* Fewer mimes are trying to escape their boxes. They seem to be content to stay exactly where they are in these hard times.

* Local dog pounds finding fewer lost pets. More dogs are taking refuge under hillbilly porches. Reports from rural alabama say that the criteria defining a redneck has been raised from seven dogs under a porch to 13.

* In addition to installing more “ten items or less” lanes, grocery stores now have shoplifter-only lanes. Instead of “paper or plastic”, the bagboys now ask, “Probation or Community service, sir?”.

* Plumbers are experiencing a golden age as more people try to save money by not flushing. This coming at a time when Charmin has introduced a mega-roll (4 rolls in one), and kelloggs has added another scoop to make a total of three scoops of raisins to their cereal.

* Fewer hunters have economists saying that the only thing americans have to fear are deers themselves.

The exact same symptoms appeared during the great depression so hang on america.