Majority of parents are helping their adult kids financially
A majority of parents — 59 percent — provide financial support to their adult children who are no longer in school, according to a new survey reported by Forbes.
Among those parents, Forbes writes, 43 percent said they are “legitimately concerned” for their kids’ financial well-being. Thirty-seven percent said they have struggled and don’t want their children to struggle too.
Two-thirds of the young adults surveyed said the financial pressures faced by their generation are tougher than those faced by previous generations, Forbes reports. One in three parents agree.
The online poll by ForbesWoman and the National Endowment for Financial Education of 1,074 U.S. adults — non-students aged 18 to 39 and their parents—was conducted by Harris Interactive in May.
Forbes writes that parents are providing financial assistance in record numbers and on a scale that ranges from occasional cash to complete dependence.
Parental help comes in the following ways:
– Housing – 50 percent
– Living expenses – 48 percent
– Transportation costs – 41 percent
– Insurance coverage – 35 percent
– Medical bills – 28 percent
But it’s not just a one-way street, as 75 percent of the young adults contribute to the household financially and non-financially, Forbes writes.
According to the survey, young adults contribute for:
– Groceries – 52 percent
– Utilities — 34 percent
– Gas for the family car – 31 percent
– Rent or mortgage – 29 percent.
Also, 42 percent provide non-monetary help, such as cooking, cleaning or childcare, Forbes writes.
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102 comments Add your comment
Ayn Rand was right
May 23rd, 2011
7:37 am
If this is a temporary two way street, then fine, however, it seems more and more parents are refusing to push their chicks out of the nest. This co-dependent behavior creates a lifestyle for children that must be supported by the parents indefinitely. Sadly the very children they are trying to help become the burden that will drag down an entire family.
s
May 23rd, 2011
7:41 am
Growing up – I always thought the word boomerang referred to a device invented by Australians that if thrown correctly would return to the thrower.
I’ve discovered that’s not the only meaning.
PW
May 23rd, 2011
7:44 am
Unfortunately our current economic situation oftentimes prevents young adults from moving out on their own even though they may want to.
We have to be very careful about painting every situation with the same brush.
commoncents
May 23rd, 2011
7:49 am
I wonder if this survey accounts for the people who graduate college, get good jobs, then live at home while they save for a house? If you’re not paying $1k/month rent, you can have a very nice down payment in 1-2 years
content
May 23rd, 2011
7:57 am
i am 29 years old, married with 2 kids and a third on the way. i was asked to leave the house at 17 (graduation) and lived on my own for about 5 years and then decided to fund my way through college. i received a degree in sports management and have worked for the atlanta braves, hawks and vision. i also started my own sports camps company for kids (which went down the drain with the economy) while doing all of this with no help (money) from my parents. i do have a full time office job and enjoy my life, even though it is not in the field i planned for and there are many times my pride gets in the way and i am afraid and embarrised to ask my parents for help. they have been nothing but understanding and helpful in every way and they both told me that until they day they kick the bucket no matter our age, i will always be there little kid and they will always be there to help in any way needed. i survived and made it this long because my parents put me out on my own at an early age…i think these days parents coddle their kids to the point the next generation cant and wont be able to depend on them selves they are to used to every one else doing it for them
mw
May 23rd, 2011
8:01 am
The one positive aspect of Obamacare for my family was the ability to put my two children back on our healthcare insurance. Although they had coverage previously, the deductibles and co-pays were extremely high, and the coverage itself was lousy. They now pay us parents for their insurance coverage … so it doesn’t really cost us extra … but they get much better coverage for another couple of years.
We’ve also seen that, even with Honor’s degrees from the state’s flagship university, good jobs are extremely difficult to find. Fortunately, my kids avoided student loan debt, but their current jobs do not pay enough to make them completely self-supporting. Hopefully that will change soon.
Mary
May 23rd, 2011
8:03 am
I have never asked my parents for money but there have been times in life when they send me a check or some cash for “whatever I want to spend it on.” That incredible generosity has helped me pay for things that I would have had to go into debt for otherwise (new HVAC system, care repairs, appliance replacement, etc). My father always says: “never turn down a gift of cash.” I am profoundly aware of my good fortune in having parents who encouraged/demanded that I be able to take care of myself financially but who have also been generous with their good fortune.
Nan Lou
May 23rd, 2011
8:14 am
I guess its a matter of upbringing. My parents stood by me my whole life, including financially when I needed it. Even after being married and having kids. I do the same for my kids and will till I die. “Thats my job – that’s what I do – everything I do is because of them, to keep them safe with me – that’s my job you see …”
Ally
May 23rd, 2011
8:22 am
I also graduated in the middle of a recession (and with a degree in manufacturing no less), but I got out of the house AND saved to buy my own house on my own. Yes, I moved back home after graduation, but realized soon after that it was not a good thing for me so I saved up $2000 in 6 months (I was working in food service at a hotel). With the $2000, I packed up my car and moved to Atlanta with no job and no place to live. I quickly found both, although the job was waitressing (in a cheap restaurant. i.e. $1-2 tips).
I paid all of my bills on time, still went out and had fun, and continued to look for a job. I found a “real” job 2 years later, and since I had turned that $2000 into $10,000 in savings, I also bought my first house (yes, on my own, with no help from parents).
It doesn’t matter that this is a recession, that there are no jobs, that parents want to help their kids (my mom wanted me to stay at home because my dad had recently passed) — children NEED to get out of the house and try it on their own. The problem is that they either are lazy, don’t use their brains (no, you don’t need manicures or Starbucks when you have a low-paying job. yes, you should still save for car repairs or other needs) or prefer the “security” of home. Every one (parents and kids alike) need to face reality and the kids need to move out and experience life!!
mir
May 23rd, 2011
8:29 am
At the age of 18, my parents informed me that their responsibility as parents were over. Fifteen years later, they are calling me and asking for my help. I told them my responsibility as a child ended when I became an adult at 18.
ali
May 23rd, 2011
8:32 am
I agree in it’s how you were raised. My parents did very little for me growing up and didn’t provide me with a foundation to where I could be successful in life. They didn’t plan for my college education and felt it wasn’t their responsibilty to pay for it. I took out tens of thousands of dollars to complete my degree. While my life has always been struggle and the money never seems like it’s enough to even cover fixed expenses, I live my life with knowing that everything I have is because I worked for it. Nothing was given to me – nothing at all.
