5:14 pm March 31, 2012, by David O'Brien
April 6th, 20124:15 pm
Just say what you want to say Please
New Mexico Lee
April 6th, 20124:27 pm
You make me wish…………..You make me wish I was 25 years younger, you make me wish I was 75 pounds lighter, you make me wish I was single, you make me wish I lived in Atlanta. But the sad part is even if all that was true, you would not give me a second look, not even a first look. You are way out of my league. Just the thought of someone like you even talking to me blows my mind. And for me to feel that kind of love for you is not right.
OK there you go. So let me have it. Just remember before you start yelling at me, you asked.
April 6th, 20124:38 pm
I am not going to yell at you. I would never do that to you. I appreciate your honesty. I really wish that you were here tonite. You cannot imagine what I am going to do. It is nothing that you will be ashamed of. Crystal will be here and even my boss is going to be here. This is going to be the performance of my life. I am literally going to knock there socks off. I am determined to bring the house dowm Physically and mentally prepared to do something I have never done before. I am not out to give pleasure. I am out to give me confidence. Anyway you know I kove you. One more time sending you a wink and a kiss. Hurry up and catch it.
April 6th, 20124:46 pm
Kove, what’s kove. LOL You don’t think I am sick and disgusting. Maybe you should.
Physically and mentally prepared….What are you going to do?
I got them and I am going to hold them near and dear to my heart for a long time. I’m shaking.
April 6th, 20125:02 pm
No I do not think you are disgusting or sick. You are just being honest. Kove was supposed to be loveOK. Do you really want to know. Maybe you do . Maybe you dont. Is it really necessary that I tell you. If it is I will tell you when I send you your last wink and kiss. I told Crystal what I am going to do and All she said was unbelieveable. She has got to see it for herself. Its nothing vulgar. Dont worry. I am Ok just tired, but saving all strength for tonite
April 6th, 20125:12 pm
No you don’t have to tell me. You save as much energy as you can for tonight. I will send my energy to you to help. I may not be able to be there physically, but I am with you mentally.
April 6th, 20125:22 pm
All I will tell you is that it will not be a 15 minute performance. It will be 1 hour. I am going to make them really wait to see what they want to see. There is going to be a whole lot of using beads, using the wink, the stroll. and making them wonder what is next. They are going to get what they want but there is going to be a whole lot of dancing first. If they are patient they will get what they want but it is also going to cost them. That is the best way I know how to tell you. There is more to it,but you would just have to be here to believe it. I will be thinking of you and wish you were here to see it
April 6th, 20125:32 pm
Sounds very exciting. You are going to blow the roof off the place. And once you do, you will realize that you are BACK and 100% and there will be no holding you down. You will not need anyone. You will make everything happen for you and what you want. There will be no stopping you. WOO WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO That train will be deafening.
April 6th, 20125:41 pm
Supper is ready. We are having breaded Salmon, mashed potatoesand gravy. Got green beans macaroni salad and more chocolate cake. Yes it is going to be exciting and very intense and hope I blow their socks. I want this to be OK for me.I want everybody to remember it it is important to me. I hope you understand why I am doing this. Yes I want the money, but that is not the main reason. Sorry if it upsets you
April 6th, 20125:50 pm
It doesn’t upset me. I’m 100% behind you. You go for it. You do it. I know why you are doing it. So just go and do it. You give it everything you have, hold nothing back. Everyone there will remember it forever. And it will be a great memory. I want to see that smile. I want to see that confidence. I want to see that drive. It’s all there, inside of you and now is the time to let it all out.
You sure know how to make a guy hungry. That sounds very close to what I made for supper on Wednesday. LOL YOU GO GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
April 6th, 20126:04 pm
Pray for me, Have confidence in me. PLEASE let me pull this off. If I can do this then you can call me all those beautiful names come Monday. I want this and hope everyone understands, I feel in my heart that when this nite is over. Noone can stand in my way. Samantha will be back with more fight and drive she has ever had. I have got to keep that train rolling and make sure it doesnt.stop. Im crying right now because i am scared I cant pull it off Crystal is with me. She says I can do it. Do you?
