Wes Moss: How to say ‘no’ when someone asks for money

Certified financial planner Wes Moss provides personal finance advice and accessible investment strategies. His guest post appears here weekly.

Wes Moss hosts 'Money Matters' Sunday mornings on AM750 and 95.5FM News/Talk WSB

Wes Moss hosts 'Money Matters' Sunday mornings on AM750 and 95.5FM News/Talk WSB

Love means never having to say you’re sorry. But it also means sometimes having to say, “You are being really dumb with your money.” That can be hard. That’s why I’m pleased to offer this template letter for sharing your loving concern with a less-than-responsible family member or friend.

Dear [insert Crazy Loved One's name],

All of us love you and want you to be happy. We love [your new girlfriend/boyfriend] and will be ecstatic if your relationship continues to bloom and grow. You guys are a wonderful match.

Did I mention we love you? That’s why I’m asking you to reconsider your plans to buy a [house/rental property/matching jet skis] with [significant other]. I am afraid you are putting a fragile but promising financial future at risk.

[X] months ago you came to us looking for financial help. You were running out of money because you were overspending on a modest income. We urged you to focus on your career by developing new skills and pursuing opportunities for advancement. We also suggested that you create a household budget to get your spending under control.

You’ve made progress on both the income and spending fronts. But now you are threatening to undo all your good work by purchasing a [house/rental property/matching jet skis] with someone that you have been dating for just a few months. What’s changed? Have you amassed enough money to pay for this purchase? If so, you’d be better off putting that money in a rainy day fund that can see you through emergencies and future tough times. Yes, I know that you plan to make this purchase with [significant other], which makes you feel like you have more than enough money to handle the obligation. But what if – heaven forbid – you guys break up in six months?

Please don’t spend this money now. Instead, try to live in the moment and enjoy all the great things in your life.

Be happy about finding [significant other]. Be happy that business has rebounded and you are making money again. Be happy that your family loves you.

Do this for a year. See if things between you and [significant other] work out long-term. See if business continues to improve in the coming months. See if you can build enough financial strength to make major purchases without involving your family members. Remember, [houses/rental properties/matching jet skis] will still be available a year from now.

We know you’ll make the right decision.

Love,

[You]

– By Wes Moss, for Atlanta Bargain Hunter

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11 comments Add your comment

☺☻Have A Smile!

July 2nd, 2012
9:19 am

While I can appreciate the intent of that letter, it is way too long.

Needs to be cut down to something shorter. People who are less-than-responsible often don’t want to be bothered hearing such things, also.

Charlie Brown's teacher

July 2nd, 2012
10:53 am

wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah

Madea

July 2nd, 2012
11:58 am

No Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay I’m giving you the Money!

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SexyCool

July 2nd, 2012
1:05 pm

“No” all by itself seems to work really well for me.

Buck Nakked

July 2nd, 2012
9:43 pm

So, someone close to you wants to borrow money from you. If you loan them the money you are going to feel bad because you may never get it back. If you don’t loan them the money you are going to feel bad due to guilt. Now here is the question: DO YOU WANT TO FEEL BAD WITH OR WITHOUT YOUR MONEY???

Steve

July 2nd, 2012
11:49 pm

There is always “Get a job you loser! I worked for this money. If you are so short on money, why are smoking and drinking? Go tell your sob story to someone else because I am sick of you coming to me for help. You are a leach and a waste of human flesh”

The Gambler

July 5th, 2012
2:43 pm

Just say hell no.

The Truth

July 5th, 2012
9:00 pm

This should have been a mass form mailing in 2003-2007 to St Mountain, South Dekalb, Henry, South Fulton, Meadow Creek-Gwinnett, etc., who bought a 350K home with a 25K income by lying on the bank loan app (fair housing act-trend by democrat-heavy legislator), and without health insurance, but the 1987 BMW 325i (with 220K miles) lost a transmission on the way back from K & G to get the fine threads to looks good fo the ladies, and den never mades a second mo-gage payment. Essentailly, at large, further ruining property (during the crash) in Oak Grove Lakeside, Toco, Emory out to Buckhead, Mt Paran, Roswell and Alpharetta, but dey sho look fine in dem $195 Nikes. Jet ski? More likely than not, much more sensible lake-goer type people than vs. 1987 BMW, orange pants and foclo house wit all the latest Jay Z rapp.

The Truth

July 5th, 2012
9:05 pm

Oh, did I mention Lil Wayne and Ne Yo???

Bernie

July 6th, 2012
5:07 pm

Vote Republican……then claim what a great and loving christian you are!