What Is Fair?
May 23rd, 2011
8:32 am
Too many kids think it is owed to them by their parents. I have helped my daughter many times to, as she says, get back on her feet. Whoopee – never seems to happen; she has had two losers for husbands and is still with the second one but “after all you should want better for me then you had it.” Yeah but not at my expense since I am on limited income and quite frankly I’m through. Sink or swim on your own. I had to and so can you. Pretty sad she cannot contribute to household expenses but makes sure her husband has plenty in his account in prison and puts money on her phone so he can call home three and four times a day. I’m tired of my measly check, which have gotten no raises in two years from SS, leaving me not even enough for a hamburger at McDonald’s. She has been told – find your own place cause I’m done.
Captain Reality
May 23rd, 2011
8:35 am
I worked my way through College & Grad School. I vowed my only child would not have to work during the school year (Summers, yes) but; not during the school terms. He did his patr, made good grades and graduated with no debt. When I die, he gets everything, why not give him and his family some assistance so I can see him enjoy my gifts?
Dixie Lot Lizard
May 23rd, 2011
8:37 am
Quit sucking “the hind teet” and make your own way. I’m 43 and my moms been dead sin e 1981 and my dads been gone since 2006 and I make my own way. E en when my dad was Ali e I never got / asked for money because he never did with his parents. These figures are shocking.
seritasunflower
May 23rd, 2011
8:38 am
Listen parents, why should our children think they can graduate college and instantly live the life it took some of us 30 years to have. I agree that it is tough for young people to find employment after college and save for helping them with insurance, young people need to understand what it means to wait and prioritize. And, there is nothing wrong with working 2. I see so many parent(s) (and probably me too) creating unrealistic worlds for kids because they don’t want to see them struggle. I believe there is nothing wrong with struggling when you’re just getting started in life versus a struggling “mentality” (one who consistently makes bad financial decisions). If they are at home, then realistic timeframes need to be set before they get too comfortable.
Sunny
May 23rd, 2011
8:45 am
As someone who has been helped immensely in the past two years by my father, I’d have to agree with the article. I was put out the day after my high school graduation (I’ve worked and saved since I was 14) to make it on my own. I moved to Atlanta in August of that same year, completed college, obtained a job and purchased my first home at 24 years of age.
Due to the economy, I lost my job in September of 2009 and had enough saved to “make it” during that first year of searching for work. Once my savings ran out, my father, took up the slack of my mortgage and handled it until I began working again in April of this year. He did that because he KNOWS that I am fully capable of taking care of myself and had fallen on hard times and he KNEW that I was pounding the pavement to find a way out of my financial situation. Even with me working just over a month, I have started saving to repay him for what he has done because he didn’t HAVE to do it, he’s just being a PARENT…I’m still his baby no matter how old I am. THANK YOU, DAD!!
Retired
May 23rd, 2011
8:49 am
Our oldest child graduated 4 years ago with a bachelor’s degree and worked for one year in her field before being laid off due to the recession. Instead of having a “pity party” and moving back home, she took an entry level job in a totally different industry and made it work until she found something better. Still is working “out of her field” but is gainfully employed and able to “keep up” financially. Very proud of her. The younger child is half way through her Master’s program and we can’t wait to see what she does in life! I say help ‘em if they really need it, but don’t throw a life preserver to ‘em if the water is only wasit deep.
Fletch
May 23rd, 2011
8:57 am
Retired – “I say help ‘em if they really need it, but don’t throw a life preserver to ‘em if the water is only wasit deep.”
Excellent statement! There is a HUGE difference between standing by and willing to lend a hand when called on vs. an outright giveaway. My parents have always treated myself and my siblings the same way. Yes, they were well off financially and could afford to help out if needed, but they also expected all of us to work hard and to earn our own way.
It’s the struggles that make you stronger!
sladersaan
May 23rd, 2011
8:59 am
I am not surprised at all. As a financial coach who helps people through very difficult financial times, I can tell you the majority of people (young and old) don’t know how to say no to themselves. Parents are unwilling to say no to their kids, teaching them enableing practices that lead to a lifetime of destructive behavior. Don’t blame this on the conomy because 41% of parents got it right.
How many of these kids that move back home have ipods, iphones, flat sceens? Let’s be truthful, most people keep confusing needs versus wants. My kids have learned the vlaue of a dollar and the hard needed to earn that dollar. It is in the teaching folks.
Sissy
May 23rd, 2011
9:00 am
My parents cut me off at 18. I did live at home, however they did not give me any money. I did have to care for my younger sister. Now I appreciate what they have done for me. However the younger sister is now 32 and they pay her car payment, insurance and anything else she needs. She has never worked a day in her life. My child went to college, has been paying her own car payment and insurance. She worked every summer during high school as a lifeguard and saved every penny has always paid for her on cell phone. She now lives back at home because she can not get a good enough job to support herself. However she does pay a portion of the bills. My stepdaughter graduated from high school two years ago, married right out of school had a baby 11 months later and thinks we are her bank. She and her husband work and make more than we do, but can not manage money. We have a generation of Lazy kids. It’s our fault for letting them lay around the house watch tv, play on the computer and play video games.
Bill
May 23rd, 2011
9:09 am
Ms. Rand,
Multigenerational households were the norm until about the middle of this century. Perhaps this is just a return to normality.
Bill
May 23rd, 2011
9:09 am
Mir,
And you are proud of that…??
ParentsAtFaultToo
May 23rd, 2011
9:12 am
First, as a parent..I see many parents setting their children up for financial disaster and dependency. My daughter is going to college locally, living at home and has a part time job for her own spending money, in return we have offered to pay her FULLY through college. Many parents want the bragging rights of being able to say that their child is “away at college” which usually translates into “student loans.” How do they expect their child to AFFORD to leave the nest with an entry level job after college and STUDENT LOANS?..my daughter learned fast after seeing friends older siblings returning back home after college to their old rooms and not being able to afford to take a job outside of the state.(students loan payments are usually as high or higher than rent payments! Can’t do both!)