April 6th, 20126:15 pm
I know YOU CAN DO IT!!!!! YOU WILL DO IT!!!!!!!! IT IS GOING TO BE AMAZING!!!!!!!! NO FEAR!!!!!!!!! Crystal will be there with you. I will send you all my love, all my support, all my energy, all my power, all my heart, all my soul, all my spirit. You are going to even amaze yourself. It is going to be beyond wonderful. You are all those things right now, you are amazing, wonderful, smart, beautiful and talented. It is going to be the prefect night for the prefect young woman. You are going fly like an eagle. There is nothing to worry about and that is coming from me, Mr. worry wart. LOL
April 6th, 20126:22 pm
Thank You. I wish there was someway I could tell you about it tomorrow. Crystal says I am just tired. To put that in the back of my mind. To keep my smile. Go for. Pull it off and leave them in the aisles wanting more. I hope she is right. I want this so bad that I am getting more confident by the minute.
April 6th, 20126:31 pm
You put that smile on big and bright, I want to be able to see it from here. I want to hear the crowds cheers from here. You are going to blow the roof off and then burn down what’s left.
You can post tonight or in the morning and I will try to come by the office to check on you tomorrow. Maybe someday you will be ready to go offline and I can give you my phone number and we can actually talk. Someday maybe. Now is not the time to think about that.
I am there with you!!!!
April 6th, 20126:37 pm
OK my friend it is time for me to go pull my magic and knock them dead. One more wink and kiss and I say goodnite Let me know if you caught it and tell me your goodnite
April 6th, 20126:42 pm
I got them. Thank you. You go get ready, this is going to be a GREAT night. A night to beat all nights. No more crying, until you are finished tonight and than only happy tears. I will be thinking of you all night. Good Night Go Braves
April 7th, 201210:10 am
I did, I did I did. I had to reach back and grab every ounce of energy I could find, but i did it. I will write you a large post tomorrow telling you all about it and Crystal date. Right now Physically and Mentally drained. Have a happy Easter. Luv Ya Later
April 8th, 20127:17 am
I had a very long post for you about my Fiday nite and Crystal Saturday nite, but Computer wiped it out. So hope to tell you about it tomorrow. I will be a little late because of counselor. Plese tell me you are on when I get back. In the meantime here is a wink and kiss for you until Tomorrow Hurry up and catch them. On my way to church. So bye for now. Luv Ya Later.
April 8th, 20122:41 pm
That’s Great. That is what I wanted to hear. I came by Saturday to check on you but the internet was down. So I was able to stop today on my way home from church. I am so happy for you. Can’t wait to hear the details.
He IS Risen. Happy Easter!!! Go Braves
April 8th, 20128:45 pm
Just woke up from 4 hr nap. Better stay awake for awhile. I will try again on my nite. Anouncement was made at 12:30 that if any one wanted drinks to get them now because the only lites that would be on was the stage lites until I arrived then all lites off. Now remember NO POLE. That is very unusual for a stripper. They were asked to remain in seats during performance. When I arrived, the stage lites were turned off and all you could see was my glowing hair. I danced like that for approximately 15 minutes. Then stage lites gradually started coming on. I was still dancing and I had approximately 300 guys on the back side of the stage really responding to me. The more they responded the more energy. Everytime I would get near them I would wink at stoll for them. After about 30 minutes I was really getting tired. I spotted Crystal in the audience and she mouthed the words YOU CAN DO THIS. After about another 10 minutes I gave them what they wanted. I stayed on about another 15 minutes and signaled for all lites to come on . I blew kisses to everyoneand walked off stage. They cheered and yelled and applauded. I came back out to collect my tips in about10 minutes. Believe it or not, I picked up a little over $1300 . Avery emotional and profitable nite for me, When I got backstage there was a message from my boss that said that he had been in business for 25 yrs and that was the best he had ever seen. I am proud of myself and can honestly say that SAMANTHA IS BACK. here is a wink and kiss to hold you. I should be on about 9:15 your time. See you soon Luv ya Later
April 9th, 201210:35 am
WOO WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!! Samantha is Back, bigger and better then ever. I am so happy for you. The prefect preformance!!!! Go Braves
April 9th, 201211:07 am
Good morning, Did you catch my winks and kisses?
April 9th, 201211:15 am
Yes I sure did. Thank You. How are you? Tell me the rest of the story, how was Saturday for you and for Crystal?
