

June 15th, 2011
10:17 am

I tried to take care of my parents in the their home several states away, but that just didn’t work. At the advice of my doctor, I opted for assisted living in my home town. This would allow me to continue to work and monitor their care. I take them to the doctor, wash their clothes and see after their well being. Even though I am not caring for them in my home, this has taken a toll on my personal health. I am in the process of regaining a balance in my life with the help of therapy.

Sandy

June 15th, 2011
10:31 am

I have been caring for my parents and mother in law for the last 2 1/2 years. It has drained us financially and emotionally at times. I know it is the right thing to do. I know at this point, I need to seek outside employment for my own needs and future. It is scary when you read that companies have not interest in hiring someone who has been out of work for a couple of years. If they only would realize a person taking care of elderly parents can multi-task better than anyone on their current payroll. Employers must start realizing this and have some compassion for our generation.

Living it daily

June 15th, 2011
10:32 am

My mother and father divorced when I was very young and my siblings and I were eventually placed with my father and step-mother from 2nd grade until finishing school….my mother did not raise me, and I saw her infrequently only developing a friendship after finishing school. In an unfortunate turn of events, my step-father passed leaving my mother on her own. Her health declined and within 6 years, we had to move her from South Georgia to live with my husband and myself. Though I have three other siblings, there just is not sufficient care being given or communication that was available for her long distance care.

I am very grateful that we have been able to pull her health COMPLETELY around, but it has not been without its challenges, both physically and mentally. I have a wonderful husband without whom I could not make this journey! I have an extremely understanding employer that gave me the time I needed when my mother first came to live with us 2 years ago, and I now take 90% of my vacation days to take her to her doctor exams. Like blkshepherd, I found that I was putting my own health aside to “fix” my mother’s but I am now starting to take charge of my own health. I have found that a gentle yoga program has been extremely beneficial for my sanity and health!

God bless all of you that are in the 24/7 caregiver club and know that your are not alone!

Laura

June 15th, 2011
10:34 am

I am 51 y/o only child that has cared for my disabled 89 y/o mother in my home since 2/2006. I work full-time and the cost for caregivers in my home is far less than a nursing home and I believe the level of care is superior, not to mention we are both spared exposure to the communicable diseases which are prevalent in institutions. Mom’s infirmity was the result of her second hip fracture (suffered the first living in a senior high-rise, the second in an assisted living facility). It’s no picnic always paying a caregiver each time I need to leave the house, not to mention I rarely go out after 7pm. I knew the situation would challenge my health, and it has for the better as I now work with a trainer and modified mother and my diets to include whole and healthy foods. I will kill myself if my health fails(after mom is gone) before I am subjected to a long-term nursing facility since there will be no family members to visit or assist me financially.

G19

June 15th, 2011
10:43 am

So if you don’t want government to control everything you do, all that you earn, the business you own, the way you raise your children, and especially your health care, et al and you want off the government plantation to earn and live for yourself you are told to shut up. Wow what an imbecile.

Gamtnlady1

June 15th, 2011
10:44 am

Gus, I understand what you are saying, but just because one prioritizes differently does not mean there are any guilt issues. I took my mom in when I was 30 and am now 47. Beside days taken off from work, there are personal sacrifices as well as far as relationships, etc. Yes, we do need to not neglect ourselves, but my priorities have changed since. Maybe many women just think differently somewhat on those issues.

jp

June 15th, 2011
10:50 am

may God bless you all that have your mother or father to take care i only wish i had my parents alive to take care of them like they did for me and cost not get me down know that they are around not around is what get me down.

dixie darling

June 15th, 2011
11:09 am

I am now the 73 year “old person” in my family. I remember being with my mom when she passed in a nursing home after 3 miserable years there as a result of a double stroke disabling her to even turn her head. Mom survived as long as she did because my Dad visited there a couple of times a day to check on her. My Dad took his life when he was in the hospital several years later after being diagnosed with COPD and had to be put on oxygen for the rest of his life — he simply took off his oxygen mask and sofficated before they could revive him. Both parents took charge of their deaths — Mom by refusing food and water and Dad by refusing to breathe. Long story short — they died! As my Mom asked so many times, “Why are you more caring for a sick animal and putting it to sleep than you are with me in my misery?” All my Dad could say was, “It’s against the law to do otherwise.” I hope I go out quickly and with as little pain as possible and save my kids the dilemma of caring for me. I know for certain I do not want to go into any type of alternate care facility whether it is free or not. Let me live well independently and then let me die peacefully.

P.S.
I have good caring adult kids but none of us want to live together ever!