If you want to give your kids a lifetime of opportunities then don’t set them up to fail just to have them out of the house for 4 years. My daugher plans on looking for job opportunties everywhere. Also, she is debt free and throws away the stupid credit card offers that come in the mail and is paying off her OWN car.
tar and feathers party
May 23rd, 2011
9:15 am
Wha wha, whaaa, I hear the 25 year old babies crying for their bottle……cry baby sissies…..git to work you lazy bums, especially the uga grads, that floor ain’t a gonna sweep itself…
Bill
May 23rd, 2011
9:18 am
Retired – “I say help ‘em if they really need it, but don’t throw a life preserver to ‘em if the water is only wasit deep.”
I might add, don’t wait until they are completely under water and gasping for air. Help should include guidance and a plan, not just a check.
ParentsAtFaultToo
May 23rd, 2011
9:18 am
Another thing parents.. help your children with the choices they look at for “careers” with a diploma..too many people on this blog talking about their children UNABLE to find work in their “CHOSEN DEGREE.”
Something not right with that picture!..too many kids getting “basketweaving degrees” and ending up working as a server at Chili’s!
tar and feathers party
May 23rd, 2011
9:25 am
All uga degrees are “basketweaving degrees” including their worthless law school…..imho. What do you call a uga law grad? Boy, as in “Boy, fetch me some more fries.”
ParentsAtFaultToo
May 23rd, 2011
9:25 am
Parents also BE HONEST with your kids..some comments are here are correct..stop making the world seem so easy and sugar coasting everything they need with a “credit card.” My younger teenage daughter came to me asking about what car she was going to get? Well simple answer, you see your dad’s old car in the driveway..THAT’s going to be your new car..don’t whine don’t complain..transportation is transportation..if you REALLY want your dream car..your going to have to pay for it yourself since the insurance is going up when i add you on. NOPE..most parents run out and by the kid the car they WANT..great parenting!
NOT THAT we can’t buy her a new car..(we do very well)..but that’s not the point..it took us a LIFETIME to do very well..and that first car is TEN TIMES better than the one my parents got me!…just because you CAN doesn’t mean you SHOULD. Saying NO is not a bad thing!
Bill
May 23rd, 2011
9:26 am
For my generation (baby boomers), moving out was relatively easy. Go out and get a job – there were plenty, and they paid pretty well. Or, go to college, then go out and get a job. Most of us were out of our parents house by the age of 20. However, has not been that easy before or since. I think that in many ways the world is a less forgiving place than it was.If you have ever been in legal trouble, no one will hire you. If you have been unemployed too long, no one will hire you. If your credit is not very good, no one will hire you. We used to believe in second chances.
It would be easy to pat myself on the back, proclaim that I was financially independent of my parents at 18 (mostly true), and criticize others for not doing the same. Everyone’s situation is different. I struggled. I learned a lot of things the hard way. Learning the hard way generally makes you a better person than you were before. It does not make you a better person than those who are yet to learn.
Bill
May 23rd, 2011
9:27 am
Tar and Feathers,
What made you so bitter? Did you flunk out of UGA??
Algia Tarrer
May 23rd, 2011
9:28 am
My daughter and her husband lost their jobs in February 2009. The children were twins 17 and an 11 year old. They were only surviving with public assistance and I picked up the mortgage payment of about $900. Then in September 2009, the floods ravaged their home. It was the good work of Samaritans Purse, family and friends, and my son-in-laws prior employer that helped them to start rising above the devastation of this loss. They lived in a small camper for 4 months while they tried to get back into the house hoping to rebuild. Living conditions were just not acceptable for a family; reminded one of a 3rd world country. They lived with open plumbing, curtains for walls, walked on blanks in the hall and from room to room. You could see the dirt beneath the make-shift floors. And, the mildew was always there. The treatment was almost daily applications of clorox. By January they had been to the county offices seeking permits to start rebuilding. Before any permits could be issued, the house had to be inspected to see if the structure and land would be sound. They were advised that the house had shifted from its foundation, the septic system would have to be replaced, and all mildew gone. To do this, they would need approximately $25,000. We as parents needed to step in and help. The house and land that was flooded is on the market (with no changes to its condition) for $15,000 and advertised as a fixer up dewelling. As of February 2010, this family of 5 now have a safe home that I purchased in my name. I make the mortgage payment, but they pick up all the other living expenses. As families see their children going thru such hard times, parents that have the means to assist cannot turn away. My son-in-law was called back to work 1 year later, but he lost some of his hourly wage. However, they are trying and are together. My husband passed away in 2010, and I continue to work. The twins are 19 now and going onto school to prepare for careers in nursing and mechanics. I’m proud to help my family; I was there to see the tears, disapppointments, and helplessness they endured. A lot of us are baby boomers and we had opportunities come so much easier to us than the generation now who are just trying to start college or taining for a career. How can we not pull together as extended family members to help each other!
AT
Bill
May 23rd, 2011
9:30 am
ParentsAtFaultToo,
Your parents GAVE you a car? We considered those people spoiled rich kids.
I have provided transportation for my kids as well. That is just one of the many things that have changed.
LovingMom
May 23rd, 2011
9:31 am
I love PW’s comment let’s not paint every situation with the same brush. I help my kids as well. My oldest has been out of the military for a little over a year. He’s in school and looking for a job. We all know jobs are hard too find. I allow him to live in one of my rentals for low rent.
My youngest is 19 and in collge. She wants a job and I prefer she doesn’t work during the school year but I don’t stop her. My parents didn’t help me do anything. They were extremely selfish. It made my life much more difficult and painful than it had to be. Yes I succeeded and I am financially stable but I could be so much further ahead if they’d just done the basics for me.
As long as my children are being decent responosible mini adults I will always be there for them. They know I won’t come to the jails or allow them to break me but I will ALWAYS be there to encourage, love, motivate and assist financially if they’re trying. We all make mistakes. My son is far less responsible than my daughter.