April 9th, 201211:27 am
After friday nite , Saturday nite was easy for me. I floated thru it. Totally the whole weekend I pulled down a little over $2000. I feel fine. I am well rested and ready to take on anything or anybody. Crystal had a very good nite. She was dressed in white from head to toe. They went to dinner and then dancing. After that they went for a walk in the park. I do know that she wants to see him again. She said he was a perfect gentleman
April 9th, 201211:30 am
A wonderful weekend for both of you. Did you have a nice Easter? How was counseling this morning?
April 9th, 201211:43 am
Easter was kind of quiet for both of us. We attended church together. Then came home and Crystal fixed us a nice meat loaf dinner We then hollered at the losing braves and then went to sleep. Counseling went well. Still learning about Power and Control and what to look for on dates Like where does he put his hands and if he does anything unapproiate does he apologize continually and still does it. She is really good. I like her and am really listening. You are all full of questions today. How was your Easter? Apparently you liked my performance, I wish you could have seen it. I did have to pull some of your energy to make it.
April 9th, 201211:51 am
I had a nice Easter, When to church and then stopped at the office to send you that post. I thought about you every night during the times I thought you would be on stage. Sending you all my positive energy. I hope it helped. As I said, came by Saturday to check in but could not get on, internet was down. So I did not know how great you did until Sunday. I knew you were going to do great. Had dinner with friend on Sunday afternoon. Shopping and clean house on Saturday. Boring. I am glad counseling is going well. Sounds a lot better then the last counselor.
So Samantha is back. 100%???
April 9th, 201211:59 am
I really hate to do this to you,but boss wants me to meet him at club. Says he has something for me. Give me 1hr please. Watch for me because I have some questions. Have a wink and kiss and please look for me. Be back as soon as possible
April 9th, 201212:00 pm
OK, I will be here.
April 9th, 201212:48 pm
Im back Did you miss me?
April 9th, 201212:56 pm
Always. LOL So what did he have for you?
April 9th, 20121:05 pm
The members of the pharmacutical convention that I danced for Friday nite sent the club 2 doz of the most beautiful red roses I have ever seen. They didnt know my real name so sent it to club under stage name. I guess everyone liked my performance. I feel good about it too. I think Samantha is back and ready to take on anything. Im smart, Im beautiful, IM loved, and noone is going to hurt me ever agin
April 9th, 20121:10 pm
YES YES YES, that is great. How nice of them to send you flowers. I think you are 100% back and no one is going to hold you back. Roll Train!!!!!
April 9th, 20121:20 pm
I really dont think that you realize how mentally and physically drained I was after the performance. I actually cried my self to sleep with joy. Crystal wanted me to tell you that she looked right in my face yesterday and said the glow and the fire is back. She said the determination is there and nobody has to push the train because it is rolling just fine by itself.
April 9th, 20121:26 pm
I believe Crystal. Like I said, happy tears. I bet you were complete wiped out. But I bet it felt good. I knew you would do great, my only concern was would you think you did great. You did great, you think you did great, you know you did great and everyone loved you. The best. You are the best. The glow, the fire, the smile, I wish I could see it, I know it would be amazingly beautiful.
You said you had questions?
April 9th, 20121:32 pm
I want to explain that I do not do email. In fact I dont evev have email address. I just use my fathers to get on here. So my first question is there a possibility that you could take some vacation and come and see me. I can get you a ticket if need be. I would love to meet you. I hope you can where I can dance for you.
April 9th, 20121:59 pm
You can fix the email problem very easily by just going to “Free Hotmail” I have a icon at the top of my page to go right to it. It is simple to set up, if you wanted to. No pressure.
I can get my own ticket, but I have to ask, why? After last week and the fool I made of myself. By the way, did you tell Crystal what I said? I am just trying to understand where you are coming from so I don’t make a fool of myself again. Do you understand what I am saying?
April 9th, 20122:10 pm
No I do not undertand what you are talking about. You have not made a fool of yourself to me. If your talking about your age and weight. That doesnt bother me. You are a beautiful person inside. Also remember you spoke to me first. Think about what I do. So say it STRIPPER. SO how are you privileged to talk to me. If that is what you are talking about, I am not worried about it why should you. I guess I made you mad, where you dont trust me. I do love you as a friend and would love to meet you but if you dont trust me I understand. Yes, I told Crystal and she is OK with it.