Joanna

June 15th, 2011
11:09 am

My mother lives 45 minutes away from me one-way and when her health started to fail, I visited her sometimes twice a week to get her groceries, check on her, etc.. She’s now in a nursing home, but I still take responsibility of her bills and I monitor her care.

It’s sad more assisted living centers are being built instead of nursing homes. Most assisted living centers are private pay (profit and less government regulation for the business) and my mother and I cannot afford the prices. The lack of nursing homes keeps choice limited and I continue to commute to visit her.

I applaud those who take on the huge task of taking care of their parents, grandparents, etc. If I had the liberty of quitting my job, I would strongly consider it.

Louis Agudo

June 15th, 2011
11:12 am

I am a senior healthcare insurance specialist helping 50+ adults understand what the options are when dealing with Long Term Care and Medicare. 25 years ago stroke, cancer and heart disease would kill us but because of medical technology and new medications, what used to kill us keeps us alive but with a long term care need.

The emotional and financial toll can be devastating for children caregivers for aged parents. They understand the need for Long Term care insurance and not wanting to put their children through what they are going through now. How do we pay for LTC?

How do we fund long term care needs?
1. Self-funding is an option only if you are well off. With the average cost of a nursing home at $72,000 a year and with it estimated to cost almost $200,000 a year twenty years from now, it just doesn’t make sense to self fund.
2. Medicare and Medicaid- I have talked to so many people who think that Original Medicare will take care of them. It will provide 100 days in a skilled nursing facility after 3 days in a hospital. Days 1-20 is $0 per day and days 21-100 $137.50. After that you are on your own.
Medicaid will cover you after you relinquish almost all your assets and sign your social security and pensions to a (QIT) qualified income trust. You will then get a $50 monthly personal allowance and you will be sent to whatever bed is available or wherever it is.
3. Self funding for pennies on the dollar with Long Term Care insurance is one way. Especially if you own a home and want to protect that asset with a qualified Partnership Long Term Care Plan.
There are also hybrid products available such as annuities or life products with LTC riders that will provide a benefit if needed and if not used would then go to heirs upon the death of the holder. Sometimes these products work well for individuals who may have a sizable retirement and can make a single payment transfer from a retirement account without incurring any tax liability to a qualified plan that will also have a LTC benefit. Some people like this because there are no premiums to pay.

There are options and I find that not enough insurance agents are educating the consumer on what is available and what is the cost. Not enough agents are talking about the need. Another product are multi life LTC products for business’s. A selling point for these products is the limited underwriting which enables difficult cases to be insured and is also portable to the employees. Unlike health coverage which an employee loses or goes on Cobra, LTC insurance will stay with them as long as they pay their premiums.

Where do most individuals want to have a long term care event? In their homes, and a well designed Long Term Care insurance plan can do just that and more. It can provide dollars to family care givers, can be used for renovation for handicap accessibility making it easier for the beneficiary. Provide respite care. The benefits are many and it just takes the willingness to be educated to show how we can take care of our Long Term Care needs when we age.

Louis Agudo

Larry Woods

June 15th, 2011
11:18 am

My heart and sympathy goes out to everyone who has an elderly parent that requires the emotionally exhausting, financially draining, 24-7 care that invariably falls on the children; normally the daughter, but as has been shared in the aforementioned comments both duaghters and sons. I especially have great admiration and respect for “Gamtnlady1″, who has forsaken many things all for the love of his mother. As for me I don’t have that concern because my mother went ‘home’ to be with the lord (6yrs) ago, yet if I had to sacrifice any and everything in order that she was cared for with love I would do it without a second thought! May God strengthen and guide each of you who is caring for an aging parent, and may he grant you that”peace that surpasses all understanding.’

Old School

June 15th, 2011
11:20 am

My brother has looked after Mom since the death of our father in 1998. She was still working until she retired (at age 81) in 2003 and that’s when the decline began. My brother’s own employment ended when the plant closed and he has been unemployed since about 2004. But his love for Mom has led to him being her 24-7 care giver and his willingness to forego a work life of his own has allowed her to remain in her home. Dementia and a series of strokes have been a challenge for Mom but the quality of life for her is amazing due to his loving care. A sister and I help with transportation (a medical condition precludes his owning a vehicle) and we provide some respite for him so he can attend church and some other activities. They live on Mom’s tiny retirement income and social security (less than $2000 each month) and we help with meals.
I worry about how my brother will cope when we lose Mom. He’s in his late 50s and job prospects are practically non-existant.