N
May 23rd, 2011
9:32 am
My feelings:
parents won’t be there forever to provide help so hopefully they are assisting their kids in getting the skills to support themselves.
Financial pressures greater? Yes, its a tough economy right now but other periods have been touhg too AND the needs today are so much greater for most people – Computers, Internet, Cable, Smart Phone with Data plans. No wonder they have no money.
N
May 23rd, 2011
9:40 am
They scary part is when parents are helping their kids so much but have nothing saved for retirement and I think we all know people in that situation.
Bill
May 23rd, 2011
9:57 am
AT,
Well done, that is what family is for. Sometimes bad things just happen. Those of us who have not had this kind of hardship tend to think it is simply because we made better decisions. As my wife often reminds me, no one makes bad decisions on purpose.
Bill
May 23rd, 2011
9:57 am
Loving Mom,
Boys often take more time.
Susan
May 23rd, 2011
10:01 am
I am 45yo and live with my father who is 84. While this started out as a way to put a roof back over my head last Aug, I was unemployed, had not been able to find a job in two yrs…I have since found a job but find that I do not want to leave my father to live alone again. He is still able to drive and for the most part take care of himself, but I find I do all the cooking and cleaning and 95% of the yard work. While this does put a cramp in my “social” life, my daddy’s well being is worth the sacrafice!
Chatham
May 23rd, 2011
10:05 am
My kids were taught financial responsibility, by example, and now they’re financially responsible adults. They know how to earn a living, how save and invest, and how to live within their means. If they ever do hit a rough patch they know that they can turn to me for temporary assistance, but not permanent welfare.
Not sure what the issue is
May 23rd, 2011
10:06 am
Not sure what the big issue is about helping children. My grandparents helped my parents when they needed assistance. My parents have helped my sister and me when we needed assistance. I plan to help my children when they are adults when they need assistance. Family helping family….when did that become a bad thing? Isn’t that way families do? Part of it is how the westernized world has chosen to set up our society, what our culture is. Other cultures live together as family communal units. Some cultures children don’t leave their parents home until marriage. And some require children to be out on their own when they reach what they feel is the age of majority. There is nothing wrong with any of these scenarios. It is just what different people’s value systems are. I do believe there is a difference between help and handicap. If you set up or enable a situation that makes it impossible for your children to ever be able to support themselves, that is a problem. I agree with PW about not painting every scenario with the same brush.
Jenn
May 23rd, 2011
10:07 am
My husband lost his job recently and our only car broke down completely a few months later. I am still working, but it’s been difficult. My in-laws loaned us the money to buy a good used car, and we are in the process of paying them back. So I think that it’s okay for adult children to ask for help in extreme situations, but there is a limit.
pat
May 23rd, 2011
10:10 am
Enter your comments here
tar and feathers party
May 23rd, 2011
10:17 am
I read in a financial journal that the biggest predictor of poverty in old age is how much money the parents have given to their adult children over the course of their lives. The younger generation is use to free flowing money from its parents generation. We have extended dependency to nearly 30 years of age, and started public school now at age 4 with Pre-K. The college years are funded by Uncle Stupid’s student loans, loans that will never be repaid by this dead beat generation. Now mom and dad get to keep their dead beat brats on their employer paid insurance plan till age 26! The dependency and drain on the older generation never ends. Yet all you hear about today is whining about social security costs. The Giant Generation is the only generation in history to have funded its own retirement for some 30 years in advance. But the lying, thieving politicians (ALL OF THEM) have stolen that money and wasted it on their pet projects.
S
May 23rd, 2011
10:19 am
My children are 7, 6 and 4. I have started teaching them the value of money like my parents did before. They understand that everything costs something. When they go in the store or to McDonald’s, etc., they have learned that they can do without if they have to spend their own money. I have also taught them that they should donate a toy to other children in need in order to get another two. It is all in how you are raised. HOWEVER, with that being said, I do think it is okay for a parent to help their children. BUT you should not make them co-dependent, especially if they are walking around with cell phones, new cars etc. It is amazing what children can pay for/do without when they know they can’t get any assistance with the bills.
JJ
May 23rd, 2011
10:23 am
As a single parent, I have always struggled.
My daughter is back home, after finishing her second year of college. She was given 2 weeks to find a job, or she would lose her car. After 3 weeks, still no job. I have taken her car away from her (it’s in my name) and I have cut her off financially. No more money (or her car) from me, until she is gainfully employed. She is 20 and it’s time for her to take financial responsibility for herself.
Once she has landed a job, then I will help her out until her first payment.
jarvis
May 23rd, 2011
10:30 am
18 – 39 is a HUGE difference. I see helping out an 18-year-old trying to get on his/her feet, but for God’s sake 39?!!!
If you need help at 39, the only reason you don’t need help your whole life, is that your parents have died and can’t provide it anymore. Stop suckling at some point.
Will
May 23rd, 2011
10:33 am
Wouldn’t it be helpful if our government paid to put our kids through college instead of sending billions of dollars in aid to countries like Pakistan?
JJ
May 23rd, 2011
10:33 am
*pay check*, not payment…
Brookhaven Guy
May 23rd, 2011
10:34 am
More and more data supports that wages are down, and that it will be harder for the younger generation to become wealthy and also to simply save. Those are the facts.
Furthermore, why wait to give inheritance in one lump sum at a later date? Avoid taxes by spreading it out over time. Also, assuming my parents live until 85 (which my grandparents all did), I wouldn’t see my inheritance until I am 55…at which point I hope to have sufficient savings and funds earned over my 35 years of work!
Bill
May 23rd, 2011
10:35 am
There are lots of approaches to helping kids to learn about financial responsibility. I won’t claim that I have the answer, or that I know more than others here, but I will share my experience.
I have three kids, and from the time they were small, it has been my philosophy, that we will try to provide for them all of the experiences we can. We have sometimes struggled to do it, but we have paid for lots of music lessons, dance lessons, summer camps and debate trips. There is very little limit, if we can do it, we do.
What we don’t do is spend money on a lot of stuff for them. We will by all the experiences we can, but only the stuff that we need.