April 9th, 20122:20 pm
No you did make me mad and I do trust you. That’s not it. I just want to make sure we are on the same page as far as expectations. By the way I think I have a solution for our weekend problem. Do you want to hear it?
April 9th, 20122:24 pm
Absolutely do. I am not worried about what you look like. I just love your heart. OK. I cant dance for you on email
April 9th, 20122:43 pm
No you can’t dance on e-mail, but we can share pictures and talk more openly then on a public blog. Anyway, I can go get my cell phone upgaded and add internet to it so we can talk some on weekends, What do yo think?
April 9th, 20122:50 pm
You go do that. I would love talking to you on weekends especially Saturday. Most of time on Sunday I am asleep, but would love talking to you. Whenever you want I have a private dance prepared just for you. It doesnt bother your wife talking to me. Anyway what I told you about my performance, What do think about it?
April 9th, 20123:11 pm
Another long post wiped out by the computer, give me a mintue to retype it. I hate that when that happens.
April 9th, 20123:23 pm
I will go get the upgrade after you sign off today. I can just see you rocking the place. Driving them all crazy, money flying out of their pockets, jams on the floor and tongues hanging out. The beginning with the beads had to be out of this world.
What’s wrong with being a Stripper, which you are not, you are a dancer. But, you are so much more than that anyway. I don’t care what you like look either, your looks are a bonus. You are a beautiful woman on the outside, but more than that, you are even a more beautiful woman on the inside.
By the way, the “Luv Ya”, I really hate that. It brings back a lot of bad memories from when I was younger and stupider, before I knew Luv Ya did not mean I Love You. I had an ex-wife who told me that all the time. Luv Ya, NOT. Luv Ya like a friend, Luv Ya like a brother, Luv Ya like a father figure. So which is it Luv Ya or Love You and what does it mean to you?
April 9th, 20123:34 pm
If you dont like it, I will quit using it. It is just a salutation of friendship but if you dont like , no problem Its gone.Thanks for all the compliments that I dont deserve. I was refering to other people who consider stripping vulgar. You know that that is not the rason I do it. I dont intend to do it all my life and you no that. The dance I have set for you though can definitely be called stripping. I know I dont have to do it for you, but it is payment. I dont want no for an answer. The first time we meet will be a special nite for you.
April 9th, 20123:56 pm
Are you asleep?
April 9th, 20124:14 pm
There you go again. LOL When does the next plane leave? LOL But really, you don’t owe me anything. No payment for anything. So please don’t look at something like that as payment. Mutual pleasure maybe. LOL You really know how to drive a guy crazy. LOL The Luv Ya thing, I guess it is OK as long as I know how you are meaning it. It does make me smile when I read it. I guess I am being a little touchy, sorry. What do you mean compliments you don’t deserve. YES you do. Every single one of them. When are you going to realize how great a person you are?
April 9th, 20124:15 pm
No not asleep, the computer keeps wiping out my post and I have to redo them two or three times. Sorry.
April 9th, 20124:24 pm
OK lets just call it mutual pleasure then. I want to do it for you. and it might be more than topless. I dont take no for an answer when it comes to you. I am no different than any other woman so why am I special. Cooking supper now. Pork chops, Turkeydressing, Sweet potatoes. and ICE CREAM. Do you think Freddie will show up for my invitation this weekend?
April 9th, 20124:32 pm
If he doesn’t, he’s a bigger fool than I am. LOL If they don’t start winning soon, nobody will be going anywhere. LOL Another wonderful supper.
You are no different then other women. Are you kidding? You are way different. You have a good heart, good spirit and a good soul. As beautiful as you are inside and out. How many women do you know that may be pretty on the outside but are UGLY on the inside. It is very rare to find someone like you.
OK, you know I have to ask this next question, you know it. The no touch rule? Will that be enforce or waved?
April 9th, 20124:42 pm
I will wave it for you. You should know that. You are special. When you get here no holds barred and I do what i want and go as far as I want and no backtalk. See I am taking control,thats what you wanted.Thank you very much for compliments. Are you saying that Samantha is really back for good?
April 9th, 20124:51 pm
Is Samantha really back for good, Yes I really think she is and the world better look out. WOW. I do like a take charge women. LOL If only. LOL I still get the feeling you are not taking my compliments seriously. WHY?