Carl

June 15th, 2011
11:21 am

My Mother is 80, I am the only one left to care for her. I moved her close to me last year which has made it some what easier. Medical appointments dominate her life. I handle all her financial affairs. She is getting frail and will eventually be in a nursing home. I have to work, I have 2 teenage daughters that also need my attention. She can’t drive and is totally dependent on me for all her shopping. At least she is mentally ok for now. I do find that I’m exhausted all the time bouncing back between her care, my children and job. I have no social life, no time for myself at all. I don’t resent it but wish I could have just one week away once in a while. There are times that my sanity seems to slip away and I wonder if it may leave one day and never come back. I know I’m not the same person anymore.

sf

June 15th, 2011
11:42 am

We were fortunate enough to take care of both my mom and dad their final years. My mom and dad lived with my husband and me for one year. And then my dad past away. My mom lived with us another 3 years before she too passed away. First of all I could not have done it without my wonderful husband. Although it was very stressful and exhausting at times we would not trade it for all the money in the world!! We can both lay our heads at night and know that they were both well taken care of. We have so many wonderful memories. We find a lot of our dinner conversations reminiscing the wonderful times we had with them both. We hightly recommend if you are in a position to be the caregiver for your aging parents, do it and never look back. You will be so rewarded!!

EVERYONE NEEDS HEALTHCARE

June 15th, 2011
11:49 am

JIM, YOU ARE AN IDIOT & YES, SHUT UP!! GOVERNMENT CONTROL, LET’S SEE, THE GOVERNMENT SAYS WE HAVE TO PAY TAXES & HAVE CAR INSURANCE, BUT YOU DON’T THINK HEALTHCARE IS MORE IMPORTANT? LEAVE OBAMA OUT OF THIS YOU LOWLIFE SCUM. PRES. OBAMA IS TRYING TO HELP THE AMERICAN PEOPLE BUT THANKS TO CONGRESS & IDIOTS LIKE YOU, WHO WILL DO ANYTHING AT ALL POSSIBLE TO KEEP THE HARDWORKING CLASS FROM GETTING A DIME IF YOU HAVE A DOLLAR. I HOPE YOU DON’T EVER GET SICK & RUN OUT OF OPTIONS YOU IDIOT!!

Dawn

June 15th, 2011
11:56 am

I commend all of the children and family members who selflessley take care of their loved ones when it becomes necessary. It can be alot of work and in some instances, can place a tremendous burden on your life. There are alternatives out there for those who are unable to take in mom or dad and still keep an eye out for their well being. One option is the personal care home that is licensed and monitored
by the state. These homes may not be as expensive as a nursing home and for the most part they take good care of your loved ones. They make sure medication is taken on time, assist in dressing, etc. Anyone interested in finding out more information please email me. You don’t have to do this alone.

Second Time and Going for Three

June 15th, 2011
12:10 pm

I always knew that I would be called upon to care for my aging parents; my fate of being the oldest child and the only girl. This is my second time around as I took care of my mother for 23 years (from age 7 to 30) until she lost her battle with MS. It was a cruel disease, and it left scars on everyone in our small family.

Now I have a husband, and his parents (dad 93, mom 80 with dementia) are living with us, because once again I am the only ‘daughter’ who happens to be married to the only responsible son they have. The parents have been with us since January of this year, after leaving their home in Virginia to escape my husband’s drug addicted brother. We were able to deed their home back to the bank, and have what was left of their belongings packed up and shipped to Georgia. Financially they are in good shape as both were veterans, and are receiving retirement income and medical benefits from the VA. For the most part the situation is working as they can dress, and feed themselves, and mobility is not an issue. However, my husband and I pretty much focus our lives around them and their needs – doctors’ appointments, meals, medication, and entertainment. We are regularly late for work or have to miss work to manage the appointments and sometimes whatever crisis my mother-in-law is experiencing. We are fortunate to be able to continue working as they have the means to pay for an in-home sitter during the day. At night mom monopolizes my husband’s time with ‘personal conversations’ away from that woman (me). She regularly informs me that she is dad’s wife and not me, and becomes agitated when I try to discuss their financial affairs with the two of them as dad has given me the authority to manage their money and bills. She is also a hoarder, and as a result we have to keep both our bedroom and home office doors locked as she ‘collects’ things, and hides them. She can also be verbally and physically aggressive.

The third wave as I mentioned, is coming in the persons of my grandparents. My grandfather is 90 and in relatively good health; my grandmother is 88 and is in the beginning stages of dementia. The condition has rendered her deeply depressed and she is steadily disengaging from her social life. My grandfather is trying to manage the situation but will soon need our assistance. They have been retired since the mid to late 1980’s and are financially prepared to continue retirement in their own home but not assisted living or even a long period of in home care for my grandmother. When they need more supervision, which may be sooner rather than later, they will likely come to live with us.

