Voice of the Expert: Holiday gifts aren’t all material

The holiday season is a time of great joy for many families. However, there are many who are dreading it this year. Those who traditionally celebrate with gift giving and are now unemployed or have depleted savings likely do not have money available for gifts.

This week’s Voice of the Expert,  psychologist Nadine Kaslow advises against succumbing to the stress related to feelings of inadequacy. Kaslow is an Emory University professor and chief psychologist at Grady Health System. I spoke to her this week about avoiding depression during the holidays.

Q: If you’re used to giving, or being able to give, during the holidays, how do you avoid feeling inadequate?

A: First of all, you have to really appreciate that you’re not alone. Lots of people are in a similar boat. Rather than feeling badly about yourself and isolated, appreciate that you have company.

Q: We often think about material items when it comes to giving, but if you don’t have money, how else can you give?

A: Giving doesn’t have to mean buying things. Giving can mean making things. Or, I’m going to give you an extra half-hour a week or you can offer to babysit for someone. You can give in service. People need to be creative about how they give.

Q: How do you tell your children that you won’t be giving presents this Christmas?

A: It’s very reasonable to tell people that you have limits; that you wish it were different. Explaining that to your 3-year-old, he or she might not understand that, but your 16-year-0ld will and your partner will.

Q: There are also places that donate gifts, correct?

A: Yes, and there is nothing wrong with that. Some places will adopt a family, or your church or synagogue might have toy giveaways. Sometimes, you need help and there is nothing wrong with seeking that out.

Q: Would you agree that this is a time to reflect on the true gifts we have, like our health and our families?

A: I appreciate that it’s hard to do that when you’re really stressed out. You can’t be Pollyannaish about this; It’s not helpful. But on the other hand, we have many gifts in our lives, gifts that we can give and receive. You have to stop and reflect on that. It’s a time when we can [rebuild] connections. The gifts we have in our lives are people; those relationships don’t have to cost money. It’s really the time together that matters.

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