Retarded Parent
May 23rd, 2011
10:38 am
My son asked for $20 for gas, so he could drive to an interview. I told him to get a job if he needed money. He missed his interview, but I’ll bet he learned a valuable lesson.
THIS MOMMY DON'T MIND HELPING
May 23rd, 2011
10:43 am
I help my son & don’t mind doing so as long as he is helping himself & being a good father to his son. He finished school & works full time. He is not stealing or robbing anyone or going to jail, but just working hard trying to take care of himself & his son & he respects me & his Dad so I will ALWAYS be there for him & do whatever I can. He knows it is hard out here. I help him with necessities e.g. gas to get to work, food, daycare, not with foolishness, stuff he can do without e.g. alcohol, cigarettes,etc.
Tamika
May 23rd, 2011
10:48 am
There is a big difference between helping our children and ruining them. It’s all too easy to give them what they want. It takes courage and wisdom to know when to sacrifice and help and when to love our kids by saying no.
queeng65
May 23rd, 2011
10:52 am
As a parent of 27 year old twins I can clearly remember being a single parent and not having any help from my parents. Although, I have have always been responsible that created an terrible feeling with me. My goal is to try to create a balance on when to help and when to let them figure it out on their own. Another thing is that sometimes they, one in particular seems to feel a sense of entitlement. I want them to be just a responsible as me an my siblings, so therefore, I help but there is limited help. I have provided plenty of advice that will allow them to be successful if they listen and follow it. Most of the time they don’t. I do not plan to be helping them out at 39 years old. I am also the mother of a small child and sometimes I feel they expect me to take away from her to help them. I will not do that under any circumstances!
The Good Parents
May 23rd, 2011
10:54 am
This just shows what kind of parents are out there these days. I must say that my 2 recent college graduates are doing fine without our help. Neither has had difficulty finding work, one even didn’t get the greatest job with the okay pay but he made the best of it. I guess I can pat myself on the back for doing an awesome job, as my kids will tell us so.
Ayn Rand Lived on Social Security
May 23rd, 2011
11:05 am
My wife and I helped every one of our children as adults – when they needed it. As did my parents; as did my grandparents to my parents. That’s what family is all about. We didn’t pay our parents back, nor did our parents pay back our grandparents. We always pay it forward. I expect my children to help our grandchildren after we die. Get off the children bashing.
Now the intent of the article was to bring out a discussion on the economy. It’s only been since the 90’s that a cycle of boom and bust has stopped. Well, it caught up to us. We’re having a tough one now. Hopefully us boomers put aside some spare money expecting a bust to eventually show up. We did. For the people who didn’t expect the bust, I feel for you. I wish our government would get off the kick of a balanced budget. If our people did this, we’d never be able to buy a car and pay for it down the road; we’d never be able to buy a house and pay for it down the road. It’s only since I got old that I’m on a cash basis. But we NEVER should have had 2 wars and an unending one and never PLANNED to pay for it. The Democrats should have FORCED the Republicans and the Republican President to set up long-term payments for it. A million dollars a missile, and no one expected the USA taxpayers to pay for it? Shame on you!!
Ender
May 23rd, 2011
11:23 am
Wow. I think the proof is in the poll. I love all the people deriding the next generation who typically leaves college with $42,000 in student loans and faces rental values that have been jacked up by Boomers. You’re average kid now faces very little job prospect, $300/month in student loan repayment, $200/month car payment, $60/month phone bill, $150/month health care insurance, high gas prices, etc… There’s no way kids today can get by on a waiter or waitresses pay so give me a break all you self-proclaimed “I did it all on my own, why can’t they?” heroes out there. Your grammar belies the fact that you never really aspired to anything great, probably never had to deal with student loans…
Carol
May 23rd, 2011
11:25 am
We now have both sons, ages 39 and 43 back with us. The 43 year old returned to our house after a failed business and marriage. Initially, it was bad because of a girl friend and bad influences. He went through an awakening and now things are better. The younger son (single) is in the process of moving back in after being laid off from his job and losing his house. The biggest issue we have is no privacy, but we’re working it out because my husband has become partially disabled and is unable to participate in as many things around the house and our small business. The young men have been a big help to us.
doctor
May 23rd, 2011
11:50 am
@content:
Yeah that’s good for you but for those people who will be future professionals like doctors, dentists, lawyers, etc. you know, the smarter people in society, financial help is required from parents because of the sky high costs and long time it takes to become one, especially a doctor. So that’s great you made it but your views only work for those who will be just your everyday joe shmo working at some random business doing some random job.
tar and feathers party
May 23rd, 2011
11:59 am
Dear Ender: Fetch me some more wine, Boy!
Bill
May 23rd, 2011
12:02 pm
Ender,
“Wow. I think the proof is in the poll. I love all the people deriding the next generation who typically leaves college with $42,000 in student loans and faces rental values that have been jacked up by Boomers”
You just doubled the average debt quoted in the article.
Bill
May 23rd, 2011
12:03 pm
Tar and Feathers,
Please consider going back on the meds.
Bob Loblaw
May 23rd, 2011
12:08 pm
If you’re going to give your children, don’t make them feel guilty about it. Choose very wisely which children you help out. Which one is using the money to better themselves? Which child uses the weekly money to buy cigs?
Bob Loblaw
May 23rd, 2011
12:12 pm
If you are hading out money on a weekly basis, there’s your sign.
tar and feathers party
May 23rd, 2011
12:20 pm
Bill – I have no sympathy for the slacker, I am owed generation, none what so ever. The lazy bums don’t even have the draft hanging over their heads, or a pointless jungle war to waste away their youth fighting for no good reason than the whim of idiots in washingass, dc. I say we should never, ever forgive their student debt from the five year party that passes as higher education here in AmeriKa.