We love our parents and grandparents dearly but we have given up date nights, privacy, downtime, socializing with friends, and often sleep as mom sometimes starts arguments with dad late at night or wanders to our door to ask questions at 2 or 3 a.m. Since we work every day the weekends are spent being the entertainment committee for them, or sometimes dad wants me to just take mom somewhere so he can have a break from her. We feel stuck, but somehow we are managing to hold it all together.

stives

June 15th, 2011
12:37 pm

We do not have a plan for our elderly-parents. It was never in the family planning. Insurance for this has indeed make many of us think about it for our own lives. We are living longer and longer. America lag behind other countries; we don’t want healtcare for everyone, the cost of living is merely creed to the rich, hamper the middle class and the poor just hang-loose until something good come! Millions have returned to take care of their parents and even grandparents; it is now america’s way of life and our own government is not helping either. Maybe we can asked all of these Mega-Churches to contribue to this grave causes.

Danny Boy

June 15th, 2011
12:38 pm

I am taking care of my mother with ALZ and Dementia and recently bought two DVD’s that at least give me a couple of hours a day of down time. Mom loves watching them. I saw them on Fox 5. I dont remember the website where I bought them but they are called The Journey Remembered. You can probably do a search. I would highly recommend them.

Jack

June 15th, 2011
12:46 pm

The old folks have to be tended to. That’s life.

Margery

June 15th, 2011
12:46 pm

My mother has lung and bone cancer. To add to that, she has dementa that has gotten worse since her operation. My sister, who does not work outside the home, takes care of our mom alongside my father. My brother, who also lives with them does work, but he helps out when he gets home. The rest of us (4 other children) work outside the home, but we go over at least 2 nights a week to give my dad and sister a break for a few hours. It is exhausting and our health has taken a hit, but it’s worth it. We want to care for Mom as long as we possibly can. Thank God they have good insurance. Dealing with insurance, all sorts of doctors, and how to actually care for an elderly, sick parent has been challenging and educational, but we wouldn’t do it any other way.

Margery

June 15th, 2011
12:48 pm

Thanks for the suggestion Danny Boy. This may really help us.

joeybiten

June 15th, 2011
12:54 pm

to all the old folks out there, relax. forget about having your children care for you. uncle obama will tend to all your needs…that’s why you need to vote him in again. he is our true messiah.

Caring for Parents

June 15th, 2011
12:57 pm

I’m 32 and my husband and I decided a few months ago to take care of my parents who are retiree’s but were struggling with paying bills. We gave up our place and moved our family into their home (many benefits to that).. we’re renovating to accomandate the new family size and so far it’s worked out. Now my mom can travel with her church and enjoy life… My dad who’s ill has someone around to ensure he’s fine and company to talk to.. It’s worked out well.. and I hope it continues. They’ve taken care of me my entire life and it’s time I give back substantially…

Luckly, my husbands parents are in their early 50’s and doing fine… mines are older (late 60s to mid 70’s) with health issues.

Elder Care

June 15th, 2011
3:41 pm

I have read all of your experiences with your elderly loved ones. The ultimate problem is that as Americans we have not learned the concept that many other cultures have and that is the children take care of the parents as they did for us. Growing up we never planned for this, our love ones getting old and needed the assistance that we have encountered.
Because of this that is why many of our functional elderly are trapped in nursing homes.
Also many of you have expressed how your elderly had been preyed upon by inhuman scam artists and I hope that these beings get 3 times that back at them when they age. There are a very very small number of services that any of us can trust to help us while we try to continue to do our livelihood. Caregivers without background checks who will rip off your love one’s identity, or treat them cruelly seem to be more common than the ones you can trust.
I think if anyone who has read this and has not experienced any of these events then you will need to sit your parents or grandparents down and make sure there are some plans in place. Legal plans so that way your family will not be stuck placing you into a nursing home while the nursing home liquidates all your assets. And once the assets are all gone the family will have to forge finances to pay for your care.
Good luck to everyone who is struggling with taking care of their elderly love ones.

Lisa Jones

June 15th, 2011
3:52 pm

My name is Lisa Jones, and I am an Eldercare Advisor with A Place for Mom. I can help take away some of that burden you may be facing. I can help you find in-home care providers, short-term Respite Care, or long-term placement in a wonderful, caring Senior community. I can help ease some of that emotional and physical workload you are carrrying, wondering how to manage the care that your loved one needs and still be able to attend to your own life. This is one of the toughest decisions a family can face, both from an emotional perspective as well as a financial perspective; I can help you approach it in the right way – knowing that you are doing what is right for your loved one. Please call or e-mail me today – our services are free for families: 877.311.8331, or e-mail – lisaj@aplaceformom.com.