April 9th, 20125:00 pm
I dont understand what you are saying? I love your compliments, but if I am so perfect why am I going to therapy to get my head straight. Why am I stripping for a living? Why do I still cry my self to sleep sometimes? Why cant I find a man to love me like I want to be loved? Now how is that perfect?
April 9th, 20125:22 pm
Your head is fine. You are going to counseling not therapy. The counseling is to help you learn how to pick a good man. NOTHING wrong with that. By the way, he is right here. LOL You choose to be a dancer for a living because of the money to help you go after your goals in life. As soon as you don’t need that, you will quit. Nothing wrong with that. It is only topless, no touch rule, no after work work if you know what I mean. You are a good girl. No shame in your job. Be proud of your talent. Sure, you could be working at McDonald’s making nothing, would that help you reach your goals? NOT. You are smart, you are doing what you have to do to reach your goals. You have goals, alot of people don’t. It breaks my heart to hear you say you cry youself to sleep. No more sad tears, only happy tears. If you are sad, think of us. No tears. The right man will come along at the right time. And if all else fails, here I am. LOL So yes you are Prefect.
April 9th, 20125:31 pm
The only problem is you are MARRIED. That makes a difference. Ok whatever. I respectfully disagree but OK Crystal here. She got another date with new boyfriend Friday nite. Do you think it is timee for green dress. I do. She wants to know if you hear a train roaring
April 9th, 20125:50 pm
What do you disagree with? I think green dress should wait until third date. Where are they going this time? The train is loud and clear and building up speed.
Thanks for pointing out my biggest problem, which is why I am NOT special in any way.
April 9th, 20125:59 pm
They are going dining and dancing and then a movie. So you say no green dress OK. I would loan her black dress except too long. I am taller than her. Sorry I brought up you being married but that dont stop me from dancing for you.Does it? I hope not because I will anyway. YOU ARE SPECIAL TO ME. I can still dance for you and go as far as I want. Whether you like it or not. That is my decision.
April 9th, 20126:00 pm
I disagree that I am perfect
April 9th, 20126:09 pm
O I am sure liking it will not be a problem. Don’t tease. LOL I just want you to know I am not a dog. I have never done anything like this before. But I know someone reading the things I have said and knowing how I feel about you might say that I am a dog. There just is so much about you that I am drawn to. 99.9% of women would have told me to take a hike a long time ago, but not you. I don’t totally understand why you haven’t, but I am glad you haven’t. But please believe me when I tell you that this is way out of character for me. I guess it is because you are the SPECIAL one, not me. You are the only one who has thought of me being special in a long time. Thank you. But it is really you. All you.
April 9th, 20126:23 pm
I am not teasing you. Sorry it upsets you. I have already made plans for when we meet. With my experience you never no what I might do I was a wayfaring girl looking for trouble and found it. You helped make to reality. and I appreciate it. I am sorry to upset you but I am not teasing. You would not believe what is in store for you. Maybe you do.You are special to me. I am not perfect but if that is the way you feel about me, I will accept it. Just prepared for what will happen when we meet. It is my privilege. It is my body and I can do whatever I want to do. What is the matter with going farther than just topless?
April 9th, 20126:32 pm
NOT A THING. LOL You did not upset me. It is just hard to believe what you are hinting at happening could really happen. It goes beyond my wildest dreams. You are prefect and I will make you believe that. Plane tickets, where do I get plane tickets. LOL
April 9th, 20126:35 pm
I must bid you a good nite. I am going to go knock them out Goodnite Luv later. Waiting on mine
April 9th, 20126:38 pm
You have another good night at work. I will be thinking about you and when we meet. LOL Love you. WOO WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, you go girl and yes you are prefect. I’ll check on internet for cell phone. See you in the morning. Go Braves.
April 9th, 20126:39 pm
No Wink and Kiss? LOL
April 10th, 20129:14 am
Good morning sunshine. I am alive, I am vibrant, I am happy. Got up early. Couldnt sleep. Too much on my mind. Gone to bank, post office,and grocery store, Back soon. Forgot winks and kisses last nite, so heres 2 to hold you until I return. Luv ya Later
April 10th, 201210:52 am
Here I am, sorry I am late. Are you back?
April 10th, 201210:57 am
Just got back. Got running in, Did squats, Got Longhorn stew in crockpot for supper. Got shopping done. It is unbelieveable the price of gas. So I am back. Did you get my winks and kisses.