Bill
May 23rd, 2011
12:26 pm
Tar and Feathers,
“the lazy bums don’t even have the draft hanging over their heads, or a pointless jungle war to waste away their youth fighting for no good reason than the whim of idiots in washingass, dc”
No, instead, they have two wars that we put on their credit card.
tar and feathers party
May 23rd, 2011
12:33 pm
Bill, I believe it is OUR credit card, and we did not put the wars on the card, the WashingAss Clowns did. The same clowns who have looted the social security trust fund that we have been pouring our money into all our working lives. As for the fat slacker generation, I suggest they work on their lower body muscles, because the only jobs I will offer them is picking vegetables on my farm, at the lowest possible wage the market will accept.
tar and feathers party
May 23rd, 2011
12:36 pm
PS Bill, the two wars are not hanging over the heads of the slackers, there is no longer a draft. Our generation took care of that little problem. Now is we could just put a leash on the President’s ability to drag 310 million of us into a foreign war on his little whim, we will be making progress. Enforce the War Powers Act, and make it even stronger!
DebDoes
May 23rd, 2011
12:42 pm
I helped my child through and after college…paid for car, insurance, housing until age 29. It’s what parents do if they can. On the other hand, I got married young and never asked for nor received help from my parents. I owned my first home at age 20 and have owned several homes (at one time) and multiple cars all while getting two degrees and being a single parent. It depends on how you are raised. If I have it, I share it.
Mary
May 23rd, 2011
12:50 pm
Due to the current economic situation, our son-in-law lost a 20 year, good paying job, we found ourselves helping with house payments, grocieries, and clothing for our grandchildren. He found a job within 5 months, but the pay is less than half of his previous salary. Now our daughter who is employeed as a para pro in the local school system is facing the possibility of loosing her job. She has a degree in social services and is currently working on a teaching certificate. Without the health care changes inacted they would have been without health care. They have a daughter that has a treatable but not cureable illness. People find themselves in bad situations that are not of their making, nor do they have any control over them. For the present time our family is better off than alot of other people. If we dont not bring jobs back to this country and start chargning tariffs for good coming in, as other countries do and large financial institutions be more closely monitiored to insure they play by the rules, this country may never fully recover from the mess we are in.
Jenny
May 23rd, 2011
12:53 pm
I am having to help support not only my 26 year old daughter, but my husband too who’s out of work. If this economy doesn’t improve soon we are going to lose everything. I’m 57 years old and we’re not going to have anything to live on before this is over. We’ve got to get more jobs and more income back into the State of Georgia and the nation.
Ad Naseum
May 23rd, 2011
12:59 pm
“Due to the current economic situation”
Sounds like a personal problem to me
Ad Naseum
May 23rd, 2011
1:00 pm
“People find themselves in bad situations that are not of their making, nor do they have any control over them”
Another oldy but goody!
All In The Family
May 23rd, 2011
1:03 pm
Just read the post by THIS MOMMY DON’T MIND HELPING and you’ll figure out why the majority of parents are helping their adult kids financially. Parents are enabling there kids to take advantage of them and potentially ruin their financial futre. You reap what you sow!
Tim
May 23rd, 2011
1:04 pm
For a couple of months just after college I needed help. I just turned 29, and for the past year I’ve more than repaid it by having to financially support my parents because they took a hit in the recession for the past couple of years.
Build The Outer Perimeter
May 23rd, 2011
1:20 pm
I agree with Bill. The Boomer generation grew up in a time that success was easier to attain. Unfortunately, we Boomers haven’t exercised constant vigilance over our government and it’s spendthrift ways like we should have. As a result, we have allowed our country, that the Greatest generation gave us, to be destroyed by government and business greed with our inattention. Our job in retirement should be to constantly monitor and analyze our senators’ and representatives’ actions, and to relentlessly pressure them to fix this mess of an economy that has been created by their greed and vote-buying dishonesty. This should begin with stopping these slow-motion wars we are in.
Very independent
May 23rd, 2011
1:29 pm
I laughed my head off at DebDoes. We are financially comfortable. We put our 2 kids through college. Both had scholarships and we paid the substantial amount not covered by the scholarships. They have both graduated in the last 3 years and both have decent jobs—not great but decent. Both live in apartments, pay for their own insurance, etc. etc. I always told them that our obligation was to see that they had a good education and developed the life skills needed to succeed as well as to deal with adversity. It is not my obligation to support them because I can afford to. I did that for 23 years for each one. If an emergency arises that we will see what we should do—but we are not obligated to support them any more. Our kids are independent and self-reliant. They are working hard and living with their means. Neither feels that we should be financially supporting them at this point in their lives. The best we can do for our children is to teach them to be independent and self-reliant and send the on their way.
Truth
May 23rd, 2011
1:52 pm
Adults who “spin out” in the game of life and mooch off of their parents are no different than those who choose to be on welfare and other government cheese. They have no motivation because they are happy eeking out a living and are draining our society and feel entitled to what others have earned because they are envious and miserable. Another version of the haves and the have nots. Yawn…
Truth
May 23rd, 2011
1:54 pm
On second thought, they are worse. Its one thing to be born into mediocrity and have no one teach you motivation to succeed. Its completely worse to be born into a good, responsible family and then disappoint your parents and shame your family name by doing nothing and then spending the rest of your life as a parasite.
S GA Christian Mom
May 23rd, 2011
2:21 pm
We have a married son who is 40 and has 2 daughters, 10 & 4. We also have a married daughter who is 37 that has 3 children, 14,11, & 10. Since the day they left home neither one of them has asked for any money. Both worked their way thru college with my husband and I occasionally buying books. We give gifts on Birthdays & Christmas and when asked we find it a joy to babysit.
Too many young folks today think that they have to have “Everything right NOW”. We taught our children to work, sacrafice and wait for anything that was not necessary to survival.
People can actually live well withouth all of the “Trinkits” that so many have taught their children to become accustom to.
Both of our children have responsible jobs and have bought their own homes.
I know that sometimes there are circumstances beyond one’s control that necessitate helping, but I can say that when children are raised with Christian Values they will not take advantage of or expect their parents to continue to support them financially.
Boss Hawg
May 23rd, 2011
2:47 pm
People keep talking about these economic hard times like they are temporary when they are certainly not for the conceivable future. Wages are un-naturally low while tuition, taxes, products and services are highly inflated. Things will not change until the reins of government are pried from the hands of big business and special interest groups.
hey Nan Lou
May 23rd, 2011
2:55 pm
nice conway twitty reference!