Dan

June 15th, 2011
4:02 pm

If it triple since 1994, I suggest that simply means it is going back to normal, didn’t most boomers care for their parents?? and certainly the generation before did of course a couple of generations ago people weren’t living 25 years after retirement, but isn’t this pretty much the cycle of life

Annye

June 15th, 2011
5:56 pm

I took care of my parents from 1996 – 2001. I am an only child, and it took the family life savings to provide 24 hour care, six days a week from Feb. 1996 to January 2001 (I worked every Saturday night through Sunday night). I worked full time, and there were none of the programs available now. My parents were teachers in Florida, and Social Security wasn’t taken out of their checks until 1968 and they retired in 1972 and 1974 respectively—so no Social Security perks. It was difficult, emotionally draining, exhausting, and the most fulfilling thing I’ve done. When they transitioned, I had no guilt only grief and relief. My father only spent 18 months in a nursing home, and several of his former students were aides at that home which enhanced his care.

I was also in grad school at the time that I had to take care of my parents. It took 13 years to get my Ph.D., and I used to be ashamed of that, but when I put it into perspective, I realized it was the most fulfilling five years that had me working hard and trying to hold on. It is hard, but you won’t regret one minute. I was very much blessed in that we had just enough money to last until my dad went in the home. I look back on that experience now and am grateful for it, but I NEVER want to do anything like that again; it was just too, too hard. My hat’s off to all children caring for aging parents.

Crystal

June 16th, 2011
1:13 am

My dad, who is 79 yoa, moved in with my family in April 2010. I am the sole cargiver for him (my husband works full time out of town) and it has definetly been a challenge, especially since i work full time. I have had to take time off work so i can accompany him to various doctors appointments and hospital visits. I am scared sometimes that my employer will use this against me and try to fire me for something just so they won’t have to deal with this. A nursing home is too expensive, the only income he has is his social security, which won’t pay for a private sitter either. It has been hard at times trying to juggle all of his needs and my family’s. When i’m off work for 2 days, it is usually spent on getting things done for my dad. Unless someone has been through this, it is very hard for them to understand the emotional and financial toll caring for an elderly parent can take. It is almost like having another child. I am 41 and i certainly never thought i would have been in this position and my dad’s 2 brothers do not offer to help me. I am greatful for the time we have got to spend together, but it is still very stressful trying to take care of him and work full time and tend to my family.

Big regret

June 16th, 2011
5:44 am

I now take care of my mom after my father’s death. If I could change time, I would not be here today. I have regretted this whole experience. When she dies I will be homeless because I can not get a job,, I have no money, no friends, no nothin’! Horrible decision on my part. I’m trying to honour my parents but it was a bad choice for me. Wish I had never done this.

Roberto

June 16th, 2011
12:19 pm

WOW!

Our country has come to people like this: (What a sad, sad thing)

EVERYONE NEEDS HEALTHCARE

June 15th, 2011
11:49 am

JIM, YOU ARE AN IDIOT & YES, SHUT UP!! GOVERNMENT CONTROL, LET’S SEE, THE GOVERNMENT SAYS WE HAVE TO PAY TAXES & HAVE CAR INSURANCE, BUT YOU DON’T THINK HEALTHCARE IS MORE IMPORTANT? LEAVE OBAMA OUT OF THIS YOU LOWLIFE SCUM. PRES. OBAMA IS TRYING TO HELP THE AMERICAN PEOPLE BUT THANKS TO CONGRESS & IDIOTS LIKE YOU, WHO WILL DO ANYTHING AT ALL POSSIBLE TO KEEP THE HARDWORKING CLASS FROM GETTING A DIME IF YOU HAVE A DOLLAR. I HOPE YOU DON’T EVER GET SICK & RUN OUT OF OPTIONS YOU IDIOT!!

Peter Radsliff

June 20th, 2011
12:46 pm

The productivity hit taken by U.S. businesses because of the increasing needs of baby boomers to take care of their elder parents is a huge problem. I am board chairman of a non-profit organization that is trying to inform family members who are looking for solutions to help with the care of their parents. This organization is the Aging Technology Alliance (http://www.agetek.org), which has over 60 members dedicated to helping with this nationwide problem. Members include other non-profits such as AARP and the National Council on Aging, plus innovative product and services like the Presto Computerless Email service, Clearsounds hearing-assisted products, GrandCare elder monitoring system, Dakim brain fitness software and many more. The products and services from these companies and organizations can really help families looking for care solutions, and can also help businesses by providing ways to lessen productivity loss.