April 10th, 201211:04 am
Finally, I missed them last night. LOL Just kidding. How much is gas there, we just hit $4 here. I could not sleep last night either, Got about 2 hrs. I know why I couldn’t sleep, why couldn’t you sleep?
April 10th, 201211:17 am
I just paid $4.02 per gallon 20 gallon tank. So that is unbelievable. I have 4 reasons for not sleeping. #1 Hanna sick. Worried about her. #2 I am hoping that you are not contemplating leaving wife to be with me, because it is not going to happen.#3 Crystal and boyfriend are going to have picnic in park Sat. They want me to go and meet his brother. He knows me but I dont know him. That tells me he has seen me dance. To me that is not fair. Dont know if I want to go? #4 I wish there was someway I could quit dancing but right now dont have enough money to finish school. Why didnt you sleep?
April 10th, 201211:34 am
#1 Is Hanna OK? How sick is she?
#2 I guess I better call off the lawyers and cancel my plane tickets. Ouch.
#3 Not to sure what to say, sounds like a date to me and I thought we agreed no dating until at least August. But that ws before Samantha was back.
#4 It would be hard to give up that kind of money. Stay focused on why you are doing it and keep reminding yourself you will quit as soon as you can afford it. This is not a lifetime job for you. Your life is in front of you.
April 10th, 201211:48 am
Dont Know about Hanna yet. She passed out in grocery store and carried to hospital. Running tests as we speak. I hope you was not serious abot statement #2. I told you I would strip for you and you could touch but made no other promises. Sorry if you read me wrong. I wouldnt mind going to picnic,except he knows me but I dont know him and I dont think that it is fair. Crystal says its OK asd long as I am with her. I know what you are saying about dancing. But after the performance Friday nite, Everything else is so easy it is boring. Why couldnt you sleep? Answer me
April 10th, 201212:08 pm
I hope Hanna is ok, will say a prayer for her.
I don’t think I could go see you, have happen whatever would happen and then come home and act like nothing happen. Do you?
So say you go to the picnic and then he wants a second date, then what?
You did set the bar pretty high Friday night, so not a surprise a regular night is boring. But you have to remember you are not just a dancer you are an actor also. When you are on stage you are acting.
I think you know why I didn’t sleep, #2. And I can’t get the internet to work on the phone right. It will let go to the stories but not blog. Still working on it.
April 10th, 201212:21 pm
Sorry if you been waiting long. Had to wash face, been peeling onions. Sounds like I have broke your heart and made you upset. I dont know really what to say other than I guess I lead you on about marriage. That was not my intention. I am very very sorry and if you want to not speak to me any more I understand. I guess I flirted too much. My fault. I am so sorry. Maybe when you come for graduation, I still can.That is if you are still speaking to me. As far as second date goes, I havent decided on first date yet. What do you Think? As far as dancing goes, I just dont know. Worrying about Hanna and being so upset because I broke your heart that I am just about to the point that I want to just give up and go home for good.
April 10th, 201212:35 pm
We are fine, don’t get upset. I am not upset. I know you are flirting and having fun. Me to. It is my issue, not your’s. You can not get rid of me that of me that easily. LOL What you have to remember is that it is not you looks that I love, it is YOU, the real you, the beauty within. If I can feel that way so can others. That is what you need to look for. That is why you are prefect. That is what really makes the train roll.
As for the date, do you think you are ready, have you learned enough? Can you hold back your heart and control your trusting nature?
And, lastly, you are home. This is your future. Hanna will be OK and so are we. Don’t let me steal your goals. That would break my heart.
April 10th, 201212:48 pm
Chopping Garlic. WOW does it smell. Thank you for not be upset. As far as loving the real me, that is what I am looking for. Why cant I find him? I want to find someone who will love me for who I really am. Everytime I try, they just want my looks or my body. Is that guy out there? I think Hanna found the only one. No word on Hanna yet. I just feel so sad today with every thing going on. I just feel like giving up and maybe everything will go away. I dont think you know how worried I am about sister.
April 10th, 20121:00 pm
Pray for her. But think, maybe she went home and did what she wanted to do and this is just a sign of that. Or it could be low blood sugar, maybe she forgot to eat. I know you are worried, but have faith.