My theory is that the single-parent household has killed our country. Double rent, double utilities, double everything related to shelter. It’s too expensive and eats away at any chance of savings.
Catherine
May 23rd, 2011
3:06 pm
My mother (a Boomer; I’m Gen X) put herself through college but nearly killed herself doing it. When it was my turn, she saw me trying the same thing and I distinctly remember her telling a neighbor that “there’s no way she can do this.” In the end we worked out a deal where I took care of the tuition/fees for the first two years of college and she let me stay at home rent-free. After that, rent and either a job/school were required. PERIOD. I’ve never gone back home, but that still stands (though only as a last resort) and at this point I couldn’t do anything else and live with my conscience anyway.
It’s all in how you’re raised. I never was allowed to expect anything else from my parents, and it’s never occurred to me to do so.
Joyce
May 23rd, 2011
3:40 pm
We have a son who was supposed to be going to college in the fall for his senior year but he’s not. Why? Because he decided he no longer needed to work and earn the amount of money we told him he had to earn to help pay for his education and we refuse to pay it because he quit his job. Now he can’t find another job. We also refuse to cosign loans for him either. I went to college by paying for it as I could afford to go (took 9 years to get a 4 year degree) and it didn’t hurt me one iota. It won’t hurt him either!!! As part of his conditions for living with us without being in school or working he is required to prove to us that he is looking for work. He has to provide names of places he has applied and if he applies on line either my husband or myself look over his application and hit the “submit” button. He knows if he slacks off on his job hunting that he will be given a deadline to move out as we are not going to support him if he’s not doing his part. More parents need to do the same!
Joe
May 23rd, 2011
3:40 pm
New meaning to living in your mom’s basement. I gues now it is cool…..
JE
May 23rd, 2011
4:09 pm
The American, post WW2 nuclear family model is an aberration that exists no where else in the world! It is on the wane here because globalization has really hammered middle class jobs. The extended family approach will become more popular.
ParentsAtFaultToo
May 23rd, 2011
4:18 pm
@Bill
I said they GAVE me a car..didn’t say it way running did I?..NOPE..spoiled rich kid that I was I had to get it to work..PS..No radio, barely an AC…so if that counts as SPOILED..then I guess I was and just didn’t know it..
Atlanta mom
May 23rd, 2011
4:29 pm
Parents—just say NO. Not when they are 39, not when they are 27, not when they are 18. Say it when they are TWO, and three and thirteen. If they can learn that they don’t need everything they want, they will be in a better position for the rest of their lives.
Another something I don’t understand. All these kids who can’t afford apartments for $1,000 a month—ever consider a roommate? No, they want it all.
25 yr old doing just fine
May 23rd, 2011
4:38 pm
I’m surprised by all these parents who are proud that their 30 year old kids are finally paying their own rent and or payment. My parents would have been so upset! Yes, my parents supported me through college and I now have no student loans to pay off and I am eternally grateful for that. I graduated 4 years ago, in the tough economy, and as soon as I did I got my first job, started paying my own rent, utilities, bought a car and make all the payments, cell phone, health insurance, gas money, groceries, you name it I pay it. I think THIS is normal and what parents should be expecting from their kids! My parents gave me the tools early on to manage money and they helped me out tremendously by letting me start off debt free. If parents give their kids a solid foundation when they’re young they should not need to support them into their mid or late 20’s. God forbid early 30s!
I realize everybody’s situation is different and some young adults move back home to save money for a house or what not. I would never judge that as long as they’re not getting a free ride and get out of their parents house as soon as they can afford their large purchase they’ve been saving for. More power to them.
RenaP
May 23rd, 2011
4:41 pm
They polled 1,074 adults. There are over 300 million people in the US. For argument sake lets say that only 1/4 of the population is adults. That would make 75,000,000 adults to survey.
What makes them think polling 1,074 people could possibly speak about 75,000,000 people?
I think polls are bull$hit. I sure hope this one is – because all it tells us is we are raising a bunch of losers that still need their mommies and daddies as to take care of them as adults!
catlady
May 23rd, 2011
4:42 pm
We ALL have been helped! Give me a break! Just by being born in this country, we have been given the best of advantages. NONE of us “did it on our own!”
Everyone has to do what they feel comfortable with.
Hopefully none of us have “Dealed” our children (set them up in a questionable business, guaranteeing their loan with money they couldn’t afford.)
RenaP
May 23rd, 2011
4:48 pm
mw May 23rd, 2011 – 8:01 am
“We’ve also seen that, even with Honor’s degrees from the state’s flagship university, good jobs are extremely difficult to find.”
Guess what little spoiled $hit$ – sometimes you have to take a crappy job and work your way up to a good job. that’s a lot of the problem with some of these kids. They have no idea what it is like to struggle. thinking about it as an adult – some of my most fondest memories are being young, broke and finding my way in the world. Parents should not take that experience from their kids.
Jean
May 23rd, 2011
4:54 pm
Why all the judgement? Isn’t it up to each family to decide if they want to help each other financially? How many brothers give money to sisters? How many people help out their elderly parents, as I have? How many more elderly parents will be moving in with their adult children when this generation of workers with underperforming 401(k)s begins to retire? Who decided a multigenerational household is a bad thing?
Joni loves...living at home!
