Since she left last year, Kara DioGuardi kept her feelings about her time on “Idol’ closely guarded. She said virtually nothing to the media about her time there, even after she left the show last year.
But with her memoir out Tuesday called “A Helluva High Note” (and I have yet to get a copy though I requested one last week), she is talking to media now about her experience, which was obviously painful, especially her first year there, season eight. (I have already summarized her personal travails about being molested in a previous blog entry.)
The Daily Beast reviewed some of her own descriptions of her time there:
“Sick to my stomach,” “rejected and disrespected publicly,” “mentally, physically, and emotionally challenging,” “barely survived,” “crucified by the American public,” “I wanted to DIE,” “state of terror,” “the sorrow poured out of me,” “the depths of humiliation.”
But she also told the Beast it wasn’t all horror:
“There were days when I was like, ‘Oh my God, this is hard—I don’t know why I’m doing this,” she said. “But there were also moments of joy as well. And as I say, I’m so glad I did it. It’s literally because I am better for it. I really accept myself more now than ever. Because I’ve had to read things about myself in the press that I went, ‘OK! It can’t get worse than this.
We as viewers could sense her discomfort. We knew the other judges didn’t like her there. The chemistry was off. And she confirmed it all. She even hated herself for trying to kiss up to Simon Cowell.
And she knew her song “No Boundaries” sucked as she watched Adam Lambert and Kris Allen sing it. “Watching them sing that live was like watching a plane fall from the sky.”
In the book, she also presents an email showing she resigned, that she was not fired (though that certainly could have happened anyway. She might have been smartly pre-emptive.)