So if that is the kind of love you are looking for, look for it and don’t settle for anything less. Do not give yourself to a man until he proves that is what he is looking for also. That’s why no sex for at least a year. Hanna had it right. And she did not find the only one. HELLO.
I am sorry I made you so sad. Please put that smile back on your face. Me and my stupid feelings screwing things up. LOL You actually did me a favor by saying what you said. I needed to hear that. Thank You.
April 10th, 20121:09 pm
Sorry still getting stew ready. If Hanna didnt find the only one and you are taken, Then where iws he. By the way I am still following Hanna rule. Im still virgin. Does that surprise you? I am so sad today because I am worried about Hanna and I broke your heart. I dont want to turn Crystal down but I just feel its not right to go if heknows me but I dont know him. Counselor told me to be careful and I am listening. Maybe a good cry would help me.
April 10th, 20121:18 pm
You didn’t break my heart. I still love you, do you still Luv me? So please cheer up.
Hanna’s rule, really. Boy you are really good at flirting. LOL That is great, that changes everything.
I just know Hanna is going to be OK. I just have that feeling.
Please no crying. You cry, I melt.
What is it that bothers you so much that he may know you? You don’t know how he knows you for sure do you? Maybe he saw you dance maybe not. But that really is not the question. The question is are you ready to put yourself out there? Are you really ready?
April 10th, 20121:43 pm
You know that I still Luv you. I guess that surprised you that I followed Hanna rule. I always listen to sister. How does that change anything ? I dont know how he knows me for sure , but what does he want and why now. Am i ready to get out there? I dont know but if Samantha is back maybe I do,but just dont lose the fire if something goes wrong. What is a matter with a good cry? I am a very emotional person. You should know that.
April 10th, 20121:45 pm
Sorry to do this right now, but I have a meeting to go to. Be back asap, about an hour. Hold that thought.
April 10th, 20122:04 pm
I will go and have good cry
April 10th, 20122:39 pm
OK, I’m back. Stop crying PLEASE. Sorry had to go like that. You can’t cry, It makes me want to hold you until the fear in you subsides. Are you there?
April 10th, 20122:53 pm
April 10th, 20122:55 pm
Are you OK? This is all my fault. If I wouldn’t of been stupid I would not of upset you so. I am SO SO sorry. Any word from Hanna?
April 10th, 20123:04 pm
No word on Hanna. It is just not you It is just everything in general. I dont know what to do about Crystal wanting me to go out with that guy. Hanna sick. I am bored. I am sleepy and just having a very emotional day. I just want to give up, throw everything I have worked for away. I really dont know what to do. Did me living Hanna rule surprise you. How does it change anything.
April 10th, 20123:12 pm
So I am boring you. Do you need to go take a nap? NEVER give up. Are you still taking your pills? It may not be all me, but it is mostly me. What can I do or say to put that smile back on your face? You were in a good mood this morning and I had to blow it. Please forgive me.
The way you were flirting, ya it surprised me. But it also made me happy. Yes it changes everything. For a couple of reasons, but mainly it tells me that even when you have been in a relationship and given your heart away, you still where holding back the most special part of you. You knew, you always knew.
April 10th, 20123:23 pm
You are not boring me You never bore me> I need the friendship and the comraderie. Plese dont think it is just you because it is not I promised that I would take the pills and I am. I am not depressed and do not need nap. I just have to make some decisions that I just dont want to hurt Crystal feelings or your feelings. Hanna sick. I just dont know what to do. Why do I always hurt the people that love me. Maybe thats why I cant find that special guy.
April 10th, 20123:32 pm
You’re starting to scare me. You haven’t hurt anyone. You haven’t hurt Crystal and you haven’t hurt me. What decisions are you talking about? Saturday? What? If you go, you will not hurt my feelings. If you don’t go you will not hurt Crystal’s feelings, We both will understand and support your decision. I know you are really worried about Hanna, she will be OK. None of this has anything to do with why you haven’t found the right guy yet. God is in charge of everything. If you would have found the right guy already, you and I don’t meet, you don’t go to school, you don’t have time with Crystal. Trust in God and he will take care of all your needs in his way and in his time. No negitive decisions.