May 23rd, 2011
5:03 pm
Everyone’s situation is different. For example, I’ve always lived “at home”. In the beginning (growing up), home was apartments, but for the past 10 years, my mother and I have lived in a townhouse in Stone Mountain (I contributed money for the down payment, but her name is on the deed). My mother raised me as a single parent. Without a man in her life (and with me being the youngest), she raised me more as her companion than as her child. I think it had to do with the fact that my mother has never lived alone. She was the 3rd child among 11 kids (and oldest girl). She ended up having to take care of her younger siblings, cousins, and neighbor kids. She left home to get married, then had my brother, then had me. As for me, after I turned 18, I still didn’t feel ready to live on my own. I also felt guilty about leaving my mother alone too. Plus, I saw my cousins and friends moving out and struggling, only to move back in a year of two later. I never wanted that. I never wanted to be in a position of having to move back home once I left. The thing is, I never felt like I didn’t have a life just because I still lived with my mother. I traveled, worked, had relationships and friends, a child, all while living “at home”. She helps me with childcare (doing more than my son’s dad sometimes!). I’ve always paid half of the household bills every month (except for when I was laid off for 6 months). The downside to that is now my mother relies heavily on my income. She was laid off 2 or 3 times in a row so she went into semi-retirement (she’s almost 70). She works here and there, but not too many employers are looking for someone her age. She gets social security, but she can’t retire on that and live alone. When I was younger and told people I lived at home, they said stuff like, “Stay as long as you can!” At the time it was great advice, but now I’m at the point where I want to know what its like to be independent and can afford to do so. Now, even I feel weird telling people I live with her, given my age. I’ll make it seem like I moved in with her because of the recession, or just don’t tell people anything. When they find out my age, they assume I live alone anyway. I usually won’t tell people until after I get to know them. I guess I don’t want anyone to judge the fact that I’ve never left the nest. There’s less of a stigma against a boomerang child than one that’s never left home.
Still waiting on my bailout
May 23rd, 2011
5:12 pm
Well thanks to an awesome economy I have a bachelors degree with no REAL job. I went to school finished no kids no credit card debt no bad marriage no investment gone wrong (except my higher education choice) with just under 100k in debt via student loans. So yeah sue me if I need a couple bucks from mom and dad. Ive worked since I was 14, I have always had a full time job but cant seem to make ends meet when Sallie Mae and AES want 400 bucks a piece per month to subsidize outrageous interest rates on a thankless degree.
stephgob
May 23rd, 2011
5:33 pm
I am surprised (yet sort of not too surprised) by these figures. I’m graduated college 5 years ago, and while my parents were able to help me out a bit while in school, I knew that was a gift that no child should expect to have handed out. I maintained good grades, so my tuition was covered for most of my time in college. The student loans I did have to take out, I am paying back on my own. As an adult, I have had to learn a lot from my own misadventures in spending and saving. While I know my parents would like to be able to help me at every corner, they have the self control not to, and I wouldn’t dare ask it of them. They supported me my entire young life, and now I’m an adult. When my mom was my age, she was expecting her second child, and she and my dad were working hard to take care of their own family. Just because I (and many others in my generation) am on my own, instead of married, does not mean I should expect to be babied until I finally “settle down.”
My younger brother did manage to get the in-law suite at my parents house for free during his college days (a luxury that wasn’t available when I was in college), but now that he’s an adult, it is no longer a free room for him! I’m sure it’s tough, but my lazy generation needs the kick in the butt to take care of ourselves a bit and grow up.
Good luck to the parents who have the means but are struggling w/ the strength to “cut off” the kids, and good luck to the grown up “kids” with embracing independence and being willing to start at the bottom to work to the top.
Sasser
May 23rd, 2011
5:34 pm
Spoiled BRATS!!!!!!
Bravo
May 23rd, 2011
6:19 pm
“They have no idea what it is like to struggle. thinking about it as an adult – some of my most fondest memories are being young, broke and finding my way in the world.”
Correct RenaP – some of the happiest times of my life when I was young and broke! Adults tend to spoil themselves as they get older. I can’t wait till my kiddos are gone and on their own and I can rid myself of the majority of my possessions, by spending it on travel and life adventures. My kids won’t need my money if I have raised them right, which I am quite confident that I have.
I know more and more children that are taking of advantage of their parents. It’s learned early and obviously goes into young adulthood. The “poor economy” is no excuse, but bad parenting is! Teach your kids to pay for life’s essential first (which includes health insurance) and then save, save, save. The “economy” would not be a problem if folks had done the rights things all along! OWN YOUR MISTAKES!
V.Cantrell
May 23rd, 2011
7:28 pm
I have a step-daughter who has not held but two jobs in the last fifteen years. She lived off her mother until she became bed ridden, and has been put in a nursey home. She continued to take her mother’s money until it was gone. Now she is calling her father (my husband) , she does have a job working 20 hours a week at low wages. She spends her money on herself and live-in, then calls her daddy and tells him wild stories of why she has no money. She has been in trouble for buying drugs.
My husband and I do not agree on what he is doing. I am telling him he is enabling her not to be and indpendent adult. She is (35), single has no husband or children. I was born in the forties and have worked for evey dime I have. I’m at the end of my road.
Linda80398
May 23rd, 2011
7:45 pm
Well, la de freakin’ dah! Aren’t many of you just wonderful, never asked for help, never needed help. Our parents helped us, we help our kids. I’m not willing to let our children and grandchildren do without. Our children are not responsible for this country’s financial meltdown and I’ll be darned if they are going to “pay the price” for the excesses of the greedy and the unethical practices of the ones who put us in this boat. We’re not teaching them to be “irresponsible”. We’re not “enabling” immature behavior. We’re making sure they have a roof over their heads, food and medical care. Wait until your nine year old granddaughter needs a refill prescription for her asthma inhaler and her parents don’t have the $140! And before you march out “Peachcare”, we refuse to let our children accept “public assistance” as long as we can pay for it. They weren’t raised on public assistance and they’re not going to raise the grandchildren to believe that is the way to “get by”. As for the gentleman “anticipating” your inheritance – Shame on you! So you’ll be 55 before you get something you didn’t earn in the first place! We’re a few years older than you and we certainly find no joy in what my mother-in-law left us. We paid a HUGE price for it…her presence and love! It isn’t worth it, believe me.
Garry
May 23rd, 2011
8:46 pm
This is shameful. Blame unions, government and Wall Street. The never ending pressure to produce quarterly earnings forces corporate leaders to make short term decisions which ultimately serves to eliminate jobs, opportunities and undermines the future of our youth. Unions destroy jobs (i.e. Auto, Steel, etc.) to maintain a higher than market based wage and salary so jobs go overseas. Governments incomptency….say no more there and Wall Street greed. Atlas Shugged and Mugged!
TnGelding
May 24th, 2011
2:23 pm
It’s great that they’re helping each other out in these perilous times. We’ve ben lucky so far and don’t have needs.