April 10th, 20123:47 pm
It just seems to me that the three people that love me are the ones that I always hurt the most, You three are the ones that know the real me. Do I need to go Saturday. I dont know, Maybe I do to prove to everyone that Samantha is back. If I decide not to go then I hurt Crystal and she has her doubts. Why are you the only 3 people that know the real Samantha? Why cant anyone else that I am not just a pretty face and nice body. I have feelings just like everyone else. I think that I am a good person,but you 3 are the only ones that know. Do you think I should give this guy a chance? If I dont like the situation, can I walk anyway with out hurting Crystals feelings. I cannot hurt Crystal now. She has helped me too much to let her down.
April 10th, 20123:55 pm
Crystal will understand if you say no. Tell her you are not ready and you don’t want to get in the way of her developing relationship. Tell her to tell the guy maybe later, please give you some time. I know Crystal will understand, if the guy doesn’t, what does that tell you. You have already proven to everyone that Samantha is back. You don’t have to keep proving it. I’m sorry, but I don’t think you are ready for this. So if Crystal wants to get upset, let her get upset at me.
April 10th, 20124:03 pm
I agree with what you are saying and I do not want to go. But my point is if I dont put me out there how is anyone other than you 3 going to know the real me. Now I am upsetting you.
April 10th, 20124:11 pm
No you are not upsetting me. You are making me love you even more. When you are ready you will put yourself out there and we will find the right guy for you. Do you trust me? Crystal loves you, but I understand what you have gone through maybe more then she does. I have done this for a living for 20 years. I have seen it all. Crystal is young and beautiful like you. Maybe she wants you there as a buffer between her and her new guy. She does not know if this is a guy for her yet or not. Let’s give her sometime to learn more about him and his brother before you get put in the middle of something. You promised to want until August, let’s stick to that. When you are ready, it will happen. One thing I am worried about it that your number one goal is nursing, right! Worry about that not guys. Even a good guy could mess that up at this point.
April 10th, 20124:20 pm
Yes my #1 goal is nursing but if I keep hurting the people that love me. Then I wont have the strength to do by myself because I have hurt them so bad that they will lose faith in me. I just dont understand why it is you 3 that get all the backlash from my feelings and misgivings. Telephone ringing brb
April 10th, 20124:26 pm
I hope that’s Hanna. We will never loss faith in you know matter what. We will be here til the end. I believe I can speak for Crystal and Hanna on this one. So don’t worry about that. I have a story to tell you when you come back.
Hanna has high blood pressure because she is PREGNANT
April 10th, 20124:29 pm
YES YES YES I told you!!!!!!
April 10th, 20124:35 pm
So what is the story. You are saying no matter what happens in my life you 3 will always be there no matter how i hurt you.
April 10th, 20124:38 pm
That can wait a minute. So is Hanna OK otherwise? Are you smiling NOW?
April 10th, 20124:42 pm
Iam happy for her. I just hope they can give her medication for her blood pressure for next 9 mos
April 10th, 20124:55 pm
They can, she will do great. How exciting Auntie. I am so happy for both of you.
As back to business. YOU CAN NOT HURT US!!!!! If you where to make a bad decision we may be disappointed, but not hurt. That does not mean we stop loving you, that will never happen. There is a hugh differance between hurt and disappointment. Disappointment you get over. Hurt requires uglyness on the part of the person doing the hurting. That is not you. Hurt is when you do something on purpose to damage someone. That is not you. OK get it. YOU can not hurt us. So STOP worring about that.
Now for the story. RE: why you should not what any guy in your life at this time even a great guy. Let’s say I was indeed 20-25 years old and we start dating. I’m a good guy right, Well for this story anyway let’s say I am. Let’s say you like me and we start falling in love. The first thing this great guy wants is for you to quit your job. He doesn’t want other guys seeing you on stage. Now since I am only 20-25 I can not support you and make up the lost income, but I don’t care, I just want you to quit. So let’s say somehow we get through that. Now it is August and school starts. Nursing School is tough and it is going to take every minute of your day. Where is my time, our time. I want my attention, how do you handle that. OK we get through that somehow, now it is 2016 and time to leave for S.D., I don’t what you to go. We have been together for 4 years, I want to get married, I want kids. What do you do? Can you see how many pot holes even a great guy like me could cause. You don’t need that right now. You know all that could and would happen. Then what? You don’t need a guy to hold you back. You don’t need a guy to make yourself complete. Not now!!!
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